For those of you that don’t look at the front page, I wanted to share this here. I think it’s a really excellent video that might just speak to the ‘tough guys’, the ‘lads’, and might just save a life if it’s seen by someone who really needs to hear that it’s OK to talk, to need help, and to get it.

‘Talk’ with Cai Grocott – An Outstanding Video about Mental Health

Great post, great article.

Good read, a timely personal reminder:

https://singletrackworld.com/tag/prostate-cancer/

It took me a couple of attempts to get through that video but I’m guilty of pretty much everything he mentions in that video.

I’ve spent all year declining invitations from mates and saying I’m not riding my bike because it’s boring and I’m sick of it. In reality I want to ride but I’m spending all morning in bed so I can think ‘ah well, too late now’. There’s also a few occasions where I’ve psyched myself up to get up and get dressed then just sat in the garage for an hour staring at my bike or checking the rain clouds before sacking it off and retreating inside.

I keep telling myself I’m fine just because I’m not as bad as I used to be. Ten years ago I’d be turning up at work with a black eye or still drunk from being out all night. Then I’d get the sack for ripping a door off its hinges or throwing something or generally being a bell-end. I spent at least a year being genuinely suicidal. I had my method and location all worked out. When you decide you’re going to do it, it can calm you down a lot. It feels like handing in your notice at a job you hate. It doesn’t change the circumstance but you know you’re leaving so it doesn’t matter. I’ve since learned that period of calm is one of the major warning signs.

Since then I’ve achieved everything that I thought would fix all my problems. I’ve got a safe job and a nice house. I don’t act like a maniac anymore. No violence, no road rage, no drinking etc. I’m pretty chilled but I’m just cruising along at a constant low level of misery and boredom. I go from work to home and back again. Anything outside that loop takes so much planning and mental effort that I usually decide against it. I’m concentrating on trying to get back into the things I used to enjoy but I just can’t force myself to do it yet.

That’s me anyway. I only mention it on here because I don’t know anyone in real life. I’ve also found it helpful when I read posts from other people that I can relate to. A quick reminder that there’s nothing rare or unique about feeling like this.

@sharkattack

I can relate to the making excuses not to ride thing, just killing time to make it too late. I go through phases like that some times.
I’m out regularly on my ebike these days and really look forward to it, fast rides, wheelies, drops.

I find these kinds of things weird. Like, I get people are trying to be helpful, and I’m sure everyone would watch or read these things about mental health and be affected but somehow that doesn’t really transfer into their day to day life and how they treat others. There’s folk on here who are supportive of these posts but in responses to other things people write are quite belittling to them. I mean, if someone posts up a thread about their mental health noone is getting on their case about it, I just mean in other threads. I’ve definitely posted before and the kinds of responses you get, which are kind of based on the kind of “man” you are (like you should be an amazing bike mechanic or DIYer or something) are really off-putting and mean I don’t start many threads. I’ve seen it in responses to other posters starting threads too.

Similarly, I’ve been out of work for a while and I always find job-hunting very demoralising and upsetting. You look at companies’ statements about “our staff are super-important” and “we strive to be an inclusive employer” blah blah and when you go through the recruitment, or even end up working there you can see it’s all just lip-service.

So, sometimes I think that while these threads or videos are good, people kind of see them as doing their bit and don’t think about how they affect people when it’s not all signposted as “this is a mental health thing”.

In fact, even typing this answer out I’m swithering on posting it because I worry about aggressive responses to it…

Lost my Dad, my job and my marriage all in the space of 18 months.
Wasn’t til I started having bad social anxiety issues, especially effecting me at work, that I actually went and got help. NHS counselling was a real saviour.
Self referral through the NHS is possible online – https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/

@yourguitarhero your post is spot on. People really need to internalise this stuff, not just share it.

To everyone else – don’t make jokes or wisecracks about something sensitive unless you are absolutely 100% sure that it’s going to be received as intended. Which you never are, so basically don’t. Because even if you/re 100% sure you still might be wrong. If you have to then try and smooth things over by saying ‘I was only joking’ or ‘toughen up snowflake’ or whatever then you’ve screwed up, so apologise.

Support and kindness first; jokes and banter second; competing for social superiority should be nowhere.

@molgrips

People really need to internalise this stuff, not just share it.

I’m not quite sure what you mean by this? Do you mean the people being dicks on one thread and supportive on another, or do you mean the ones who put out threads saying they’re having troubles?

I did an “I’m struggling” thread a few years back and found the support on here invaluable. My friend saw it too and reached out to me, I’ll never be able to express my thanks enough for that. If he reads this he knows who he is and i hope he knows he’s got a lot of friends who are there for him with whatever he’s going through too.

I’m an introvert and live by myself, so it’s too easy to let things build up. I now make sure i talk to people about my issues. I’ve got the support of close friends and my big sisters are there for me too.

@YGH – im inclined to agree, however if this place was all fawning sympathy for every comment… it wouldnt be this place

im heartened that the “general bunch of *******” on here can actually be relied upon to switch off the macho bull**** when its required. You do need to clearly flag the conversation, but if done its almost always respected.
I find that provides both a safe space to talk and somewhere you can rant or have a laugh. YMMV

I think Molgrips is saying “internalise” as in, realise that being harsh can hurt someone else’s feelings, you dont know their troubles and think before ripping them to pieces. as above, i partially agree.

I can relate to many points in the vid and what others have said. Lost dad earlier in the year (pre covid…just) and also never been the same since losing mum 6 years ago. Finding it hard to have time to ride as work/kids get in the way. Also MrsG suffers a lot with this so I feel bad going out for half a day to ride a bit and leaving the kids at home. I think I need to take more time off to ride by myself and make more effort to go riding with my bro and riding buddys.

Talking of others having issues to think about we all need to take some of the comments on the chin as its very hard for everyone to know what’s going on. The fact we are all “40 and work in IT” brings us closer in our way of approaching things than other online groups but we still have our different backgrounds and life experiences to lean on. I don’t really know what I’m saying other than it’s good to have a place to vent.