Man goes into the baker and asks for a white sliced loaf, baker says sorry we've only got brown,
Man says that's okay I've got my bike outside..

I'm losing sleep now.

It's a trick punchline designed to make you do exactly what you're doing now.

I'm losing sleep now.

Now that's funny.

It's along the same vein as :

Q : What's the difference between an elephant ?

A : There is no difference – one of it's legs is both the same.

Q : Why is a mouse when it spins ?

A : Because the higher it gets, the fewer.

Ahhhhh. Now I don't know whether to be dissappointed that there's no meaning in the punchline, or relieved that i now 'know'.

ernie, the second one does actually make sense but it has been misquoted over time.

How is a mouse when it spins? – The higher, the fewer.

The meaning had to do with the centrifugal governor on an old steam engine – the weight was called the mouse, and as the engine rpm increased the mouse would rise due to centrifugal force. But as the mouse rose, the arm would force the steam valve in the more closed direction, thus reducing the rpm, that is, the higher (the mouse), the fewer (rpms). So for a given setting of the mouse on the arm, the engine would run
at a constant speed.

The elephant joke, I can't explain. 🙂

THat's because the elephant joke is incorrect it should be:

What's the difference between a duck?

Nothing, one of it'slegs is both the same.

See now it make much more sense.

My Dad told me Kev's version when I was about 10! And I'm now in my VERY late 20's (Ok 44…)

ernie, the second one does actually make sense……

Well I never, this place really is 'the font of all wisdom'………and somewhere where all those unanswered questions and little mysteries, can be revealed.

I was told that one about the mouse spinning when I was 15 years old jockhaggis – thanks for finally resolving the puzzle 8)

A hippie goes into a bakers. He asks the baker if he has any doughnuts. The baker says 'they're all gone.' The hippie says 'excellent dude. I'll take six.'

If no-one else has explained it I'll do it tomorrow.

…is this going to be the new 'aeroplane on a conveyor belt' type discussion?

What's blue and white and swings through the jungle?

A fridge in a denim jacket!

err, ok.

A Glaswegian goes into a cake shop and asks "Is that a doughnut or a meringue?". The guy behind the counter says "No you're right it's a doughnut".

(Apologies to any glaswegians or cake shop serving staff who may feel offended/mocked/picked on/singled out by this cake-ist humour)

Q: How do you tell a weasel from a stoat?
A: A weasel is weasily recognised, a stoat is stoatally different.

What's red and sits in the corner?

A naughty strawberry.

Apparently 'all gone' is hippie-speak for 'very good.'

What's red and sits in the corner?

A naughty strawberry.

Apparently 'all gone' is hippie-speak for 'very good.'

Bu**er.

Andrewh's second joke was funnier.

bu**er?

thepurist – Member

A Glaswegian goes into a cake shop and asks "Is that a doughnut or a meringue?". The guy behind the counter says "No you're right it's a doughnut".

But no-one in their right mind would confuse a doughnut with a meringue surely? Works better if it's a pavlova instead IMO 😉

Nooooo, If you say (in a Glaswegian accent) " or Am I wrong " … "or am I wrang " … " or A meringue "

It progressively makes sense !

Many years ago Noddy Holder goes in to a clothes shop and buys a shirt.

"Would you like a kipper tie with that sir?"

"Oooh, yes please – white with 2 sugars"

I understand the meringue thing pal, I have met the odd Scotsman before 😯

What I meant was that "Is that a pavlova or a meringue?" works better than "Is that a doughnut or a meringue?".

Nothing like over-analysis to kill a joke eh? (Unless you're Stewart Lee, in which case that's pretty much the entire act)

geordie goes to the doctors and says 'doctor me armpits smell of coconuts' doctor replies 'aye it's boun't'y'