Slightly OT- the work toilet was blocked this morning and I volunteered to clear it. So…. I gingerly (and carefully) stuck the bog brush down to try and relieve some pressure in the bend….

the plastic arm of the bog brush snapped and my hand went straight into the water- my balance was off and I just managed to stop falling INTO the toilet.

Oh, how I laughed afterwards. At the time I was 😯

I often have a cup of tea while I'm reading on the bog.

JT – eat your own poo?!?!?

It was my understanding that, unlike some animals like rabbits, there was a chemical in our own faeces that makes us spontaneously vomit so as not to accidently ingest any. (Contrary to what you may or maynot have seen on the web!)

Afterthought: I would not liked to have been part of that experiment! 😯

Edit: apologies, meant to say TJ 😳

Jsut thought I'd act on TJ's question earlier……currently sitting on the pot at work with my iphone. Is there an app for wping your bum??

Who looks down the toilet before they flush?

Anyone seen 2girlsonecup?

Everyone?

Mythbusters answered the toilet->toothbrush issue

couldnt find any increase in bacteria on the toothbrush due to flushing 🙂

Apparently you're supposed to keep you toothbrush at least 6ft from the toilet to avoid 'cross contamination'.

I have a problem with that as my bathroom measures 6' by 5'6". What the chuff do I do?

Is it true that you can get your sister pregnant if you've been spending too much time flicking through the lingerie section of your mum's Kays catalogue in the lav?

Hora- exactly what I was referring to 😉

I dont get this whole hygine stuff – shit is only what you have put in anyways.

I have been know to eat and drink whilst having a no2.

This thread is making me guffaw loudly at work. 🙂

Listening to your colleagues making rude noises in the next cubicle. LOL!!

Where I work they have no shame. Pre-poo trumps are loud, dribbly, stinky and usually accompanied by a "oooooooh blimey". I don't know what they eat but the spattering noises are just painful to hear. I am often reduced to silent tears of extreme mirth when I park on the porcelain round here. 🙂

that we are already fragile in a microbiological context

not grubby Barnes 🙂

Apparently you're supposed to keep you toothbrush at least 6ft from the toilet to avoid 'cross contamination'.

I too have rather constricting bathroom dimensions. Should I do my business on the landing?

You could eat your own poo and drink your own urine and not get sick

Go on then TJ, after you old bean!

The Mythbusters did a thing on it.

http://mythbustersresults.com/episode12

I watched that episode. They concluded that poo particles are in the air all around us and there wasn't a significantly higher amount on the brushes positioned in various places around the room in which the toilet was located. In fact the control brush which was placed in a different room under a large glass jar had the same amount of particles on it.

many animals seem to survive licking their arses clean…

[not that I'm suggesting you should try it]

I did try it, but the cat kept running away ……..

theotherjonv – 😀

mrben100 – Member

Hora- exactly what I was referring to

One of the girls talked me into watching that. I still haven't forgiven her. Disgusting.

Slight hijack, but what do you do when you are staying for the first time with a new GF and you don't want to make unattractive trumpeting noises the morning after?

Slight hijack, but what do you do when you are staying for the first time with a new GF and you don't want to make unattractive trumpeting noises the morning after?

Hold her head under the covers so the noise is the least of her worries?

DrJ – Member
Slight hijack, but what do you do when you are staying for the first time with a new GF and you don't want to make unattractive trumpeting noises the morning after?

Announce your intentions plainly.
"I shall now be going for a dump. You may well be impressed by the force with which I deliver my pre-dump bottom coughs. There is every possibility of a temporary blockage, for I, my dear, am not only the world's most powerful lover, I am also the world's most powerful dumper! Here goes….!"

("The world's most powerful lover" was a claim that someone sent to a friend of mine who used to work for the Guinness World Records. The chap penned an earnest letter to say that he was the undisputed holder of this title. Genius!)

This thread is genius!

Slight hijack, but what do you do when you are staying for the first time with a new GF and you don't want to make unattractive trumpeting noises the morning after?

Rustle the pages of your shiterature loudly and hope it masks the squeaking?

Why would you want to sit around in your own smell reading a book?

Sit, sh!t, wipe, go. If I want to read a book (or a bike mag), then there's a nice comfy, unsmelly, chair in the conservatory where I can do that.

Why would you want to sit around in your own smell reading a book?

Exactly, especially in the toilet-cupboard some people have instead of a bathroom…

I have a problem with that as my bathroom measures 6' by 5'6". What the chuff do I do?

Poo out the window.

JBiker, the pot is a great place to ponder and relax though.

Just visited the throne room in work and there is a magazine with rather large splash's on it. Grim. . .

I am a very hygenic person. In particular I pride myself on clean toilets.

But I will read on the throne. It helps to pass the, er, time. A good dump is something to be savoured and enjoyed. The feeling that you're fully empty, almost 'vacuum' like inside, is just perfect.

Why not read while you squeeze?

Personally I have read, played games on the iPhone, and I've even taken my laptop and phone in there and taken a TC whilst crimping out the mornings doings (phone on mute when tensing…..).

As for the GF question. I would never go out with someone who had only one toilet. I would go to the loo furthest away, open the window, and be careful not to simply fart a Courtney Pine solo for entertainment. Farting in front of a lady is not funny….. Although Lady trumps are.

Farting in front of a lady is not funny.

BURN THE HERETIC!

Farting in front of a lady is not funny….. Although Lady trumps are.

Err, no they are NOT. The stench usually has far more potency than any mere man can produce, and tends to linger for eons!

In some households the toilet is the only place where a chap can get half an hour of peace and quiet away from the wife and those small yappy things.

Why would you want to sit around in your own smell reading a book?

Sit, sh!t, wipe, go.

^^^ Woman!!

What about people who carry out an intermediate wipe during the procedure?
I can imagine the need to hoik one out with a finger if it gets stuck and interrupts proceedings.

and listen to your colleagues making rude noises
PAARRRP, PLOP-PLOP
That would be funny. If… The shower at work wasn't separated from the cubicles just by a curtain. The things I hear when changing after riding to work. It's just not nice. Not nice at all.

Lady trumps, true lady trumps are funny.

I'm not talking about the vile emissions some fat slapper makes after eating a curry and drinking 15 pints of guiness (reminds me of a sweaty seal giving you a round of applause).

True lady trumps are like pixie hiccups and smell only of talcum powder.

😆

We ladies don't have time to read in the loo.

I really am not a happy bunny when mr. b.h. brings his book down from his morning ablutions, then puts the same book onto the kitchen table while eating his breakfast. Gross.

like the arabs mate, turn the pages with the right wipe the a##e with the left!

I've posted on here with my iPhone while sat on the can at work, it's my only computer access during work hours. Regarding the toothbrush thing, mine's kept in a case in a bag with my toothpaste, razor, etc, so contamination isn't an issue. Which is a good thing…

Who spends THAT long in the loo that they need to read? Christ I'd get bored (and a bit worried) if it lasted more than a minute or two.