New Mates in your 40’s

I slowly lost all my mates to marriage and kids and then we dispersed away from where we all met.

I have to say that it really got to me and became a slog to meet people.

Come pandemic and I bought a MTB and answered a FB post for local(ish) newbies for a ride out. Some of my best mates now and we meet up outside, the wives get on well and we chat about a lot more than just bikes.

Hobbies are the way forward.

I’m in this position. Mid forties. I have lots of mates I see for biking but no one on a regular social basis. Me and the Mrs do a lot but doing social stuff with fellow men is really important. My best mate that I do see socially has become more and more difficult to do stuff with. He’s borderline reclusive now and won’t go to a pub that’s further than walking distance from his house and inevitably after 2 pints he wants to go home and sit there and drink🙄

So if anyone’s near Glasgow and in a similar position and is into bikes obvs, music (especially playing an instrument), films feel free to give me a shout!

We definitely need more STW group rides.

There are a couple of folk that became pals thru the group rides we used to run in Edinburgh on a Wednesday

My current problem is that quite a few of my mates (late 40s, early 50s) seem quite unhappy, almost to the point of bitterness.

A few more of them drink heavily.

Some are both unhappy and drink heavily.

I quite enjoy life (aged 50), but they can be quite difficult to spend time with.

I put a post up on here a few months ago to try and find some people interested in riding near me (Leamington). To be fair had a few people respond via here and some facebook groups.

I got as far as setting up a Whatsapp group and there were a few attempts by people to arrange a ride but other than me and one other chap meeting up it dwindled out. Nobody’s fault (or as much if not more mine than anyone else!), I think it just proved hard to find suitable dates, rides etc. but did show me how making friends as you get older is a bit more challenging and you definitely have to be prepared to put the effort in.

I’d still like to be able to join up with people locally to start riding and then hopefully build up friendships so perhaps I’ll give it another bash.

I’m 35 and seemingly going through a cycle of injury-sick kid/dog-work overload-broken bike. If there are any based in Brussels with young kids who fancy a rise&meet, get in touch!

kitchener
Free Member
[snip]
Also nicko74, having lived in ON for four years, you north of the border types are a fine sociable lot. I found it easy to meet up over there, the excellent state of your country, food and beer helped. It’s very different social rules in the UK due the sheer amount of us, and the weird entrenched class stuff we seem unable to shift. Bikes are good at cutting through this sillyness.

Cheers Kitchener – I’m actually a Brit, moved to Canada in 2010, and our best friends from there are mostly other immigrants and the least Canadian Canadians (blunt, good banter etc). But you’re absolutely right that Canadians are inherently friendly, and being a newcomer I think does make you think more deliberately about this kind of stuff, otherwise it’s worryingly easy to kinda sleepwalk into a routine where you don’t see anyone on a regular basis and your social network just withers away.
I think we’re fortunate too that there’s more recognition of this dynamic, in national newspapers and spaces like this; makes one realise it’s not unusual, and there are others in a similar kind of headspace!

42 years young and most of my friends I’ve made since I was 30. The crowd I was with all the way through school until my mid 30s are now no longer friends as they don’t make any effort to keep in touch (I have and been pretty much ignored). Met my current friend groups through MTB’s and RC cars mainly. The MTB lot are scattered all over the country but the RC ones are mainly locals. Definitely close to the MTB ones though so quality social contact is not down very often. Amazingly having lived in Cardiff for 15 years o only have one person I’d call a friend who lives within 5 miles of me!

Good job I’m used to my own company 😁

I slowly lost all my mates to marriage and kids and then we dispersed away from where we all met.

I think this is the crux of it.

When you’re a kid you’re hurled into a melting pot called “school” and even a painfully shy nerd like me occasionally had to talk with someone. A little older and your social calendar explodes as you’re having to choose which party you’re going to attend tonight.

Then people get partners, jobs, move away, reproduce, and things become abruptly difficult. I’ve been trying to organise a couple of beers and a curry with three close long-term friends, we’ve pencilled in a Thursday in the middle of next month as the first time we’re all free simultaneously, and it’s two weeks short of a year since the “beer and curry” WhatsApp group was created.

As you get older, maintaining friendships takes work, but as the last few months have painfully demonstrated to me it’s an effort worth making. Send an email, pick up the phone, organise a celebration because it’s Thursday.

Anyway.

What about here?

I had a visit from RustySpanner of this parish yesterday. I don’t know him from a hole in the ground, I can count the times we’ve met on the fingers of one hand. We bonded, randomly, over remote-control cars. But he is a top, top bloke and absolutely fits the bill of “new friends in your 40s.”

Where are you geographically? I’d be astonished if there weren’t other STWers close by.

Interesting thread. I often find the hanging out In groups with people because you have kids very painful, never much in common, always very middle of the road.

Hobbies always works best for me but it seems many men in their 40’s / 50’s seem to lose hobbies or focus 99.9% on running after wife / kids, losing themself and their fitness before a mid life crisis hits.

Lucky enough to have picked up a few diverse groups over hobbies / work over the years.