Another alternative would be to dump a large volume of diesel onto his lawn, not only killing the grass but he may be forced into removing large volumes of soil (at £££ cost) after he has been reported for contaminated land…. 😈

He was perfectly polite when I went round, just denied all knowledge of it.

What about this?

I have just had a thought – we moved our stuff in on Saturday and as the access isn't great we had to park the moving van near his house and handball the stuff down. I popped and spoke to him to ask him if he was ok with the van being where it was (he could still get out, but cars couldn't get past the van to get in) and he said "we'll be going out in about half an hour", to which I said "well, just give us a shout when you need to get out and we'll move for you.". He never went anywhere, just being an awkward c*nt I reckon. 🙄

Then maybe write w*nker with weedkiller!

or do a cock and balls:

still on google maps as well

clicky clicky for 'map'

Buy a large dog, feed it copious volumes of dog food (wet canned stuff, the cheaper the better) and then whenever it craps fling the crap over his fence. Works for me.

PS replace the tree with about half a dozen of those **** off conifers that grow to stupid heights very quickly, that should give him the general impression that you are not a person to be messed with.

or this: give your neighbour the bird:

http://www.snopes.com/photos/risque/ventcover.asp

Report it to the police, and any other damage that ocoures over the coming months, then they will have a record of the provocation leading up to you attacking him with a big fooking axe.

Woody, I am not agreeing with what the neighbour did, just looking at the bright side. That tree grows right next to the bricks of your fence, not a good place at all. In years to come it would definitely have caused damage to the bricks. You have no evidence that it was the neighbour, so all you will do is hand the police another cold case.

If you really want to find out what happened, befriend your neighbour and in a year or so have him over for a BBQ , keep pouring the drinks ( he wont have to drive home so will enjoy ) and then you bring up the story of how a 'stranger' did you a huge favour by cutting that bastard Eucalyptus. He will then laugh and proudly tell you it was him that did it.

If you still don't like him then **** him there and then. If you happen to like him by then , laugh with him.

have you looked over into his garden , any foot marks or holes where a ladders been ? report it to the police .

Looking at this simply. It is clearly criminal damage, report it to the Police. Additionally speak to Council as there are additional offences with regards to cutting trees down without proper consent, yes you need permission to cut a tree down even if it is on your land. Had a landscape gardener down this way who did it without permission, got fined £6,000.

MUTDs

yes you need permission to cut a tree down even if it is on your land.

Only in a protected area – I chopped several of mine down anyway….

The tree could have left of its own accord.

Indeed. Perhaps it didn't like the look of me (understandable) and just decided to do one.

🙂

Clearly the only option is to buy a pack of meadow seed and a leaf blower, then while he's away during the day start by pouring the seeds into the blower intake and point it over the fence. That nice lawn and borders will rapidly become an un-managable mess of weeds. And no-one will trace that either.

Sorry not read all of the thread, have the people that you bought the house from had any issues with said neighbour, they are supposed to disclose any disputes or did they chop the trees down as a parting gift.

I would be inclined to contact your solicitor who did the conveyance for you, they may have something to say about it and advise you accordingly.

I thought this was STW?

1. Find his footwear and enwee.
2. Retrieve bombers and own.

😆

Throw some Knotweed seeds into his garden!
He will struggle to get rid of that so your garden will be the last thing on his mind!! 😀

well I've only skimmed this thread and had been disappointed by the lack of owning with bombers and shoe weeing content…

thanks AdamW for finally raising the standard

Throw some Knotweed seeds into his garden!
He will struggle to get rid of that so your garden will be the last thing on his mind!!

Not sure of that option, that'd pretty much have you locked up and facing a clearup charge in the tens of thousands if you were found out. And of course it would then take over your garden too.

glue/nail/screw it back to the stump, so its back as it was, same height, same position (you may have to splint it), but most importantly, DEAD.

see how he likes THAT view, especially when ALL the leaves drop on his lawn in the same week.

IMHO – you need to invest in some Country and Western records, a very loud stereo and a way of making the same song play on loop.

My neighbours in Tawa in Wellington when I was growing up had a very similar dispute, one of them played the theme song from Officer and a Gentlemen ALL DAY until eventually my dad cracked and broke into their fuse box to cut the power supply (we lived opposite so were civilian casualties).

Not sure if it helped, but it was kind of funny.

How long ago was it – you might be able to splice/graft it back together; it's what they do with fruit trees; graft the fruiting top half to a root half that grows to the size / vigour that is wanted.

Personlly I'd make a dignified and proportionate response by erecting a large scaffolding tower and then building a billboard at the top of it with some choice words.

Personlly I'd make a dignified and proportionate response by erecting a large scaffolding tower and then building a billboard at the top of it with some choice words.

Often against local council regs (certainly mentioned in my deeds).

The key here is doing stuff that wont get you caught or in more trouble.

Let it go. You dont know he did it and it will fester. What if it wasnt him and you are spending all your time on worrying about the wrong person.

Only worry about things you can do something about. The police wont be able to prove it either so you wont achieve anything.

If you really must get them back then bide your time. 12mths later you can be the one sitting in your house stiffling laughter at his ruined lawn with the comfort of him not being able to claim tit for tat.

A neighbour called the police on me over a dispute about 3years ago. Its about time for some revenge.

How long ago was it – you might be able to splice/graft it back together; it's what they do with fruit trees; graft the fruiting top half to a root half that grows to the size / vigour that is wanted.

You'll struggle with that size of tree. Grafting a scion onto root stock is done usually with a shoot or twig. I really don't think that you'd be able to stick a broken tree back together.

I have considered Sticking it back up, just out of bloody mindedness. Some judicious splinting and a lot of duct tape would keep it up for a while I reckon. Be just my luck for the wind to blow it over and kill someone though!

My neighbours in Tawa in Wellington when I was growing up had a very similar dispute, one of them played the theme song from Officer and a Gentlemen ALL DAY

Not "Up Where We Belong"??? Damn.. that's just cruel! No-one deserves that!

Definitely stick it back up. But prune it into a giant V-sign first.

😉

Ski – nice! 🙂

I'd stick it back up for a while too – just splint it – just to make a point. At least until the top part was properly dead anyway. Then I'd plant the Lleylandi 🙂

Get about 3 feet of steel tubing about the same internal diameter as the trunk of the tree. Slide it half over the stump and re-erect the fallen tree into the top half – the tree will still eventually die, but it'll really mess with his head, maybe to the point that he comes round and says "Hey, I chopped that down once already?!" then you'll have his confession that it was him.

I think your neighbour has clocked you changing and wanted all blockages out of the line of site for his nightly self-flagellation.