My neighbour went batshit mentalist a few months ago when my business partner had stopped in front of her drive whist picking me up to go to a meeting. He hadn’t blocked her in, she just couldn’t get back into her drive (I assume she’d just nipped out to drop her son off at school and come back home). And to be fair there is loads of space to just park/wait on the street so she could have just left it there as the car was obviously about to be driven back off (engine running, door wide open).

But instead she was running up and down the street swearing like a sailor and shouting at the top of her voice ‘who’s f*&^$%g car is parking across my f^$&*^g drive’ over and over.

I felt like staying inside and making a coffee just to make her froth a bit more. Mad old bint. She did come round to apologise to my wife later but still couldn’t resist sticking the knife in a bit more about my partner’s bad parking.

About two weeks later one of her friends did exactly the same to me – but on this occasion I was blocked *in*. I took great pleasure in going to her house and politely asking her to get the car moved.

Is “Hoofing in the slats” the new “Owning with Bombers”?

I had to fake a coughing fit to disguise the sniggering after reading that in an open plan office.

Back to the OP. Call the police. Next time it could be a nail under a tyre or something more serious.

Don’t park outside her house?

Easy to say but what if parkings at a premium or its on principle?

if we could choose where to park, this wouldn’t be an issue!

it’s one of those areas where there are more cars than spaces, and you just have to park wherever you can – sometimes that’s 2 streets away from your house, sometimes it’s in front of the mad woman’s place. Our car is parked in front of her place about once a month, maybe.

i wouldn’t be that bothered as i hardly use the car anyway, but my wife has to park on that street every day and i don’t want her getting hassled over it 😐

You should come back – you’d be amazed how much has changed – most of the houses have indoor bedrooms now

I am still related to half the people there so I still go back home

@ Duck man the best Scots beef from Wales ….that is one for the locals 😉

Had similar issues with neighbours myself, I was always happy to ignore Mr Grumpy as the kids had named him. It was really much of a problem until he verbally abused my Oh.

Got a bit bored of him knocking at my door asking me to move one of our cars from ‘his space’ in the street. I spent the evening trawling ebay for an old banger, a 16 year old Mondeo for £97!
The man must have knocked on every door in the street to find out who it belonged to. 7 weeks passed until the dvla popped round to clamp it and remove it.
Must have cost him a bit I was thoughtful enough to register it in his name and address 🙂

My neighbour went batshit mentalist a few months ago when my business partner had stopped in front of her drive whist picking me up to go to a meeting. He hadn’t blocked her in, she just couldn’t get back into her drive (I assume she’d just nipped out to drop her son off at school and come back home). And to be fair there is loads of space to just park/wait on the street so she could have just left it there as the car was obviously about to be driven back off (engine running, door wide open).

Meh, blocking anyone’s drive is a **** thing to do. Why didn’t he block yours? If there was “loads” of on street parking why did your business partner not use one of those spaces? I’d be really pissed off if that’s your attitude.

Meh, blocking anyone’s drive is a **** thing to do. Why didn’t he block yours?

The layout means that parking in front of mine (which is what he did) blocks hers too. It is always happening and much more regularly by her friends (most weeks we get it) it is the one and only time a guest of ours had blocked her out.

And as I tried to explain, he had just nipped to my house and I was just putting my shoes on – he hadn’t parked there, he was just there a couple of minutes but it just happened to coincide with her coming back to her house.

Must have cost him a bit I was thoughtful enough to register it in his name and address

May the Lord shine upon you for you have just added a new level of brilliance to this oft quoted piece of excellent low level cathartic revenge.

Get a small piece of ply/sheet steel and screw it over the locks on her front door while she’s out. Hammer small ball bearings into the heads of the screws so they can’t be undone. Stand there and watch her trying to get into her own house. Maybe ask her if she needs a hand.
Or report her to the fuzz for gluing the locks. Put a note through her door telling her you’ve done it.

ziggy wins this game !

And as I tried to explain, he had just nipped to my house and I was just putting my shoes on – he hadn’t parked there, he was just there a couple of minutes but it just happened to coincide with her coming back to her house.

But you expected her to park on the road, for his convenience? Don’t get that attitude. Selfish.

Must have cost him a bit I was thoughtful enough to register it in his name and address

Genius 😀

Ziggy wins the internet today. Well done sir. 😆

You lot are slacking. The police? what about the environmental health? And the local council? And social services? Not to mention lawyers. Come on! We’re 30 posts in. Sort it out…

Surely there must be a UN convention which is being breeched here?

Must have cost him a bit I was thoughtful enough to register it in his name and address

He would have got the V5 in the post though?

Top work regardless.

Confiscate her pudding.

He would have got the V5 in the post though

But not for a few weeks…

But you expected her to park on the road, for his convenience? Don’t get that attitude. Selfish.

Yes. We do when her guests block us out.

+1 ziggy……

that’s ones going in the w*nk bank for future reference 🙂

Confiscate her pudding.

😀

that’s ones going in the w*nk bank for future reference

What 😯

send her a ficticious letter from the council saying that a space has been reserved outside her house as she doesnt own a car for a new neighbour who is disabled to park her large 4 x 4 in and that it will be a marked disabled bay.

She’s 60? A wee note through the door from a concerned neighbour advising residents there is a gang of thugs on the lookout for whoever damaged their car.

Or what ziggy did. Poetry, is that.

FFS! people, Superglue is useless for locks. Araldyte is much better.

If a jobs worth doing…

if you’re friendly with the other neighbours, talk to them

if you’re not friendly with the other neighbours, talk to them, make friends!

Does She have a garden?

If so you could.

1, Hammer frozen sausages into the lawn. (A great idea nicked from elsewhere)

2, Buy some nice contrasting grass seed and draw a cock on the lawn.

1, Hammer frozen sausages into the lawn. (A great idea nicked from elsewhere)

Go on, I’ll bite. Why frozen sausages. If its just because the thaw out and then smell bad I’ll be disapointed

No, once they thaw any dog/fox/badger/carnivore will dig the crap out of the lawn to get the tasty meat tubes.

unfortunately i think she’s just angry – she’s got a sticker in the window of her car that says ‘How’s my driving – dial 1-800-F**KYOU’ in the rear window

well in that case – lets make you a bigger sticker with ‘Hows my parking?…..’ 🙂

Less clatty than a frozen turd I suppose.

EDIT –

once they thaw any dog/fox/badger/carnivore will dig the crap out of the lawn to get the tasty meat tubes.

You and Ziggy are definitely on the podium for QOTW

“Scotch Beef from Wales” – despite knowing what it’s about it still gets me every time. I take it none of you are actually in the dreaded east? You don’t get bandwidth from banging rocks together last I checked.

I take no credit for Frozen sausages. All somebody elses work.

There are some fabulous suggestions in this thread.
Would expanding foam through the locks be any good, or just make an obvious mess? Mid you you could just shove it through the front grille into the engine bay….

You could draw a cock on her bonnet using Dot brake fluid.

I would buy an old transit, tax and insure it for a year and just park it there to piss her off, probs cost like 400 all in. But worth every penny!

knock on her door, apologise profusely for leaving a battered old van on “her” road but some **** has glued the locks and you can’t move it.

I like that suggestion but a smaller car will be cheaper – see what has £35 tax as it will annoy her either way.

You could draw a cock on her bonnet using Dot brake fluid.

Or just glue one on. If she’s a shorta*se glue it to the centre of the roof.

You could draw a cock on her bonnet using Dot brake fluid

Years ago, a mate sprayed a cock on another mates car (the size of the whole bonnet) using shaving foam.

Something in the foam cut into the lacquer and the cock could only be seen when the sun hit it at certain angles.

Subtle 🙂

I’m still laughing at “kick her in the slats” 😆

Finally a female version of kicking a guy in the nuts.

Police, don’t bother retaliating as if things escalate and it does eventually going the way of the Police it may come out that you have done something too.

Can you get a dash cam that records on motion? Or some sort of motion activated camera?

Occasionally I have to park round the corner, yes we have a big driveway with loads of room, but sometimes we have no choice if there is some building work next door (shared drive up to our parking). We’ve had someone stick a large “police aware” sticker on the driver side window (called the police, not them and car was taxed and insured and fully road legal) and on another occasion I had my number plate ripped off. Police were concerned about the latter with regards to it being used for a crime and checked there had been no reports of any crimes (petrol theft etc) with my number plate.

I have mentioned this to a few people in the road and one name keeps popping up so I have somewhere to pop round for a friendly chat next time anything happens.

order a skip?

A mate of mine did this when someone upset his parents over a similar matter.

Ordered the skip in the offender’s name to be delivered to their house (this was actually left in the drive) when he knew the guy would be out. Told the skip firm that ‘he’ would be out but told him to go see the neighbour at number ‘xx’ who was friends of the offender who would pay for the skip

My mate made sure he was peeking out the curtains later to see the bloke turn up, see the skip in his drive and at the same time have the neighbour come outside to claim back the money he had paid the skip lorry.

I would’ve left it where it is for the whole weekend at least. Let her know that you can’t move it because someone put glue in the locks. Also inform her that the Police are going to come and dust for fingerprints. 😆

IIRC like me J-Y is from Kilmarnock

I thought I was the only one!