life lessons

I was talking to my sister today about life lessons to pass down to her kids. I’m thinking things that people don’t write down in books. Only age and wisdom can teach you certain things.

So far ive come up with
1. Always smell your milk before you pour it into your tea/coffee/cereal
2. Don’t drink anything green
3. Don’t buy cheap bin bags

Any more I can add from the stw fountain of knowledge?

Never fart in an empty lift – you never know when someone will get in.

Never show your bare arse to a gritter

Don’t get a girl/lady pregnant unless you’re double sure you will stay together*

*super hard i know from experience

Never put your fingers where you wouldn’t put your c*ck.

Never stick it in crazy

Never miss an opportunity to use the loo.

Never where tracksuit bottoms if masturbating just before yodel-delivery-time.

Never go to the dentists whilst stoned.

Don’t drink in a pub with a flat roof.

Don’t pee into the wind.
Love many, trust few and always paddle your own canoe.
A day in the hills/riding a bike/paddling a canoe/walk in the woods etc is Never a waste of time.

Never eat Yellow Snow.

Never spend too long explaining to the BT guy whos testing the sockets in yer bedroom (not a euphemism) that your muscle massage stick behind the bedside cabinet is not in fact a sex toy.

https://www.thestick.com/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=DC-2475

other sex toy/massage sticks are available..

Don’t be a tw*t.

* Insert vowel of choice.

Kryton 😳

Never go in a pub with no windows

The apex is always further round than you first thought.

Never refuse a cup of tea/coffee, might be the last one you have.

MoreCashThanDash – Member
Kryton

You’re my postman? 😳

Wasn’t me, just an anecdote I’d heard.

Don’t waste days hung over.
Warm up before exercising.
Before you jump the fence make damn sure the grass is greener as there’s usually no way back.

From my grandfather.
Eat and sleep when you can.

+1 Love many, trust few and always paddle your own canoe.

Dunno where it comes from thou…

My pieces of wisdom are:

1) However bad it is now it does get better.
2) Make your own luck.
3) Sht Happens.
4) Any Holes a goal.

Never trust a dog with orange eyebrows.

Life isn’t fair, get over it.

try everything in life once…..if you dare.

keep on keeping on, no matter how dark the cloud.

Better the right hand than the wrong woman.

Iron everything inside out. Apart from cotton shirts.

Learn to bare the burden of blame alone.

Be kind to whoever you meet on the way up; You never know who you’ll need on the way back down.

Give them enough rope to hang themselves with.

I’m only 27, plenty time to forget all that….

it’s better to have loved and lost than spent your life a w*nker.

never take an idiot with you, there’ll be one when you get there

Don’t get stoned then get pissed unless you want a major throw up session

Regret the things you’ve done, not the things you haven’t done.

Be nice, not evil.

Speak to people as you wish to be spoken to.

Work smarter, not harder

it’s better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you are an idiot than open it and remove all doubt.

Don’t worry what other people think about you. Everyone else is too worried about what other people think about them to give a toss about you.

Also, Wheaton’s Law: don’t be a dick.

Never get involved in a land war in Asia

Admit Nothing. Deny Everything. Make Counter-Accusations.

People hold ideologies and adhere to mass movements to escape individual responsibility.

The two attitudes don’t really mix that well unless you admit responsibility only to yourself, at the end of the day you are the only person you have to answer to on your deathbed.

one that i read on here ~ 2years ago and has served me well so far.

never drink in a pub with a flat roof

You’re my postman?

I had wondered why you were so pleased with the parcel………….

If you’re going to take a s**t, do it at work and get paid for it.

Never talk about your woman. No matter how far away she is she will hear you. May take time, but she WILL hear you.

The only constant in life is change itself.

Listen to people when they say “I’d not ride that if I were you”.

If you’re going to take a s**t, do it at work and get paid for it.

In a similar vein, it’s always better to be hungover on somebody else’s time