When I looked around for a road bike I looked at the Defy and had a similar dilemma (I’m only 5″ 7″ with a 29″ inseam) and I would have gone for the medium if I had purchased the Giant
I preferred the more stretched out position as I found the small a bit cramped and hunched over
In the end I went for a Cannondale Synapse as it had disc’s and had a bit more flexibilty with tyre sizes – Again, I went on the larger side a chose the 54 frame
I think the general advice is go with what’s closest and the you can then mess around with the final fine tuning with stems – saddle position etc
The alternative would be to have a proper bike fit where they can set you up on the jig and then get the measurements for stack etc You can use this as a shopping list for any potential purchase
Best of luck with making a decision……. I know it’s difficult as when spending proper money you don’t want to buy the wrong thing