Great fibs that you have told and got away with

Convinced a lower set that colour was invented in the 1950s, it’s why old films are black and white, the psychedelic 60s was them deciding what should be what colour and it took ages colouring in the old paintings.

They weren’t the sharpest sandwiches in the box.

A couple of us managed to convince a young lady that the Queen drinks swans milk and that’s why they’re protected under orders of Her Majesty.

Another good one I heard was the phrase lunatic cane about when the Americans went the moon some flies that were on board the rocket started jumping around like crazy. Hence lunar-tic.

Also a similar story about the Imber tribe of Eskimos had rather stupid pet seals. Imbeciles.

I once jokingly told a colleague that I used to have a job at the BBC, damaging dogs for “Animal Hospital”.

She believed me.

Not mine, sadly, but is worth repeating-

A friend one day came out with, while looking at a hillside covered in sheep, “there arent very many boy ones, are there?”. When asked how she could tell from such a distance, she said it was because there were barely any black ones.

She’d been told this fact very young and had somehow made it into her early twenties without being disabused of it. Makes me wonder what I’m going to discover isn’t true one day!

Oh, and we collectively convinved one of a group trip to belfast last year that he needed to take out euros so effectively that even when we came clean he was still trying to visit the exchange in the airport.

A couple of us managed to convince a young lady that the Queen drinks swans milk and that’s why they’re protected under orders of Her Majesty.

Another good one I heard was the phrase lunatic cane about when the Americans went the moon some flies that were on board the rocket started jumping around like crazy. Hence lunar-tic.

Theres a kids fillum about that, i kid you not!
Google or IMDB Fly me to the moon, featuring one Edwin (Buzz) Aldrin

Oh god. So many lies, so little time…..I don’t know where to start.

Convinced an ex that tesco was selling gm chickens which is why there were six legs in a pack. She got quite irate with them and went in to complain as I recall
Gave my mate some advice on how to get rid of ‘chimney slugs’ from his house (he’d found a few in the front room after a bit of rain) which involved him pushing balloons filled with beer up the afore mentioned chimney and bursting them.
Told our apprentice that the duke of Edinburgh was visiting incognito and got him to stand by reception and bow to any ageing bald men in suits. For 4 hours.

There’s many many more.

I scarpered due to an inability to hold my fat due to her rather strong lower section.

Bravo!

he rode up and down the car park outside work, weaving in and out of traffic cones wearing a crap helmet, hi-viz jacket and cycling clips.

I tutored for years. Every proby had to take their “proficiency test” in the car park before they could go to their neighbourhood attachment.

Otherwise it would be a computer based cycling test. And that would be stupid.

Told Mrs JAMJ that Last Christmas by Wham was autobiographical about Gerorge Michaels failed relationship with Boy George… she repeated this to many people…

Told my grandmother that ‘felching’ was another term for theft… She then used that word in that way for some time.

“She’s more like a sister to me”

Some boat party at a regatta, one of the other guests got it into her head I was a wife beater(im not even married)
I thought i’d just run with it. A mate with me spent the evening laughing his arse off. She couldnt twig.

Convinced the Saturday lad that on high-end bikes the inner tubes are directional. Even taught him how to examine them to tell which way round they go 😀

This was about 10 years ago. He’s still not clocked that we were having him on.

I tutored for years. Every proby had to take their “proficiency test” in the car park before they could go to their neighbourhood attachment.

This lad is (was) an experienced Detective with 25 years service.

This lad is (was) an experienced Detective with 25 years service.

Was it Phil?

Apologies, but this means nothing to anybody else. Carry on.

Not mine but whilst at uni doing organic chemistry practicals, one of the brighter students asked my mate if he had the grease to assemble the condenser he was using. He didn’t, but told him to go to the stores and ask for the KY jelly. Off he trotted, and nearly half of the class watched as the stores ladies erupted into fits of giggles. He had no idea what he had said. He turned to look at my mate who was also doubled over. It took a while to explain with all the laughing, but didn’t seem to bothered when he found out what KY jelly was. Everyone else was tickled by it though.

I ride bikes

Spanish holiday,1989 -I pretended to be Australian – accent and all , to woo a German girl.(she thought Englanders were yobs)
It worked! 😀 😯
I have told my son that I am a Jedi Knight.

Convinved a temp who was an arrogant **** that to finish the testing
of a panel, he needed to go to stores and get some fallopian tube.

The stores manager twigged, went into stores for a bit came back and
said none in stock. Gave the young lad a phone number and ficticisous part number. Phone number was for local hospital. All credit to the stores manager.

After that the temp wasn’t so bad.

Jambalaya to the forum. Now’s your time to shine!

Its fibs you got away with, not fibs Ray Charles could spot a mile off (and he’s dead!)

We managed to convince a lad in our football team that Scotland was a different country and that he’d need his passport to travel there for a fixture we were playing – which of course he hadn’t brought with him.

Only fell down when the coach driver refused to be in on it and hide him in the luggage hold on the coach while we drove through berwick.

He was at the time a student at one of Northern England’s top universities and now a very successful lawyer. Another one for the intelligence vs common sense pile.

It would be so easy in my house that it would be unsporting. Yesterday my wife and daughter were arguing about whether slugs had brains. My wife then turned and asked me if a slug was animal. So it just wouldn’t be fair.

The day before Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s wedding at Skibo Castle, a now retired DC was told that her security people wanted off duty cops to attend the wedding as guests, unpaid and not in uniform, but they would attend the service and reception. By the end of the day his wife had been to town to get his suit dry cleaned, she’d bought herself a new dress, and he had brought his car to the station for a full valet, wash and polish. He wasn’t told until tea time. He was chasing people round the office he was that angry, and fortunately his physical speed matched his mental speed otherwise there’d have been a murrrrder.

Couple from my past (cut and pasted as posted on here 5 years ago)

In a local a few months back, Billie Jean came on and immediately some guy started doing an elaborate choreographed dance routine that he’d obviously been working on all week in front of his bedroom mirror.

A mate of mine (straight after telling every woman on the dancefloor over the age of 40 that I fancied them, but was just too shy to approach them!) wandered over to him, interrupting the guy in full flow, and chatted to him a bit. And kept on pointing at me.

Five minutes later they both came over to where I was standing, at which point my mate said as way of an introduction “Oh, I’ve just been telling XXX about your work as choreographer for Usher. You two should chat”. And promptly walked off.

I cannot dance for sh*t. No rhythm, nothing. But that didn’t stop me talking sh*t for the rest of the night about my background in ballet, and how I wasn’t insured to dance in public.

Everytime I see this guy, he always comes over with his friends and asks about how work is going, and what Usher’s been up to. Seems to look up at me, as though I’m some kind of superstar. Haven’t the heart to tell him it’s a load of sh*t. Sorry chap.

Edit: have since told him I’d been sacked by Usher, cos I got fed up with the lying.. he hasn’t mentioned it since.

and numero 2.

When I was 15 I played pool for a pub team in a local pool 4th division league. I wasn’t bad, but the rest of the team were sh*t, and the 35 year old captain would never pick me despite me being one of the best players, always coming up with an excuse week after week after promising to pick me the week before.

One week in particular we didn’t have a league game scheduled, and instead held a couple of pub tournaments, both of which I won, walking home with about 50 quids worth of pound coins, a couple of months pocket money for a night’s work. He then refused to pick me for the next week’s team.

By this point I’d had enough – after not getting selected yet again, I went home (this was in about 1997, had just got the internet) and downloaded a copy of the British Pool Association’s logo. I then wrote a letter stating that by not picking me he was in breach of rule XYZ and was facing expulsion from the league. I posted this letter to my uncle in London, who then posted it back down to Cornwall so that it had a London postage mark.

The captain then spent a weekend writing a 4 page ranting letter to the British Pool Association saying how I was tactically naive, and therefore didn’t think I was mature enough to play for the first team etc etc. He also sent a copy to me, the local pool league, and the pub landlord.

I then wrote another letter from the Association saying that the team had been disqualified from the league due to the captain repeatedly lying in his letter, as I had supplied them with tape recordings of our conversations which contradicted his letter.

The next Monday Pool night he got me in front of the whole pool team and gave a long speech saying that because of me contacting the British Pool Association the whole team had been kicked out the league, and tried to shame me.

I then revealed it was all a hoax. He did look like a bit of a **** at this point, having been fooled by a 15 yr old boy in front of all of his mates.

I never did play for that team.

told my wife I was a virgin when we met to get her into bed.

Once rolled mrs rocket’s car through a hedge and into a field while practicing handbrake turns

I’d swerved to avoid a rabbit *cough*

I used to teach in a prison. One of the common topics for discussion amongst the inmates I’d teach was how bad the food was. Some would try and fein special dietary requirements or religious conviction in order to get put onto a ‘special diet’ that would at least be dreadful slop that had been cooked in a smaller pan instead of the daily vat of slop. They were also trying to get their heads around veganism and fruitarianism and whether they though that was better or worse than grey meat.

Amongst the other teachers was a guy who taught computing who had a massive Dick Strawbridge style moustache. I told them he had the moustache because of his special diet. I told them he was a Filter Feeder, like a whale, and that the caterers in the staff canteen had to send of buckets of sea water (we was in Birmingham) every day and he’s stick his head in and filter out the krill.

My son has a piece of rock that my granddad brought back from the moon.

Not my own lie but my fathers. He told me that we couldn’t go to Disney world because children are always being abducted there and he wouldn’t risk my safety like that. I spent a long time thinking my friends parents were reckless for taking their kids to disney world. I didn’t really think about it until I was in my teens. Had me good and proper.

I told my wife that Christmas stamps taste of turkey when you lick them

My mum missed a couple of items when self scanning in Tesco’s, unfortunately she was stopped in one of the random checks and was mortified by the whole thing. Luckily I found out about it so mocked up some headed paper from the local police station and wrote to her to explain she was on a watch list and all of the local retailers had been informed. She went out of town to do her shopping for a fortnight before I told her.

I was test drove a brand new Jaguar after chatting to a dealer and inexplicably deciding to tell him I had won the lottery. He let me take it out for the afternoon.

“No, of course, I haven’t got a another girlfriend”

Has been got away with occasionally. Other times not. 😕

Unfortunately not mine, but yesterday a colleague told the Admin Officer that Gullible wasn’t in the dictionary..

a colleague told the Admin Officer that Gullible wasn’t in the dictionary..

Is isn’t. Neither is ‘incredulity’. Look it up if you don’t believe me.

When we first met I told the now Mrs Womat that my surname was Leuve-Geuse (prounounced Lovejuice) and that is was the result of a Granfather who came from Luxemburg.

She only found out when she saw my cashpoint card (it was the early 90s) about 3 week later.

Playing Maggot Brain to an ex girlfriend in the 90s, I told her that George Clinton was Bill Clinton’s brother.

..a bit cruel but told the kids that when they hear the noise of an ice-cream van they should run and hide because it’s the cleaning van looking for children to do the cleaning. They believed it for years.

This guy told a great one, been going a while

..a bit cruel but told the kids that when they hear the noise of an ice-cream van they should run and hide because it’s the cleaning van looking for children to do the cleaning. They believed it for years.

Funny that, Our ice creams man plays the music when he’s run out of ice creams!

Our ice creams man plays the music when he’s run out of ice creams!

Ditto!!

Whilst coaching football in Widnes during the 90’s (I’m from Liverpool) I told the kids I was Robbie Fowler’s cousin. There was a degree of disbelief but they all began to believe me after a while. I was a decent player BITD and had had trials at Liverpool a few years before, I knew a bit about Robbie, being a LFC fan so could fend off some searching questions along the way.

One day one of the lads brought in his own cousin who was attending currently trials with LFC and indeed saw Robbie on a weekly basis, albeit from afar but never the less, more frequent than I did!

The quick thinking and talking became harder but the lies still flowed from my lips convincingly, I was actually surprising myself with my quick witted responses.

The coaching role ended for the summer and we all parted ways, the kids going on their merry way thinking they had been coached for the summer by Robbie Fowler’s cousin…….role on 3 years and I was holidaying in Majorca when my name was shouted across the pool by a lad, struggling to recall the face it came to me that it was ‘Kenny’ from the soccer school, bounding over asking how I was and if Robbie Fowler was with me, I could have come clean but without thinking I just said ‘ Oh no, he’s on preseason at the minute!’

To this day those unsuspecting kids think they were coached by Robbie Fowler’s cousin.

Mate dared me to go and chat up some lass who was by herself at the bar, but in an Irish accent.
Turns out she’s Irish, and asks me where I’m from.
I tell her I’m from Cork.
So is she, and asks me whereabouts.

Now I can’t believe I got away with this, but at that time my brother was engaged to the sister of a prominent Irish footballer (who I’d met and was basing the accent on) and had sent my parents a tourist video of his home town, Cork.

I described my flat above a paper shop near a jetty (which I’d remembered from the video) and she was amazed that we had lived just around the corner from each other without ever having met.

I can only imagine that the loud music masked my atrocious accent and allowed me to get away with the fib.