Going for a beer/coffee with members of the opposite sex

I just still can’t grasp why I’d want a female friend

Too right….. girls!… Eeeurgh.

(This place is seriously weird sometimes 🙄 )

Cougar – Moderator

What I am saying is that it’s not my style …

What, to treat women as equals capable of making their own decisions? [/quote] No, I am not capable of idle chatter like some people … 😀

Never have and never will … 😛

Too right….. girls!… Eeeurgh.

They have cooties.

Or boobies.

Not sure which is more problematic for people, TBH.

No, I am not capable of idle chatter like some people …

GTF, I’ve been reading your forum output for years. (-:

Moreover, it might come as a shock to you, but (gasp) some women are just as capable of holding intelligent conversations as some men. In many cases, more so.

Cougar – Moderator

No, I am not capable of idle chatter like some people …

GTF, I’ve been reading your forum output for years. (-: [/quote]

With you lot on STW that’s easy coz if you lot don’t like it you just argue back but with a real person she might need to pretend to listen …

Cougar – Moderator
Moreover, it might come as a shock to you, but (gasp) some women are just as capable of holding intelligent conversations as some men. In many cases, more so.

Of course they can but not with someone else partner or wife alone … that does not look right.

Of course they can but not with someone else partner or wife alone … that does not look right.

Has to be a troll post. Only a sociopath lacking in interpersonal skills and an objective view of relationship boundaries would think this way.

… Or someone who’s cultural and social references differ to yours. You ever thought you might be a bit insular in your point of view there?

You ever thought you might be a bit insular in your point of view there?

No, because my view is based on equality/trust and not some kind of skewed patriarchy and I believe that equality and respecting other people is better than something divisive and essentially based on fear.
Yes there are other cultures with different attitudes to gender which whole nations/groups/races practice. That’s their right but I still think they are often archaic and backward in outlook. (That goes for a lot of the U.K as this kind of thinking is embedded in many areas of our society)

with a real person she might need to pretend to listen …

We’re real people too, last I checked.

And why would someone need to “pretend to listen”? What would happen if you weren’t interesting and she didn’t pretend?

Of course they can but not with someone else partner or wife alone … that does not look right.

Hang on, you’ve moved the goalposts here.

You asserted that you don’t have female friends because “I am not capable of idle chatter,” implying that that’s all women are capable of.

Now you’re saying that’s not the case and it’s just someone else’s property that you can’t have a conversation with?

Which is it? I’m genuinely confused here. Is it ok to have “idle chatter” with others’ partners but not “interesting conversations,” so that’s why you don’t do it? What about single women, are they worthy of intellectual intercourse?

So those with different attitudes (which you graciously agree is their right) are sociopaths? Just checking.

So those with different attitudes (which you graciously agree is their right) are sociopaths? Just checking.

Sorry not wanting to go down the selective quoting/minutiae/contex thing, I’m sure somebody else will be willing to engage with you.

Cougar – Moderator

with a real person she might need to pretend to listen …

We’re real people too, last I checked.

And why would someone need to “pretend to listen”? What would happen if you weren’t interesting and she didn’t pretend?[/quote]

Crikey … I mean face to face as in real person sitting in front of you not like a virtual forum chat.

She may have to pretend to listen even when the topic is boring because what else can she do. Yes, I am boring coz I don’t idle chat … can’t think of a topic to idle chat face to face. Nope.

You asserted that you don’t have female friends because “I am not capable of idle chatter,” implying that that’s all women are capable of.

No, no, no … you have completely missed all my points.

I am saying that you don’t idle chant alone with someone else partner or gf or wife.

However, if they are single i.e. not attached, then I see no harm, but if they are attached then No.

Having said that I don’t really chat unless I am interested etc or vice versa …

Now you’re saying that’s not the case and it’s just someone else’s property that you can’t have a conversation with?

Nothing to do with ownership or property but it is just awkward to be seen with someone else partner/gf/wife alone that’s all.

Talking about property who is owning who?

Which is it? I’m genuinely confused here. Is it ok to have “idle chatter” with others’ partners but not “interesting conversations,” so that’s why you don’t do it?

1. It is okay to have idle chatter with singleton alone …

2. It is Not okay to have idle/interesting chatter 1:1 with someone else wife, gf or partner especially out for coffee just for a chat … in a group fine but not alone.

I just don’t it alone but in a group that’s fine.

What about single women, are they worthy of intellectual intercourse?

Single women are fine no problem with them whatsoever but the only downside is that they may find me boring as I don’t really talk a lot.

She may have to pretend to listen even when the topic is boring because what else can she do.

Tell you you’re boring? Change the subject? Act like adults / equals?

Yes, I am boring coz I don’t idle chat … can’t think of a topic to idle chat face to face. Nope.

Why would you need to intentionally pick an “idle” subject? Do you think women are intellectually stunted? What would you talk about with your male friends?

I am saying that you don’t idle chant alone with someone else partner or gf or wife.

However, if they are single i.e. not attached, then I see no harm, but if they are attached then No.

What’s the difference? They’re friends or they’re not, no? Would you abandon a female friend of 20 years is she suddenly found a boyfriend?

Having said that I don’t really chat unless I am interested etc or vice versa …

Therein lies the rub. How many men do you chat to?

1. It is okay to have idle chatter with singleton alone …

2. It is Not okay to have idle/interesting chatter 1:1 with someone else wife, gf or partner especially out for coffee just for a chat … in a group fine but not alone.

Why? Aren’t you to be trusted? Oh, no, wait, you already said you weren’t. Is she not to be trusted?

Single women are fine no problem with them whatsoever but the only downside is that they may find me boring as I don’t really talk a lot.

Do you have many male friends? Do they find you boring?

Cougar – Moderator
Tell you you’re boring? Change the subject? Act like adults / equals

Or simply Not to meet up rather than go through all those efforts just trying? 🙄

Why would you need to intentionally pick an “idle” subject? Do you think women are intellectually stunted? What would you talk about with your male friends?

I am usually quiet with both female or male friends … I like to watch coz that’s much more effortless.

What’s the difference? They’re friends or they’re not, no? Would you abandon a female friend of 20 years is she suddenly found a boyfriend?

No, but you certainly do not want to over do it just in case people make the wrong assumption and they will.

Therein lies the rub. How many men do you chat to?

I don’t chat to people unless I have to.

Why? Aren’t you to be trusted? Oh, no, wait, you already said you weren’t. Is she not to be trusted?

Nothing to do with trust but rather how others may interpret the situation.

Do you have many male friends? Do they find you boring?

Many. Nope, not boring at all.

Does that help at all? It’s just a friend who happens to be of a different gender. Why would you want to limit the pool of potential friends to half what it could be? My experience of female friends is that they talk about all the same sort of things as blokes do – at least when they’re in my company they’re polite enough not to do boring girly topics 😉

I don’t have a problem with it and neither does my other half, I have and have always had more female friends than male. I’m not very good at ‘bloke chat’, and I’m crap at small talk, I much prefer to keep quiet.

One of the reasons I began to prefer road cycling over mtb is that I’m not stopping at the top of every hill for a chat. 🙂

all that being said, I’m going for dinner this evening with a male and female colleagues, two of them are (what they term) “Village” Indians, both married with children. The male friend, told his wife what and where he’s going, end of discussion. The female friend has had to spend the last few days practically begging for permission from her husband to socialise with work colleagues, telling him exactly where she’s going, who with, who is paying etc.

The other’s are all Singaporean, Chinese, Malay etc. and have had no issues what so ever getting out.

I go out once a month with two married female friends because we are friends. Simple as that

I didn’t expect this thread to go past a page and a half.

How entertaining.

I didn’t realise some people’s view on human friendship is so disparate.

The more I read stuff like this, and the Politics threads, the more I feel I’m one of very few. I’ve always garnered the impression that I’m one of the balanced intelligent types, from the comments and attitudes posted it is becoming plain to see I’m a minority in the UK.

How sad.

Does that help at all? It’s just a friend who happens to be of a different gender. Why would you want to limit the pool of potential friends to half what it could be? My experience of female friends is that they talk about all the same sort of things as blokes do – at least when they’re in my company they’re polite enough not to do boring girly topics

Not much no. Sorry if i sound blinkered, but i’ve not met any girls who have interests the same as me. I’m sure Rachel Atherton would be a blast for 10 mins while she can talk about a WC Downhill event, but then she’ll move onto talking about crap i just don’t care about and why some bloke treated her like rubbish, before then moving onto why she thinks she’s fat…. By this stage i’ve either wanted to kill her, or nail her…. neither of which help my situation massively.

Shallow? me ? Sure, shallow as they come…. but that doesn’t make me wrong… it only makes me wrong to some of you 🙂 To me, all of this makes perfect sense.

BTW, i’ve had this convo with Mrs Weeksy too, she’s with you guys and can’t comprehend my logic either… but that doesn’t mean it’s going to change.

😯

Hmmmm.

And you are married.

10 year Anniversary of our wedding coming up this year. I’m assuming that means we get on fairly well 🙂

So what do you and your wife talk about Weeksy? Or are you too busy “nailing her” for small talk?

Mister P – Member

So what do you and your wife talk about Weeksy? Or are you too busy “nailing her” for small talk?

I guess various things, our lives and stuff really. We don’t talk about MTBs as she doesn’t ride, we do talk motorbikes as we both do that, of course our son, but just ‘stuff’ in general. I’m happy, she certainly appears happy and tells me she is… so i’ve no reason to think otherwise.

It’s fine to meet up. Even if there’s some mild flirtation, that doesn’t mean things have to go any further or indeed that either of you might want things to go any further.

We all have a choice and don’t have to start going at someone’s trouser leg like a dirty dog.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Back-up_partner

😀

it is becoming plain to see I’m a minority in the UK.

Welcome to my world 😀

I guess various things, our lives and stuff really. We don’t talk about MTBs as she doesn’t ride, we do talk motorbikes as we both do that, of course our son, but just ‘stuff’ in general. I’m happy, she certainly appears happy and tells me she is… so i’ve no reason to think otherwise.

I have a female friend who’s not my wife and other than the fact the subject matter is different, we often meet and have a similar conversation to weeksys which ive quoted above. She’s met my wife on several occasions and she/her son has been round to dinner at our with my wife and our kids. I don’t fancy her in the slightest and would even go to far as to trust myself fully beered up if all her clothes fell off. However, she’s a mate and has been for about 20 years.

I don’t see the issue with having female friends other than as mentioned on the first page if you have to hide it theres a reason for that.

What’s wrong with her?

Not much no. Sorry if i sound blinkered, but i’ve not met any girls who have interests the same as me. I’m sure Rachel Atherton would be a blast for 10 mins while she can talk about a WC Downhill event, but then she’ll move onto talking about crap i just don’t care about and why some bloke treated her like rubbish, before then moving onto why she thinks she’s fat…

That is unbelievable rubbish. This must be a troll. I don’t think I’ve had any conversations go that way with female friends well not this century.

Well as I expected plain and simple sexism

Must be a Troll ? FFS i’ve probably got a few thousand bike related posts on here and one of the biggest running threads on Zwift. I talk bikes and life plenty. Just because our opinions differ doesn’t make me a troll.

Wow! So you’ve never met any girls who are interested in motorbikes?

When you talk to your wife does she move onto talking about crap like some bloke treating her rubbish or why she’s fat?

Not so much blinkered as apparently completely unable to connect the dots. I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation about those sort of things with a female friend anybody – maybe I just haven’t ever had a female friend who is fat or has a shit boyfriend!

FWIW I’m far from happy, but currently have a close female friend (well as close as it gets for somebody I’ve only known a few months) who I don’t fancy at all. I almost wish I did, but then she appears to be happy, and I suspect I’d have found it harder talking to her if I did, being rather more shy with women I do fancy. We talk about anything and everything apart from what I suppose you’d consider girly topics – mostly about our shared interest which is how we met, but then also about all sorts of other things as well. I suppose I might prefer talking to women – they’re interesting because they’re different – I’m not into typical bloke things like football.

Wow! So you’ve never met any girls who are interested in motorbikes?

Only really Mrs Weeksy. We have a few mutual people we know who are girls, i arrange a forum trackday each year where we get 40+ people on there from the forum, 2-3 are female. One i really get on well with…. but as we’re usually drunk i don’t know what we talk about, mostly rubbish i bet 🙂 But her bloke is with us, my wife is with us… i don’t call or speak to her outside of this track event.

So let’s do it the other way then – you’ve never met any girls interested in mountain bikes (who your wife wouldn’t socialise with because she’s not into that)? I’m guessing you’ve never tried to have a conversation with one for more than 10 minutes given you’re apparently unaware of what you’d talk about after that!

but then she’ll move onto talking about crap i just don’t care about and why some bloke treated her like rubbish, before then moving onto why she thinks she’s fat….

🙄

Hmm – things that I can remember talking about this week:

Why my brain still struggles to understand Dependency Injection
How a 12k service on my motorbike could possibly be £250
Going to Seville on Friday by motorbike
What on Earth I’m going to say in the talk I’m giving at the tech conference in Seville
What on Earth I’m going to say in the talk I’m giving at the tech conference in Yorkshire on my return

oh – wait – he’s right – I DID talk about my weight – but only because I wondered if losing a few kilos would improve my half marathon time…

Rachel (not Atherton)

To be fair to Weeksy allthegear, if my understanding is correct your not really playing with a fair bat are you…

So let’s do it the other way then – you’ve never met any girls interested in mountain bikes (who your wife wouldn’t socialise with because she’s not into that)? I’m guessing you’ve never tried to have a conversation with one for more than 10 minutes given you’re apparently unaware of what you’d talk about after that!

I can’t actually imagine where this would happen. I did speak to a couple of girls at Swinley once in about Nov who came and sat next to us on hire Whyte G-160’s, but i had no intention of asking their numbers etc, as that would weird as they were 20 years younger than me.
I don’t really do Pubs etc, or more like ‘rarely’ and that’s only our local village pub, so apart from work, where would i need these females ? I do the odd XC race/event, but i just find it incomprehensible that i’d strike up a conversation and then continue it on another day after swapping numbers…. just completely completely bonkers !

I think this is possibly the most depressing thing i’ve read this week.

And I follow politics quite closely.

Oh I dunno, there’s a few good posts among the usual shit. It’s always hard to tell if folk are being true to their viewpoints or just writing what they think they should.

Or trolling…

Edit : Page 3 got a bit lengthy and difficult for me cos of the ADHD. It’s almost like Cougar got possessed by the spirit of Junkyard.

I don’t tend to have friends particularly for ‘idle chit-chat’, friends are, well, friends! We share stuff. Wether male or female, gay or hetero, we do chat but just as often talk about the big stuff that means stuff to us, whether shared stuff or our own stuff. Friends go bowling with you, or campng, or family do’s. Friends have seen each other theough thick and thin. Shared experiences. Cried and laughed together. Someone mentioned here that friends are for talking downhilling/cars etc? Well yes, but that could be a pretty shallow friendship after a while if all you do is talk about sports and mechanics?

‘Idle’ chit-chat with strangers is more the kind you have with people at a bus stop or walking the dog.

How chit chat with a chance passing stranger may pan out:

‘Nice day?’
‘Yep, can’t see it lasting’
(Sarcastically) ‘Well you’re a royal ray of sunshine’
‘Hahah, that’s what my other-half says’
‘Well, at least we’re not a risk of a drought’
‘Yeah, there is that. Well, enjoy yr walk’
‘You too, thanks’

And chit-chat with (say) one of my female friends:

‘Ah, there he is!’
‘Ha, how the holy f do you manage to get up so early? Anyway at least you look like sh*t and I look glorious’. Where’s Steve by the way, I’ll look at him instead (laughing)
‘F*** you a**h*le (laughs). He’s started on the plaster-boarding. ‘There’s coffee in the pot if you want some.
‘Mmm coffee’. (Pours, sits and smoke in silence for a few moments)
Thanks for kicking my arse last night about procrastinating. I hate you but It needed saying!
‘That’s what friends are for, to make you feel shit about being shit’
(LAUGHTER)
‘That’s it, Steve needs help, and not just with the plasterboarding’ (shouts) ‘Steve, hold up, I’ll help with that’

(To Steve)
‘I had a good chat with Martha last night and told her guess what?’
‘Let me guess, we have to have babies? (Laughs) ffs MR, again!
‘Yep, time waits for no menopause. Manopause neither.
‘Manopause’?
‘Yeah when you get disinterested and grumpy and start with the train sets’
(Martha overhears)
‘He means himself’ (laughs)
‘F**** right I do. Learn from my experience!
‘Anyway bitches, got to go, thanks Steve for letting me stay over. Thanks Martha for trying talking some sense into me. It means a lot.’
‘I waste my time when drunk’
And next time I see you both it’ll be wetting the babies head, right?
(in unison) ‘F off MR. bye’
(offers departing birdsign)

etc

When not drunk we usually talk about how things have changed, friends who have come and gone, our careers, art, photography, ecology/sustainable development, web-design, animal husbandry, sociology cultural shifts, coasteering, house-building, ugly shoes and the best backpacks to get.

I have male friends from school who talk about Brexit, ‘bloody foreigners’ and chips. I promise you I get bored much more quickly. Not because they are male, but because they are dull. Have oth male and female friends going back 30 yrs, struggle to think how that is weird in anyway? Is it a millennial thing?