The service went well, as well as any funeral can. Thankyou to everyone again for all you have done, and thankyou for the STW card I received. Genuinely touched. I briefly met Saxonrider for the first time and saw Ambrose again. Apparently molgrips was coming but i didn’t see or meet him.
It is eerily quiet here tonight. Kids all doing their own things, happy as can be expected.
For the past couple of weeks, i have had people calling, phone calls, messages etc, but now nothing. I had something to focus on, things i had to do and a lot of stuff needed sorting. Now i have nothing to focus on, i am completely lost.
It is a sickening feeling. Now the day has arrived and the service and reception are over i suddenly feel very hollow. Completely empty.
Aside from the fact i still desperately want Lyanda back with me, and would do anything to make that happen, knowing i can’t, i am at a standstill. Numb even. I would rather have a lifetime of no sleep, running around and being called to help do things than another day of this.
At this moment in time i honestly don’t know how i will continue. How i am going to survive. How i will be a Dad and Mum to our children. I understand that i have to do these things, and it will slowly get easier day by day, but, the heart wrenching emptiness i feel inside is nothing i have felt before.