Divorce – when did you move out?

Applied for our divorce 1 month ago and have to wait until October before we can do the Consent Order.

We are still living together and I don’t see how this can change until the divorce is completed. I can then re-mortgage and give the wife her 1/2 so she can buy a house.

Is this what normally happens? I could probably afford to rent somewhere but the current plan is that I will keep the house, rental market is rubbish (only a couple of and ££). This also means that I would then be paying the mortgage and rent.

We lived together until I bought a house . We managed to be polite with each other. (My ex was staying in the house)

It’s not a great situation and not that nice but you both need to remain civilised.

I moved out into crappy rented places first, then started the whole divorce mincing machine a month or two later…   Then 10 years later ex wife sold the house I’d been 100% paying for and gave me my 1/3 of the proceeds (about 25 years ago)

The numbers do sound awful, it’s because ex wife didn’t work and I wanted my two childen to continue living in the house they knew.

You can apply for a separation order which allows a mortgage to applied for – and is used for proof of separation for stamp duty purposes – welcome to pm me for more info.

Still not moved out yet, I’m keeping the house and she’s going once a house purchase goes through

We lived together until the decree absolute came through and my half of the equity on our FMH could be released. I could then complete on the house I was trying to buy and move out. It wasn’t a great six months, TBH, and in hindsight I should have just moved-out and rented a room somewhere.

We tried to be civil as we weren’t in dispute and we were happy with a 50/50 split in everything, but then my ex-wife hired a lawyer like a junkyard dog. I didn’t have one myself, as I didn’t want any kind of ‘fight’: she wasn’t in good health and I didn’t want to exacerbate her situation. I stood my ground where possible, but the constant protraction of the procedure and ‘grabbiness’ by her lawyer caused a lot of ill-feeling toward the end. We’d always planned to stay friends afterwards, but my ex just behaved so badly and unfairly, that it was impossible. I’d receive horrible letters in the morning from her lawyer accusing me of all sorts of rubbish, and my wife would literally be crying on my shoulder in the evenings.

Effectively, I left that marriage with half the equity in a deliberately undervalued house, a few bikes, the bunkbed from the spare room and some garden furniture.

We weren’t in dispute until her lawyer got involved. It really fcuked me up, TBH. Cue anti-depressants and a course of CBT.

Anyway. I wished I moved-out sooner, is the nub of the matter.

We stayed together for about 8 months after we decided to part, she stayed put in the house with the kids and i moved out. we got on the time we were still staying together but over the last year …. almost to the day since i moved out things have been getting increasingly strained. I’m hoping this month itll be finalised.

Shall see where it goes.

“Anyway. I wished I moved-out sooner, is the nub of the matter.”

I’m taking avoid confrontational lawyers as the key bit of your post. I had a decent lawyer and a decent ex. To the point where the Judge refused to sign off the divorce until he’d met us, as it was too unfair to her.

In our case, she stayed until she had a place sorted by the council. Can’t say it was great and there were a few arguments. But we *really* wanted an amicable divorce so tried to keep focussed on that.

If she’s having to buy, then you’re looking at spring 2025 before she will be out. That’s a long time to remain civil if it’s already a challenge. If no kids are involved then maybe it’s less risky as long as the divorce is sealed before you start properly hating each other 🙁

We lived together until I bought a house . We managed to be polite with each other. (My ex was staying in the house)

It’s not a great situation and not that nice but you both need to remain civilised.

Same here, except I bought the house. We were both looking for other places with that intention of selling the house and splitting the equity. The housing market was one it’s arse though (2008), so no interest in ours, and in the end I bought her out.

Sympathies to everyone involved.

I can’t imagine waiting until spring 2025. We do have an 8 year old daughter.

My plan is to go away (biking and hiking) alternate weekends. Hopefully that will help.

She moved out.

Marriage had been on it’s arse for a couple of years, decided to separate end of June, she moved out Nov into a rented house. More than civil enough to share a bed for those 4 months.

I remortgaged the house around Christmas and gave her about 50 grand, which was then used as a deposit for her new place. Totally cleared out all my savings and buffers and am only now getting properly back on my feet, 5 years later.

Divorce wasn’t actually started until a couple of years later.

(Apols: this post isn’t about me, and I hope everything works out for the OP).

“I’m taking avoid confrontational lawyers as the key bit of your post.”

Agreed. My retrospective wish to have left sooner isn’t the nub. I did avoid confrontational lawyers and thought that was what wife was going to do too. However, she didn’t and hired one. I didn’t want a fight for the reasons stated.

“…the Judge refused to sign off the divorce until he’d met us, as it was too unfair to her.”

Same, kinda. Our agreed settlement was very heavily weighted in her favour. Not what my ex and me originally wanted, but she was coerced into going for as much as she could get. I took the final settlement document to an independent lawyer just to check all the legalese and make sure there was nothing snuck-in I didn’t agree to. His first comment was “Why isn’t this 50/50?”. When it was finally submitted to the judge she initially refused to sign it off saying “Why isn’t this 50/50?”.

Avoid confrontational lawyers if you want to stay friends.

@geomickb I never moved out as I was the only one that had a job when the process was going on, and so was the only one that could re-mortgage in a sole name. It took until the Decree Absolut came in and she had the money in her hands that she left. We had been sharing the house up until that point and ony really seeing each other if we had to.

It was not an amicable divorce.

And no, there was no way I was moving out given that I was the only person paying the mortgage or any of the bills.

Dunno if there’s a “normal” way. I stayed in the house for a month or so, then moved into a small rental place nearby. The house was sold and we split the equity. Pretty sure the actual divorce wasn’t relevant to any of it, as that was put through later.

I was fortunate (I think). We needed a lawyer to draw up the Separation Order, she was recommended a lawyer who immediately went with you could try and get this and that – luckily my wife decided against that as she wasn’t after grabbing everything. We went with a service called amicable that represents both of you so there isn’t the temptation to be grabbing everything, It works if you can come up with a financial settlement that you both think is ok (I’m not going to say fair).

I ended up getting a large mortgage to buy her out of the house and with enough extra so she could buy her own house outright as she wouldn’t be able to get a mortgage. In return I’ve kept most of my pension.

Idea being that in a couple of year I can downsize as I won’t need a huge house near the school as the kids will have finished

I initially moved in with a friend to get some separation then my ex moved in with her mum once she got her head around the reality that she’d have to move out at some point, then I moved back in.

I took on all of the costs of running the house at the point of her moving out which allowed her to save for her next step.

I didnt move out until the sale of the house and purchase of my new house had completed, filed for divorce in Nov 21 and moved in Oct 22

My ex wife would have done almost everything in her power to hold up the sale of the house, her view was you want the marriage to end you leave.

As a result of this, and her drinking the environment became very toxic.

I ended up signing a consent order that gave her several 10’s of thousands of pounds more than me to get away from the situation and she moved into rented accommodation

I now have full time custody of my kids as after the divorce her approach to them was usually anger fuelled by alcohol.

Awful time, I think you put yourself on the back foot moving out, but the consequences of staying are just as bad, Hobson’s choice.

All that said, there is always light at the end of the tunnel

I have now finished renovating my new house, got my kids settled in a new routine and started a new relationship with someone awesome 🙂