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This article by Jeremy Clarkson was in last week's Sunday Times Online but has since been 'pulled' - probably by the subject of the article, Peter Mandelson. So much for free speech. But poor old manglebum fails to appreciate how the blogsphere works and in no time the article finds itself going viral round the world. Wonderful. Enjoy it - and feel free to pass it on if you enjoyed it.....Jeremy Clarkson
Sunday Times 8/11/09
I’ve given the matter a great deal of thought all week, and I’m afraid I’ve decided that it’s no good putting Peter Mandelson in a prison. I’m afraid he will have to be tied to the front of a van and driven round the country until he isn’t alive any more.
He announced last week that middle-class children will simply not be allowed into the country’s top universities even if they have 4,000 A-levels, because all the places will be taken by Albanians and guillemots and whatever other stupid bandwagon the conniving idiot has leapton.I hate Peter Mandelson. I hate his fondness for extremely pale blue jeans and I hate that preposterous moustache he used to sport in the days when he didn’t bother trying to cover up his left-wing fanaticism. I hate the way he quite literally lords it over us even though he’s resigned in disgrace twice, and now holds an important decision-making job for which he was not elected. Mostly, though, I hate him because his one-man war on the bright and the witty and the successful means that half my friends now seem to be taking leave of their senses.
There’s talk of emigration in the air. It’s everywhere I go. Parties. Work. In the supermarket. My daughter is working herself half to death to get good grades at GSCE and can’t see the point because she won’t be going to university, because she doesn’t have a beak or flippers or a qualification in washing windscreens at the lights. She wonders, often, why we don’t live in America .
Then you have the chaps and chapesses who can’t stand the constant raids on their wallets and their privacy. They can’t understand why they are taxed at 50% on their income and then taxed again for driving into the nation’s capital. They can’t understand what happened to the hunt for the weapons of mass destruction. They can’t understand anything. They see the Highway Wombles in those brand new 4x4s that they paid for, and they see the M4 bus lane and they see the speed cameras and the community support officers and they see the Albanians stealing their wheelbarrows and nothing can be done because it’s racist.
And they see Alistair Darling handing over £4,350 of their money to not sort out the banking crisis that he doesn’t understand because he’s a small-town solicitor, and they see the stupid war on drugs and the war on drink and the war on smoking and the war on hunting and the war on fun and the war on scientists and the obsession with the climate and the price of train fares soaring past £1,000 and the Guardian power-brokers getting uppity about one shot baboon and not uppity at all about all the dead soldiers in Afghanistan, and how they got rid of Blair only to find the lying twerp is now going to come back even more powerful than ever, and they think, “I’ve had enough of this. I’m off.”
It’s a lovely idea, to get out of this stupid, Fairtrade, Brown-stained, Mandelson-skewed, equal-opportunities, multicultural, carbon-neutral, trendily left, regionally assembled, big-government, trilingual, mosque-drenched, all-the-pigs-are-equal, property-is-theft hellhole and set up shop somewhere else. But where?
You can’t go to France because you need to complete 17 forms in triplicate every time you want to build a greenhouse, and you can’t go to Switzerland because you will be reported to your neighbours by the police and subsequently shot in the head if you don’t sweep your lawn properly, and you can’t go to Italy because you’ll soon tire of waking up in the morning to find a horse’s head in your bed because you forgot to give a man called Don a bundle of used notes for “organising” a plumber.
You can’t go to Australia because it’s full of things that will eat you, you can’t go to New Zealand because they don’t accept anyone who is more than 40 and you can’t go to Monte Carlo because they don’t accept anyone who has less than 40 mill. And you can’t go to Spain because you’re not called Del and you weren’t involved in the Walthamstow blag. And you can’t go to Germany ... because you just can’t.
The Caribbean sounds tempting, but there is no work, which means that one day, whether you like it or not, you’ll end up like all the other expats, with a nose like a burst beetroot, wondering if it’s okay to have a small sharpener at 10 in the morning. And, as I keep explaining to my daughter, we can’t go to America because if you catch a cold over there, the health system is designed in such a way that you end up without a house. Or dead.
Canada’s full of people pretending to be French, South Africa’s too risky, Russia’s worse and everywhere else is too full of snow, too full of flies or too full of people who want to cut your head off on the internet. So you can dream all you like about upping sticks and moving to a country that doesn’t help itself to half of everything you earn and then spend the money it gets on bus lanes and advertisements about the dangers of salt. But wherever you go you’ll wind up an alcoholic or dead or bored or in a cellar, in an orange jumpsuit, gently wetting yourself on the web. All of these things are worse than being persecuted for eating a sandwich at the wheel.
I see no reason to be miserable. Yes, Britain now is worse than it’s been for decades, but the lunatics who’ve made it so ghastly are on their way out. Soon, they will be back in Hackney with their South African nuclear-free peace polenta. And instead the show will be run by a bloke whose dad has a wallpaper shop and possibly, terrifyingly, a twerp in Belgium whose fruitless game of hunt-the-WMD has netted him £15m on the lecture circuit.
So actually I do see a reason to be miserable. Which is why I think it’s a good idea to tie Peter Mandelson to a van. Such an act would be cruel and barbaric and inhuman. But it would at least cheer everyone up a bit. onto in the meantime.
It's made me depressed.
That's about spot on actually.
Can't say I agree with all of it, but I would be greatly cheered by the sight of Mandelson being
tied to the front of a van and driven round the country until he isn’t alive any more.
🙂
It’s a lovely idea, to get out of this stupid, Fairtrade, Brown-stained, Mandelson-skewed, equal-opportunities, multicultural, carbon-neutral, trendily left, regionally assembled, big-government, trilingual, mosque-drenched, all-the-pigs-are-equal, property-is-theft hellhole and set up shop somewhere else.
I'd love him to piss off too, whether this is genuine or not.
They don't understand anything.
Pretty much sums it up.
That's about spot on actually.
Oh dear.
Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy...
Knighthood, I think. 😮
Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy...Knighthood, I think.
Oh dear.
grumm
Oh dear.
some points i agree with some are just rambling bollox, eg clarckson's daughter wont be going to the uni of her choice, my arse!
funniest bit is clarckson mocking mandlescum on dress sense?!?
I'm hoping it doesn't come down to a straight choice between Clarkson and Mandelson. That would be a sign of the impending apocalypse.
but I would have to choose Clarkson in this case
When colleagues asked what my boss was like, I'd just say 'Peter Mandleson', even my French colleagues would have sympathy for us.
Traffic Wombles PMSL
C
It does sound like Clarkson, but I suspect its never been published/not his.
The editor would have decided the reference to mosques was inciting religious hatred, the reference to albanians was racist and after Mr Parris last year, that you cant joke about killing someone.
Oh come on. Have you never exaggreated a point for comic effect? the (sometime tiny) grain of truth in his point is still correct IMO, and Clarkson would brand me a leftist, lentil muching, hemp weaving, eco nuttist of the highest order.
thisisnotaspoon - Member
It does sound like Clarkson, but I suspect its never been published/not his.
His column in the sunday times often approaches this level of confrontation. It sounds just like him to me.
still on the site actually:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/jeremy_clarkson/article6907747.ece
Same old Clarkson and the usual targets, not suprised it was pulled. Some editor suddenly realised that they had printed this or similar before.
I hate to say it but I pretty much agree with him This country has gone to the dogs
We cant put criminals in jail as there all full and the goverment designed ASBO's and community orders to solve this with the only effect being, no one has respect for the law anymore
if we could put them in jail it wouldnt matter because our police cant catch them because their all sat at there desks doin H+S paperwork
I am all for a nation of many colours and creeds but I'm sorry if you want to live and work in this country you should learn and speak english and you will pay tax
the labour goverment has made it impossible for new or small businesses to develop in this country and are destroying what little home grown industries we have
Again the labour goverment has made it more attractive for someone to have 2 kids live off goverment handouts and get a council house rather than get a job
We used to be one of the greatest nations on the planet and now i am sorry to say i think we are getting the piss taken out of us by others
rant over.....get's coat.....leaves
really enduro country seems fine to me i just try to avoid reading overhyped sensationalist media bollox
infact i like living here
imagine what clarckson would say about all of us on here....
bitchy whiny lycra clad kiddies who play on bikes who should be lined up and runover by chelsea tractors
I saw the article in the Sunday Times at my sisters (no I don't buy the Sunday Times) but I never got to beyond this (and I didn't bother this time either) :
[i]"I hate Peter Mandelson. I hate his fondness for extremely pale blue jeans and I hate that preposterous moustache he used to sport in the days when he didn’t bother trying to cover up his left-wing fanaticism."[/i]
So Peter Mandelson no longer bothers trying to hide the fact that he is a left-wing fanatic ? That comment is so utterly ridiculous and absurd, that I really don't need to waste my time reading such crap.
Dear old Jeremy Clarkson........... the "thinking man's" idiot.
The article was published in The Sunday Times and is still knocking around. Clarkson writes articles that you find yourself agreeing with and nodding along, they're well written and persuasive. But, as with most of his stuff, once you sit down and actually think about it you can usually pull most of his arguments apart quite easily.
I find his writings mostly very amusing, always worth a look through over morning coffee.
In my opinion they are both knobs,but Mandleson is knob king,he got my brother sacked as the editor of the local newspaper just for daring to say angus the monkey would make a better mayor of Hartlepool!!
Kimbers I get your point, I try to avoid all this crap and live in my own wee happy world but recently I have been affected by some of this
1...had my bike nicked and the police told me "they will keep an eye out"!!!
2...family members small business is struggling due to stupid taxes by labour
3...I work for the city council and see how the lack of funding is effecting jobs and work and the take care of everyone attitude is too blame
p.s yes he prob would slag me I ride bikes, I buy fairtrade products, I drive a mini diesel etc etc
and as for the comment about guardian readers being upset about babboons being shot but not about soldiers in afghanistan
as far as i was aware news international was very pro both irag and this war while the guardian opposed it?!?
Jeremy Clarkson should be tied to the front of a Volvo diesel and driven round the country.
Yes, Britain now is worse than it’s been for decades, but the lunatics who’ve made it so ghastly are on their way out.
I completely agree with this.
WTF isn't Clarkson put in charge? Oh, yes, he's too sensible to be a politician. Pity.
[i]Dear old Jeremy Clarkson........... the "thinking man's" idiot. [/i]
+1
This country has gone to the dogs
Yeah it's really awful here isn't it, I'm thinking of emigrating to Sudan.
Yes, Britain now is worse than it’s been for decades
Really, by what possible measure?
[b][u]We cant put criminals in jail as there all full[/u][/b] and the goverment designed ASBO's and community orders to solve this with the only effect being, no one has respect for the law anymore[b][u]if we could put them in jail it wouldnt matter because our police cant catch them[/u][/b] because their all sat at there desks doin H+S paperwork
With that sort of logic, I'm not surprise that you agree with Clarkson.
Ummmm,errr, let me see; how about national debt for starters?
With that sort of logic, I'm not surprise that you agree with Clarkson.
No one cares what you think.
and national debt affects you how
day to day what difference to your life?
people are too easliy swayed by trash journalism like clarcksons imho
He's a poxy journalist -it's his job to give you what you want to feed your brain on.
Someone looking to put the blame on.
No one cares what you think.
😀 What, not even enough to post a comment ?
and national debt affects you how
day to day what difference to your life?
Its a good rough guide to the current level of incomptance of our current political masters.
Plus, an excellent vindication of the crass stupidity of Brown's city regulation policy of the last 10 years.
You may say its 'easy in hindsight', but I know jack shit about national finances, and even I can say that allowing a bunch of greedy barstards to jeopardise the national financial security, ignoring several reknowned academics screaming at you that this is a bad idea in your own smug crass 'all the growth is down to me' idiocy, then allow the same greedy barstards to hold an entire nation to ransom over the 'rescue' package, without even bothering to draw the loan contracts up properly is pretty shoddy.
and national debt affects you how
day to day what difference to your life?
Are you serious?
Who do you think is going to make up the defecit, the labour party?
ok apart from raising your blood pressure over brown and co. how does it change your life?
of course im serious right now weve not seen any major cutbacks how is your life different?
an example please?
cutbacks will come after the election for sure, all the extra money pumped into services since the last torry government will stop
ok apart from raising your blood pressure over brown and co. how does it change your life?
I have to pay back through tax, someone else's **** up, to the tune of more money than I want to think about. It depresses the job, house and credit markets, and makes everuythign more expensive in real terms. Unnecessarily to boot.
Plus, it forces other more important issues off the 'to-do' list. The future of the planet for example. Who cares if the planet is being raped if you can't afford a new Porsche this year?
kimbers do you pay tax? Would you rather get some services for it or have it fall into a hole?
surely not getting a new porsche is good for the planet!?
Granted, but I'm not sure the 'not getting new porsches':'doing something meaningful about climate change' is a 1:1 ratio.
<sighs>
OK, when a company or country is in lots and lots of debt, they must cut costs to compensate. A company would seek to cut overheads such as manpower or renegotiate contracts with suppliers etc. A country must cut overheads in the same way but this will be from health, defence, benefits (not likely), policing etc etc. All of which directly affect our quality of life. Alternatively, they can seek to gain more revenue which is called tax in the case of a country. So tax could also be raised which means less money in our pockets (which is bad). Do you understand now?
I'm thinking more of being able to retire before I'm 80... not whether or not I get a flash car.
yes i do pay tax i wish i paid less but if i have to pay more in the future ill survive, maybe ill a buy smartphone the year after rather than this year or just make do with the 4 bikes i have i still live in one of the richest and best serviced countries in the world
and so does clarkson
Plus Labour came into power partly on a 'make goverment more efficient to pay for stuff' ticket in response to Tory accusations they would just hoike up taxes to pay for stuff.
Which they completely ignored once they were in power, preferring to finance their half baked scheme on the back of consumer credit overreach and selling off the national reserves. Whichj is what landed us in the shite. If they'd done what they said they would and which we elected them to do, we'd have been more efficient, more competative, not taken anywhere near the blow we did in the credit crunch and we would not be staring the Tories in the face at the next general election. As much as I like what Call Me Dave says, I'm not sure the Tories have manged to dissassociate 'efficiency savings' with 'axe everything' yet.
I'm glad your are doing so well kimbers and have so little to worry about.
best serviced countries in the world
health
http://www.photius.com/rankings/healthranks.html
education
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/4073753.stm
quality of life
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4020523.stm
what else?
so we are 20th out of 200 countries for health, seems good to me
What's a traffic womble?
Its just the usual little englander alf garnet style bigoted rubbish from him with not a truthful word in it.
I agree kimbers, backhander, those figures have cheered me up no end, take THAT Germany!
For what it's worth. Read that article in the paper a few weeks back and it's trademark usual Clarkson populist, chattering classes nonsense. It amazes me that someone that's benefited financially so much from this country and his privileged position within it can have so much disdain for it at the same time. Mind you I think that if millions were starving but he had a clear run to work in his Merc he'd be infinitely happier about the 'state' of this country.
I know many people agree with his 'politics' although this is an abuse of an already dirty word. He appeals to people that may actually be suffering from the mismanagement of the country, because for all his posturing, complaining and big words, he doesn't have a clue what he's bl**dy talking about.
My tuppence.
Si C
What's a traffic womble?
Pretend Police for the motorways, they're the guys who close motorways in order to move a cone, they exist because its too expensive to use real Traffic Police these days, what with the 45 million days H&S training they need, on top of the training needed to cover every farcical new piece of legislation or community policing project introduced, and the fact they spend 90% of their time doing paperwork so they don't have time to actually sit on the motorway network and catch people speeding. Mind you these people only speed becuase it takes 45 million years to get anywhere in this country, becuase sucessive goverments have done nothing to put in place any real alternative to the road network infrastructure, so it is consequently groaning at the seams, and everyone needs to be 3 different places at the same time to stop their companies going bust and their houses being repossessed so some greedy barstards can buy new porsches.
one of these
Wannbe policemen
they probably spend their spare time on ebay buying 'enforcement agencies' equipment
[img] 
[/img]
Ou, are we doing "country comparisons" then ???
How about this one ..... the general government debt as percentage of GDP, is below the average for the EU.
It is also well below that of France, Germany, and Italy - all countries with Tory governments.
[img] 
[/img]
you lot do know that clarkson earns over 2million a year from the bbc as he has a stake in topgear from the worldwide sales
so we pay him to make a tv show which we then sell through bbc worldwide and he receives millions more form the franchise including over 300 000 from merchandising alone
so while the times were good under labour he was happy to take as much money as he could off us
http://www.****/tvshowbiz/article-1052704/Jeremy-Clarkson-rakes-ANOTHER-300-000-Top-Gear.html
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/jun/10/jeremy-clarkson-terry-wogan-pay-cuts
he can **** right off imho
Ahh I see thak you.
you lot do know that clarkson earns over 2million a year from the bbc as he has a stake in topgear from the worldwide sales
Good for him, he's lucky. Just becuase he's doing well dosn't mean he can't use his celebrity to highlight what he sees as undesirable in this country, and good on him for doing it, too many round here are content to rest on their laurels.
I have a secure job, a decent wage, a 3% pay rise each year, a good bonus and our company is relatively recession proof. I'm still livid with the way the country is being run, hardworking friends with young families have had their companies go under, been made redundant, all sorts, all becuase self aggrandising muppets can't find their arse with their elbow. That isn't fair and they shouldn't have to pay for it.
Thus while I dislike Mr Clarkson, I identify with the grain of truth in his arguments and complaints. The fact that he can write well and he gives me a chortle every now and again merits reward.
ADH - what grain of truth in his arguments. There isn't a single one.
so your hes worth 2million of your license fee?
sounds worse than any benefit scrounger i know of
Ah but there is Teej.
The Police spend too much time paperworking, and not enough Policing. mandelson is craven. Unis are being forced into state school selective intakes, Congestion charge (tax) only necessary becuase the goverment has provided/developed no alternative.
so your hes worth 2million of your license fee?
Hey, I'm, no market is god kinda guy, but yeah, OK, fine. If nobody watched Top Gear and the programme didn't earn the corporation loads of wonga, they wouldn't pay him 2 mil, seemples. I don't really care what he earns, I don't begrudge him doing well in life. I support public broadcasting, better than the pay per view model which seems to trend to populist tat. I don't actually own a TV, so I don't pay him anything, but even if I did the funds are not ringfenced, so its hardly direct. I do buy the Sunday Times, which is a more direct input to his pocket I suppose and I enjoy his droll, thought prokoking comments on life in the UK.
Just a mild sidetrack if I may...
ernie_lynch - Member,No one cares what you think.
Ah - so I'm not alone... 😆
too many round here are content to rest on their laurels.
Jeremy closes his macbook pro with a self-satisfation exhalation of hot-air.
"I just can't stand the way this countries being pi$$ed up the wall" he mutters to himself as he removes his ermine robe and sinks his soft, unworked body into the bubbling marble jacuzzi he's recently had installed in his study.
"Someone's got to do something about it" he softly mutters as the air jets pulsate his waxen thighs and milky white crotch.
"You won't see me resting on my laure.."
But before he finishes his self-righteous sentence he drifts off into a deep slumber and dreams of all the hardships he imagines he might have had to endure if he wasn't enourmously, unbelievably, incredibly priviliged.
Good ole Clarkson, man of the people.
P.S. That actually happened.
TJ, more grains of truth than your avererage trollings/oppinions.
Good ole Clarkson, man of the people.
Gosh Damn! You're Right! Get the chunt down the mines this instant! That'll learn him a hard days graft!
That's more like it!
Down with Clarkson!
Down with Clarkson!
Come on everyone!
Do you earn more than me per hour? YOUR OPINIONS ARE INVALID 😈
Unless you are actually a Chinese coal miner, probably not.
Clarkson's opinions aren't invalid because he earns a lot, they're invalid because he's a bigoted, ill informed populist d|ckhead.
you lot do know that clarkson earns over 2million a year from the bbc as he has a stake in topgear from the worldwide sales
Good for him, he's worth every penny.
Unlike half the civil servants, 90% of MPs and all MEPs.
anotherdeadhero - MemberAh but there is Teej.
The Police spend too much time paperworking, and not enough Policing.
And you have evidence to back this up? Its a favourite of the daily wail brigade but there is nothing to back it up at all. The paperwork is essential to serve the ends of justice. What paperwork do you suggest is not essential?
mandelson is craven.
A slimeball for sure but craven? craven could be aimed at others in govenement and politics generally but not mandelson. Craven me3ans cowardly does it not?
Unis are being forced into state school selective intakes,
Evidence? Universities are being asked to ensure the intakes are fair which they have not been in the past
Congestion charge (tax) only necessary becuase the goverment has provided/developed no alternative.
Congestion charge - what alternatives are there? Its a damn fine idea that has worked well.
This is all accepting the lies from the neocon propaganda machine. Not one word of that is true. The right wing press have repeated lies until folk believe them
Man, it's happening again, all these threads, always get into some kind of 'discussion' about some 'facts' or another. Can we please just stay on topic in agreeing that Jeremy Clarkson is a massive c0ck?
I agree with Wiredchops.......clarkson is a C0ck!
Exactly! That's the spirit. This left/right 'debate' has been raging on this forum since its inception (mostly thanks to TJ 🙂 ) I say we focus our energies into a tangible goal. 100% agreement on the sheer C0ckness of Clarkson. Who's in!?
Hooray!
I thought the main thrust of the thread intially was that he isn't a c*ck, is he a c*ck or isn't he? Can I keep watching Top Gear and enjoying it while totally disagreeing with half the things the c*ck says or not? This is confusing... 😯
ddmonkey, don't worry, I have thought Clarkson was a C0ck since I was twelve. Yet I have continued to watch Top gear and read all of his articles just to cement my opinion and increase my feeling of self-righteousness.
Mr Woppit - MemberAh - so I'm not alone..
Excellent ! I look forward to you not commenting on any of my posts in the future 8)
So Woppit, when you asked me to give you an explanation yesterday on your "atheist crusade" thread, you weren't really interested in my reply..............you little tease you 😀
I think its the fact that he is a c*ck that makes Top Gear so much fun. If he wasn't it would be a pretty dull programme.
ddmonkey, if you ask me, it's the secret to his unfathomable success 🙂
And another thing, not only do I think that JC is sometimes controversial on purpose, I also think that some of the things that happen in their escapades are a little bit contrived! No really! 😉
Oh JC is undeniably a huge c0ck, but I kinda like him for it.
This is all accepting the lies from the neocon propaganda machine. Not one word of that is true. The right wing press have repeated lies until folk believe them
Hey, I don't believe it for one minute, but I think there is a grain of truth in it, its def important enough to warrant discussion, and in the abscence of sufficient transparency to reveal meaningful 'facts' or 'proof' one way or the other, thats just what I'll do thanks, such is my perogative as a free citizen of the world.