A question about people in HR departments…

Are they all cold-eyed sociopaths?

Or has anyone ever met anyone who works in HR who can do a passable impression of a human being?

Just wondering, like?

Or has anyone ever met anyone who works in HR who can do a passable impression of a human being?

Nope, all the ones I’ve meant have either been A) Sociopaths B) Self involved idiots who are unable to verbally communicate properly who spend their days polishing their nails and talking about men.

They should all be **** blasted into low earth orbit with hiring and firing being left to people who actually understand the company.

Are they all cold-eyed sociopaths?

Or has anyone ever met anyone who works in HR who can do a passable impression of a human being?

Just wondering, like?

Yes.

No.

Never met an HR person who was anything resembling human. Thankfully I don’t have to deal with them at all.

All ours are incompetent **** wits. Took me several attempts to find d someone in HR who could confirm that my level transfer to another part of the organisation would not see a reduction in my TUPE terms.

Best response was from the HR “Business Partner” for our part of the business reply in an email “I don’t know what your current terms are”.

👿

Nope. They are all evil.

Ours can remotely block our toilets if the mood takes them.

These are the same psychological evildoers who insist on me using exasperatingly complicated travel and expenses systems. Often, said systems not only take massively longer, but also cost massively more, than just doing it myself directly.

I can only assume that they’re jealous of anyone travelling, while they sit in their dull cubicle somewhere.

A friend of mine’s wife is a high up in HR for one of the big supermarkets. Her main role these days is to handle dismissals – as in, she travels the country firing people all day every day. I imagine that this is an excellent training for putting up with him to be honest. She has a terrifying steely glint in her eye which leaves me in no doubt that she could gut me like a kipper…

Is this the reason they re-named it HR?

Nope, all the ones I’ve meant have either been A) Sociopaths B) Self involved idiots who are unable to verbally communicate properly who spend their days polishing their nails and talking about men.

Are you sure they weren’t just ‘Recruitment Consultants’ in between clients ? 😉

Are they all cold-eyed sociopaths?

Or has anyone ever met anyone who works in HR who can do a passable impression of a human being?

Just wondering, like?

No.
Yes.
A rhetorical question or are you asking me to “like” your post? 😉

HR “Business Partner”

We have these. What the hell does it mean? I remember back in the dark days of 2009/10 following 40% of the workforce being made redundant an almost audible cheer went round the office when it became known that after the cull, the HR dept was itself cut down by a similar margin, including the ‘HR Business Partner’ who did all the firing.

Ours can remotely block our toilets if the mood takes them.

Is that even legal? If I worked anywhere where I wasn’t allowed to go to the toilet, I’d take a shit on my desk and leave.

HR personnel are the kinds of people that would have run Nazi death camps if they were more competent.

Must be in the minority! We’ve got some good looking and friendly HR staff.

Yes

also useless. Our lot are so bad that it is almost impossible to get sacked!

Rather early for a spot of Godwin, isn’t it, Tom?

Rather early for a spot of Godwin, isn’t it, Tom?

😛

“Or has anyone ever met anyone who works in HR who can do a passable impression of a human being?”

No, not ever here.

Oxygene thieving wastes of skin the lot of them.

Ours are all lovely.

At the risk of giving a predicatble STW answer: it must just be you, Binbins.

Reading the above answers, it definitely isn’t just me. Which is a nice change 😀

That HR is an abbreviation of Human Remains says enough.

Oxygene thieving wastes of skin the lot of them.

But, who doesn’t like a bit of Jean Michel Jarre?

I knew a couple who were nice people outside work, but all except one were utterly useless. Oddly though they all got made redundant in a cost saving measure. Instead an office over 400 miles away could mess it up :roll:, but now you’d no longer have anyone to go and stand over while they sorted out said mess.

Ours are a lovely bunch of people which makes my life easier.

Many moons ago I made the fatal error of pulling one of the HR girls at our Christmas party. Brilliant whilst it lasted but career suicide when I split up with her.

Ours cant even answer the phone or return an email so I am not holding my breath of them solving any issues I may have.

Are they all cold-eyed sociopaths?

Or has anyone ever met anyone who works in HR who can do a passable impression of a human being?

Either cold-eyed sociopaths or completely ineffective halfwits, or a combination of both.

I have known a few good ones – one organisation in particular. It all depends on the Head of HR, if they are a human being they recruit in their own image.

Most other places they are fake and perky but it covers stone cold hearts with icy blood running through their veins.

Not sure about HR bods, i have just spent the last 20 minutes watching Dirty Harry clips though 🙂 Thanks

I’m married to an HR manager, so for my health I won’t get involved in the line if questioning.

The HR dept are there to advise the management team and employee. HR don’t make the decision as to whether or not to cut somebody, yes they will make a recommendation based on employee law but thats as far as it goes.

Its amazing the number of people that don’t understand what HR does, so blame them for their own failings, say not turning up to work or not being particularly nice to others. So going back to the OP, what did you do?

Not just you Binbins ours are 50% evil & 50% incompetent

Our company actually has an automated phone line so that people don’t actually bother the HR people by talking to them or asking bothersome questions.
Incredible.

But they all drive **** lovely cars, so they must be doing a great job of something.

they must be doing a great job of something

saving the company money and protecting it from litigation.

I used to work on some HR software. For one of our customers if the HR dept could knock the main unions down .1% on the wage rise each year they covered their departmental costs for the year. Any more and the senior staff got bonuses.

Ours is ace. She bakes a mean cake, and allways knows what’s happening in folks lives outside of work, from a genuinely caring point if view.

The HR dept are there to advise the management team and employee. HR don’t make the decision as to whether or not to cut somebody, yes they will make a recommendation based on employee law but thats as far as it goes.

No really, the worst one I’ve had was one who was a line-manager/HR bod who thought it was their place to comment on matters in the laboratory, fail to understand the issues because she’s never worked in a lab before and then make recommendations to the actual head of department – but not before the stupid bint gleefully mentions to me that she must “one day step foot in the laboratory so I can understand what you do”. I eventually managed to get the head of department onto my side but not before I’d handed in my notice. Not to mention the rest of the HR department were equally as incompetent and unclear of their job roles.

Stupid ****, all of them. Although assigning HR personnel as the line manager of a laboratory is equally **** retarded.

Cocks, honestly, if it had been a member of my old departments HR team in that ISIS cage being set on fire I’d have been laughing and watching it on repeat.

Depends on the organisation ac505 – some try to push decision making like that on to managers – but then hang the mout to dry if they mess it up.

I have had a few conversations where I have been told exactly what they want me to do, followed by “but it is your decision and if you get it wrong you are responsible”. Fine all I heard was that it is my decision so I will decide.

The model you describe is the BS they like to circulate as it helps them impersonate humans, and frankly it never works that way.

sounds like the person was a bit of an arse, but you’re kind of destroying the credibility of your argument by tarring all with the same brush.

You might be right, HR personnel are the only people I am truly 100 percent prejudiced against.

saving the company money

Last time I dealt with real live human HR, I was applying for a travel allowance as a result of a forced move.

Unbeknown to me, the team were about to loose their jobs to “efficiency savings”. They gave me a much more generous allowance than I was expecting because they didn’t really give much of a toss anymore.

I think most of our HR is done by software now. Any HR people left are too frightened to talk to human beings.

A good few years ago I decided to move from engineering (which I was crap at) into IT (which I’m now crap at but much better paid). I reckoned the best way was to quit my job and do a one year course at uni. I sent in my letter saying I was resigning. About an hour later got a call from a woman in HR. She said that I should hold off quitting and she would see what she could do. A few weeks later she got me transferred to our IT department where I was a complete trainee, but still on the same salary I was getting before.

That woman went well beyond what her job technically was, and was responsible for saving me a huge amount of money and turning my life around. So yes, some people in HR are fantastic. Probably the same percentage as in any other department I suspect.

HR personnel are the only people I am truly 100 percent prejudiced against.

Everything else is just high 90 ‘s then 😉