[Closed] Your wedding gift is not enough.... caution mumsnet content.

Saw that in the Grauniad and thought WTF!

So bizarre it probably is true....

I think MrsMorton first reply nailed it quite succinctly.

I'd cancel the cheque, and delete them from my life.

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

Yeah, I'd be pi$$ed at that!

DrP

If it's real they should just publish the original email with sender's address etc on Twitter.

cancel the cheque 🙂

Wow. I'd be cancelling the cheque.

That's incredible.

"we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

If they have slats, they're due a hoofing.

She should write back saying "of course you're right, I have cancelled the £100 cheque; please find enclosed an out of date book token, as a suitable replacement"

It's not quite [url= http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/a1875847-Do-you-dunk-your-penis ]penis beaker[/url], but I reckon that one is going to run for a while! Cheeky buggers, I can't even begin to imagine the thought process that led to that email being sent, unbelievable!

MrsMorton, hole in one 🙂

That is astounding.

The only generous explanation I can think of is that they meant it as a joke about the inheritance and worded it [i]really[/i] badly.

But seems just as likely they are entitled muppets.

I find this almost unbelievable. Not least because £100 is a lot of cash for wedding present. Something about this doesn't ring true.

It's unlikely I'll bump into B&G much in the future as I'm retired now, However I've just replied to her email with one sentence:

"I assume this was some sort of mistake?"'

No reply so far apparently.

B&G must know about this by now, it's everywhere...

Well £100 is only one bottle of cheap champagne.

Something about this doesn't ring true.

I assumed that, but the Mumsnet equivalent of Drac/Cougar posted in the thread:

[img] [/img]

"we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

Well £100 is only one bottle of cheap champagne

If they's just sent a greggs voucher to start with non of this would have happened

Hmmm my son is just writing thank-you notes for his birthday.
I'm tempted to have him write this - at least to the ones with a sense of humour.

BTW - to prevent anyone else trawling through that thread looking for updates.
- The check was cashed 😉
- She replied with "I assume this was some sort of mistake?", but hasn't heard back
- She went to another 'do' with some of the same people but not B&G and heard that another guest was also avoiding the bride. Jumped to conclusions.
- She told a friend and is confident that this friend will spread the news everywhere.
- Daily Mail have picked it up, as have other gossip rags.

I think that's it.

well could quite have easy been me the post was pointed at , i normally give over 100 or a gift of equivelent value appropriate for the couple.

not least because before they have invited me to their wedding and ive accepted - then we must be good friends.

Sounds to me like the couple being married were trying to finance the wedding off the gifts.

"we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

You could almost read that in totally the opposite way, almost sarcastic - ie "we were surprised that you gave us so much money considering you were a total misery and didn't really congratulate us at all on our big day"

Couldn't read all the replies on mumsnet but wonder if anyone suggested that way of looking at it?

Hmmm my son is just writing think you notes for his birthday.

Hopefully he hasn't inherited his dad's way with words 😉

Hopefully he hasn't inherited his dad's way with words

Excellent first response from MrsMorton! 😀

We wanted vouchers to buy new camping equipment for our wedding present and was happy if some one gave us a tenner. Complaining about £100 is slap worthy.

You could almost read that in totally the opposite way, almost sarcastic - ie "we were surprised that you gave us so much money considering you were a total misery and didn't really congratulate us at all on our big day"

You could, but then they ask for a 'adjustment'.

Last time someone asked for money rather than gifts as they already had enough stuff, they got a chocolate teapot from me. Meant in good humour, but I've not seen him since the wedding............

Crikey. I felt uncomfortable that we had a wedding list (to my mind that's asking for presents, my wife insisted people find them helpful, which I can see may be true - I don't, I'm happy buying tools or bike stuff for the happy couple), but that is something else. This can't be real?

I also appreciate that weddings cost money, but when we go to one it invariably costs us internal UK flights x5 plus 2 hotel rooms plus a hire car plus new frocks for the wife and daughter, plus a gift. So it's not not exactly cheap for guests always.

1016 posts in 4 days 😯
We are such lightweights 🙁

we kept getting asked for a list before our wedding despite saying we didnt want owt. - like you i felt uncomfortable asking for stuff.

so we put together a list of stuff we would like to do on honey moon. betwen 5-30 quid. stuff like bike hire , tram tickets , meals out , entry to national park.

Was a good party though 😀 - the one thing that boils my piss about fancy weddings in posh places is drink prices being a fortune. drink prices were the first thing i would check out at a venue 😀

I would write back and suggest that if the gift was not good enough, they please return it so that it could instead be given to someone who would be more grateful

I may have spotted that thread a few days ago.

If anyone has a few hours to kill, they have a special "Classics" forum for their more famous/funny/bizarre threads. We should get the picolax thread and sudocreme cat pushed over in case of another Great Hack.

I think it's a hoax. No one could be that obnoxious, surely?

Assuming it's not a troll,

Aside from the sheer brass neck of bridezilla, in what universe does anyone think a £100 gift is a bit mean?

That first reply is brilliant.

I can only assume that the wedding night was a huge disappointment to the new bride and she had time on her hands after several drinks too many.

It's probably BS, like that famous 'Mother in Law from Hell' story The Heil ran about Castles or something, it was some sort of viral campaign from a Wedding Planning outfit out of London.

Anyway, I didn't even give my own Brother than much, but I don't mind the concept of money gifts - people get married much later in life now. What's the point of giving a shiny new Toaster to help the Bride and Groom start their life together when they're both 32 and flew the nest a decade ago.

The classic threads on mumsnet are awesome!

More interested in the fact that mumsnet has no swear filter 😆

I've learned a new acronym too

FOTTFSOF

Well done mumsnet, you make us look like a knitting circle.

FOTTFSOF

First post was less than 2 minutes after the OP and should have settled it tbh 😆 Authentic scottish advice.

Must admit, a mate of mine had what struck me as a weirdly detailed and specific wedding list, it was like a small child's letter to santa. So I went through it and trolled it basically. "Oh you'd like 6 cups and 6 saucers eh? Well I think you can have 6 saucers but only one cup" Little personal touches like that. I thought his wife was going to glass me, with the cup, and I'd have to defend myself with teh bin lid (without bin)

[img] [/img]

Share please!

**** Off To The Far Side Of ****

Although, I initially thought it was **** Off To The ****ing South Of France.

To complete FOTTSOF....

"& when you get there keep fing off.....!"

More interested in the fact that mumsnet has no swear filter

Me too! Are we all children on here, I wonder, or am I missing something?

Sounds to me like the couple being married were trying to finance the wedding off the gifts

When we got married the invites basically said that we didn't need any presents as after 18 years we'd pretty much got everything but if anyone did want to give us a gift donations to a nice oak cabinet we'd seen would be really nice and gratefully received.

Never expected the amount folks gave us, and certainly wouldn't have demanded more even if we hadn't been given a thing.

Me too! Are we all children on here, I wonder, or am I missing something?

Well...we can say shit.

*runs off giggling because he said a rude word*

* Off To The Far Side Of *

Noticed this, well not "this" exactly between irish and uk weddings.

Gifts at a uk wedding are a bottle of plonk/card with £20 stuffed inside it.

Gifts at a irish wedding are minimum 100e if you have been invited, if you know the person well it'll go up to 250e or so that gets stuffed in the card.

I've heard a women offsetting/justifying the cost of the wedding because she'll get about 20,000 in cash.

People hoping that only 6 friends will get married that year.

We just had a list of favourite charities and asked guests to make an anonymous donation if they felt generous.

Have some friends getting married a bit far away so they asked for cash gifts to help fund other friends who couldn't quite afford to make it otherwise. Awesome ^ 1000000

Difficult to believe the post wasn't a troll but it really seems not to be. Can't imagine the brass neck required to do that.

Saccades - Member
Noticed this, well not "this" exactly between irish and uk weddings.

Wasn't at my wedding....Irish BTW.

We asked people not to give gifts - and to give to charity if they felt like giving money. Most of our friends are climbers/paddlers/bikers so it felt wrong that they should spend money to celebrate with us - so we got them fed and drunk instead.

Mostly we were given booze. I'm still drinking my way through it two years later.

Admittedly, our families were not very understanding when even up to a week before we kept telling them we didn't have a wedding list - and no we didn't want anything thanks - and no we have no preference of charity - and no we really don't have a list.

Either way, even at the height of the Celtic Tiger there was zero chance I'd be giving anywhere near 100 Euro to even my best of mates, the scroungy git. Have a lollypop.

They have a member called ****stainwasher. I shit you not.

We didn't really ask for anything, but since our wedding was in the US and we had to fly home, people just gave us money. Since we didn't have a US bank account we ended up with a massive wad of money. Well, massive to us, something like $1500 in twenties. Totally unexpected, we'd really never considered gifts at all.

We used the "presence is presents enough" line but if you want to bung us some cash mr ws has got to do the kitchen ive been waiting 10 years for....

Saw it yesterday, extraordinary. As has been said elsewhere the appropriate responce tomreceiving any gift is Thank You. Their responce was very rude indeed. If the bride and groom where not happy with the amount they should have just sent the cheque back

Ive been to a few weddings where we've given money, the benchmark is to cover the cost of your invite, ie food/wine/venue with something then added on top. On that basis £100 a head may have been generous or not. As we where married in Paris we made sure all the UK guests new we where expecting no gifts as the cost of attending was significant

Noticed this, well not "this" exactly between irish and uk weddings.

Gifts at a uk wedding are a bottle of plonk/card with £20 stuffed inside it.

Gifts at a irish wedding are minimum 100e if you have been invited, if you know the person well it'll go up to 250e or so that gets stuffed in the card.

rings true for me. I'm half Irish, and felt quite guilty when i saw what some people had given!

Our wedding was comparatively modest tho. Most of my Irish cousins have incredibly big, elaborate affairs - last one i went to had 200+ guests, a fire eater, a pianist, blah blah. Everyone totally accepting that they'll need a lot of gifts to cover that little lot

I had never thought of a gift as payment for the evening/day before now, never heard of it as that either.
If that's the case, they may as well charge at the door.

trail_rat

Was a good party though - the one thing that boils my piss about fancy weddings in posh places is drink prices being a fortune. drink prices were the first thing i would check out at a venue

Stick a litre bottle of vodka / whisky etc. in a gift bag - looks like a present (allegedly) 😉 (remember to take it away - some places are arsety about finding empties like that under tables & charge the happy couple for the equivalent from the bar)

I read about this in The Wail, and thought "What. The. Actual. ****!" 😯
That is utterly shameful, and shameless as well.

vickypea - Member
I think it's a hoax. No one could be that obnoxious, surely?

I had never thought of a gift as payment for the evening/day before now, never heard of it as that either.
If that's the case, they may as well charge at the door.

Guess it's a cultural thing, some circles/places in Ireland it's the norm to kinda cover the cost of the wedding place, more so if your close. Some of the female workmates were aghast that I'd chuck £20 in a card and that was that.

I remember walking back from lunch chatting to one lass who admitted she'd
worked out who was getting married and when and where on her list of friends they were as to amounts of cash required and if she could afford to go (She'd still send a congrats card with 50e or so it it though).

Mental to me but she accepted it as the done thing.

The classic threads on mumsnet are awesome!

Try the Christians Against Dinosaurs thread on there. That was a comedy goldmine all of it's own!

Boiled down to some religious nut claiming that dinosaurs were bad role models for kids cos they were violent and they couldn't have existed anyway because God would never kill off His own creations and the fossil record was one gigantic Victorian hoax.

Absolute genius in its insanity and sadly it wasn't a troll. There is actually a Facebook page called Christians Against Dinosaurs.

Stick a litre bottle of vodka / whisky etc. in a gift bag - looks like a present (allegedly)

(remember to take it away - some places are arsety about finding empties like that under tables & charge the happy couple for the equivalent from the bar

That has to be your doing Rich I can't believe Tor would stoop so low 😉

There is actually a Facebook page called Christians Against Dinosaurs.

It's a piss-take.

It's a piss-take.

It surely is. And I notice there's now a counter- "Dinosaurs Against Christians" group also. (-:

Invite them round for dinner, when they arrive tell them they can't have any pudding.

WT the actual F???
if it was me i'd be cancelling the cheque and then telling them to never darken my doors unless they want slats hoofing/owning with bombers

Rob Hilton - Member
There is actually a Facebook page called Christians Against Dinosaurs.
It's a piss-take.

This isn't: http://www.theflatearthsociety.org/forum/

things i learnt from this
1 some people are greedy arses my own mum gave me £50 as a wedding present and i was pleased.
2 The Daily Mail prints screenshots from mumsnet as an entire article.
3 there is such a delightful phrase as "get the duck to the far side of duck and when you get there keep ducking off"

I had an Irish wedding and we didn't issue any sort of list as they're a bit rude really. However, we did end up with a house full of vases that I'm craftily having to smash my way through every six months or so.

Apparently at Spanish weddings (this may be regional/class related) the guests are expected to contribute to cover the cost of the wedding with extra for gifts. Therefore the gifts are usually in the order of 100's EUR.

We had a wedding list, mainly for family and close friends. We also had just bought a new house so the gifts were gratefully received and actually useful.

Rich_s - Member

Box of wine, my friend, box of wine. Wrapped up in wrapping paper like it's a pressie, with a little flap for the spout. And off you go!

Hat's off - that's good 8)