[Closed] Your Dad. He's the best bloke you know right...

Hope he passes well dantsw.
Mine was great up until he remarried after mum died. He has become an arse in the last 17 years. It's a great shame.

My dad passed away last June. Three days after his birthday. I had a long phone conversation with him on his birthday as did my two boys. I'm so grateful for that. Speaking at his funeral was the hardest thing I've ever done

Still miss him everyday, in fact finding this hard to type as I'm selling up now.

Give your day a hug or a call now. And be the best dad you can be.

I was always a Daddy's girl, sadly lost him three years ago. He made it to 89 and was still pretty fit having played badminton up to the age of 80. Miss him loads...

My dad is an arse, I wouldn't have to try very hard to be a better father than him.

I'm one of the lucky ones.

He was a tough dad.. came for the 1930's gutter after his Farmer dad died. Dragged himself up supporting 3 sisters... served in Korea and saw some horrific things. But he worked hard and brought up 3 lads and was devoted to his wife and kids. Took me over Striding Edge at 6, Crib Coch at 7 and round the three peaks when I was 9... the youngest ever at the time.

Taught me how to camp, bivvy, hike and climb. Biggest bonus... he's still here... at 87.. still playing tennis twice a week and still walking, and still my go to guy with any problem. My girls adore him.

He's a total legend and if I've been half the dad to my girls I'll be happy.

Give your day a hug or a call now. And be the best dad you can be.

Definitely.

Never really had any kind of relationship with my dad. Most memories are of him shouting and ranting at me for the slightest reason, with plenty of slaps when I was younger. Some good memories, he could be good fun occasionally, but most of the time he was so full of anger, never really worked out why.

My two girls, 17 and 15 still want to do stuff and spend time with me, so if nothing else I figure I've been a better parent than him.

He never really seemed to take much pleasure from his (4) kids, whereas I regard mine as best mates. Rather be like me than him.

I had a good dad.
My biological father probably never knew I existed.

Give your day a hug or a call now. And be the best dad you can be.

Definitely.

Shame I put a typo in it 😳

My dad was/is a total ****. Ruined my life. The best thing he could have done is left my mother and me and never came back when I was a baby. I cut him out of my life about 7 years ago.

One of the worst 'blokes' I have ever met.

I'm lucky insomuchas I have two very different fathers, both still plodding along today. Stepdad (from the age of three) is ex navy, very strict, distant but knowledgeable. Bit of a rock.

Didn't see a huge amount of my biological dad growing up but when I did stay with him it was all folk festivals, vegan parties, Friends of the Earth meetings and all manner of insane multicultural experiences. Chalk and cheese.

[quote=Cougar ]I feel like I'm a total disappointment to him.
FWIW,
I blamed myself for years, as a child I couldn't work out what I'd "done." I realise now, it's nothing to do with me, he simply had no interest in being a parent. One gene he passed to me I guess, only difference being I didn't then have three children.
Point is, I don't know your situation, but I'd not be so quick to blame yourself for it. Unless you're a complete failure in life, if a parent has any 'disappointment' towards their children, the failing is with them not you.

Yeah, sorry I should caveat, I personally don't feel disappointing, but I feel that he's disappointed in me for whatever reasons he has

My dad's a good man, if somewhat shy and retiring often (without a drink - lively and fun with one). Always been fit and strong, but now at 70 he's got arthritis. I get the feeling that health and activity are seen as virties on this forum, but rememebr it can go downhill fast for the stupidest of reasons when you're old.

No idea who mine is, unless he's a terminally ill millionaire with no will, I'm too busy to worry about it.

I don't have any living older relatives, Mum died when I was in my early 30s. It only really throws a curveball with my kids. Holiday snaps for example, I've got no-one to show them to.

Mine is a damn fine bloke.

Hard working, can't bring himself to retire at 66, feels as soon as his work stops so will his brain and he's not ready for that. He's worked 60 hour weeks as long as I can remember but somehow still had all the time in the world for me, my brother and my mom.

Instilled a love of sport and the outdoors in me. He played semi-pro football from the age of 17 to 51, he played for one club in 5 different decades, played at Wembley twice and was still helping out my Sunday league team in his 60's. He rode Birmingham to Oxford 3 months after a total knee replacement.

He is adored, not just by me and my brother, but by his grand daughter too, she definitely like him more than her parents!

He's a bit older now, a bit slower, a bit more stubborn, but he's still wonderful. I know how lucky I have, in fact, I shall message him now and see if he fancies a beer this week.

Neither love nor loathe my dad, he did us no ill but is self centered and very negative. Having him live with us is a trial but I would rather that than him be on his own or in an old people's home. Not sure how I'll feel when he's gone.

Holiday snaps for example, I've got no-one to show them to.

🙁

Reading the replies above is quite an eye opener.

My dad was an arsehole of the highest order, cannot remember a single act that he did that made me think of him in any kind way. Serious alcoholic, drank a bottle of Bells or Teachers before then going to the pub, used to just rule the house with an iron fist and would often give you a thump for no reason.

Thankfully after years of neglect, my mum found the strength to walk away when i was 11. His last comments to her were that he hoped she found someone else so he would adopt us!

When i got engaged at 21, i decided i wouldn't pass on his surname and changed to mum's maiden name by Deedpoll.

I hope that it's made me a good father, i'm not a wealthy man, but i have decided it is about the time you spend with them.

Funny thing is, since meeting my wife 14 years ago, i have a really great relationship with my father in law, but it still feels odd to me that my wife sees her family almost daily and how they "function" as a family.

My Dad is one of my best mates.

Saw him yesterday. We man-hugged. It was good.

Quite the eye-opener reading the above. I've always thought I was lucky with my parents, and this just reinforces it. It also reinforces my want to be a good parent.

It's been a long road and lots of rocky bits with mine, but we're finally in a good place. Finding out what his relationship with his parents were really helped me understand why he was the way he was when we were growing up. He was one of those who was secretly proud of you but would never let on. He's given to emotional displays, and I can't think a grandparent could love their grandchildren more than he does.

It really helped when I realised I had to accept him for who he was if I wanted him in my life. He's not perfect, but he made a lot of sacrifices for me and overcame his "programming" a lot more successfully than most. For example, he's very pro women's rights for someone from his time.

He's got a whip smart tongue and loves a gossip. I'd happily go out for a drink with him, but he only drinks whiskey and it's blends at that, so he's a bit of a savage really. Yeah, the old bugger's alright. I'm glad we have him.

Intelligent intellectual, insular, control abuser, not adventurous, homely, ex IBM computer control network geek, friends with Heinz Woolf, would sit and talk for hours on the wonders of the universe, motorbike restorer, lover of 50's Americana, furniture maker/restorer, liberal, family provision provider, tea totaller, limited friend network.

Died of bowel cancer aged 56.

Lucky bloke here as well with a caring, sometimes strict (but with the best intentions) and involved Dad. He's getting a bit forgetful now but I can stand hearing the stories several times if it makes him happy. It's quite an eye opener how many on here have less favourable memories, it must stick with you for life through no fault of your own.
My kids are incredibly lucky as I'm an awesome Dad - lots of tickles, cycling and I don't tell them off for farting if it's a good one.

mine is a pr1ck, be grateful if you have one alive and good.

thanks to the thread. reminded me I still think he's a kn0b and don't want him near me. Helps vent a spleen.

Total bastard. Left when I was 2 after he beat me so badly I ended up in hospital.

Distant is the one word I would use. I remember a few fun times as a little boy, and he's a good man, but mostly he was either working or sleeping. His capacity for work is immense, and largely it's that that's responsible for the distance, because my parents started the family young which curtailed their career prospects and left them with long hours and low pay.

He was stern, never explained his reasons for punishment and seemed a bit lost in his role as a father. I realise as a parent myself now, that as his dad died when he was 7 and there were no male role models about in the family, he probably was lost.

He's always done his duty to my brother and I, but little more, and I mourn the father/son things that we never did, like fishing, rough camping, fixing engines, making stuff and the parental guidance and advice that was absent in my teenage years.

He's my role model in the sense that I've modelled my parenting in the kind of photographic negative of his approach to my brother and I. i.e. let my mother do it.

We get on better now as two adults than we ever did as father/son, but as he's aging he's going just like his mum did, and it's all a bit 'woe is me, life is cruel to me and it's not fair'.

Increasingly he's an inward looking, glass half empty kind of guy, dwelling on the difficulties of life, and he's harder to be around. He'll end up a bitter old man in a home if he survives his lifetime of smoking.

I love him because he's my dad, not because of the person he is.

Today is shit. It would have been his birthday today and it would have been nice to go for a meal or something. I miss him a lot and I count myself very lucky I had him for a dad. He's the reason I ride bikes and it was a shared passion (was a forum member too).

He was killed a couple of years ago by some **** treating country roads like a rally stage. Not just sad for my loss but for the rest of my family and of course him whose life was cut short (not as short as others but still). There's a hole now that I struggle to explain.

sorry to piss on OP's thread - needed to vent. Enjoy your having your dads if they are good dads or even not quite so good.

Was pretty good up to the age of 11 when we moved and he moved into the local pub near enough.

I could talk more but it's not something I enjoy talking about.

Suffice to say things haven't gone well over the last 20+ years and we don't have a relationship any longer.

When I was very young my dad was just a man around the house who didn't speak to me unless he really had to. As I got older he'd did everything in his power to belittle everything I tried to do. However, I did OK, in terms of my education and subsequent career, despite him. He developed a life changing medical condition later in life and I felt a bit sorry for him then, but can't forget the past, and the way he controlled my poor mum. If you have a great dad then I'm happy for you, but just don't suppose the whole world is like yours!

If you have a great dad then I'm happy for you, but just don't suppose the whole world is like yours!

This.

I'm never quite sure what motivates people to start threads such as this one, especially when you consider that for many people dad is anything but "the best bloke they know".

My dad and mum are well matched

That's the only thread where I read every post. I think everyone contributing should give themselves a pat on the back for sharing their views and their honesty.

I've read every post The Pilot.

I think that you're right. Being a father doesn't mean you're a good man and equally, feeling grateful for yours don't mean you're gloating or disparaging of those who didn't have the same experience.

I'm 32 and my father's 67 so a little younger than the average on STW. Both my parents are fit and healthy and are wonderful people. My Dad and I can argue like buggery: it's been said because we're the same person 35 years apart and, if that's true, I'll take it as a massive compliment. To this day, nothing has ever been too much effort for him to do for his family. He has his faults (don't we all) but he's kind, intelligent and the one thing I know is he will [u]always[/u] have my back.

Mine was a bit of an enigma. Much older than my mother and with a 'history'. He spent most of his youth roaming ****stan and India and was 19 in 1939. Signed up for the war and after many scrapes fought and was severely wounded at the battle of Imphal. He was very kind, perhaps to a fault and was away constantly. Which wasn't good as it left my mother free to do her version of parenting. He died of liver failure in 1999. His drinking got a lot worse after he retired. I think he got bored.

So my dad and mum have gone home this afternoon. Wasn't attempting to gloat, I'm just very happy. There is some stuff I do with my son that I think my dad didn't quite do right with me, such as coming to watch me at sport and supporting me when I was a kid, he wax always flat out at work. I've learnt from him to better myself in that area and will try anything to see my kids in action. I'm sure you've all learnt from your dad good or bad in some way...

I'm never quite sure what motivates people to start threads such as this one, especially when you consider that for many people dad is anything but "the best bloke they know".

Thank you, Pilot. If this thread has done anything remotely worthwhile, it's to let me know that I'm not alone here.

No worries, xico 🙂 It seems like there are lots of survivors of their parents on here as well as those who have had more positive experiences.

Never thought this thread would be so polarised, i wonder how much silent middle ground there is amongst those who have read and not commented.

For me, always got on well with my late Dad. I took the path of less resistance than my older brother, got my degree etc and felt he accepted me as an equal as a young adult. I was deeply traumatised when i witnessed him collapse and die when he was 51 and I was 25. It was then that i realised that he probably knew far more about me than vice versa. Bizarely, i learn more about him as time goes on and I spot his influence in me as i try to be as good a Dad for my own young lads.

Thank you, Pilot. If this thread has done anything remotely worthwhile, it's to let me know that I'm not alone here.

My dad's an arse.

Always absent at work. Working away etc. Let our stepmother physically and emotionally abuse us when we were young.

Goes off like a bottle of pop if challenged. Still.

Has grandchildren but makes little effort. More bothered about fishing and what not. This bothers me the most.

Had the cheek to blow his top at me in my own house just before Christmas for touching his expensive bottle of whiskey (was drunk) haven't spoke to him since, we talk 2-3 times a year. See each other once a year when he will try and buy love with money I don't want.

Tend to forget he exists. Sadly.

My mums husband is awesome though in comparison.

There's a chain of lousy fathers in my family - my mum's parents wouldn't allow her to marry the man she wanted to because he was a Catholic (this was Cheshire in the 1960's, not Belfast!) and my dad was mistreated (probably physically abused) by his father - at least once he threw a fork at him so hard it stuck... 😯

There's several people over the years have migrated, my dad's brother, my brother, one of my cousins so I suspect there's heritage in mistreating children that's been going on for generations.

The only sympathy I have for my parents is they were certainly badly treated by their own parents, but I don't think I'll ever forgive them for the damage they've done - to me, my brother and the family unit - they had the choice to hold back but they didn't. I think they recognise the damage they've done having seen all the difficulties me and my brother have had but they're too cowardly to say sorry or even acknowledge it. I'm dreading their funerals, having to stand up and make positive comments about them because it wouldn't be socially acceptable to talk about the stuff they did behind closed doors.

My brother's my hero in this respect. He treats his boys with the utmost love and respect - he's clearly decided that the chain of abuse will stop with him and he won't use his own abusive childhood as an excuse to bully his own kids. It takes courage to do that.