[Closed] You can forget your cancer, laxative overdoses, amputated feet and snapped banjo

Pahh...my nose idt blocked.

I just plucked a nostril hair....

ARGH!

Bent a nail back ..... pain indeed!

breathing in foamy toothpaste when its all frothed up in your mouth.

Bursting a spot in your ear is fun though, really loud 'POP'

philconsequence - Member
breathing in foamy toothpaste when its all frothed up in your mouth.

Yeah, yeah, we believe you. Of course it's "toothpaste"....

my foot slipped off my pedal yesterday on my way to work, pedal clanged me right on the shin... GAWD it hurt AND I've got a wound to show for it 🙂

LOL

You have obviously never had sack and crack wax 😉

Pahh. Pedal in the shin? Try that with an SPD. Reduces grown men to tears.

My moustache is killing me

I just plucked a nostril hair....

I do this infrotn of the missus with her tweezers, it makes her eyes water (and me sneeze)

Pfft! You don't know what pain is!!!

I rode too close to some thorny prickly bushes last night. I now have simply frightful scratches down one ankle

I do this infrotn of the missus with her tweezers, it makes her eyes water (and me sneeze)

Your Mrs has nostril hair?

😉

cardo - Member
Bent a nail back ..... pain indeed!

this is the only one that made me wince...

Your Mrs has nostril hair?

possibly, I'd be too affraid to tell her if she did though.

Near fatal paper cut earlier today

i had stingy piss this morning

You can forget your cancer, laxative overdoses, amputated feet and snapped banjo

Did I miss a banjo post on here?

 

i got toothpaste in my eye once, absolute agony! My mate had to pin me down and wash it out

spawnofyorkshire - Member
i got toothpaste in my eye once, absolute agony! My mate had to pin me down and wash it out

Yeah, yeah, we believe you. Of course it was "toothpaste"....

😀
Sterling efforts Cpt

ski - I posted one a while back.

A mate of mine was "helping himself" in the bath and it all got a tad frenetic. Twang went his banjo string. He screamed. He bled. His mum came running in and thought he'd slashed his wrists.

Ho ho.

😯

the toothpaste+eye=AAAAAHHHHHHHOMMYGODICANT****INSEE/THATHURTSSOMUCC/HHELPMEHELPME/GETSOMETHINGTOWASHITOUT moment was a forfeit in a drinking game. Said mate tried washing it out with vodka at first but that made it worse funnily enough

I ate too much soup for lunch and I now have indegestion.

End of Thread.

speaking of banjo's - my uni housemates went twang at the vinegar strokes when with his mrs one afternoon
Cue lots of screaming and us legging it in to his room to find him sat on the end of his bed crying whilst still wearing a condom with contents that looked vaguely like a raspberry ripple

Just tried to pop a saddle sore. The harder I squeezed the fainter I felt. Going to try lancing it next, once I've got my vision back.

raspberry ripple

Fantastically graphic. I feel like I was there.

I once put 6% hydrogen peroxide solution directly into my eye. I mistook it for my contact lens saline solution. Jeez - my eye slammed shut like a vault door. Absolute agony.

Meh! - I slept funny and have a slightly stiff shoulder!

MTFU all of you.

Fantastically graphic. I feel like I was there.

it's etched in my memory and one of those things you just can't unsee despite years of abusing my brain with alcohol

my jumper is a bit tight under the armpits and its making my arms a little bit tingly and numb

I stood on an upturned plug this morning, and my day hasn't gotten any better 🙁

my jumper is a bit tight under the armpits and its making my arms a little bit tingly and numb

Nasty.

Nasty.

It think I'll warm up a tin of chicken soup, see if that makes me feel better

my mate had a similar injury when a girlfriend polished his staff with more enthusiasm than technique. For reasons unknown he was sporting gentleman's rainwear and also encountered the raspberry ripple effect. I don't know why he shared the story with us, but in a later incident on a lads ski trip on 'home made cocktail night' we concocted one in his honour which included UHT milk and cherry brandy, and was christened the 'Split Frenulum'

Whilst moving a filing cabinet by shuffling it from left to right I managed to trap a nipple in the top drawer and make it bleed. 😕

It think I'll warm up a tin of chicken soup, see if that makes me feel better

Tinned soup? You poor, poor soul!

[i]Whilst moving a filing cabinet by shuffling it from left to right I managed to trap a nipple in the top drawer and make it bleed, [b] honest Doctor[/b][/i]

ftfy

Didn't get injured, but a few weeks after leaving the shower naked the other day and having a shave, I dropped my Mach 3 and had a nervous juggle around the family jewels area as I attempted to catch it on the way down.

Will be wrapping my loins up in a towel immediately on exit from now on.

I did an asparagus piss at the weekend. Not painful, but most unpleasant.

Tinned soup? You poor, poor soul!

Get you, lording it about with your fancy tetra-packed soups, full of identifiable lumps. 🙂

I was late for a flight once and decided to iron my shirt right after stepping out of the shower. Naked. In my rush, I knocked over the iron. The good news is that I didn't burn my nads, the bad news is that I burned my nipple. I feel your pain emmz!

Whilst moving a filing cabinet by shuffling it from left to right I managed to trap a nipple in the top drawer and make it bleed.

Naked furniture moving?

Hmmm...

Honestly Doctor, I was just Hoovering and I slipped and fell and the handle went up my back passage.

I stood up to quick earlier and felt a bit dizzy.

Pretty much ruined my whole afternoon 🙁

I can no longer think of eating rasberry ripple.

You're a set of big girls blouses. The socks I put on today are that tiny bit too big and one of them has twisted round funny inside my shoe. I beg for the sweet release of death over the mild discomfort I'm now suffering.

I have a mate that alegedly caught the 'unsheathed' end of his old chap while ironing naked.
apparently it smarted a little

Yeas ago...a mate of mine burnt his cock in a tanning machine then thought it was a good idea to tell my whole 6th form group about it... for the "bantahhr".

We nicknamed him hotdog after that incident.

I once sat on a very full 5 gallon drum of waste thinners.
My weight caused the can to slowly seep thinners out of the cap. I was soon made aware of this by a very stingy ring.
Try washing waste thinners out of your bum. Not easy.

One of those little bobbly things on my neck fell off last week.
Stung a bit.

Tastes like bacon.

[img] [/img]

OH! I didn't know about "banjo string" - I've learnt such a lot since frequenting this forum. And to Mr Poddy - it was an eggbeater pedal. Ow. Lol my phone makes Poddy into sneez and eggbeater into eggbeaver.

Is Mr Karin in for a rough time tonight?

I'll be phoning in sick tomorrow if this ulcer on my tongue hasn't vanished overnight.

I once put 6% hydrogen peroxide solution directly into my eye. I mistook it for my contact lens saline solution. Jeez - my eye slammed shut like a vault door. Absolute agony.

Didn't get injured, but a few weeks after leaving the shower naked the other day and having a shave, I dropped my Mach 3 and had a nervous juggle around the family jewels area as I attempted to catch it on the way down.

Will be wrapping my loins up in a towel immediately on exit from now on.

I had to brake hard the other day and landed on the top tube. Hurt

Once got caught short and the only thing I had to wipe my bum was some of those industrial hand wipes. That made me hop around a bit I can tell you

there isn't a Mr Karin 🙂

Sat in a meeting this afternoon on a really uncomfortable chair, thought I'd shattered my pelvis!!!

No other pain like it....

Meh! - I slept funny and have a slightly stiff shoulder!

This mad me chuckle quite a lot

Try standing on a lego block in the room of two small sleeping children...

I stepped off what I thought was the bottom step of a flight of very steep stairs in an old holiday cottage of a friend, in the dark, while carrying my then three month old son. I landed on the tips of my toes and dislocated the toe next to my big toe by shunting most of the toe back up into my foot. I just about managed to stagger to a sofa and collapse before according to my wife wailing rather loud. She was less than impressed and shouted down to me to shut up as it was four in the morning.
I also discovered that the A&E on the isle of Arran isn't that great.

I've got a bit of a sore throat

(normally means I'm about to come down with a cold)

Lately I've been suffering with shooty bum pain, don't know why or what causes it, but it's rather uncomfortable

matt_outandabout - Member
Try standing on a lego block in the room of two small sleeping children...

Earlier I turned my neck a bit too quickly and it made it go all shooty and painful.

shadowrider - Member
Lately I've been suffering with shooty bum pain, don't know why or what causes it, but it's rather uncomfortable

Sounds like IBS cramps.

the heating at work is set to a temperature that means if i wear a hoody i'm too hot, but if i take the hoody off i'm a little bit cold. its practically abuse in the workplace!

[i] matt_outandabout - Member
Try standing on a lego block in the room of two small sleeping children...[/i]

This always rewards repeat viewing;

Thanks to this thread.... yes I'm blaming this very thread for this.... Last night I ripped my thumb nail back when I got out of the car at the train station.

It hurts, amputation may be needed

How do you amputate a train station?

How do you amputate a train station?

how did he get his car onto the tracks?

[img] [/img]

Poor me!
[img] [/img]

[img] [/img]

this might help

Messiah wins

My brew was a bit too hot this morning, resulting in my burning that little bit of gum behind my top incisors.

I later bit into an apple.

[i]The horror.[/i]

I suspect this counts as a mortal injury in the context of this thread;}

[IMG] [/IMG]

Can I have your bike?

I have a slight chaffing of the skin on my neck as a result of a heavily twisted knit jumper. I don’t know if I can go on... I see a tunnel, should I go in to the light...

My Thai beef curry is a little spicy 🙁