OP has already said that they're not struggling, that this is just "spare" money being used up. Also, has everyone missed that the daughter has a job to help pay costs, and is so committed that this is what she plans to do as a career? I can tell you first-hand that the bond you get with a horse you own and care for every single day is far in excess of that you get from just going to a riding school. It's equivalent to the bond you get with your dog (I know, we have several of each) - they become your friend, your companion, and sometimes the reason you get up and keep going every day.
You know what, if this were bikes that she were into nobody would bat an eyelid - driving up and down the country to races, costs of race entries, bike maintenance, and so on. It's because it's horses and all of the negative connotations that go along with it.
In addition, the OP has stated that because of his historical involment with equestrianism he no longer wants anything to do with that world, nor does he want his daughter to. This isn't about money at all, this is about his issue with it that he's taking out on her.
From what has been posted, the daughter seems completely level-headed, adult, responsible, committed, dedicated, hardworking, and the rest - surely these are things that should be fostered and encouraged? If this means not getting to go on a foreign holiday or overpaying the mortgage for a few years whilst supporting the child you chose to have in their desired live, then yeah, suck it up. The OP is acting like a spoiled child because the daughter loves something he doesn't want her to, and can't have his fancy holiday. Don't like it? Don't have kids.
Horses. Fastest way to turn money into shit
Rubbish post of the week, do you give up everything to indulge you children in their hobby ? If you do your sense of values is seriously astray. Kids have their whole lifetime ahead of them. They can indulge themselves if and when they can afford it. Buying things for them you can’t afford only risks making them spoilt and entitled.
I'd say your post is rubbish, they already have the horse. The child has been indulged. Selling something she loves would be a big mistake. I never had a horse but if my mum had decided to sell my dog when I was a kid I'd have never forgiven her.
I really feel for the OP in this. It’s not something he asked for or wanted and it has now become the single, dominant issue in the house, where decisions on what is done, when and why are driven by, “but, what about the horse?”
I have no idea as to the OPs financial status, but £450/m (livery+bills+ancillary items) is a hefty proportion of a family income, in-line with the total food bill or total other bills (CT, water, gas, electric, BB, TV License, car tax, etc) in the house. That’s a hell of a lot of money to spend on fripperies/indulgence.
You need to have a decent chat with all of the women in your life and explain this and ask them to form a solution/compromise.
Got to say I agree that the die is cast now, the time to say no has been missed - for better or worse.
Did we get any indication of how long Dobbin is expected to live?
I have a lot of sympathy for you OP and I think you should raise the issue with your wife, but with an open mind rather than showing her the website for the glue factory IYKWIM.
Ponies are cheaper than drugs. Be thankful she has a serious interest that will keep her occupied and focussed for the future and one your wife can live vicariously. It will be a close bond that might help stabilise what seems to a usually rocky mother-daughter relationship period.
Sorry about the crv. That’s just bad luck, but seriously. It’s not anywhere near as bad as you think.
Want bad? We gave my 16yo a flying lesson for his birthday. I will be working another extra 10 years to pay for his training for a commercial license. Ponies are cheap by comparison. Your month buys less than 90 minutes.
