pull a sick manual rear up on its hind legs
What are those things like to bunny hop?
I think you just have to suck it up and deal with it - while to you it's just money you don't have to spend elsewhere, to your daughter it's probably the thing she loves most in the world. If it's also meaning that she's off riding/grooming/mucking out rather than sitting on a sofa glued to her phone or getting up to the usual nonsense that bored teens get up to then I'd suggest it's win-win.
[i]That really is a lot of money per month for the upkeep[/i]
Its really not...you got it treated for £1500...half the time you'd pay that just to find out what was wrong!!! And I didn't know you could get livery for £250! Jealous...just a bit...
My approach...is saving £xxx worth having an unhappy wife? No? Best just suck it up and pretend money grows on trees...
P.S Don't some equine uni's allow you to take horses etc? She can just add it to her student loan...
I've re-read the OP and essentially what you're saying is: "I want to stop spending money on something my daughter loves and spend it on what I want."
Have I got it correct there..?
There's a few things solutions I can think of that wouldn't involve parting with the pony. It's not just a pet, it's a lifestyle which will be a very good one when she qualifies.
What sort of livery do you have? Grass livery is £20 - £30pw and I'd expect hay and a shelter for that in most areas, it's also better for the horse. Have you considered working livery? A lot of riding schools don't own their own horses, there's strict welfare rules which prevents them from being over used and you often get free use of facilities too. You could also look for a sharer, and split the costs but you retain ownership.
How often is the trailer used? If she doesn't use it often it's normally fairly easy and cheap to get a lift or book a space in a lorry.
🙂 She’s aiming for an equine university to do a degree in horse physio!!!
As for my daughter getting pleasure from it – she’s obsessed. She’s not all ‘all show’ pony club girl. She spends hours with the pony in all the muck and filth all weathers.
I think that’s your answer, right there. Your best bet is to find cheaper options for stabling/livery, and find some way that your lass can contribute to the running costs.
The fact that she’s so besotted with the animal and horses in general that it’s the career she wants to follow shows that getting rid of the pony isn’t an option.
I know people are talking about cheaper yards/livery, but if she's on a good yard now with all the right facilities and (more importantly) good other liveries then I wouldn't chance a move - it's just not worth the hassle to save, what, £100 a month tops? Really good yards are tough to find, and a bad one is not worth any amount of money saved.
You are spending money on something your daughter loves and wants to make a career of. What is the issue?
She could be on drugs, a goth etc.
Get a grip. Love is when you sacrifice for someone else.
In light of recent posts, I withdraw my previous reply. You do need to deal with it though, resentment only ever escalates. Today's 'slightly miffed' is tomorrow's 'I'll murder you in your sleep you evil witch.'
To quote esteemed philosopher Randal Graves, you either need to shit or get off the pot.
All I'll say is that we (me, wife and 3 young daughters) moved to a house with 6 acres of paddocks and 7 stables 16 years ago.
I made it quite clear that I'd pay for all the riding lessons they wanted, but there was no way we were getting a horse.
I managed to make it stick and I'm glad I did!
‘slightly miffed’ is tomorrow’s ‘I’ll murder you in your sleep you evil witch.’
nice . harsh but true .
Still think you need to sit down with your wife and say your suffering anxirty / depression and not in a happy place right now.
She will ask why? ' To be honest love its because money is really tight and we are spending/comitted to Dobbin and all that it entails, its causing me mental anguish and I really cant see a way out to be honest and its a scary place to be .
All I’ll say is that we (me, wife and 3 young daughters) moved to a house with 6 acres of paddocks and 7 stables 16 years ago.
I really hope you filled those stables with Ford RS models that would have cost less at the time than a horse and are now worth 5x what you paid? You did didnt you?
Horses are bloody expensive. My MiL and SiL both have/had horses that they really couldn't afford, I just don't get it. Can't really offer any advice, but in your position I'd feel exactly the same.
Divorce and move out.
I think the £250/month for livery would pale into insignificance...
Ponies are for life not just for xmas you heartless bastard!!
She’s going to grow out of it in a couple of years. Live with it.
Seems the problem isn't your wife, your daughter, or the horse. It's the cost of the horse.
I'd suggest you stick it out till after GCSEs are done (currently walking on the same egg shells, been watching our kids grow up in parallel via this forum!) and then have a conversation with your wife about how you are going to afford the horse and your other plans for mortgage, holidays etc.
Try and focus on the issue being paying the cost, not wife, daughter or Dobbin.
They say money can't buy happiness.
In this case it looks like it is.
24 months x £250 = £6,000. That's on a par with what you could expect to pay if your daughter was doing something like dancing and ice skating. Less than the depreciation when you drive a new car out of the dealer. Ignore the incidental costs, they happen whatever you do,
Start preparing your daughter for her plan for the pony when she goes to Uni, ie make it plain it's her responsibility from there on. Then she'll make all the rational decisions that you won't be forced to make.
I can totally relate the the OP's angst. The thing that would get to me is the unpredictable costs like vet's bills, transport etc. I am sure if the costs were known and could be planned for the resentment would not be so high.
Can you convince her to trade Dobbin for a different, less expensive steed? Can pigs be ridden or deer?
Have you considered stick insects?
Triple patio?
HTHs
keep it in the back yard. it can live in the shed.
Pets are expensive, horses massively so. One of my colleagues is totally skint with her horse.
The car breaking is one thing, but you don't need to be able to tow the horse somewhere. Certainly look around for stables, look at daughter doing a part time job (probably more chance once she's 17 and at college).
Cycling is ruddy expensive, but not quite on the same league as horses for 'maintenance'. It's both your wife and daughter's hobby, and it's possibly one aspect that helps your wife deal with the loss of her dad.
So long as you say that the pony will prevent us having nice holidays etc. then they have to understand that.
Get your daughter a boyfriend.
HTHs
at least you'll have fresh meat after brexit
Cycling is ruddy expensive, but not quite on the same league as horses for ‘maintenance’.
I'm not so sure these days...eldest_oab rides the most and:
£1k forks and £150-300 a year to service twice.
Frame £2k, bearings X2 £50 and shock another £150-300 service twice.
Wear out a mid range drivetrain a year and it's £2-300
2x sets of brake pads.
2x sets of tyres.
He bust a wheel last month, £90
Reverb died the month before, £100
Wore out saddle, £25
Cables, grips..
I have a horse mad daughter, now 22, working part time at a riding centre and at a cafe and going through BHS training exams. We never gave in to the temptation to own a horse and just found other ways of getting her riding. Still not cheap if you are paying for regular riding lessons. Have a look at things like a local RDA to see if some of the costs could be shared, cheaper/shared livery etc.
I do agree with many of the previous posters though. If £250 can currently be afforded then maybe grin and bear it until she can take dobbin off to college/uni. Or consider the BHS route and avoid Uni fees/costs which will be a bigger saving in the long term. Most riding centre owners we've talked to prefer BHS trained staff to college/uni folk anyway.
Why is it on livery when it could quite happily live outside? How far away from home is it? Very least you could do is get it onto the equine equivalent of half-board instead of full bed and breakfast.
I think maybe your daughter could do to pitch in with the mucking out and feeding, and if this gets too much, lob it out into a field during the week.
24 months x £250 = £6,000. That’s on a par with what you could expect to pay if your daughter was doing something like dancing and ice skating.
That's just livery, then it's vets fees, tack clothing and yes transporting the thing. It's not an ornament to look at, you take them places to ride gymkhanas etc which also cost money. Literally the expense is endless. We all want to give our children things they want, but not at the expense of everything else and financial stability.
If you can't comfortably afford the horse it has to go, anything else is just spoilt indulgence 🙁
Thanks again all - things have moved on a bit! 🙂
To clarify a few things...
The horse is on DIY livery. My daughter does all the mucking out/feeding/grooming etc.
The livery yard is a decent one - even I as a disliker of all things horse recognize that if you are training a horse for competitions etc., you need a mininum of a decent menage. A horse is a field is just a pet.
The livery yard is 10 minutes from home, and during school holidays my daughter cycles there on her own. We could get it a bit cheaper but much further away and that creates it's own problems then.
She's not a shirker and not afraid of hard work.
As for me joining in - that's a non starter. I've been around horses for 40+ years (rode till I was 15) - I know enough about them to know I want nothing to do with them anymore. Not even for my daughter. My daughter is fine with this - she'd rather me not be there than be there with a face like a smacked-arse asking if she's done yet.
On reflection - as many have said, I'm going to have to suck-it-up for a few years. At least when she goes to uni the pony goes with her so we'll get some time back.
Patio!? I only finished it last year - it'll look right dodgy if I rip it up and re-do it! 🙂
When my wife was seriously thinking about a career change that would seriously affect our finances and ability to live comfortably we had several chats where I went though the things we would have to sacrifice for her to be able to follow that path. Didn't fall out, no raised voices just discussion around what taking a certain decision would mean for other areas of life. I always said it was up to her and if that's what she really wanted then that's what we'd do but in the end she decided to remain in her current industry albeit after a job change.
Maybe that's the way to go? Talk about the strain it's putting on finances and suggest other areas you could save money (Shopping trips, holidays, house change, cheaper supermarket etc). Put the ball in her court but make it clear the status quo isn't an option. If she chooses Dobbin you'll have to suck it up but make sure you make the other changes.
I’ve been around horses for 40+ years (rode till I was 15) – I know enough about them to know I want nothing to do with them anymore.
I this is your main problem, not the cost, and something you probably need to deal with. Don't make your daughter suffer over your own issues.
If it flys, floats or ****s hire it don't buy it.
To me if the horse takes you from having some spare income to bills in = bills out you can't afford it. I know plenty of people do unfortunately have to live like this but as soon as you can take the chance of savings for a rainy day etc you should grab it as that is where freedom is. Wealth is not absolute but a measure of in Vs out, of independence, you are in effect choosing to be poor, loads of people are unfortunately in this situation but don't join them by choice.
I'm on the fence.
If this is you moaning you can't afford a new bike because you committed horsing around for your daughter, tough luck.
If your family are in financial dire straights and things like mortgage, bills and food are tough to find, there has to be a sensible discussion about finances, and "extras" like Horse and associated stuff would be the first on the list to go to someone else who'd like to look after it.
The godfather
Totally agree with the other posts - time for your daughter to pay her way in all of this. It's also time for the pony to pay it's way
Do your bikes "pay their way"?
It's really sad how many selfish ****holes there are on here, and worrying that a good percentage are parents. I feel sorry for your kids.
The horse has to go. You can't afford it. Don't say your daughter won't like it. There are lots of things in life she won't like. What is the horse doing? Letting other parents know how wonderful you are in providing one, or letting daughter tell everyone on Facebook about her horse? Horses cost. A lot. Money and time.
You and your missus are arguing. No surprise there. Is that all you argue about? If so sell the horse and get back on an even keel. If there are more deep rooted problems then get divorced. After a divorce there will be no money for a horse. So the horse has to go. End of.
You will get a weekend of tantrums from the little one, but it seems like the tail is wagging the dog in your household.
Rent the horse out? make it subsidise itself. I do this for bicycles. Daughter needs to get a job to subsidise. I did this to fund sailing dinghies.
Have a financial review and include daughters education plans. Sell some luxury goods, reel in internet and phone and holidays.
I can understand where you are coming from.
My parents had to put up with me, a horse mad daughter. To get my fix I helped out at the local stables and rode ponies on the days that the owners couldn't.
After pleading and begging the answer was no.
At the age of 17 I was working full time and saved and finally bought my own pony. It was ridiculously expensive - vets bills, farriers bills, food, equipment etc and the pony was kept out at grass.
In the end I sold her due to the cost (there was no money for going out, or any of the normal things that teenagers or girls in their early twenties normally do).
I was glad my parents said no because I couldn't have lived with the fact I was stopping them from paying bills or having the odd holiday.
I would wait until your grieving wife has had some time, sit both her and your daughter down and explain how you feel.
Your daughter should be paying as much keep as possible for the animal.
In time she may outgrow horses and get into boys (or girls) and you can start planning for your future.
I know many on here think that your daughter is entitled to happiness but this is a huge price to pay. Also someone mentioned dancing or ice skating lessons, really these hobbies are no where near the cost of keeping a pony/horse.
It’s really sad how many selfish ****holes there are on here, and worrying that a good percentage are parents. I feel sorry for your kids.
Rubbish post of the week, do you give up everything to indulge you children in their hobby ? If you do your sense of values is seriously astray. Kids have their whole lifetime ahead of them. They can indulge themselves if and when they can afford it. Buying things for them you can't afford only risks making them spoilt and entitled.
As per taxi25, what a silly thing to say. As much as I’d offer my children every thing I could afford, food in thier mouths is more important and they’ve life lessons to learn. The bank of mum and dad will not be there for ever.
