[Closed] Would you stop being friends over a different political opinion?

Yep.

Depends how close to the extremes of the spectrum they are

Of course not.

I've broken contact with someone over a difference of religious views, although it was because the 'lady' in question became personally abusive when she couldn't win the argument.

Only if you're 17, or if you're dealing with excessive zeal or extreme political views..

Real friends wouldn't fall out over such an inane pastime anyway

And the brother in law got told in no uncertain terms over his plans to vote Ukip

Yes definitely, considering whats recently happened.

Already jettisoned one, family looking more complicated but I'm working on it.

No.

No, of course not, pretty pathetic & childish behaviour. I've only ever fallen out for personal/family reasons & that's only twice in 60 years.

Yes definitely, considering whats recently happened.

Really, & what was that then?
*with inquisitive look*

Depends how close to the extremes of the spectrum they are

the 'lady' in question became personally abusive when she couldn't win the argument.

I've got no time for some of the closet racists etc.

Depends. Normally 'no' as long as it we were both either happy to understand a difference of opinion and may even chat about it while accepting we may differ in opinion.

My nephew, however, has decided he's"right wing". So right wing that he's started quoting/retweeting Tommy Robinson and EDL, continually disparages muslims and bigs up both Trump and Faridge, so much so he finds it "delicious" (his words) about people being upset about Trump etc. He actively delights in others' pain.

So much so that while he's only 19 I've told him to get stuffed, sling his hook and come talk to me when he wants to behave like a human being. If he doesn't decide to respect other people then as far as I'm concerned I want nothing more to do with him.

That depends on how close the friendship is.

10 years friendship is just ordinary friend which is rather common.

The answer: No, at my hometown in far east everyone voted for the govt except us.

My friend's wife, with a few drinks in her talks total bollocks.
We visited them for dinner at the end of June just after the vote. His wife had voted out and was very pleased with the result.
Once someone says "I'm not racist but...." you know you are going to have to do some pretty serious tongue biting.
Have not seem them since.
Shall have to try and engineer daytime visits to catch her while sober.

Another question is "could you be friends with a UKIP voting racist xenophobe and homophobe?"

I don't think I could be.

Real friends no. Work colleagues yes. It was a sad day when the labour supporter came out.

I've recently been unfriended and blocked by my Tory MP on Fb.. We didn't share political views and he didn't like me mentioning poor people or the disabled on his fb posts...

Isn't this how wars kick off?

Anyone for a war?

Is it the opinion or the way the opinion is presented? Can easily see how it would escalate and could cause that.

I wouldn't stop talking to any brexiters just because they voted out, i'd stop talking to the ones who continue to be aggressive with it. And i'd be the same with in voters.

This is a lefty trait, I've known so many 'free thinkers' who only debate with others sharing similar opinions otherwise they trigger. Becomes so predictable that it's amusing to watch. 😆

Isn't this how wars kick off?

I have a sign on my front door saying
"please do not UKIP in my letterbox"
Hasn't stopped the kipper-voting Daily Heil reading racist father in law from visiting I'm afraid..

A difference in political opinion is one thing, racism and homophobia is beyond the pale. I spent too long battling BNP scum to give airtime to those views.

I have seen this happen at work,
During a referendum a couple of years ago, one member of staff had a discussion about why everyone must vote yes, another member of staff suggested that it was none of her business which way anyone else voted, (he didn't, at any point, use the word no) and she, from that moment onwards, refused to speak to him again.
She also tried to put a grievance in with management, removed him from her facebook page, attempted to have him removed from a facebook group we are all on, (the group is used for roadwork updates) and made her mouth go about it to anyone who happened to be near, for the remaining 3 months until the referendum actually took place.
Religion and politics, don't discuss them, ever.

It depends. And I suppose, not so much over the political opinion, but the beliefs and opinions that underpin it. Like, I wouldn't unbefriend a person because, frinstance, they voted Leave. But I would if they voted Leave because they want to send all the darkies home.

If you only surround and associate yourself with people of similar views and opinions than you then you are narrow minded and pretty ignorant. It takes assorts and politics is a pretty crappy thing to base any relationship on. My mates have a variety of political opinions and on the odd occasion we discuss politics we'll argue our points, sometimes i'll learn something or see something from someone else viewpoint - I might still disagree but at least i'll understand why they hold that view. But I very rarely talk politics with mates for any length of time.

Best mate became a full on racing roadie about 5 yrs back, we still speak.

Politics isn't something that happens in the parliament of your choice. Your political opinion pretty much covers every aspect of your personality and attitude to others. I don't think I would stop being friends over a significant difference in political opinion simply because I am very doubtful we would have been good friends in the first place if we were that fundamentally diametric. What you count as a friend of course is important- the lad that turns up on a group ride you nod to? The bloke who also has a kid at the same school you get stuck talking to at the gate or just people who know you almost better than your wife? I have a lot of acquaintances but very few folk who I count as real friends.

Religion and politics, don't discuss them, ever.

Yep, you're right.

I don't actually know anyone's political views that I know, other than my wife. Not friends, colleagues or even my parents. It's not the done thing.

Depends on the difference & extremity of the views I guess. I'm a dyed in the wool red lefty, but my girl friend voted for Cameron and out in the EU referendum for economic reasons. although it leads to the occasional heated debate, we accommodate the each others views, particularly as we both thought out our own opinions over the years based on information from credible sources rather than memes on Facebook. If however she / I was a religious zealot or a closet racist & xenophobe I'm sure neither of us would want to have any that my to do wth the other

You choose your friends in this life, they ain't forced upon you.

Doesn't matter which side of the triangle they care to sit, if thier underlying beliefs are not similar to your own and you fail to distinguish and or respect them, then you are basing freindship on crumbling foundations.

We all go though jettisoning friends throughout our lives, gaining new ones along the way. It's how we develop and learn and grow as people.

Religion and politics, don't discuss them, ever.

Was always told this as a kid.

Nope never fallen out with a friend over politics/religion or lost one because of it. I imagine it's possible.

So, say you had friends from years ago, proper good mates, but only recently (& I mean well before Brexit recently, cos that's what this is all about after all) you/they realised that they/you had different political ideas/persuasions, would you still be mates?
Cos me & my proper mates are.
Maybe some people don't actually have any proper mates?

Just saying.

Yes I would.

If you are small-minded, ignorant and prejudiced; if you believe that the rich deserve their wealth and the poor deserve their poverty, or support policies that are underpinned by that belief; if you are comfortable with there being want and suffering whilst the privileged enrich themselves further, then...

...no, I don't want to be your fwiend.

Maybe some people don't actually have any proper mates?
Just saying.

Or maybe some people have principles.

Just saying 😉

If you are small-minded, ignorant and prejudiced; if you believe that the rich deserve their wealth and the poor deserve their poverty, or support policies that are underpinned by that belief; if you are comfortable with there being want and suffering whilst the privileged enrich themselves further,

That's ok cos none of my long term friends are tories anyway. I'd probably still be friends though, cos I'm not a cock, just a pisstaker.

If they can engage in adult conversation and debate. Why not?
If they are shouty children who repeat themselves over and over or invent facts, I'll struggle to respect them.
If they come out as outright loons (extremists, Daily Mail readers and brexshitters), I'll buy them the hook to sling.

none of my long term friends are tories

I like you already 😀

No. Never.

Infinite diversity in infinite combinations - "live long and prosper"

🙂

On the other hand, if you value political beliefs over true friendship...that's pretty shallow & I wouldn't want true friends like that.

That's how fights start.

Did I say that already?

FWIW, my long term riding pal who I've been riding with for 25 years is probably a tory, he's well off, has a house worth about 400k with no mortgage & 4 renty houses.
I have absolutely no idea how or who he votes for. politics have never ever come into conversation in 25 years of riding together.
That may be odd, but It's good.

if you value political beliefs over true friendship

It's the opposite of shallow. "True friendship" cannot ignore someone's core beliefs.

I have absolutely no idea how or who he votes for. politics have never ever come into conversation in 25 years of riding together.

depends how seriously you take yourself doesn't it?

If you truly believe that any of that shit matters and that your opinions make some sort of difference, then maybe you could cut off an aquaintance if they were a bit heavy or unreasonable..

I think most of my real friends realise that we're all just pawns dancing to someone else's tune though

What Yunki said. No matter what me & my pal talk about as far as politics are concerned, are going to make one iota of difference. I have no idea why, in all these years, wev'e never really discussed politics in any detail.
I suspect wer'e both happy in our little insignificant worlds.
Unlike a lot of people.......

In the words of Metallica. Sad but True.

I think most of my real friends realise that we're all just pawns dancing to someone else's tune though

That's a very political statement though ?

The majority of my friends, which isn't very many, as it happens, do tend to have slightly opposing views, but I always stay out of any discussion; these are people I've known for over forty years, I'm not losing friends over something so bloody trivial.

Under normal circumstances that I'm likely to encounter, no.

The responses on here have been giving me food for thought. I have friends who vote differently to me and we've never fallen out. But I tend to filter out of my life people who are privileged and don't realise it, or people who have no empathy for those less fortunate.

And yeah, racists and bigots can **** off

Yes my sister in law,......it is just one of the many reasons I do talk to her, an important one though.

If they are privilidged and don't realise it, and its brought to their attention, and they carry on regardless
That's when I cut the toxity out of my life.
We can't control much in life,but that's one area where we can

Solely because of a difference of political opinions? Nope.

Probably not, but some political opinions are directly opposed to my own personal circumstances. Not sure that's particularly good grounds for friendship imo.

If they are privilidged and don't realise it, and its brought to their attention, and they carry on regardless

Woe betide anyone failing to check their own privilege, and ignoring having it checked for them.

Sunt lacremae rerum.

A couple of friends have become acquaintances. To be friends you need to share some core values and demonstrate a little tact. For example if you start slagging off economic migrants and your "friend" is an economic migrant (I am) don't expect the friendship to be quite as close as it previously was. If you consistently insult teachers don't expect your teacher friends to be as friendly.

The are affinities on this forum, friendships even. I know who I'd happily meet up with for a ride and it might not be the people you'd expect. Friends can be good sparing partners, debate is good, but when "friends" express prejudice, hate and selfishness in large doses it doesn't really matter if it's dressed up as political opinion, they become acquaintances.

Oh, i know how comparatively lucky I am, fella.

Edukator +1

A couple of friends have become acquaintances. To be friends you need to share some core values and demonstrate a little tact. For example if you start slagging off economic migrants and your "friend" is an economic migrant (I am) don't expect the friendship to be quite as close as it previously was. If you consistently insult teachers don't expect your teacher friends to be as friendly.

I agree with that.

With my 'nope' I was thinking of my current friends, I suppose those whose political / social opinions I already broadly speaking know.

There are (of course?) some political views / stances whose holders I could / would not be friends with. A simple matter of generally supporting green, conservative or labour? We muddle along!

As per Edukators example, yep, that kind of thing would certainly cool a relationship!

Depends here, of all the people I know very few will, for example, discuss political stuff on Facebook or twitter, maybe half a dozen, all of whom can discuss things properly and like adults, a bit of lighhearted banter etc. but the stuff they post rarely pricks my conscience as it's plainly reasonable, and when it does it's a perfectly reasonable discussion.

On the other hand, there are one or two of the 'like and share' persona, and they do so *constantly* - several times a day - and in my experience they are the only people I've seen who really get upset when anyone calls something they have posted out as bollocks, and the only ones who flounce when they start losing the argument.

On a personal/work basis, never any problems, lighthearted banter again and some real positive and interesting discussions over the years, in fact very often it's the first time some of them have encountered someone with actual experience of 'the other side' (animal research for example) and it ends up really positive. Only once or twice has it got stroppy/heated, both times over animal rights.

I've been volunteering with a charity for the past year, and there's only one or two 'righties' amongst a sea of lefties, and it's been remarkable to see how all pervading the 'social bubble' aspect is.

The sort of opposite of this would be 'I could be friends with anyone who was of the same political persuasion'.
Which probably doesn't hold true for many. Therefore, proof by contradiction that you can be friends with political mismatches ?

all of whom can discuss things properly and like adults, a bit of lighhearted banter etc. but the stuff they post rarely pricks my conscience as it's plainly reasonable

Corbyn's a cock! (so is May, Trump, Clinton, Farage.....& most other MP's.

Can I be your friend?

See, that's reasonable

hysterical nonsense claiming that, for example, Trump wants to exterminate gay people. Or that Corbyn is the new Stalin, is the type of thing that Would prick me to 'encourage the poster to get a sense of proportion'

Generally no - politicians don't deserve that much credit.

Exceptions would be extreme views verging on hatred which would make me question whether I would want to spend time with someone.

But Brexshit certainly made my think about people differently and not in a good way, which is a great shame. I wish that this was not the case.

No, religion, yes.
I can separate racists, sexists and other bad traits without politics being involved, if you think being left or right clearly marks you as a racists or whatever then you are very wrong, some traits cross political divides. I have friends who are inherently right wing but view trident as immoral and left leaning friends who worry about immigration, its a recent phenomenon where people seem to want to label people instead of debate, something we saw in huge evidence recently with Brexit and regrettably here a lot.

However, with politics there is at lest some core beliefs based on real things, such as living conditions, the belief that it benefits other through act or facilitation, local government etc, with religion its pure hokum.

esselgruntfuttock - Member

FWIW, my long term riding pal who I've been riding with for 25 years is probably a tory, he's well off, has a house worth about 400k with no mortgage & 4 renty houses.
I have absolutely no idea how or who he votes for. politics have never ever come into conversation in 25 years of riding together.
That may be odd, but It's good.

Don't (possibly) make the mistake of equating wealth with a certain political point of view. I went on a walking holiday with a union member and Labour voter, who was under the impression that some of the other people were Conservative voters, with them having homes costing upwards of 400k, and nice cars and having had jobs earning more than 50k a year (those who were enjoying having retired), and they were liberal and Labour voters - being baby boomers who'd just happened to strike it lucky in life. Until people say - one never knows who they vote for.

I like lively political debate. I flew to Brazil over the Brexit vote (flew out on the day of vote, glee home after result known) and my fellow pilot was a fervent leaver, but with cogent reasoned arguments. We debated very strongly, but still had a beer after the flight, and spent the whole flight home trying to work out how the country would progress.

I respect anybody's political views, but may not like their personal values that form them.

Over "opinion", probably not. Over behaviour, actions and comments arising from such opinion, certainly.

I know what you mean about personal values, a long term family friend is a Conservative voter, and her reason/value is her belief that since she has managed to pull herself up by her own bootstraps, then everybody else can too if they really try. She's a good hearted person and very kind, and helps out anybody if she can, and just has a core belief that everybody would be alright if they really tried to be. I'm a greeny/liberal type, but I get why she votes how she does even if I think her reason why is misplaced, which means I still like her.

Until people say - one never knows who they vote for.

Even when they say one never knows. My MIL declared one day she'd been lying to my FIL about how she'd voted since they met. They'd been cancelling our each others vote for over half a lifetime. 😀

just has a core belief that everybody would be alright if they really tried to be.

Yeah. You see, a belief like that would get right on my tits. Because it is manifestly and objectively not true. And suggests either naivety, an unwillingness to see the world as it is, or a lack of empathy.

She's a good hearted person and very kind

Hmmm... 😉

No, but someone I've known for years hasn't spoken to me since I pointed out that immigration is good for the country and you don't get many immigrants in Cumbria (he thought Cumbria was overrun with immigrants - Lancastrians maybe?).

Brexies seem a bit thin skinned to be honest.

She is good heart & very kind, hebdencyclist - she volunteers for Samaritans. 🙂

Had problems, well other people have had problems with me not having a problem associating with people with views different to theirs and mine.

People strive for simplification and binary certainty to get things done. It's encouraged and successful in law and the work place amongst others, proof enough for many of a blanket sometimes small minded approach to things.

I don't have a problem with different views until the inevitable amateur indoctrination begins! Although it's not exactly difficult to spot no matter how underhand and manipulative the ****bag is 😆

Yes.

I can't think of a recent political event that would cause this. During Indyref, the GE, HE and Brexit I obviously had friends on the "opposing" sides. We're still friends. I also have friends in many religions and in none.

However, there are limits and the hypothetical question should explore these. Would anyone on here really stay friendly with someone if they'd been behaving like some of the folk in the recent American Alt-Right video?

"and my fellow pilot was a fervent leaver, but with cogent reasoned arguments. We debated very strongly, but still had a beer after the flight"

Yes, but if you'd called him a racist and a idiot he might not have been so keen to have a beer with you...

No.

To be friends with someone (and not an acquaintance), they'll have shown their lack of ignorance, bigotry and other general nastiness. I studied PPE at Uni so many of my friends from that era are obviously interested in politics, have different ideas to mine yet we have intelligent, interesting and often mature conversations. Any political ideas from mid-right to mid-left have their merits and flaws and can be argued for or against. I think it's what makes it such a fascinating subject and anyone who can justify their ideas (either to themselves or when questioned) is fine by me. I [i]just[/i] voted remain. Two people I knew couldn't get their head around my wavering and were arseholes. We are still friends. I judged them on their lack of intellect as opposed to their political opinion.

Religion (as a few people have mentioned it) makes me feel more facepalmy as it's clearly nonsense and has done a tremendous amount of harm.

(didn't The Specials do a song about this ?)

Anyways, I would hope not. I think you should be open to other people's views or you aren't thinking very hard yourself. It is healthy to have a wide circle of friends, and mine are all pretty good, but I don't actively seek people like myself, or surround myself with sycophants. Some of my friendships were tested during the Scottish referendum, but survived and are probably stronger.

However, as others have said, there is a bit of a line, and racist BS is it for me.

Family - sadly different story. I was in the Chinese takeaway the other day and got treated to a speech about how the Chinese are great and welcome and lovely people to have in a country "not like those ISIS people" ? (you know, the ones under the beds).

no, unless it betrayed other issues like racism, or weapons grade ignorance (without a will to inform themselves). But then those things don't just suddenly become apparent in friends.

I think it's tragic how we've seemingly lost the ability to engage in healthy debate and political discourse without hatred, which is being reflected in Westminster. I genuinely fear where that may lead us.

Perhaps we're seeing hyper confirmation bias in an information age, add in fear, and you have deeply entrenched often extreme views, and an extreme sense of entitlement to be heard and to be right.

Yes

If someone is not willing to debate, and is dogmatic in their views and any view contrary to theirs is <insert any derogatory word here>, then why bother.

Happened to me with a very left wing friend a long time ago. She was on about salary levels and how someone should set caps on everyone. I asked who should, and how do they decide. The crap that came out of her mouth was amazing, personal attacks etc, so I just turned and walked away.

What if your gay, black friend voted out? Would you still have to like them so you didn't come across as homophobic or racist?

Good thread this, one so far that hasn't gone off on a Political in/out/shake it all about path.

My oldest friend is an entrepeneur holiday-let landlord who likes to think of himself as a socialist. We discuss it occasionally. He's still my friend.

My old bass player, on the other hand, has turned into a fat whining white supremacist NRA gun nut. I've no intention of talking to him again.

Although, he does live in North Carolina so fortunately I probably won't have to...