Forum menu
Ah... I married into a family who (mostly) don't do "on time". If anyone remembers the mandatory holiday t-shirt thread, it's that lot.
One of my brothers in law was late to his own birthday party by 2 hours. Fair enough, his journey was the longest, but en route he actually passed the homes of three other guests, two of them elderly, all of them travelling the same railway line, and all of whom turned up 10 mins early.
We ate without him 😁
I do think MS Teams means people don't keep an eye on their diary these days. They just wait for the notification to pop up and login. Which makes them late. I WFH now, but a pet hate was people who decide that a meeting cannot be shorter than planned, making them (and everyone else) late.
Whilst foreman at a marquee firm people soon learnt that being late meant they would turn up to a yard with all the vehicles gone and if they wanted paying there was a mountain of carpet to clean.
Was a hard cut off, once wheels were moving they were obsolete and we wouldn't even stop if they drove into the yard as we drove out. Days were long enough without time wasters.
Not totally heartless though, would pick staff up from police cells if they managed to get taken to a station on our route and we could get them out.
I'm always on time.
We had a new person start where I worked and Itold him how easy it was to cycle to the station, put bike on train and cycle at the other end. I said I'd do it with him and arranged a time.
He was late. His former job was sargeant major in the army.
I have never felt so diappointed in anyone.
You do know not being on time is very much a trait of someone having ADHD ? My son does it. Be here between 1pm and 2pm. Give him an hour. Nope, arrives at 3pm. The rest of us in the house are usually early, just in case. Son, nope I can get there by X time - leaves at 10 minutes to X, and it's 10 miles away.
This. Some of us try really, really hard to be on time for stuff but it just never works out
ADHD is something an employer or manager needs to be aware of especially if someone is regularly late. We just ask people to do their hours. Can be an issue with meetings.
I've seen it in colleagues and my own son.
You folk sound like no fun at all.
It’s no fun getting into an airport early to catch a plane. I’ve on occasion sprinted through security and up to the gate five minutes after takeoff time and still made it.
Why should I bother being early?
Why? To post a photo on Instagram of your lukewarm, hideously overpriced departure lounge pint of Stella, obvs!!!
You folk sound like no fun at all.
It’s no fun getting into an airport early to catch a plane. I’ve on occasion sprinted through security and up to the gate five minutes after takeoff time and still made it.
Why should I bother being early?
Reminds me of the time a potential client asked to meet my boss and I to talk about some prospective work (raising a 'red mud' tailings dam). He specified a cafe to meet at. No problemo. Morning of the meeting we looked it up to see where it was. Turned out it was 540km north of our office (he'd assumed we weren't at our head office, we'd assumed he was at his head office).
Some time later we flew up to do a site visit (having won some work with him). Turned up and HE wasn't even working there. Not to worry, his 2IC showed us around. Then we had hours to kill before the flight home in a very boring place. Fortunately at some point in these "hours" we double-checked the departure time and then proceeded to run to security (where of course they made us take off shoes and belts) and just make it to the plane.
Some people are just not fussed about exact timings and timings are always just estimates.
Which would make you think they are often early too... bet they're not
I had this conversation with a perpetually late friend who seemed satisfied that 'about 7' was a time. Well that could mean 6:50 or 7:10, alternatively 6:45 or 7:15. So on average 'about 7' is '7'.
"About 7" is not 7. "7" is 7. If you / your friend (which way round is this, it's not clear?) were to say to me "meet about 7" I would hear "exact timing is unimportant." I'd go to a house party for "about 7," might be nearer 8, what difference does it make to anyone else? It's not like it's going anywhere. Whereas if we were planning to meet to go out or something then "about 7" would be bloody stupid and I'd hate to keep people waiting for me. Unless they turn up half an hour early of course, then that's their own silly fault.
How hard is it to just say what you mean rather than playing euphemistic guessing games? I hear what you actually tell me, I don't know (and to be honest, I don't care) what you thought you might have intended. You want me there at 7 then just say so and I absolutely will be there on time 100% with bells on; you tell me "about 7" and I'm batting for "some time before tomorrow."
I'd much rather be be early.. Airport.. Not the end of the world to drink a pint or two and not have to rush.
And the price of beer these days... The airports are missing a trick.. I think the Manchester blonde is 7 at Manchester Airport... My tipple in my local is 6 quid a pop so it's not really a consideration for me.
And if you get a flat tyre or the shuttle bus has an issue etc etc... I don't need the stress.
Funny story, we used to have a regular poker game.. Just a friendly social thing as one particular person was always late.. Like an hour plus late and would turn up expecting to buy in..
We eventually started telling her the game is starting an hour earlier than planned and she still manages to be late all the time.
It wasn't an open table... We'd all put a fiver or a tenner into the pot depending on whether people were a bit skint or not.. and got the same amount of chips, once you've lost your chips your out. Nice and simple.
Yet they would rock up half way through a game and expect to buy in..
I lost my shit one time, as this happened pretty much every game, so I took my tenner back out of the kitty and put my remaining chips in the middle of the table as a gift to whoever won the next round, basically did a mic drop.
Apparently that was contriversial according to them... Yeah whatever you tardy time waster!
Funny story, we used to have a regular poker game.. Just a friendly social thing as one particular person was always late.. Like an hour plus late and would turn up expecting to buy in..
We eventually started telling her the game is starting an hour earlier than planned and she still manages to be late all the time.
My Mum does this with a friend. They used to go to concerts, the theatre etc every once in a while. Not really the sort of thing you could be late for. My Mum would do all the arranging, book the tickets, sort the travel and say "be at mine for 6pm".
6pm, she'd get a phone call from her friend to say that she was just getting ready - this usually meant a bath, dry her hair, makeup, drive over. After about the third show they either only just made or missed the start of, my Mum started giving ever earlier times to meet and she'd still manage to be late.
It's so disrespectful.
Funny story, we used to have a regular poker game.. Just a friendly social thing as one particular person was always late.. Like an hour plus late and would turn up expecting to buy in..
We eventually started telling her the game is starting an hour earlier than planned and she still manages to be late all the time.My Mum does this with a friend. They used to go to concerts, the theatre etc every once in a while. Not really the sort of thing you could be late for. My Mum would do all the arranging, book the tickets, sort the travel and say "be at mine for 6pm".
6pm, she'd get a phone call from her friend to say that she was just getting ready - this usually meant a bath, dry her hair, makeup, drive over. After about the third show they either only just made or missed the start of, my Mum started giving ever earlier times to meet and she'd still manage to be late.
It's so disrespectful.
That's the most insulting thing.. It's not just them being ****less, I can cope with that, it's really not a problem.. it's that they expect to be accommodated by others because they simply expect special treatment and expect others to put things on hold for them.
Side note.. Apparently **** less is a swear word now, lol
F e c k l e s s
you ****less monster
loving Cougar's work on this thread.
My Mum would do all the arranging, book the tickets, sort the travel and say "be at mine for 6pm".
And that's the mistake. How about instead, "We're leaving at 6pm"? It's 6:05 and everyone has left, well then, are we learning yet? Trains don't see you sprinting down the platform, they piss off without you.
I swear to god people are just making all of this avoidably difficult due to a reluctance to get to the point. Either that or I'm a higher-functioning sociopath and have the opposite problem. 😁
Aside, that Father Ted "... is now a swear word" has been so for a very long time, that harkens back to Fred days.
What's the phrase... fool me once, shame on you, fool me ten times, I'm a massive fool and it's a 'me problem' for putting up with it.
Somewhere inbetween those two points is a pivot point from... "oh they are late again, never mind', to "why am I wasting my time".
Actually,
I appreciate that I'm almost certainly not neurotypical, but I genuinely sincerely do not understand why this is challenging for anyone as a concept. Perhaps this is on me.
But time is absolute. It's numbers. If you say "be at mine for 7" then there's no ambiguity to be had there, it's really clear what is being requested.
If I say "be at mine for 7" and you arrive at 6:30, I'll be in my pants scrabbling for a dressing gown and wondering how I'm going to entertain you for half an hour; if you say "be at mine for 7" and I rock up at 6:30, I'll have brought my Kindle and snacks and I'll probably sit in the car for 28 minutes before ringing the doorbell.
Actually,
I appreciate that I'm almost certainly not neurotypical, but I genuinely sincerely do not understand why this is challenging for anyone as a concept. Perhaps this is on me.
But time is absolute. It's numbers. If you say "be at mine for 7" then there's no ambiguity to be had there, it's really clear what is being requested.
If I say "be at mine for 7" and you arrive at 6:30, I'll be in my pants scrabbling for a dressing gown and wondering how I'm going to entertain you for half an hour; if you say "be at mine for 7" and I rock up at 6:30, I'll have brought my Kindle and snacks and I'll probably sit in the car for 28 minutes before ringing the doorbell.
I agree.. too many people say 'oh I've got ADHD' or oh, 'I'm mildly autistic' and I think that is a real punch in the face for people who genuinley do have such afflictions.
(IMO) 99% of the time It's simply a case of a lack of respect for other peoples time and effort.
As I say.. a few times, let it slide... but if it's consitent, then you're just being taken for a mug, maybe they should like, buy a watch or something.
Just to clarify before I get flamed alive...
If you know you have an appointment at 11, that means you should know that you should be getting ready at 10, or even earlier if you are relying on public transport.
If you only bother to start getting ready at 11, for a meeting at 11, then I'm sorry but you're not disabled, you're just a ****.
Don't get angry.. you know they don't value your time or effort now, so lesson learned.. No more favours for them?
This
Erm well.
Haven’t go time to reply here I’m running late for a meeting I don’t want to chair.
I fall into the same category as Cougar's wife I think, although maybe not soooo much. On-time is good, 5 minutes early (because if you are not five minutes early you are late) is better. Worst case, I can take my time leaving my van, or I can grab a coffee on the way to the meeting.
When it comes to travelling though, I always calculate backwards from the arrival time and pad slightly. More important if it is air travel due to the fsckery that security brings. If I get through with less hassle, fine. I'll have a coffee and read a paper or book for an hour, but I've done my share of having to go through security at the last minute and then sprint the length of the terminal to catch a plane and, quite frankly, no. Missing planes is also a royal PITA and, these days, really expensive.
But time is absolute. It's numbers. If you say "be at mine for 7" then there's no ambiguity to be had there, it's really clear what is being requested.
Perhaps you are conflating precision and accuracy?
if you want people to be precise you may find it helps to actually pick a non round number - be at mine at 6.55 sends a message that is much clearer, similarly if you don’t want people turning up when still in your pants 7.05
im amazed that some of you have repeat offenders in your life and get wound up by it - we literally tell my SIL a different time from everyone else because she works in her own time zone.
I have family that consider the appointed hour as about the time to consider getting ready. But it's family, what do you do other than tell them to meet 30 mins earlier.
What does boil my piss is being lied to. Because i know where they live, I know where we're meeting, and there's this thing called 'Maps' that enables me to look up how long that takes in real actual right now terms. So when they arrive 30 mins late and give it the 'ah the traffic through town was terrible'..... of course, I just swallow the fact that I know what it's like and then quietly seethe to strangers on the internet.
The 'At', 'About', 'Around' thing. Again, I'm not claiming ADHD or Autism but they do have specific meanings to me. Which is why I got into a ridiculous 'row' (relatively good natured but I wasn't backing down) on a work course, where we'd been told to split into break out groups, consider a problem / question and come up with (and I quote because it's really ****ing important) - '6-8 things to take back to the office we can improve to address this'.
So I'm now having a blazing row because we've got 10 ideas and we need to drop two to meet the brief. Eventually trainer comes over to see what the finger jabbing is about and tells us that although they said 6-8, 10 is fine. Red Rag. So why did you say 6-8 which specifically means 6, 7, or 8 are the only acceptable numbers. If 10 was ok why didn't you say 6-10? Or around 8ish? If you told me to recruit 6 people to deliver a project and I turned up with 9 would you just 'meh' it?
Lastly - when it comes to people being late I am careful until I know why having got burnt in the past. As captain of the cricket club, we had a relatively strict arrival time, 45 mins before start, to enable some prep/warmup and ensure people's heads were on right rather than scabbling to put kit on still as the umpires cross the rope. But one day at an away game we are 3 short at the toss, all travelling together, days before mobiles so no means of calling them, and I'm seething because either way, it's 2 of our top 4 batting line up or we're going to be asked to field with 3 big gaps in the field. I'm venting to all and sundry about letting people down and dropping them next game and.... they'd been in a big crash on the M4 and now in the backs of ambulances on the way to Wexham Park. I learned a lesson that day.
I agree.. too many people say 'oh I've got ADHD' or oh, 'I'm mildly autistic' and I think that is a real punch in the face for people who genuinley do have such afflictions.
yup
i have those traits in both adhd and autusm but i do not have the actual condition. its also never an excuse.
The 'At', 'About', 'Around' thing. Again, I'm not claiming ADHD or Autism but they do have specific meanings to me.perhaps though they mean different things to different people - even a dictionary won't really clarify who is right - see "literally" as an example, assuming that your meaning is the one others use is just a route to getting yourself worked up.
Potentially he was trying to de-escalate your conflict, had you calmly presented him with 10, he might well have asked "could you try to prioritise your top 6". But equally I suspect you might struggle with the phrase "rules are made to be broken" and might have become fixated on the specifics of the task rather than the purpose of the task. Having been that facilitator, its also quite likely he was internally going "oh FFS, this session is already over running, and its eating into coffee/lunch".Which is why I got into a ridiculous 'row' (relatively good natured but I wasn't backing down) ... So why did you say 6-8 which specifically means 6, 7, or 8 are the only acceptable numbers.
I'd much rather be be early.. Airport.. Not the end of the world to drink a pint or two and not have to rush.
And the price of beer these days... The airports are missing a trick.. I think the Manchester blonde is 7 at Manchester Airport... My tipple in my local is 6 quid a pop so it's not really a consideration for me.And if you get a flat tyre or the shuttle bus has an issue etc etc... I don't need the stress.
My sister was flying out to Italy with her very autistic son to meet me, so we could visit our severely ill father before a major operation.
Missed her flight. She got an alternative to a different airport. She is completely skint, can't afford a hotel. I drove a 4 hours round trip to pick her up, mainly because I knew how stressed my nephew would be. Barely got a thank you. Extremely defensive when I suggested she had messed up her timings, hadn't set off on time and in future should let her son plan travel timings for her (maybe a shouldn't have said the last bit). This is completely typical behaviour.
To top it off I got a 200 euro speeding ticket a couple of months later as I was driving unfamiliar roads late at night in a foul mood.
I really didn't need that stress.
When it comes to travelling though, I always calculate backwards from the arrival time and pad slightly.
So do I, but the devil here is that I don't do it at every step multiple times over. She'll go "it'll take ten minutes to get into the car (it really won't) so I'll allow 20... the journey is half an hour's drive so I'll allow an hour... I might need a piss so that's another 15 minutes... " and suddenly she's helicoptering an hour before I need to start to even think about getting ready to leave.
I can get washed, dressed and be in the car with the engine running having leisurely made a coffee in passing inside of ten minutes, I don't need to factor in an hour of slack to go to the hairdressers a 15 minute drive away.
If she sorted out her own shit instead of worrying after everyone else's, we'd be even earlier. I think this is part of the issue, the rest of her family are all bloody useless at communicating time. "My sister's coming over today" - "cool, when?" - "I don't know." Oh great, so we'll just sit here for the entire ****ing day just on the offchance that she graces us with her presence at some point then, shall we?
So do I, but the devil here is that I don't do it at every step multiple times over. She'll go "it'll take ten minutes to get into the car (it really won't) so I'll allow 20... the journey is half an hour's drive so I'll allow an hour... I might need a piss so that's another 15 minutes... " and suddenly she's helicoptering an hour before I need to start to even think about getting ready to leave.
I can get washed, dressed and be in the car with the engine running having leisurely made a coffee in passing inside of ten minutes, I don't need to factor in an hour of slack to go to the hairdressers a 15 minute drive away.
If she sorted out her own shit instead of worrying after everyone else's, we'd be even earlier. I think this is part of the issue, the rest of her family are all bloody useless at communicating time. "My sister's coming over today" - "cool, when?" - "I don't know." Oh great, so we'll just sit here for the entire ****ing day just on the offchance that she graces us with her presence at some point then, shall we?
If my wife had a sister I'd be suspicious she was cheating on me with you...
If my wife had a sister I'd be suspicious she was cheating on me with you...
Your bathroom needs regrouting.
The more I think about this - thank you, STW counselling session - the more I think it's a Them problem. She's spent so much time (ho ho!) enabling their bollocks that it's normalised behaviour and now I'm just collateral damage.
But it's a drama because she's spent her whole life rolling over to this insanity. She knows The Boy is always late, she knows his sister isn't much better, she knows that her sister is a flake on a good day, because they're all the bloody same. This is just the natural order of things and she constantly compensates for it, second-guessing everyone else and planning around their erratic hopelessness. It's no wonder she's stressed. Then Literal Man arrives on the scene and I'm seemingly a reckless lunatic for approximating the time that tasks will actually take, acknowledging that sometimes it really just doesn't matter, or suggesting that perhaps it might be courteous to tell people what you're doing.
Not work related but a mate turned up for a ride a few years ago, 40 mins later than arranged before getting his tools out to try and fix the dropper post that had been playing up on a ride the weekend before. The rest of us just left him to get on with it and set off
A group I used to ride with the arrangement was meet at 10 for a 10.30 start. My answer would be ill meet you at 10.28 ready to go
Not work related but a mate turned up for a ride a few years ago, 40 mins later than arranged before getting his tools out to try and fix the dropper post that had been playing up on a ride the weekend before. The rest of us just left him to get on with it and set off
Jesus wept. Surprised you hung about that long in the first place.
Many moons ago my work lunchtime MTB group had a rider like that. Every time, there was a puncture to fix, gears to adjust (or fit a new cable to, one time), shoes to locate in the recycling centre that passed for a van. Given that lunchtime is kind of short enough as is... I reckon he maybe joined about 30% of the rides.
Proper preparation and all that...
Worth remembering the OP's workmatw wasnt late, he was just taking longer than expected in the MOT place. Which happens..
Not true, they'd arranged to meet at the MOT centre so colleague could drop car off and get a lift in.
Colleague then had temerity to text to say they were 5 mins late...when he was already 10 late.
Nothing in the OP about then being delayed in the test centre itself, but FWIW yes, it does happen. So the polite colleague would arrive early so that if they were slow in booking in, it doesnt delay the pick up.
That's how I read it also, they weren't delayed in the garage (and why would you be anyway, an MOT is "here's the key, see you this afternoon") but rather they couldn't be ****ed to trap in the first place.
My brother who otherwise is a great person, is habitually late when we go riding. Since he left home, he’s got worse. So much so, it’s become first a ‘joke’ about his timekeeping with riding buddies. So much so, he now rides rarely with the group. He gets irritated when he suspects that this is dealt with by suggesting a ride start time to him of an hour earlier. Seems to believe that we are too uptight and focussed on punctuality.
Love him, but it’s always driven me mad.
.. the clock on the hotel next to waverly train station is 3 minutes fast so folk dont miss their train.Clocks exist, don't be one of those knuckles who sets their clocks 8 minutes fast like it makes the blindest bit of difference to anything
I used to live and work in the Dominican Republic, a place where there was a different concept of time and being on time or late. I quite liked it.
I soent some time in Chile. we called it Chilean rubber time
.. the clock on the hotel next to waverly train station is 3 minutes fast so folk dont miss their train.Clocks exist, don't be one of those knuckles who sets their clocks 8 minutes fast like it makes the blindest bit of difference to anything
... or turn up and go "bugger the train must have left."
I'm perpetually a bit late for everything (home, not at work), so is the Mrs. The kids have double inherited this trait.
We go on holiday with a similarly minded family. It's glorious, nothing formal gets done, loads of lazing around cooking huge meals, vague intentions of doing things, 70% of which get done.
I've been away with 7am types, I love them dearly but it's not good for either of us to stretch it beyond a long weekend.