[Closed] Wife away for the weekend.....

Coke and hookers, obviously. All weekend 😀

Wee in every sink, and out of the back door

As someone else on here once suggested, a danger ****?
Obviously beer, loud music, how its made, family guy, porn and walking around in underpants is a given.

Wee in every sink, and out of the back door

Definitely out the back door, what a joy it is.

Especially if its beer fuelled and the back door is marginally closer than the toilet.

At least one meal should consist primarily of crisps.

Weeing out of the back door?

I really hope that isn't a metaphor.

Don't wash up/tidy anything you use, then panic 20 minutes before she is due home and wash up, hoover and make the bed. She will still moan the house is a tip.

oh and watch internet porn with the volume turned up

Nope, but weeing in the back door is 😈

And whatever takeawy food your wife doesnt like.

And whatever takeawy food your wife doesnt like.

Remember to save some (or buy extra) for your breakfast tomorrow.

I was thinking that this might be the time for me to try a food challenge. Double dozen of Crispy Creme doughnuts for dinner?

Remember to save some (or buy extra) for your breakfast tomorrow.

You will of course remember that she reads this forum and knows your STW identity!

I'd have a quiet weekend with a good book and maybe doing a few of the we jobs you've not yet got round to.............and when you get fed up with that ...beers, carryout curry and xbox fest with the friends she finds "childish" ...oh and wee out the door too!

Have a good one! Let us know what you actually did!!

Blow
Hookers
Public urination
Danger w***

All taken up in the first 3 posts.

Once you've got through the above you have to finish off with all 23 James Bond films whilst sat in a nest of your own filth.

Bikes in front room for overhaul

argoose - Member
Bikes in front room for overhaul

Shag your bikes in the front room

no wonder your missuses never go away!

Blow
Hookers
Public urination
Danger w***

Thats the first hour sorted!

As someone else on here once suggested, a danger ****?
Obviously beer, loud music, how its made, family guy, porn and walking around in underpants is a given.

A word of warning! If you've got a mahooooosive telly, be careful watching porn on it! It can be quite intimidating! Like the first time you watch Alien! 😯

Unfortunately our TV in the living room is next to full width patio doors that the wife decided didn't need proper curtains, just "dress" curtains. Danger w*** might be on the cards after all. I'll be going through our DVD collection trying to find short sections of filth due to our lack of proper porn. I've already told her I'll be eating a takeaway curry at some point......on her brand new sofa. Just out of interest, if there are any ladies reading this, what would you do if the old man went away for a weekend? Just so I know what to expect.

Moves tv onto coffee table 💡

Try and get your **** sock to stick to the bedroom ceiling.

Remember to remove it before she gets home.

You lucky devil. 10 mins after she's left light a big ole cone & smoke it [b]with[/b] a beer then watch a scifi horror with pizza & then snacks. Then another doob & then play console games till at least 2am. Happy dayz!

5 finger shuffle in every room of the house and a sneaky sex wee on her pillow...

Cheers

Danny B

Need to knock off the kitchen and porch from the list 💡

Read a book.

Do some home DIY that you've been meaning to get round to doing for 6 months.

Hoover.

And most importantly,

Never leave the toilet seat up.

You've gone quiet OP..

You've gone quiet OP..

He having some alone time

Dangerous.

She's still here. She's not leaving till early tomorrow morning. Not back till late Sunday so technically best part of two days. She's got another two trips booked as well so this could be a practice run. Should have "lazing around single bloke style" down to a tee by the summer.

Enjoy it, but make sure she doesn't read this thread! Oh and hoover before she comes back..

Round about now, he's going to be switching hands. Adds a certain frisson to it.

FYI, my girlfriend took a new job mid January. For the first 8 months she's away Monday to Friday.

I'm virtually blind already. And the smell.........

Got up late.
Cake for breakfast.
Xbox.
More Xbox.
Doughnuts.
Watched "How It's Made"
Watched "The Detonators"
Curry.
Leffe Blonde.
"True Grit" (Coen Brothers version"
Becks (the beer, not the footballer).
More Xbox.
'Watched' certain 10 minute previews at midnight.
Didn't relieve myself out of any doors or indulge in coke and hookers (just in case the wife reads this).
Day well spent really.

Mrs Coolhandluke was away last night back in the morning

After dropping her off I was off to the Indian restaurant for a ruby take a way, beers packed in fridge, watched Star Trek the movie and consumed all foodstuffs bought for the occasion as well as some chocolate bits out of a Christmas selection box. The Aberlour 12 took a bit of punishment too.

Now up with a raging thirst at 3am.

Watched' certain 10 minute previews at midnight.

Seeing as you post on here, I assume you have the Internet. So why the rubbish satellite "porn"!?

I was on the Xbox at the time and the laptop was downstairs. I'd had such a busy day I couldn't be bothered to move.
Decided that it's ok living the single life for a day or two but I'd probably be morbidly obese and blind after a week or two.

I had birds of the feathered variety whilst Mrs Beagle was away this weekend. I know, boring. Walking at my own pace, binos round my neck, stopping and listening when I wanted to with nothing but silence and occasional birdsong.

Water Rail, Little Egret, Hen Harrier, Short Eared Owl, Black Tailed Godwit and a buzzard chewing on a frog were the highlights yesterday.

Resembling a yellow pages/French polishing advert at the moment in Chez Beagle. Strange how it resembles a bomb site in 48 hours!!

Good luck with the cleaning up lads.

Just out of interest, if there are any ladies reading this, what would you do if the old man went away for a weekend? Just so I know what to expect.

Probably go to my mums cuz I don't like being in the house on my own.
Yes, I'm a grown up. No, I've never lived alone.

I'd just enjoy having a turn on the remote control. And I wouldn't bother cooking, I'd just live on red wine and pâté on toast.

Emma82-Maybe it's just a bloke thing then? I can't think that any male on here would be faced with a free weekend and then go to their parents. You are definitely the fairer sex and we're just a bunch of selfish old buggers? Just for the record though, my missus is pretty ace.(Damage limitation).

These threads crack me up 🙂

LOL LOL LOL reading that, is sadly, the best laugh I've had all wk. Going to swap my pillow!! What would i do? That would be telling (rye smile)Why don't you have a guess what us ladies (some of us ladies) would do. Clue: I wouldn't stay at my mother's or friends' house. Still imagining you blokes wondering around peeing on things lol lol

lol, OHs away for 3 weeks.

I'm sure the novelty will wear off though after a few days of having to cook for myself, look after all the animals and running out of underwear 😀

A word of warning! If you've got a mahooooosive telly, be careful watching porn on it! It can be quite intimidating! Like the first time you watch Alien!

So I wasn't the only person that noticed Kane was packing some serious Bratwurst?

it's a good chance to clean the house properly

Form many of the responses here, you would have thought the OP asked what should i do for the weekend "because my Mum has gone away for the weekend, and I'm 14"

andyl - Member
lol, OHs away for 3 weeks.

I'm sure the novelty will wear off though after a few days

A danger **** of the novelty rod. lol.

Someone would have had to explain a "danger w#@k" to me when I was 14.

Emma82-Maybe it's just a bloke thing then? I can't think that any male on here would be faced with a free weekend and then go to their parents. You are definitely the fairer sex and we're just a bunch of selfish old buggers? Just for the record though, my missus is pretty ace.(Damage limitation).

I'm just a massive scaredy cat about the dark and my house is only my home when t'uther half is there, if he's not here i'd rather be at my other home 🙂

I'm also not much into danger w%^*s although I did give it a go in the bath once but got caught, put me off a bit.