[Closed] Who's regret splitting/divorcing partner

i was out with 4 work colleagues a week ago, 1 who's husband hand committed suicide about 20 yrs ago, 1 who left her husband 2 yrs ago and is just baout to divorce, 1 whose wife left a similar time ago but seems to be messin him about and 1 who had just left her husband a couple of weeks ago. It was interesting but a little sad to hear them talking about it and having seen the mess the lady was in who is just about to get divorced i don't envy the one whose life has just turned upside down recently

Once you've got kids, surely the very concept of silence becomes somewhat abstract

Hora junior is like the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch to the sanity that be the marriage.

My parents split when I was 11 , I know my dad still loved my mum but she wasn't happy and ran off with one of my school teachers.Dad looked after my sister and I for 4 weeks before her return and then she was awarded custody of us kids. At the time I hated my mother with a passion especially when at 17 I was told 'I'm getting married to Berni and don't think you 2 will get on so you need to find somewhere to live!'.
Mum and Dad argued a lot and it wasn't a nice place to live, their splitting was for the best but the way she went about it still grates a bit.

I'm lucky like ir_bandito , been married for the last 10 years and together for 13 before that(drinking buddies for 2 years before this). We argue but never go to bed pissed with each other even if it means staying up till the early hours.We have 2 kids(8+2)and together with my wife they are the most precious things in my life. I think we're lucky as we were friends before we became lovers. I have become a little larger about the waist and have a rapidly receding hairline but my wife isn't the skinny thing she was when we met either,we accept each others faults and always try to find a middle ground.

Hope the OP can make the right descision for himself and his family.

surely the very concept of silence becomes somewhat abstract

I don't mean it literally. We do still communicate, but maybe its a bit reduced.
Never lasts long 🙂

I think we're lucky as we were friends before we became lovers

Unlike most (all?) others on here, we're still friends, just not lovers. Don't really argue at all (maybe it would be better if we did) or have silences, we agree on most day-to-day things and I'm not sure the kids know there's anything wrong (I sometimes wonder if mrs aracer actually thinks there's anything wrong), which makes it harder as I know leaving won't make it better for them.

no kids - smartest decision I ever made - took me 50mins thrashing my single speed to get rid of the anger. It was plain sialing after that.

It would seem I didn't even love her but I really did, she was (and is I'm sure) the most amazing person I've ever met.

I look back with happiness that we were able to share many great times

25 years of being best pals and lovers...
One stepdaughter and another 14 nearly 15year old.
Last 3 months on he settee
Was told that she hadn't wanted me for a long time and I have to go 🙁
I now switch back and forth from "she still secretly loves me or she will again .
I know she doesn't/ won't as I've tearfully asked/begged her to reconsider.
I find thinking/hoping she does or will still love me keeps me willing to soldier on
Yep indeedee life sure is poop sometimes..

You are indeed lucky bandito. I thought I was too

+1.

I was in a relationship for 22 years 😕

sometimes give each other the silent treatment for a day or 2

NO! Talk, FFS!!!

I look back with happiness that we were able to share many great times

Odd, that. I hoped that would be the case for me... even through the divorce procedure. But 22 years of memories just fill me with sadness and anger in equal measure. So I'm trying to forget. Only way I can think to stay sane and move on.

My first missus must regret leaving me, i'm a right good catch 😀

..she disguises it well by being happily married though 😉

I don't regret splitting from the mother of my child. It was quite a short relationship compared to some on here, she was pregnant within a year of us meeting and we managed another 3 years together but it just wasn't right. We weren't lovers, we weren't really even friends in the end. The only thing we had was our daughter and mutual unhappiness. So yes splitting was the right thing to do. I actually put a lot more effort and energy into my relationship with my daughter now as there isn't the distraction of my own failing relationship.

Plumber seriously one of the most positive things I have read on this subject.

I look back with happiness that we were able to share many great times

Aracer. That must be such a hard position to be in - I can honestly say I wouldn't know what to do.

J

Double post.

That must be such a hard position to be in - I can honestly say I wouldn't know what to do.

Thanks. I do wonder if it would be easier to do something if we were at each others throats.

Divorced.

No regrets whatsoever.

It was pretty much a choice between leaving or killing myself.

Aracer. Exactly the same situation here. We're just friends. We don't fight, argue, scream at each other. We now sleep in separate rooms and I wonder if this is going to be my lot in life.

I have broached the subject but she seems to put her fingers in her ears while going "lalalalalala"

Unlike most (all?) others on here, we're still friends, just not lovers. Don't really argue at all (maybe it would be better if we did) or have silences, we agree on most day-to-day things and I'm not sure the kids know there's anything wrong (I sometimes wonder if mrs aracer actually thinks there's anything wrong), which makes it harder as I know leaving won't make it better for them.

This says to me you really need to talk. Talk to her. Some people fight- clear the air and all is well again. I know a friend who not once had a disagreement or fight with her husband. She thought all was harmonious until he walked out suddenly.

If you don't talk how can you improve/any problems become a white elephant in the room.

Mine left the house I wasn't going to leave. Too many men think its they that have to leave. Surprised a few people that I didn't go down the traditional route. Marriage over? Good bye leave me and the kids you go find yourself a new home and arrange when you want to see the kids.

Hora earlier....

[img] [/img]

Was told that she hadn't wanted me for a long time and I have to go

interesting reading a lot of this. Just about to move out and try and start again with my life...feelings of guilt are immense but I would rather my son has father who is happy and balanced rather than the mess I am at the moment. 😕

It was pretty much a choice between leaving or killing myself.

yep

with a lot of what aracer says in the mix as well.

Sorry to hear that tazzymtb. If its right, then it's right. No amount of guilt will change that.

I'm not sure what I think anymore. I had a right good look over the edge and actually it looked ok. Different but ok. I suppose I'm now working out that my dedication to my lads is driven by my own selfishness as well as concern for their welfare.

It's sounds sort of mad but right now I'm almost indifferent to how things turn out. I'll be ok whatever happens and I suspect that my kids will be too if me and my wife both act in their best interests, regardless of whether we are together or not.

Good luck tazzymtb. I know a bit how you feel. My partner suffers anxiety depression and I think is just about to be made unemployed (been off work since last July) unless he returns. I must admit that I am scared to death of thinking the next 30 years of my life will be filled with running around after him and never knowing happiness again; it's been like this for years. Love is there but I feel more of a carer than a partner. I Just hope things may improve once his job situation is sorted/fixed.

I wish you the best. Get out on your bike, see your lad and enjoy life. Look forward: no regrets in that direction! 😀

All I will say is that if you're unhappy then do something about it. Believe me, you don't want to wake up every morning wishing you were somewhere else.

It's easy to ignore things but who wants to look back and wonder where their life went?

Kind of different for me, i was the one left behind.

No kids, so a blessing there but 9yrs of a relationship and an engagement ring. Thing is, it was pretty crap for ages. We had split up once got back together then pretty much exactly a year later she dropped the other shoe.
It nearly destroyed me but as time went on i realised that not only had we stopped having sex a long while back but that i didn't actually like her (nor her me). In the end i was clinging on because i thought that "this is the best i can do" and that i would suffer financially.

Her leaving was the best thing to happen in that relationship for about 5yrs, it creeps up on you so slowly that you accept the lack of sex/closeness/togetherness as being normal. It's only when you step outside of it that you realise what you are missing out on.

Although i did go through a period of clinical depression and lost my job into the bargain, i came out the other side happier, financially better off, with a woman who loves all of me and three more bikes! 😆

I just wont allow that. If I sense any sort of silent treatment I want it spat out and dealt with asap!

You'll find there are people that tactic doesn't work with. I'm Bipolar (which may or may not be causal). If I'm having a quiet few days, best leave me to it. Sometimes people just need some space. Don't take it personally.

When people aren't given the space they need, and don't take the very many clues, then hints, and finally outright warnings, things can go from a petty disagreement or misunderstand to critical and life-changing in pretty short order.

If a person is already hiding in the corner (mentally), being confrontational and blocking their escape isn't the best way to deal with it.