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Can't really say anything that these guys haven't already said. Other than chin up mate! Beer and biking in Skipton always available if you need a change of scenery.
Because you haven't given up, you're not there.
So don't give up.
Woah dave, sorry, I didn't know things were so bad, keep your chin up.
Try and get out on a ride tonight with the lads, and forget about it all for a while. Then go for a long ride at weekend to sort it all out in your head - nowt too technical as you prob won't be concentrating too much - just a nice long mind expanding ride in the vast open-ness beauty of the countryside.
but stay away from rivi that'll just wind you up 😉
We should be out riding at weekend if you want company instead.
Lowey - I'm glad you're coming on Pooks Peaks pootle. We'll all have a massive group hug after the ride (well those that survive it anyway :wink:).
Bunnyhop X
Just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear what you've been going through. Sometimes life kicks us in the balls, focus on getting yourself up again.
For what it's worth keep things as civil as you can with the wife, mainly for the kids' sake but also to save you both a lot of heartache. Spend as much time as you can with your children and family. Good luck.
Jeez.. Really feel sorry for all the hell you're going thru
..... que Simon Bates Golden Hour background music....
Very similar things happened to me, total meltdown. 6 years later new great job, new girl, new bike (!).. and to top that i've just learnt i will be a Dad all over again!
You just gotta find a way to keep going.......
I can have a certain amount of sympathy brother. Went through the ringer myself last year, as you well know.
Its tough but you can pull through it fella. But keep focussed on a goal. IE: I keep soldiering on simply to annoy people. Some people may regard this as a poor motivation to base one's life on. Rubbish! They've probably been through nowt anyway. The bastards!! Its the best reason. Dedicate your life to being an every chirpy, ever-smiling irritant to people.
And When things look up fella.... and they will... its great. I got a spot of good news today. It would have normally elicited a positive response, but after the year I've had, I'm absolutely, literally over the moon! I'm like Tigger on PCP!!! The ever-smiling idiot has dialled the annoy-o-meter up to eleven. You'll be doing so too before you know it fella
Anyway.... more practically... can you bunk off work next Wednesday? Midweek south lakes ride. What do you think? With me and the Enigma? Nothing makes you smile like being out in the hills when you know this lot are in work 😉
I got a spot of good news today.
You can't keep us all in suspenders like that - pray tell?
Lowey - that's an incredibly tough combination.
Been through some similar issues recently (but not as much as you're having to cope with). Not sure if it's any help, but I've learnt a few things which might be worth bearing in mind:
- you'll need to grieve for losing all of these significant people in your life - your mother, nan-in-law, and your wife.
- grieving takes time - a long time to process properly, so accept that it's going to take a while and don't beat yourself up if you don't feel 'better' in a short space of time
- try and remove / avoid all other stresses that you can - even the smallest one - the saying 'the straw that broke tha camel's back' can be true, so take care
- spend time with positive people - they might not be your current closest friends (I've found that some of my friendships have changed - some people found it harder to be supportive / know what to say, whereas others have been fantastic). Find out who it helps you to be with most, and spend time with them.
- keep hold of the smallest things that make you smile, or help you de-stress (for me that's been outdoors / nature / activity)
- talk ... and keep on talking for as long as you need to.
Take care
Bunnyhop - I'll bore you all with it on Saturday in between throwing things at Hora 🙂
Bum start to the year, Lowey, got to get better but take control. Your kids will inspire you to do great things. Remember the good bits and the happy memories with those you have lost. You are a lovely guy so deep breath, shoulders back and go for the next chapter.
As Wharefedale says, Skipton welcomes you, email in profile and there's always cake on the go here and some excellent beer over the road.
dave, i don't really know what to say except just to echo what others have said; as hard as it may feel, you have to just try to keep your chin up and it WILL get better. also, adam's advice is very good i'd say as i had similar motivation to get over my relationship breakdown a couple of years back (and i also got nothing but kindness and good words from folk on here, something that helped me keep my head above water until things started looking up and i'll be forever grateful for that).
wish i could do more to help really.
Lowey...............also remember, you could be fat and ugly like me............. 😀
keep your chin up lad.
"When do you know you have hit rock bottom" When you go through a set of experiences like the ones you have done. One day at a time,if you come up to God's country,get in touch. The Scottish branch of your STW friends will take you out.
when you wake up covered in your own blood and vomit with one of you mates lying dead next to you having OD'd comes about as close to rock bottom as I ever want to go...anything else has been a bonus since then.
It will get better or at least different enough to distract you until you realise that somehow you've got through it hopefully without too many mental or physical scars.
Talk to people when you want/need to don't bottle stuff up and remember to take "me" time.
Best of luck fella
Over whelmed by your kind words..
The love of my life moved out today. I said I would help, but when it came down to physically picking stuff up and loading it, it was beyond me. I grabbed the dog and went out for a 5 hour walk. Sun was nearly shining, Snowdrops where out and it made me appreciate the fact that I live 2 mins from open countryside. I got home to play the guesssing game of what she had taken and what she had left. Picked the kids up from School and the youngest took it quite hard that mum had moved out... much tears... hers and mine.
To answer a lot of the posts above...
My kids are 2 girls... 11 and 14 and I just utterly worship the ground upon which they walk. They have been far stronger than I, and a source of inspiration.
I am a positive person and will get this behind me and damn soon. Todays walk over the west pennine moors made me realise that I know I am a good person, with 2 loving daughters and the best mates a lad could ask for.
I dont think I need bereavement councilling as, truth be told, both deaths were a blessed relief from long suffering. It just that they all came at once.
Some of the stories that you guys have posted above (and received by email and FB) are heartrending an make me feel somewhat humble, however I thank you for sharing here with me.
The internet is a wonderful thing. I've been a member here since the go-far days and fortunate enough to have ridden with soooooo many great people from here who I can now count as friends. my close circle of friends are proper rocks, and you guys also, well, you may not think it, but your kind words help so much.
Mark (bullheart), the fact that you even took time to read my hopeless ramblings makes me feel utterly humble. Truth be told I really cant see us meeting, but you really are an inspirational character and I wish you and Meg all the very best.
Binners.. cant make Wednesday as off all this week and Mon and Tues next week, but I'll see you Saturday mucker
Hora.. I know you have had a STW removal notice, but I too look forward to having the crack on Saturday!
Ton, I'd say that I already have those 2 unfortunate problems already, certainly the fat bit.
Kit, you bastard.. still rubbing my face in it, but THIS year .. I'm coming to share the pents with ya!!
Mart, got the kids Sunday, and I aint ready for you and graham together yet!
Deejay.. thank you for your kind words.
Everyone else... thank you, it means a lot reading your posts. really does.
The road up starts tomorrow.
And for Stuart and Clare.....
[url= http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4102/4828096168_8c9433525d.jp g" target="_blank">
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/dave-lowe/4828096168/ ]DSC04089[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/dave-lowe/ ]lowey.com[/url], on Flickr
Jesus that beer looks lovely
Mark (bullheart), the fact that you even took time to read my hopeless ramblings makes me feel utterly humble.
Here's some food for thought; no bullshit. I realised a while ago that being brutally honest about my situation didn't make me weak; quite the opposite. I take inspiration from people that talk about their grief and pain, because they tend to be the ones that survive and flourish.
When your heading for Rock Bottom, how do you know when you get there ?
I am a positive person and will get this behind me and damn soon.
The road up starts tomorrow.
If and when I play the game of 'Life-Bulldog', you're the kind of player I'd want on my team...
Bullheart
Now that looks like a nice pint....
Someone posted that after a lot of knocks, little ones can kick you back down.
Tonight was one.
For the sake of the kids, we have separated (ie I'm saying we have grown apart etc.. NOT she has left me). So when my astute 11 year old spends all night quizzing and probing like a seasoned DCI as to why we wont get back together, what the hell do I say.
Apart from that.. Biking is saving my life.
nightmare.
have the virtual support you gave me the other day back in your direction.
feel for you man.
Keep riding the bike.
YGM
It's part of the kid going through acceptance, you've still got your kids be strong for them.
That is so tough mate, but you sound like you have the right kind of head on your shoulders. All I can say is it takes a long time, but you know that. it is amazing how resilient you can be even when you feel all is lost and you are so lucky to have your kids to give live meaning and value. all the bad stuff is just part of the tapestry right? otherwise we wouldn't know what was the good stuff.
Thanks people for such a thoughtful and reflective thread.
A few years ago my sister in law's only child, who was two at the time, drowned. I found this extremely hard to cope with.
I can't begin to comprehend what she must have gone through.
Three years later, although you can tell there is still sadness on some days, she is a hell of a lot happier generally.
Just after the death I was reading around on the internet and came across this piece about Eric Clapton ceasing to perform his song to his lost son "Tears in Heaven"
I didn't feel the loss anymore, which is so much a part of performing those songs. I really have to connect with the feelings that were there when I wrote them. They're kind of gone and I really don't want them to come back, particularly. My life is different now. They probably just need a rest and maybe I'll introduce them for a much more detached point of view.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tears_in_Heaven
I'm no Clapton fan, but I was eternally grateful to find this little piece of evidence to show that you can come through the most awful deepest and darkest of days and find happiness again.
Time heals all wounds, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time. You just have to have faith and be patient. Don't lose out on hope.
This was a thread that I always thought I would look back on in better times... they didnt come.
Today, I held my brothers hand and body as he died. He was 51. I'm going to go to bed tonight crying... but tomorrow I'll wake up and kick life's arse with a bike ride.
Tough times are around us all... but please take stock and think what we each and all have... health and love... and then smile!
sorry to hear. truly shite, life's a bowl of toenails for sure. hope you get some good stuff happening soon.
Christ - I remember reading this last year and feeling it for you. However that there is just a new low.
But it's good to see you've got fight left though! Getting on a bike is a great way of dealing with problems, stress, grief. It doesnt sort any of it out - but IME it gives your head "space" to process things and be able to deal with them.
My thoughts are with you and your brother.
Lowey, that is rough mate (okay, it is a hell of a lot more than rough). Sometimes you can get mired in seemingly unending streams of crap, but trust me... it does eventually come to an end.
Absolutely get out on the bike tomorrow. Fantastic idea, I always found riding gave me head space and made the world seem a better place.
When I lost my wee boy my world literally fell apart. It was already shaky but that nearly killed me. That is coming up for 3 years ago soon, and whilst the pain doesn't go it does seem to become less sharp. I can only imagine that loosing a brother is a very similar thing.
Good luck, you will get there.
but tomorrow I'll wake up and kick life's arse with a bike ride.
Don't fall off 😉
We are all here for you mate.
Sometimes life deals some awful hands and I can only wish you well. I tried to think of something to say which would help or be of some comfort, but your own words say what you need to be thinking better than I could.
I am a positive person and will get this behind me and damn soon. Todays walk over the west pennine moors made me realise that I know I am a good person, with 2 loving daughters and the best mates a lad could ask for.
whatever happens mate keep finding time for a spin on the bike.
all the best man.
Lowey my thoughts and prayers, for all they are worth, are with you and yours.
That's a real shitter lowey, kick that bike's ass tomorrow.
Be strong.
😥
I will give you a ring tomorrow
Thoughts with you ...thats shit, really shit.
I remember reading your post from earlier this year and thinking things can only get better for you. Sorry to hear things haven't, and it must be hell seeing your brother pass away at such a young age. Hope things improve for you soon!
Look forward to riding with you again lowey (note 'with' is included)
Drop me a line fella; I've got some free time coming up and I'll happily pop over to where you are and have a ride with you.
Don't give up.
Just when you thought things weren't gonna get any worse, thats a tough break 🙁
Glad you're staying positive. Use your riding time to look forward and don't dwell on it all too much, it's been a bad year for you but you'll get past it, and good things will happen too!
Well that has to be it - the bottom. Only upwards now but it will take time. Stay strong and ride it out - thank goodness for bikes!
chin up Dave lad, keep strong for your kids and for yourself mate.
You really have had a bad year but it will change. You want to ride your bike and it will clear your head - those endorphins will enable you to be positive and look ahead to happier times. And there will be happier times.
Hang in there.