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Not really sure what to say to that one, which is why I ignored it first time round.
I think the implied thought process is that my son is the important one if this dynamic. I've spoken to several divorcees on this point, and i don't think its coincidence that they all tend to tow the 'tell your son and don't worry about her' line.
The only trouble with that is that if she is manipulative, she will have an awful lot of time to make it seem like your son is going to be worse off as a result.
Can you not tell him when she's dropping him off (or you're collecting)? Then she'll have to behave more appropriately because he needs support in this scenario.
Yes, the plan is to tell him to wait in the car whilst I have a quick word with mum. My main concern is that she reacts badly (for whatever reason) and accuses me of backing her into a position where she has no time to respond.
I'll give her more credit though, and hope for a decent outcome.
keep us posted plese
The thing is, it's not about her. He's the one gaining a sibling. She's just his mum. And he's eight, not four. I'd say to them both that you want to talk to them together about something important and you want his mum to be there so she can help with any questions or worries that he might have when he isn't with you. If you say that to both of them, it's puts the onus on her to focus on her role as being his mum and should stop her behaving like your ex.
Won't she be a bit surprised that your sex change was so effective?
If you expect a bad initial reaction, it makes sense to take the hit yourself than let Jr break the news.
If you can't do the "sit Jr in the car, then break it to her" thing, perhaps give her a call from yours when Jr is there, but out of his earshot. Maybe phrase it as "this is the news we're about to break to Jr" to make it clear you're not really expecting or interested in her personal reaction.
Least ways, she'll have some time to get her head around it before you or junior have to see her face to face. I don't know what kind of character your ex is but I guess you know best whether to pre-empt any of the potential downsides she may highlight to your son. I think I'd steer clear of being so direct as to say to Jr "your Mum will have a problem with it"...
Yes, fair comment.
I've been thinking about priming him a little less directly, as in ''what do you think your mum will feel about this?''
and if he says 'she'll be happy!', then perhaps offer him a slightly alternate viewpoint with reasons why.
If he's able to acknowledge any reasons that could make her feel sad about it, I can then approach how we he thinks he should react around her.
You just going to leave us hanging?!
Bump
Bump
Brief, delphic and yet actually totally truthful. I like it
OP, send ^ that
tell her the next time you see her or talk to her same goes for your son. seems like a lot of stress for nothing.
Think I would agree with posh above. You’ve been in a new relationship for a few years so everyone has had time to get used to it so I wouldn’t worry too much about the fall out. I am sure if your ex is that bothered she will already be expecting the news. Your lad will be right as long as you talk to him.