[Closed] What's the wackiest/weirdest gift you've given?

Below the belt fresh n dry balls giftset but I had requested them from mum as xmas pressie

Then a balls scratcher which is 2nd hand that my bro gave me

Edit) have not used yet so will palm it off to mum as a back scratcher 😜shhhhh

Also dad got me a NASA space pen which writes in water upside down which is a real nice piece of kit

Can of baked beans and a box of matches as a get well soon present (they were in hospital and the food wasn't nice).

I bought my mum a Lego house.
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This was as she was in hospital having had a leg amputated due to cancer.

Maybe it's just my families sense of humour in adversity.

Many years ago when I was in my twenties a mate had birthday bash.

I bought him a marrow and a tin of spam.

No relevance or significance!

Given: Hard boiled eggs and nuts.
To a Laurel and Hardy fan, so that's ok.

Received: A lampshade.
Still no idea.

Bottle opener made from a kangaroo scrotum.

They weren't too impressed 😀

Bible at a christening. Had an intense but kinda good humoured debate on why they were getting their little un baptised. Needless to say I thought it was shit. Mum was a bit upset but dad saw the funny side.

Gave the girlfriend, now wife, a leg from a shop manaquin one christmas.
No reason, just a stocking-filler.
Her aunt remais completely baffled to this day.
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(can't remeber who I stole the idea from, Tim Vine?)

My wife's bonkers aunt bought us a set of (numbered) shot glasses when our eldest was born and an electric bread knife when the youngest came along.  I wished we'd asked the daft but lovely old bat why but we never did.

It must run in her side of the family because my Mrs bought her foster father a wooden bow tie last Christmas....

Also dad got me a NASA space pen which writes in water upside down

Merka - We need something to write in space! Quick, spend many millions developing a space pen! SPACE! PEN!

Russia - We need something to write in space. Yuri, pass me that pencil.

Merka – We need something to write in space! Quick, spend many millions developing a space pen! SPACE! PEN!

Russia – We need something to write in space. Yuri, pass me that pencil.

Myth.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/fact-or-fiction-nasa-spen/

I bought my wife a toilet seat (she had been complaining our seat wasn't comfortable) and, on another occasion, a dustbin (she had moaned that the lid on ours was broken). She doesn't nag so much these days 🙂

My wife and her sister got headboards for their beds from their parents one Xmas. Gutted there are no unwrapping pictures.

iirc the reason for space pens was that graphite dust+microgravity+exposed electrics = short circuit risk.

Which is problematic when you're a long way from your local radio shack.

True story - a friend bought his wife a satnav for Christmas. She unwrapped it in front of her mum and dad and was clearly not impressed.

Never mind, thought my mate, I have this in the back of the net and gave her a second present. A LadyShave.

I love you wifey but you can't drive and have hairy legs.

A group of friends have the tradition of buying anyone from their group that gets married a piece of crap/naff/creepy taxidermy as a wedding present from the group. There been a few glorious pieces so far.

My dad was after a new saw horse for processing logs, so as a small item to unwrap on Christmas day (while the real thing was hidden in the garage) I gave him a My Little Pony with plasters around it's hooves and a bandaged head.

A seat off of an old (circa1970) Austrian chairlift. For my parents for their birthdays. Now in a nice G&T spot in their garden.

I gave my brother a quite unusual selection of Xmas presents back in the mid 90’s, it was actually the end of January when he received them as I was just back from 6months staying with relatives in Zimbabwe, he got a hand carved wooden box containing the following : lion poo, elephant poo, grey rhino poo, black rhino poo (rare 😉), leopard poo and buffalo poo all dried out and collected by myself on various safari/game watching trips.

He loved it and proudly declared it “the crappiest Xmas present ever”.

The box is still in use but the shit all fell apart over the years as it was a source of amusement to show it off, usually when drunk 🥴

The most useless present I received was a tin tea cup with a hole drilled in the bottom, that was a gift from a mate I worked for 20 odd years ago as he thought my taking 15mins for a tea break every now and then was pointless when you could drink tea whilst working.

I was given a coprolite - a fossilized dinosaur turd

A friend of mine and and I have purposefully bought each other crap gifts over the years. He got me a £10 WH Smith’s gift voucher one year so I spent a fiver and gave him a £5 gift voucher for his birthday.

My favourite was when he broke his arm and I bought him a massive box of chocolates. I ate all the ones that didn’t have nuts in and then wrapped the box. He was really touched that I’d bought him something until he realised what I’d done. He’s allergic to nuts!

He bought me a Cliff Richard calendar for Christmas in retaliation.

Bottle opener made from a kangaroo scrotum.

They weren’t too impressed

I'd imagine the kangaroo wasn't...!

I was once bought 4 crystals.

These crystals were "special" crystals, crystals that had "magical" properties, properties that would counter the effects of evil spirits. They came with directions for use, directions written by hand in a gold pen, written on some folded creased paper. The instructions said something like... Hold above your head and spin twice anti-clockwise then walk through your front door go around your house to the back door and walk through it, then place the crystals in your bath plughole. They came wrapped in a small bundle, a bundle tied together with some very fine gold thread. Tied to this thread was a small leaf like piece of paper with a rhyme written on it.

I'd say that the person who bought them for me knew exactly the type of person they were buying gifts for.

Not.

I wanted a PlayStation for Christmas when I first got married.

Got a Corby Trouser Press instead.

I gave a mate an envelope with lots of bits of a broken lock and a brand new key as a wedding gift.

There is this local tradition to turn over the newly weds house. He suspected we had keys and changed and upgraded the locks the day before. It was our way of letting him know that we had accepted and won the challenge. It took three determined lads half an hour to get in with battery powered power tools. We did board up al the house entrances before leaving and angle grinded the heds of the screws, lucky lad slept at a hotel, took him quite some time to actually be able to use his new keys ;).

My uncle( a car fanatic) was similarly given an envelop with wheel nuts and a map. The map had directions to the bell tower of the local church where he could retrieve the fancy wheels of his car that was standing on a pile of bricks in plain view of the wedding guests.

Some friends got married, I got them a brick with which to enliven their dull floor.

We were all massive Father Ted fans.

As a wedding present for MartynS off of here, I bought him a mushroom brush and one of the twenty(ish) identical toasters the happy couple received.

He's now divorced, correlation /= causation.

My nephew has Aspergers - and one of his traits is he's extremely generous. He really enjoys gift giving and often gives away his favourite things to other people - encourages friends to make things out of his lego then insists they keep what they've made.

Anyway his granny's birthday was approaching and he had an idea what the present from all of us should be - he was going to take over the procurement, wrapping and giving of said gift as it was to be a surprise to everyone. Come the big day, after a lot of build up - granny gets to open her present..... Weedkliller.

I got them a brick with which to enliven their dull floor.

Whenever I see an old brick with the makers mark on (the more worn and battered the better so long as the mark is legible) I keep it and every so often once I've got a decent amount  I give them to my brother. Great bricks on Prestwich beach (in between the asbestos)  - come back from every walk there with them stuffed into every pocket, on lookers must think I'm planning to drown myself (they don't try and stop me mind)

This, for my mum.

It's an irritable bowel.