[Closed] What would Nicholas Witchell have to do to get your respect ?

Possibly the toughest question ever posed on STW.

Same as anybody.

Be polite, work hard and be a kind person.

Get rat-arsed and have a fight with someone in a pub.

Possibly say "sorry" to the Prince of Wales for whatever it was that wound him up.

Singlehandedly charge a gang of lager soaked edl brain donors in nowt but his underpants

Live outside broadcast from the palace swigging from a can of lager with his todger out

Bring peace to the Middle East, end starvation worldwide and invent a clean source of energy for us all. Or just bugger off never to be seen again.

Judging by the cheeky smirk on his face it looks like he had his todger out earlier this evening

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wrestle with some militant lesbians?

Ah, no he's alraedy done that

Bum a goat.

Assinate Assad, straighten his tie and report on it in hi normal demeanour?

Turn up for work in a Guy Fawkes mask?

I don't think it's fair what they do to their old news stalwarts - they should be given a nice easy posting with sea views. Royal reporting should be left to the teletubbies, or whoever it is that does the news on BBC3, the news with no real news in it.

resign from the media, and work for a living.

Well he pissed prince Charles off which seems like a good start to me.

I wouldn't be surprised if he was caught stroking royal jewels and hissing "my precious"...

A start to respectability would be bleaching his tongue to remove the ingrained brown stains.

Ride a unicycle up his own bottom and out again,click his heels together and say ta'daaaa!

If he squared up to Prince Charles when he had the chance. Think Ray Winstone in the snooker ball in a sock scene in Scum.

wrestle a bear with chainsaws for paws, whilst tap-dancing on hot coals and fellating a goat and humming the joan jet classic " i love rock and roll"

The next time you see him reporting real news there's a 50/50 chance you'll will be getting a day off.

Start a bloody revolution, inciting baying mobs to bring forth the guillotine and behead every member of the royal family, starting with the queen, to blood curdling cheers from the masses. Then take over the country, establishing himself as a dictator to make Sadaam Hussain look like Ghandi, and rule over the country with an iron fist!

The thing is, looking at him, I reckon this is what he actually dreams of. He just needs to know he has the back up. Are you with me comrades?

He's a news reader, why should I give him any respect? Kate Adie, yes, or any reporter who goes into decidedly iffy scenarios armed only with a camera or a microphone, with every chance of being shot at by either side. Pissing off HRH hardly matches up. And neither does facing up to a bunch of feminists who invaded the Beeb newsroom.

He's a news reader, why should I give him any respect?

Don't get me started on Huw Edwards

Smug newsreading tosser.

What have I missed? He used to be a proper newsreader but then got the royal reporter job. Not sure that that means we have to deride the bloke. No more or less simpering than Jenny Bond used to be. Should we be rude about her too?

mtbfix - Member
What have I missed? He used to be a proper newsreader but then got the royal reporter job. Not sure that that means we have to deride the bloke. No more or less simpering than Jenny Bond used to be. Should we be rude about her too?

yes they both deserve mocking for filling up news24 with tedious drivel about 'the royals'

He used to be a proper newsreader but then got the royal reporter job. Not sure that that means we have to deride the bloke.

Royal correspondent, newsreader, all the same, as CountZero points out - why should we give them any respect, as they peddle their sick trade ?

Only yesterday I saw George Alagiah causally read the news without even batting an eyelid, I was quite frankly disgusted.

And to think these people except us to have respect for them....they must be having a laugh 😐

I used to think of Witchell to prolong coitus when I was an over-spunky teenager. I could go for hours!

Thanks for sharing derek 😐

Throw himself under a train.

Beat John Snow to a bloodied pulp.

hot_fiat - Member

Possibly [s]say "sorry" to[/s] tell the Prince of Wales he's a fakwit of no account and he only reports on him because a) it pays a fortune and b) it's a really easy gig [s]for whatever it was that wound him up[/s].

I used to think of Witchell to prolong coitus when I was an over-spunky teenager. I could go for hours!

Wouldn't it have been easier just to move the target thingie a bit further away?

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Excellent response from HtS!

Disembowel himself on live TV...

what did he do/say to charlie that made him hate him?
I remeber that clip on the ski slopes, what was it charlie called him?

Gap jump the TdF.

Didn't he fall out with the broadcast unions for not observing some strike action and was black balled - might be completely wrong on that though.

Replace all the crappy halogen light transformers in my house.

And then bum a goat.

And goat a bum.

Stop believing in the Loch Ness monster.

And the goat, obviously.

Go on a lads weekend with Bear Grylls, Ray Mears, Bruce Parry & Ross Kemp

Newsreader? it`s only reading out loud so why do they get paid so much ?

Escape from his high security cell in the holding compound then unmask the lizard overlord body double live on tv.

Edit : then the goat of course.

Newsreader? it`s only reading out loud so why do they get paid so much ?

Like being a DJ. How hard is it to put on some gramophone records, for christ's sake?

Retire irritating man, no idea what he's done but never the less another BBC pain in the arse presenter.

I am still contemplating my own question, I will be avoiding the 6pm news tonight and hope Channel 4 will be less accommodating.

For those on Nicholas watch enjoy !

Next time you see him announcing real news it's a 50/50 chance he'll be telling you you're about to have an extra day off work. 🙂

It would have been so funny if the BBC were on strike and missed the whole thing. We may have got some peace then.

Punch Kate Burley for being even more banal than him ....

It would have been so funny if the BBC were on strike and missed the whole thing. We may have got some peace then.

Self immolation
For those of a nervous disposition I suggest you don't google an image
Happy now mods?

Cover (with aplomb) God Save the Queen by the Sex Pistols

Ride off into the sunset on an Albino donkey with Kay Burley and Micheal Gove in each saddlebag

He'd never ever get any respect from me, not after I saw him wearing uggs

Seppuku,preferably live on tv.

Whoops,double.

Heard him on Radio 4 this morning so I suspect he will be back on our screens again tonight. It's a good time to resurrect this thread.

Heard him on Radio 4 this morning so I suspect he will be back on our screens again tonight. It's a good time to resurrect this thread.

Nail Kate Middleton and get caught out by a grainy full page tabloid exclusive cover photo snorting lines off her naked arse in a hotel room.