A friend of ours has had a drink problem for a number of years but over the last 6 to 12 months it has steadily become worse.
Our main concern-leaving all others to one side for now is her drink driving, we've taken keys off her and given them back in the morning but we cant police her all the time-and there are times when we know that she's driven the car whilst drunk-although we wernt aware or in a position or available to stop her.
She does have a paying job that she needs the car for but at the rate things are going we have real concern for her and other peoples safety.
We've spoken with her but to no avail-the problem is now far too big for us to deal with.
What would you suggest?
Shop her. Nothing else will work.
Steal her car and set fire to it.
Let her get on with it. You have tried, she doesn't care. She clearly doesn't respect you so walk away - it's her problem.
I'd give her a last warning, sit her down and make sure she knows your serious, and if it persisted I'd let the Police know, yes, grass her up.
She'll listen to you unless she's incredibly stupid or ignorant.
You really have to ask how you'd feel if she wiped out some poor family, or herself on the way home one night. 😐
I was having a similar conversation with a friend recently - involving his father!
We thought it would be good if a couple of policemen paid a visit to his house - just to have a friendly word like. Maybe that shock would have an impact. However, I don't know how one would go about arranging this.
mastiles_fanylion - Member
Let her get on with it. You have tried, she doesn't care. She clearly doesn't respect you so walk away - it's her problem.
POSTED 28 SECONDS AGO # REPORT-POST
Say she kills someone and you didn't try everything to help the friend - id feel pretty guilty in that position. If she won't listen then get the boys in blue to pay a visit
Nopemastiles_fanylion - Member
Let her get on with it. You have tried, she doesn't care. She clearly doesn't respect you so walk away - it's her problem.
YesNeil F - Member
You really have to ask how you'd feel if she wiped out some poor family, or herself on the way home one night.
even if you did shop her a la TJ, there's nothing the fuzz can really do about it.
But if they are made aware that her car is worth stopping, then maybe the shift will keep an eye out for it...
Steal her car and set fire to it.
but don't let her near it
the fumes might cause a reaction
how will you feel when she has an accident and hurts someone, or worse? Knowing you didn't do enough to stop her.
One last ultimatum. Next time she drives over the limit you will be calling the police. Give her a final chance to stop it, and keep her job, otherwise you have a duty to others as well that is far more serious than her friendship or employment.
The internet's gonna implode, STW has reached a consensus.
Neil F
She'll listen to you unless she's incredibly stupid or ignorant.
I would bet a tenner she won't stop - its a part of the illness of being an alcoholic. Denial.
to grass her up properly wait until you know she is driving drunk then phone the police ans tell them - they will send a car to intercept her - or they did for the guy I grassed up.
we've told her,had the chat etc, it keeps happening. Just concerned she's going to crash and kill someone.
Not concerned enough it seems
mastiles_fanylion - Member
Let her get on with it. You have tried, she doesn't care. She clearly doesn't respect you so walk away - it's her problem.
POSTED 28 SECONDS AGO # REPORT-POST
Say she kills someone and you didn't try everything to help the friend - id feel pretty guilty in that position. If she won't listen then get the boys in blue to pay a visit
There comes a time when you have to accept it isn't your problem it is theirs. You aren't responsible for their addiction.
Yes - a close family member drank herself to death - we accepted it was her problem.
iDave - Member
Not concerned enough it seems
what do you suggest?
FFS man up and shop her to the police. They won't be able to do anything until she does drink and drive, but at least they'll be on the look out.
There's no logic in the mind of an alcoholic:- we've got a close family member currently banned from driving. She was caught behind the wheel one Friday night and sent to the cells. Released the next day and went home to finish the vodka. When that ran out she got in the car and drove back to (and crashed *into* 😯 ) the supermarket for more. Cue 2nd consecutive night in the clink.
Don't even consider her job, or your friendship with her. She will continue driving under the influence until stopped. Whether that's as a result of police intervention or because she's ploughed into a bus-stop full of OAPs and schoolkids may well depend on what you do.
"what do you suggest?" - This ^^^
You might want to look up Al-anon - this is not AA, it's for people affected by others drinking. They might be able to help you.
You have done the best you can so far you need to shop her to the authorities as she is a danger to others..she has been warned and not changed
ok, thanks.
Wait till she's absolutely ballistic then manouver her to her car. Site her in the drivers seat and then sing gentle love songs to her till she dozes off in a stupor.
Now create a carefully crafted vista where a 'person who she cares about' I dunno, kevin keegan or something, is positioned under the front wheels.
Now wake her up by screaming down her ear hole like a banshee. Once she wakes up, yell that she's killed someone she loves. That should do it.
Alternatively, kill the selfish bitch with an axe and bury her in a slurry pit.
HTH.
Drink driving? thought it compulsory in rural areas with no fuzz around
iDave - Member
"what do you suggest?" - This ^^^POSTED 33 MINUTES AGO # REPORT-POST
Why not post it then?
The thing with people who drink and drive is that they don't crash and they don't get caught. To begin with when they drive they'll be terrified of either of those things happening and get home thanking their lucky stars they got away with it, but in time it dawns on them that drinking and driving isn't the issue they thought it was they'll drink more before they drive, drive more often and drive with less trepidation. Your friend has already decided that drink driving isn't a problem for her, even if its a problem for you.
Alcoholics are all but impossible to help. Friends, family, employers - if they keep picking them up it makes it ok to keep falling down. Often the best thing to do is to take away the safety net and let them hit the ground hard
Wee in car.
Wee in car.
She probably does that herself already.
If her job depends on a car, then that's maybe the way to go with her next IMO, although you may have exhausted all that already. I think you should try every avenue with her before going to the Police with your concerns. As TJ says tho, probably all your efforts will be in vein until the shit really hits the fan for her. At least if you feel you made absolutely every effort, the final course of action will be more palatable for you. Her loss of car and job will perhaps result in a deeper nose dive, so you need to be in a position to feel that you made absolutely every effort with her. I'm presuming she's a good/close friend, otherwise inform the Police and your conscience is clear as far as what she might do behind the wheel.
I've been stopped and breathalysed many times, most recently this December. It's always a reminder and a big shock to the system. I'd definitely support random testing without reason to stop. I don't know why it hasn't been introduced/passed as a law. Drug driving is probably as big an issue these days, I've no idea how that's dealt with.
If someone is addicted, taking away their licence won't stop them drink driving - they will probably just do it without a licence. A brush with plod may give them a wake up call though.
Get all her friends together so she knows it's just not you and as a collective inform the police with her present. She will then be targeted by the police and if she hasn't been drinking then no problem if she has it's her own fault.
Give her support during this and if it's your round at the bar then buy her a soft drink
Video shows some one with very bad burns scarring, so don't watch it if you don't like that sort of thing.
still thinking about what to do?
As someone with a couple alcoholics in the family I really don't envy your position. Grass her up and she loses her job, goes into a downward spiral and possibly ends up with long term health problems or worse. Could even jeopardise your friendship. However don't do anything, she continues driving and crashes hurting herself and possibly hurting / killing others. She then loses her job, goes into a downward spiral and possibly ends up with long term health problems or worse.
Both options could have similar outcomes but one only hurts her.
Looking on the brighter side a brush with the law and losing her license could be the reality check she needs to set her on the path to recovery.
I think you know what to do. Good luck.
Sorry but if she is a real friend, try harder to help her and don't give up on her. That's what friends do they stick in there when the going gets tough.
Bazzer +1
Don't give up on her.
She will not stop until things get bad enough, until she reaches rock bottom.
If you really want to help her.....
Stop enabling her to behave the way she is, cut the support, the worse it gets the easier it will be for you to direct her to AA.....
You cannot help her because you don't understand the problem unless you have lived it.
Those in AA can, if she wants it.
Al-anon will help those around her if they want to understand it
But be prepared for her life to get worse and she will die before her time if she doesnt do anything about it
Don't ever forget......"alcoholism is a disease that kills people that haven't got it" 🙄
I speak from personal experience.
Shop her. Tell her you've done it and why you've done it.
IF she has a drink problem, the only way she will tackle it is when she reaches her personal rock bottom. Until she gets there she simply wont care and will cheat, lie and do anything to continue her drinking.
Some people call it tough love to shop her, but the decision is yours to make.
as someone whom lost my father to a drunk driver (see the drink driver looses car thread for details) I would say without hesitation that I would call the police and report her everytime, I would even tell her that I was planning on doing so the next time she drinks and drives. It is not her I would be concerned about but the innocent people that she can injure/ kill and the lives of the families concerned that it will effect. Maybe being pulled and all that it entails will wake her up to what she is doing. As I said only my opinion, however as someone with first hand experience of what can happen in these situations I sincerely hope that you take heed.
You dont report her, she kills someone, possibly a cyclist or somebodies dog, you will habve to live with that along with her.
Drink driving is not big, its not clever, it kills people,and pushes up the cost of out insurance, and puts a huge demand on the NHS.
One phone call is all it takes , and you may well be ble to buy the car off her very cheap.
I lost my boyfriend to a drink driver this summer. Getting behind the wheel whilst drunk is such a selfish thing to do, not only did David lose his future, but I lost mine. I don't know what would work with her but if her being able to see the devastation that it can have on a family then I'd be happy to help and can send you links/letter etc.
🙁 to Ron and t-b
Thread ends here.... you know what you have to do.
Recently a colleague of mine in a very successful career drank and drive. Just the once to my knowledge, but she had been in pub all afternoon and evening at a works leaving do. Despite leaving her car in the secure car park (obviously intending to leave it there all night) she was seen on CCTV stumbling over to it. Fell asleep at wheel before setting off, didn't turn lights on.
Killed a pensioner within a few hundred yards, drove on. Got stopped by Police for having no lights on, woke up in the nick the next morning to be charged with death by dangerous driving.
Five year sentence, family without a grandad/dad.
I feel for you, it's such a horrible place to be. Me and my mum had to deal with it when I was growing up and it wasn't a nice thing to have to do. The hardest part is getting through to them! You're going to really need to try every different way you can think of that will get it into their head, police threats, be emotional, etc... Maybe you'll get lucky! The thing is, normally as soon as they have the first drink everything you've said or done is gone. Although it was easier for us to control as it happened in our household!
take her to a cemetry and explain she might end up here and maybe with someone else if she carrys on the way she is, i would get the police to go round and give her a wake up call.
life is for having fun and enjoying your self.