[Closed] What to do with drink driving friend

Shop her. Nothing else will work.

Steal her car and set fire to it.

Let her get on with it. You have tried, she doesn't care. She clearly doesn't respect you so walk away - it's her problem.

I'd give her a last warning, sit her down and make sure she knows your serious, and if it persisted I'd let the Police know, yes, grass her up.
She'll listen to you unless she's incredibly stupid or ignorant.
You really have to ask how you'd feel if she wiped out some poor family, or herself on the way home one night. 😐

I was having a similar conversation with a friend recently - involving his father!

We thought it would be good if a couple of policemen paid a visit to his house - just to have a friendly word like. Maybe that shock would have an impact. However, I don't know how one would go about arranging this.

mastiles_fanylion - Member
Let her get on with it. You have tried, she doesn't care. She clearly doesn't respect you so walk away - it's her problem.
POSTED 28 SECONDS AGO # REPORT-POST

Say she kills someone and you didn't try everything to help the friend - id feel pretty guilty in that position. If she won't listen then get the boys in blue to pay a visit

mastiles_fanylion - Member
Let her get on with it. You have tried, she doesn't care. She clearly doesn't respect you so walk away - it's her problem.

Neil F - Member
You really have to ask how you'd feel if she wiped out some poor family, or herself on the way home one night.

even if you did shop her a la TJ, there's nothing the fuzz can really do about it.

But if they are made aware that her car is worth stopping, then maybe the shift will keep an eye out for it...

Steal her car and set fire to it.

but don't let her near it

the fumes might cause a reaction

how will you feel when she has an accident and hurts someone, or worse? Knowing you didn't do enough to stop her.

One last ultimatum. Next time she drives over the limit you will be calling the police. Give her a final chance to stop it, and keep her job, otherwise you have a duty to others as well that is far more serious than her friendship or employment.

The internet's gonna implode, STW has reached a consensus.

Neil F
She'll listen to you unless she's incredibly stupid or ignorant.

I would bet a tenner she won't stop - its a part of the illness of being an alcoholic. Denial.

to grass her up properly wait until you know she is driving drunk then phone the police ans tell them - they will send a car to intercept her - or they did for the guy I grassed up.

we've told her,had the chat etc, it keeps happening. Just concerned she's going to crash and kill someone.

Not concerned enough it seems

mastiles_fanylion - Member
Let her get on with it. You have tried, she doesn't care. She clearly doesn't respect you so walk away - it's her problem.
POSTED 28 SECONDS AGO # REPORT-POST
Say she kills someone and you didn't try everything to help the friend - id feel pretty guilty in that position. If she won't listen then get the boys in blue to pay a visit

Yes - a close family member drank herself to death - we accepted it was her problem.

iDave - Member
Not concerned enough it seems

what do you suggest?

FFS man up and shop her to the police. They won't be able to do anything until she does drink and drive, but at least they'll be on the look out.

There's no logic in the mind of an alcoholic:- we've got a close family member currently banned from driving. She was caught behind the wheel one Friday night and sent to the cells. Released the next day and went home to finish the vodka. When that ran out she got in the car and drove back to (and crashed *into* 😯 ) the supermarket for more. Cue 2nd consecutive night in the clink.
Don't even consider her job, or your friendship with her. She will continue driving under the influence until stopped. Whether that's as a result of police intervention or because she's ploughed into a bus-stop full of OAPs and schoolkids may well depend on what you do.

"what do you suggest?" - This ^^^

You might want to look up Al-anon - this is not AA, it's for people affected by others drinking. They might be able to help you.

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

You have done the best you can so far you need to shop her to the authorities as she is a danger to others..she has been warned and not changed

ok, thanks.

Wait till she's absolutely ballistic then manouver her to her car. Site her in the drivers seat and then sing gentle love songs to her till she dozes off in a stupor.

Now create a carefully crafted vista where a 'person who she cares about' I dunno, kevin keegan or something, is positioned under the front wheels.

Now wake her up by screaming down her ear hole like a banshee. Once she wakes up, yell that she's killed someone she loves. That should do it.

Alternatively, kill the selfish bitch with an axe and bury her in a slurry pit.

HTH.

Drink driving? thought it compulsory in rural areas with no fuzz around

iDave - Member
"what do you suggest?" - This ^^^

POSTED 33 MINUTES AGO # REPORT-POST

Why not post it then?

The thing with people who drink and drive is that they don't crash and they don't get caught. To begin with when they drive they'll be terrified of either of those things happening and get home thanking their lucky stars they got away with it, but in time it dawns on them that drinking and driving isn't the issue they thought it was they'll drink more before they drive, drive more often and drive with less trepidation. Your friend has already decided that drink driving isn't a problem for her, even if its a problem for you.

Alcoholics are all but impossible to help. Friends, family, employers - if they keep picking them up it makes it ok to keep falling down. Often the best thing to do is to take away the safety net and let them hit the ground hard

Wee in car.

Wee in car.

She probably does that herself already.

If her job depends on a car, then that's maybe the way to go with her next IMO, although you may have exhausted all that already. I think you should try every avenue with her before going to the Police with your concerns. As TJ says tho, probably all your efforts will be in vein until the shit really hits the fan for her. At least if you feel you made absolutely every effort, the final course of action will be more palatable for you. Her loss of car and job will perhaps result in a deeper nose dive, so you need to be in a position to feel that you made absolutely every effort with her. I'm presuming she's a good/close friend, otherwise inform the Police and your conscience is clear as far as what she might do behind the wheel.
I've been stopped and breathalysed many times, most recently this December. It's always a reminder and a big shock to the system. I'd definitely support random testing without reason to stop. I don't know why it hasn't been introduced/passed as a law. Drug driving is probably as big an issue these days, I've no idea how that's dealt with.

If someone is addicted, taking away their licence won't stop them drink driving - they will probably just do it without a licence. A brush with plod may give them a wake up call though.

Get all her friends together so she knows it's just not you and as a collective inform the police with her present. She will then be targeted by the police and if she hasn't been drinking then no problem if she has it's her own fault.
Give her support during this and if it's your round at the bar then buy her a soft drink

Video shows some one with very bad burns scarring, so don't watch it if you don't like that sort of thing.

still thinking about what to do?

As someone with a couple alcoholics in the family I really don't envy your position. Grass her up and she loses her job, goes into a downward spiral and possibly ends up with long term health problems or worse. Could even jeopardise your friendship. However don't do anything, she continues driving and crashes hurting herself and possibly hurting / killing others. She then loses her job, goes into a downward spiral and possibly ends up with long term health problems or worse.

Both options could have similar outcomes but one only hurts her.

Looking on the brighter side a brush with the law and losing her license could be the reality check she needs to set her on the path to recovery.

I think you know what to do. Good luck.

Sorry but if she is a real friend, try harder to help her and don't give up on her. That's what friends do they stick in there when the going gets tough.

Bazzer +1
Don't give up on her.

She will not stop until things get bad enough, until she reaches rock bottom.
If you really want to help her.....
Stop enabling her to behave the way she is, cut the support, the worse it gets the easier it will be for you to direct her to AA.....
You cannot help her because you don't understand the problem unless you have lived it.

Those in AA can, if she wants it.

Al-anon will help those around her if they want to understand it

But be prepared for her life to get worse and she will die before her time if she doesnt do anything about it

Don't ever forget......"alcoholism is a disease that kills people that haven't got it" 🙄

I speak from personal experience.

Shop her. Tell her you've done it and why you've done it.

IF she has a drink problem, the only way she will tackle it is when she reaches her personal rock bottom. Until she gets there she simply wont care and will cheat, lie and do anything to continue her drinking.

Some people call it tough love to shop her, but the decision is yours to make.

as someone whom lost my father to a drunk driver (see the drink driver looses car thread for details) I would say without hesitation that I would call the police and report her everytime, I would even tell her that I was planning on doing so the next time she drinks and drives. It is not her I would be concerned about but the innocent people that she can injure/ kill and the lives of the families concerned that it will effect. Maybe being pulled and all that it entails will wake her up to what she is doing. As I said only my opinion, however as someone with first hand experience of what can happen in these situations I sincerely hope that you take heed.

You dont report her, she kills someone, possibly a cyclist or somebodies dog, you will habve to live with that along with her.

Drink driving is not big, its not clever, it kills people,and pushes up the cost of out insurance, and puts a huge demand on the NHS.

One phone call is all it takes , and you may well be ble to buy the car off her very cheap.

I lost my boyfriend to a drink driver this summer. Getting behind the wheel whilst drunk is such a selfish thing to do, not only did David lose his future, but I lost mine. I don't know what would work with her but if her being able to see the devastation that it can have on a family then I'd be happy to help and can send you links/letter etc.

🙁 to Ron and t-b

Thread ends here.... you know what you have to do.

Recently a colleague of mine in a very successful career drank and drive. Just the once to my knowledge, but she had been in pub all afternoon and evening at a works leaving do. Despite leaving her car in the secure car park (obviously intending to leave it there all night) she was seen on CCTV stumbling over to it. Fell asleep at wheel before setting off, didn't turn lights on.

Killed a pensioner within a few hundred yards, drove on. Got stopped by Police for having no lights on, woke up in the nick the next morning to be charged with death by dangerous driving.

Five year sentence, family without a grandad/dad.

I feel for you, it's such a horrible place to be. Me and my mum had to deal with it when I was growing up and it wasn't a nice thing to have to do. The hardest part is getting through to them! You're going to really need to try every different way you can think of that will get it into their head, police threats, be emotional, etc... Maybe you'll get lucky! The thing is, normally as soon as they have the first drink everything you've said or done is gone. Although it was easier for us to control as it happened in our household!

take her to a cemetry and explain she might end up here and maybe with someone else if she carrys on the way she is, i would get the police to go round and give her a wake up call.
life is for having fun and enjoying your self.

The thing is, normally as soon as they have the first drink everything you've said or done is gone.

This ^^ Logic and guilt trips won't work. If she is an alcoholic she needs treatment.

If you don't do something and she crashes or kills someone it won't be your fault, but you'll wonder if you could have done more to stop it.

Lowey is spot on. She's so wrapped up within her selfish mindset nothing will stop her at this stage.

TBH, you've tried. Its insulting you as she's obviously not that drunk (otherwise she would have hit something by now).

Go to her local station, ask to speak to traffic. Give them a description, reg etc and she'll be hilighted at least.

Also she's no friend of yours. Driving over the limit is a very selfish reaction of a lazy person.

When my dad died I lost a stone, drank A LOT every night but still managed to walk or get a taxi. Don't explain away someones actions as sort of devolved from responsibility to others.

I had a friend like this. He knew how much it pissed me off. One day he told me about waking up in the fast lane after a heavy night out to be surprised by the wheel in his hands. I did the above. **** all happened as shortly after he went to work overseas.

A friend of mine ,a reformed alcoholic said that no one can help you unless you admit to your problem and seek help yourself

er, if their job relies on them driving then the employer has a right to know also, they may well be pissed driving on company business (they will tell you they don't drink at work but I wouldn't believe them given what you've said so far) so there are corporate liability issues here

appreciate this is a tough thing to do; good luck with it

Tyred biker, condolences and I think your post is a clear example of the result of non action in the OP's case, knowing that there will almost inevitably be repeat circumstances.

What I may do might go like (though it sounds like this has been tried):
Lucid moment, explain what I know, the facts and what it is doing to me, as well as consequences to all parties and others. Front them up.
Open opportunity to discuss current situation and need for drinking. Statement that driving will not be an option from now. I withdraw that option. Keys, police, whatever.
Conversation when lucid, continue drinking and consequences, stop and benefits.
First tenuous steps, or get professional help in..... and as Bazzer posted, stick in with it, good days or bad.

Very easy to say this on a forum but appreciate its not that simple in practice.

But basically, I would do whatever it needed to get her off the road but help her work if she is still holding that together...

Our local police are pretty good and may be up for a chat, cant say about yours though.

Hope it works out... but get her away from potentially harming others with the car...

Next time she is passed out steal her car keys and hide them.

She is probably driving drunk all the time if she has that much of a problem.

Better that rock bottom for her is loosing her job rather than killing some people with her car.

For an alky, you have to hit "rock bottom" before you realise you need to get help and make a change. But until then it's extremely painful for friends and family to watch someone destroying themselves. Losing her car, and possibly job, might be enough to do it.

Good luck.

Take the wheels off her car, if she's sober enough to put them back on then she's probably sober enough to drive. 😀

...Tell the police.......i'ts all you can do if she won't admit she has a problem. She may loose her licence and her job, but at least nobody will get hurt. This could save her too as it may prompt her to get help.

A drunk driver did this to our family car:

[IMG] [/IMG]

Head on crash with her doing between 60-80mph (in a 30 zone). Turns out seatbelts do save lives, our family (me, my husband and 2 little ones) survived, she never left her car that day...

[IMG] [/IMG]

The grey car behind the motorbike was hers...

....Again, tell the police.........

I'm wanting to call police-I'd have done it already but its causing friction between me and my wife (its her friend). Wife comes from a social services background is wanting to help and trying everything she can before calling police, to me though its beyond that-she needs to be in a program ASAP and carless. Her parents are pussy footing around as well-baby sitting her trying to spend time with her but as soon as they leave her alone for 5mins then the bottle is out.

RNP, its pretty far gone, keys away, disable the car, police tipped off. Failing getting the keys, police through the crimestoppers line. Include the time of her regular journey to work if you wish....

Take the consequence of some angry but still alive relatives. Deal with that later.

As I said, hope it works out...

Another poster here who lost a friend and almost a brother to a habitual drink driver. Call the cops, or kill with an axe and bury in a slurry pit, whichever is easiest.

With some people there's just nothing you can do. I had a mate who got more racist and racist as the years when by, until I finally had enough of his nonsense(after telling him to cut it out for years). I just stopped being friends with him.

Some people you just have to cut loose, maybe they'll get the message that. I doubt it mind, but there ye go, not a great deal you can do..

RNP as I said in my post it's not her life she will ruin, and as tyredbiker will agree, nothing prepares you for that knock on the door, let me put it another way, people die everyday, now ask yourself how would you feel if someone you loved was suddenly not there anymore? I had to tell my mother, when she woke from her hospital induced coma that the man she loved was dead, something I could not wish on anyone. One of my few regrets is never being able to say goodbye to my father or tell him just how much he inspired me and I loved him.

Insist that she have one of [url= http://www.alcolock.org.uk/ ]these[/url] installed or your going to report to the police.
Her call then and you've done your duty.

Not sure about Britain but serial drink drive offenders in Australia get court orders to have these installed after a period of license suspension.

We paid to have one installed on my brothers car when we found he was driving over the limit.

One other thing I can't see mentioned above - is she known to be an alcoholic? Does her doctor know? If s/he does then there's a potential avenue [url= http://www.patient.co.uk/doctor/Fitness-to-Drive.htm ]here[/url]. The actual process is complicated in that the person themselves needs to tell the DVLA, but if they won't then their doctor can (is obliged to). This should trigger DVLA action.

Edit: if their GP doesn't know then there is no problem changing that...

Rusty nissan praire, so she is a freind of your wifes, what happens if she kills your wife,she would be no freind then.

Drunk drivers are like giving a loaded gun to a monkey, somebody is going to get hurt.

Report her to crimestoppers.Its your duty.

Send me her details via email and I will make the call, if you want?
Can you not do it through Crmestoppers?

Nothing you can do will ever stop her. Report her, she will hate you for it until she's clean, if she can ever get there.