I read a very disturbing story in my local paper at the weekend.
Basically, one of my neighbours, a guy of about 70 who lives three doors down from me, was in court last week accused of "possessing indecent pictures of children" and "taking or permitting to be taken photos of children".
I've lived there for nearly 20 years and have had no real contact with the guy other than saying hello as we passed in the street.
My 3 children are the only kids who live in our street and, as far as I am able to ascertain from talking to them, they have never had any contact with him either. Obviously, we have spoken to them about it and warned them from having any contact with him in the future.
I genuinely don't know what to feel or do about this.
How do I know he hasn't been taking pictures of my 13 year old daughter through her bedroom window?
Pitchforks? ....Bombers?....Nothing at all? 🙁
Yes, but does he drive a big diesel, and/or drop litter?.
Burn his house down? Get the lynch mob round?
Perhaps have a realistic chat with your kids about life in general. Statistically it's more likely to have involved a family member or person like that.
Yes, but does he drive a big diesel, and/or drop litter?.
No, but I do.
Am I the monster here?
You should probably at least wait for the verdict, then lynch him anyway as the justice system doesn't work
Nothing at all?
Well - nothing at all until 'Accused' becomes 'Proven'. While it would be difficult to disprove he possessed the images 'taking or permitting to be taken' may not be proven. Consuming the material and participating in its production are very different things. Your local paper will have been hot on printing the accusations - papers aren't so good on following up on what has or hasn't been proven.
If its all proven then theres not much to do - he probably won't be your neighbour anymore.
Ask the popo if your kids are in the pics? Do you REALLY want to know, they can't think he's a danger or he'd be in custody, not terribly reassuring granted.
Pray for a cold snap?
Statistically it's more likely to have involved a family member or person like that.
So burn one of your relative's houses down, just in case.
thestabiliser - Member
Ask the popo
I think we've found the real monster now.
I work for a local paper. If we print accusations and name someone we are obliged to follow up the case and present the outcome.
I'm not sure how to put you're mind at rest but IF the police had found pictures which had apparently been taken in the street where he lives then you would know about it by now as you would have had a visit. A huge proportion of abusive images are ones widely circulated by paedophiles and are readily identifiable by those who have to investigate these offences. When "new" images are discovered they are widely circulated amongst forces (heavily edited of course) in an effort to identify potential victims.
It seems to me that you have legitimate/genuine concern. Have you spoken to the police? It may be that they are able to reassure you that none of the images involve your family.
Hopefully the case and if so you have done all that you can/should.
I work a local paper. If we print accusations and name someone we are obliged to follow up the case and present the outcome.
Do you print the follow-up on the same page and with the same prominence though? Genuine question as I have seen some national papers bury apologies down at the bottom of page 46 or something.
Feel sorry for him, warn the kids to steer clear and that's it, no harm done to you, poor bastards life is pretty much screwed anyway, doubt he'll stay in the locality much longer.
Do you print the follow-up on the same page and with the same prominence though?
Just print it in the last paragraph of the same article - safe in the knowledge that most readers won't read that far - or will have already formed their opinions if they do 🙂
Whilst I am obviously filled with revulsion for this guy, I am trying my level best to be even handed and give him the benefit of the doubt.
I don't want to have the knee jerk reaction and frighten the kids and stop them having any contact with the world.
It's the thought of him watching them though.....
He will be on bail with conditions imposed to prevent risk of reoffending.
99.9% of offenders are looking at stuff on line only. Not photos of your kids.are you sure it was taking not making.if taking you would know if there was a chance it was your kids as the police would want you as a witness .
Most likely if quilty he will be put on a sex offender course to stop him doing it again and a suspended sentence to back it up.
Certainly if guilty he will go on the sex offender register to monitor his future risk .
In all probability he will get a Sex Harm Prevention Order (sexy asbo) to criminalise behaviour that may pose a future risk eg unsupervised contact with kids if relevant.
@ kennyp
It depends. Usually if it is big enough to be featured prominently then the verdict is worth reporting properly. The smaller offences would likely not warrant a huge piece first time round so the result would be correspondingly smaller.
Oxfordshire Guardian, Basingstoke Observer, Newbury Observer. You can check them out. There is a link on the websites to our ISSUU archives.
Local papers so covering thrilling local subjects once a week,
speak to the local safeguarding/community officer and heed their advice as to what to do and deal with it as advised
Not a great scenario to be in but you need to know what the real risks are to your kids - probably only been on the internet rather than taking them but if the later then greater vigilance obvs- and mitigate the risk as you see fit.
I would probably teach my kids to avoid and scream **** off paedo if they came anywhere near them and then report it to the police.
Its a less than ideal scenario for any parent and I feel for you, as I think any parent would [ and non parent to be fair].
Cheers Eddie. As I said it was a genuine question. Not so much an issue with local papers I suspect which generally have far more integrity, but some of the nationals (and I think we all know the ones I am talking about) are very quick to print lurid, unfounded accusations that can ruin people's lives, then when the person turns out to be innocent they print a tiny little apology that no-one ever reads. I'm thinking, for example, of that woman murdered in Bristol some years ago, whose landlord was vilified in the tabloids, then found to be totally innocent.
Yeah, well we're not big enough to bribe and hacking our reader's phones would probably provide fascinating information about nail bars and pig farms - integrity comes easy in such circumstances.
To be fair to the local paper, it was a bare statement of facts in a few paragraphs.
There was no attempt to sensationalise it and it appeared in the court report column along with the usual smattering of assault charges.
It's not the local paper that's accusing him. It's the Procurator Fiscal.
I'm surprised I even noticed it to be honest.
... is this really about Israel ?
I'm thinking, for example, of that woman murdered in Bristol some years ago, whose landlord was vilified in the tabloids, then found to be totally innocent.
You're right, and in that case, as the fella never made it as far as court, they weren't even legally obligated to cover proceedings fully in the way Kenny describes.
Thankfully Chris Jefferies had the money and confidence to take some of the papers to court for libel.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-14339807
Feel sorry for him, warn the kids to steer clear and that's it, no harm done to you, poor bastards life is pretty much screwed anyway, doubt he'll stay in the locality much longer.
Pretty generous outlook there. Not sure I would be so relaxed.
speak to the local safeguarding/community officer and heed their advice as to what to do and deal with it as advised
Best advice so far
It's the thought of him watching them though.....
Yeah, with his eyes emitting those damaging paedo-rays. Better kill him now in case he looks at anyone else.
^^^
How is that helpful?
Most parents would prefer that a suspected sex offender was not watching their children. if you cannot work out the reason when why not ask rather than be so fatuous?
One day we will actually have a sensible adult conversation on here for an entire thread but it is not this day
its one of those things we absolutely need a free press in this country but it is also absolutely clear they are abusing that position of trust in order to vilify people - be it politicians* or just innocent members of the public who look a bit weird.
* the DM red ed and hid dad as traitor when his dad fought in the war with us and they supported the brown shirts being an obvious and odious example.
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Yeah, with his eyes emitting those damaging paedo-rays. Better kill him now in case he looks at anyone else.
Are you really suggesting that I should be comfortable with the thought of a seventy year old man with a prediliction for images of child pornography, standing at his window watching my thirteen year old daughter or eleven and eight year old sons playing in the garden?
Can you feel the damage my can't-believe-you-said-that-rays are doing to you right now?
Perchy, I've got kids. No one can hurt them by looking at them, just like no one can hurt me by looking at me. At 13 and 8 they are old enough to understand not to go with him if he asks them to, and if he's 70 they can probably run faster than he can if he chases them (which is incredibly unlikely to happen). I think the reality is that he should be pretty low down on the list of risks they face.
I certainly wouldn't be comfortable with him looking at them, even if it's not actually doing any measurable harm. I get a similar feeling when I catch a guy eyeing up my 17yr old daughter, which I suppose is perfectly normal and to be expected...
That said, other than warning your kids not to go near him, and to let you know if he tries to approach them, I don't think there's much you can (or should) do.
Are you really suggesting that I should be comfortable with the thought of a seventy year old man with a prediliction for images of child pornography, standing at his window watching my thirteen year old daughter or eleven and eight year old sons playing in the garden?Can you feel the damage my can't-believe-you-said-that-rays are doing to you right now?
It's a really emotive one and in your position I can understand why you would be on edge. I think one of the problems with it is most normal folk can't begin to comprehend the attraction these men have so it all becomes even more scary.
Should you be indignant that he may see your kids as they go about their daily lives? No
Should you be worried if you see him standing outside your house or loitering in the bushes rubbing his thighs - hell yes!
Should you be worried if some of the things he has been accused of means he might approach/snatch/assault your kids and he only lives a couple of doors doors? Yes to that too.
I guess the direct legal/normal equivalent would be that I would imagine in your time you have looked at enough grumble to be familiar with the art. Should the woman next door be worried about you perving over her or assaulting her because you like looking at naked ladies in the privacy of your lair/ computer room?
At 13 and 8 they are old enough to understand not to go with him if he asks them to, and if he's 70 they can probably run faster than he can if he chases them
You don't think that an adult who falls into the friendly family member / friend / neighbour category would be able to outsmart a kid and convince them to come into his house and then bribe or terrify them into keeping quiet afterwards?
or, failing that, resort to a huge net?
I am well aware that he has probably never posed a real threat to my children and certainly won't be a risk in the future.
The thought of him cracking one off while hiding behind the curtains still disturbs me on a visceral level, however.
I understand your reaction, Perchy, but at least you can warn your kids to avoid this particular man.
But, to be realistic, it's all the unidentified perverts out there that we need to be wary of.
Sorry, that's not particularly helpful, is it? 🙁
The knee jerk reaction is natural as it's unthinkable that someone should be given opportunity to harm your children but the bloke with the indecent images is no more likely to attack a child than blokes learing at woman in person or on the internet are to be rapists. it's a big leap from having desires even socially unnatural ones and acting on them.
As for the original question of what to do. Talk to your children (as you've done) explain to them that some people aren't to be trusted, not all people are good people and that they shouldn't talk to that man in particular and make sure they know what to do if they feel unsafe then leave the specifics of this case in the hands of the police. If there is a danger to neighbour's you'll find out about it first hand.
Playing devil's advocate, you don't know that he's eyeing up your kids if as someone else has suggested he's got a supply of ready-made and widely circulated unpleasantness to look at. And in the age of the Internet, arguably he's safer doing that than having to resort to making his own.
People can't help their predilections, in the same way that you can't help being gay or having a foot fetish. Doesn't necessarily make them evil predators, though of course it doesn't necessarily mean they aren't either. Must be pretty grim to be afflicted with such a perversion.
Difficult situation, you have my sympathies.
it's a big leap from having desires even socially unnatural ones and acting on them.
Yeah, that's broadly what I was trying to say.
The thought of him cracking one off while hiding behind the curtains still disturbs me on a visceral level, however.
I get that, but convert's question provides some perspective. And visceral reactions are frequently unhelpful. Maybe my paedo-rays comment was OTT, but as the second part of junkyard'c comment suggests, we have to get better at being more rational about some of these threats.
You don'tr think that an adult who falls into the friendly family member / friend / neighbour category would be able to outsmart a kid and convince them to come into his house and then bribe or terrify them into keeping quiet afterwards?
Yes, it happens. The best way to guard against this is to make sure your kids have an age-appropriate understanding of the world, and don't assume that because you've told them something once they'll remember it forever. The world can be a dangerous place, although not as dangerous as the tabloids would have you believe, and our job as parents is to give our children the best chance we can - but not to instill them with fear and paranoia, or to over-protect them. It can be a difficult line to tread.
Kill him, cook him, and eat him as a warning to others to stay away from your kids. Or do nothing if you can't be bothered.
Unless your kids are going round to his house to play doctors or whatever, I'm not sure you really have much to worry about.
Kids are much more likely to be abused by someone they know or are in some way close to - relatives, friends of family, TV presenters, etc... Whilst I can understand the concern, some guy down the street looking at some dodgy images of children is unlikely to be any threat whatsoever to your own kids. If he was personally producing his own images....that would be more worrying, but again unlikely to involve your kids unless they have any real contact with them. Let the law deal with it.
If he was personally producing his own images....that would be more worrying,
Which is one of the two charges he's facing.....
Kill him, cook him, and eat him as a warning to others to stay away from your kids
I did this with a clown once. Didn't enjoy it. He tasted funny.
Break his didgeridoo?
it's a big leap from having desires even socially unnatural ones and acting on them.
This. Walking around Tescos I see dozens of women I'd like to shag, so far I haven't felt compelled to rape anyone. Plus the law on indecent images is pretty crazy. It's perfectly legal to marry and have sex with a 17yo girl but if you take naked photos of her it's a criminal act and you go on the sex offenders register - even if you're 17 yourself - even if the photo you took is *of* yourself! Also possession isn't an offence so if the image is on paper instead of electronic and there's no evidence you (made) downloaded the image it's not even an illegal image.
Also it's entirely possible this guy had a perfectly 'normal' porn stash with every single girl over 18 but one of the girls looked under 18. Guessing the age of women with makeup is pretty tricky. (I've always wondered if that's why why so many Islamists seem to get done for child porn offences - if every porn image you've ever downloaded is investigated there's probably a few that look like they might be 17yo.)
However, let's assume his images weren't of his 17yo wife, or 'normal' porn he'd downloaded from p*rnhub and he really is a peado. Does the knowledge that there's a peado nearby really change anything? I supervise my children appropriately with regard to all the risks they face - I'm not sure I'd do anything differently if I knew one of my neighbours was a peado. Singling one neighbour out for a warning seems needless, they shouldn't be going anywhere alone with anyone without me knowing.
So yeah, if I was in the situation (and like the OP I wouldn't like it very much) I'd pretty much carry on as normal.
People can't help their predilections, in the same way that you can't help being gay or having a foot fetish. Doesn't necessarily make them evil predators, though of course it doesn't necessarily mean they aren't either. Must be pretty grim to be afflicted with such a perversion.
I've never dared admit it but I've started to think along these lines. These guys don't ask to be wired up the way they are. If they offend against children that's different, but just having an unfortunate desire is just an accident of biology.
we have and do the right thingwe have to get better at being more rational about some of these threats.
the other thing is you are in a better position as last week you did not know so if he started helping out your kids/showing an interest you might have thought lonely old man with no grand kids nearby rather than think sex offender is grooming my kids.
Knowledge is power and no one would choose to live this close to a sex offender but better it is known and managed than not known and unmanaged
