[Closed] What can I get a teenager to do?

Has anyone suggested taking him Airsofting? It's hoofing fun, they rent kit and it is a great workout. Book a date for you both and some of his Xbox mates as well. Loads of sites around the place, and it's far better than paintballing. If he likes first person shooters in his Xbox then he'll love it - watch some youtube videos.

singlespeedstu - Member
Take him over the local park and introduce him to cider, weed and fingering birds.
Might be controversial but I bet it'll get him out of the house.
On the flip side you might get arrested and be put on the sex offenders list.
It'll be worth it in the long run though.

Cider,weed and fingering birds sounds great,probably better than a bike ride.

The only constant in most of these tales is games consoles. My Dad banned them when I was growing up and I thank him for it now although cheesed me off at the time.

I have mates in their mid thirties now that spend all weekend playing games. Such a waste of time!

I'll just stop you there.

Compare and contrast, "I have mates in their mid forties now that spend all weekend riding bikes / going to the pub / reading books / building sheds. Such a waste of time!"

Consoles are this generation's favourite demon. Before that it was computers, before that television, before that rock & roll, before that books.

I spent yesterday evening on the Xbox. Headset on, I caught up with a couple of mates I've not seen for a while because Geography. One of us is having relationship issues, one is struggling with depression, we gave each other some moral support and had a bit of a laugh whilst incidentally playing Rocket League. How is that a waste of time? It's healthier all round than doing the same thing over a gallon of Old Phlegm Lovelybeer each.

Everything in moderation. Video gaming in and of itself isn't destructive or antisocial, quite the opposite. Doing it to the detriment of everything else in your like is problematic. But the same is true of every hobby, if you spent every non-working hour of your life out riding and never seeing your family is that a good thing?

Would you worry about a child who spent every free waking moment with their nose in a book? If not, why not, that's hardly teaching them social skills, it's isolation personified. (I've a friend in this exact situation with one of his daughters, he's at the point of having to restrict Book Time.)

Apart from the fact it's designed to be addictive and most that play them don't do much of anything else

ScottChegg - Member

Musical? Nope.

i think he has my tin ear.

Mixing desk then

andy3809 - Member

I have mates in their mid thirties now that spend all weekend playing games. Such a waste of time!

While I'd like to argue this point, I have to get back to conquering Japan

Turn off wifi
Take him to McD and show him his likely future (either side of the counter) unless he changes
Buy him a book - an alternative path

Apart from the fact it's designed to be addictive

How so?

and most that play them don't do much of anything else

I'd contest "most" but, as I've said, this is the point it becomes an issue. Just like any other hobby.

Apart from the fact it's designed to be addictive and most that play them don't do much of anything else

Says who? Do you have any hard evidence to back this up? Up until my son being born I was a massive game geek and spent hours playing them. I still managed to find time to climb, workout, cycle, socialise, do the gardening, get my wife pregnant etc.

Sorry for going off topic OP.

Buy him a book - an alternative path

"My son isn't socialising." - "Buy him a book." Sure, that's gonna work.

get my wife pregnant

To be fair, that wouldn't take long. (-:

Reading is a open path
Watsapp is a cul-de-sac
You choose...

Don't force him into anything. Don't stress him out. Consider there may be a little mild depression/anxiety

My folks tried similar stuff for me but it really didn't help. Looking back I was stressed out by school. Boredom is very motivational eventually.

Pron - get him a subscription to something suitably unsuitable. At least his left/right (delete as appropriate) arm will get some exercise even if he does become a deviant in later life.

Reading is a open path
Watsapp is a cul-de-sac
You choose...

Depends on what you're reading. I tried to expand my horizons, but only had access to the complete works of Catherine Cookson. I now can't even spell my own name correctly and have improper thoughts about farmers.

We've all been there.

Reading is a open path
Watsapp is a cul-de-sac
You choose...

Both, in moderation. Next?

I didn't list all the other stuff like scouts, roman digs, football, cricket, karting, archery and more that I can't necessarily do anything with except take him to. Which I did until the shine went off it.

I've got 16 year old twin boys

They're difficult, accept it. It's normal.

The more you push him to do 'something' the more he'll sit on his arse. Let him find his own way and interests and make sure you care about them when he does.

My dad (RIP) was a great dad and a big birdwatcher. I can identify pretty much every British bird but I've NO interest in ornithology. I wish he'd come out on the bike JUST ONCE with me.

Consoles are this generation's favourite demon.

Now I like gaming, and always have. So I stick up for it. However in this case it's not the gaming as such - more the addiction, and what it displaces in the kid's brain.

Mine are only 7 and 5, but even now game time is displacing other things in their lives. The oldest has moved on from the kiddy play but hasn't really found anything to replace it except playing games, and doing the things we encourage her to do to keep us happy until it's time for more games again. This seems to be a bit of a crucial stage as she's looking for more advanced things to do with her time, but can only conceive of game related things.

My kids need to be forced to do other things. At the moment it's just cutting them off to make them go and figure something out. But of course they aren't teenagers yet so are a bit more compliant!

I'm about as far from authoritarian as you can get, but I'd be thinking about cutting him off part of the time to force something else to happen.

I once read a great post on another forum. Basically each morning the dad would change the Wi-Fi password and have certain criteria for his kids to earn the new one. Clean your room, do the washing up, walk the dog etc.

My mother was having trouble with my younger brother when he was 14 or 15 and asked me for advice. I went around to the house and told him to listen to his mum or I'd format the hard-drive on his PS3. it worked a treat!

Cut the plug off the Xbox, at least then he has to learn how to wire a plug.

The OP has responded to a few posts but none about restricting access.

Best advice is probably to make sure he alternates hands....

If he got a black belt in karate by 13 maybe...he's burnt out with doing structured exercise

And yet yesterday he mentioned going back. Maybe he's only frazzled?

each morning the dad would change the Wi-Fi password

Dad clearly doesn't work for a living. Going around every wifi enabled device every day changing passwords sounds like the sort of the thing only pensioners and the unemployed would have time for.

I have previously gone out and taken the wifi router with me. It doesn't make him leave the house. I was talking about him showing an interest outside Xbox's etc. Not that I can't force him not to play with these things.

The only constant in most of these tales is games consoles. My Dad banned them when I was growing up and I thank him for it now although cheesed me off at the time.

I have mates in their mid thirties now that spend all weekend playing games. Such a waste of time!

Don't thank him for banning it. While it probably didn't do you any harm, basically you missed out. I played games/consoles a bit when I was a kid (never excessively compared to some), but largely lost interest by my mid-twenties. It doesn't necessarily hook you for life :roll:. Moderation is good, but there is little to be gained by banning it completely (unless you want your kids to resent you).

Apart from the fact it's designed to be addictive and most that play them don't do much of anything else.

'Most'? Just isn't true. Sort of thing I'd expect someone who has never played a game to say. I know loads of people who are interested in games but only spend a small portion of there time on them. PS. Just to clarify, I am not a gamer, I just like to challenge small-mindedness.

I am not a gamer, I just like to challenge small-mindedness.

Same here. Gets on my nerves when I hear people being sniffy about gaming. Surely any hobby is doing the same thing regarding neurons firing in your brain. Assuming physical fitness is not being compromised by ones hobby then what's the difference?

I've stuck up for a few people when confronted by this attitude, usually from vacuous girlfriends. "But they're wasting their life just sat there in the dark all the time, they should get out and see things!"

I point out that the reaction in their brains when hunting a zombie in a game is probably exactly the same as when they're out seeing things or travelling, or taking photos of their bloody dinner... but I suspect this is a validation issue. Gaming can't be instagrammed and used to play one-upmanship with their friends. But that's another thread entirely 🙂

Not a parent myself, but I do know a chap that has a pretty good (imo) outlook.

He has a simple rule for both of his kids that they WILL participate in a sport (until they are old enough to move out at least), they can choose, or if not he'll choose one for them.
Gets them out of the house, gets them a good dose of exercise, and means they are interacting with others.

On the gaming front, not all gaming is bad.
Some games whilst fun, are mindless grind, others depressingly reward failure or credit card use. They are indeed bad.
Encourage player vs player games with a low skill floor and high skill ceiling - plenty of room to progress, and usually to learn many lessons that apply equally well to real life.
If you're really good at it, there may even be a career in it.

they WILL participate in a sport

First off, IANAP. But does force really work? We were forced to play football as kids. Every time me and another kid got possession we'd just hoof it off the field or attempt an own goal. This got the rest of the kids amazingly wound up and we'd eventually get sent off. I remember spending those times spent playing the piano in the unused music room next to the gym. Which is what I would've preferred to have done all along.

Not a parent myself, but I do know a chap that has a pretty good (imo) outlook.

He has a simple rule for both of his kids that they WILL participate in a sport (until they are old enough to move out at least), they can choose, or if not he'll choose one for them.

well, if his outlook is to breed long term resentment and his kids moving as far away as soon as possible that seems like a pretty good approach..

We live in a technological age so being an ace on computers is no bad thing.

If that's his passion can you somehow expand it into a way that will help is education/work prospects.

As in, if he was an ace at a sport you would probably be encouraging him to be the best at it he can. Do the same for his computer/gaming passion.

He may have different passions to you but it doesn't mean it's negative.

Edit: Gaming is very much a social activity for many people. Just a different way of being social.

I don't have a teenager (yet) so this could be naive wishful thinking but if he's really into his gadgets (as opposed to just being lazy), how about learning to code? If he gets good he'll earn a fortune. Not everyone loves sport so perhaps try channelling his energy elsewhere?

But does force really work? We were forced to play football as kids.

I think the key to it really is by giving them the choice of ANY sport, they never [i]felt[/i] forced into it.

well, if his outlook is to breed long term resentment and his kids moving as far away as soon as possible that seems like a pretty good approach..

Actually its worked out really well, one really enjoys sport and has found one he's really good at.
The other tried several, made some good friends along the way, but now as a young adult is doing other things.

I think the key to it really is by giving them the choice of ANY sport,

Ah ok, that's cool. I'd choose darts.

Not a parent myself, but I do know a chap that has a pretty good (imo) outlook.

He has a simple rule for both of his kids that they WILL participate in a sport (until they are old enough to move out at least), they can choose, or if not he'll choose one for them.
Gets them out of the house, gets them a good dose of exercise, and means they are interacting with others.

Those kids are going to have a great deal of fun choosing his retirement home!

Probably one with treadwheel and sadistic "carers".

The obvious answer is encourage him to become a professional gamer.

I built him a mountain bike, went for a ride, and he had to get his mum to rescue him as he 'got a bit tired'. This on a route his 6 year old sister can do on a SS Hotrock with 16" wheels.

My lad isn't into xc type stuff, but is out all weekend, every weekend on his bike sessioning his local spots, building jumps etc. Maybe try more that kind of riding? Is there anywhere you can go just for a mess around on bikes?

Gaming can't be instagrammed and used to play one-upmanship with their friends.

Oh, it absolutely can.

Gaming is very much a social activity for many people. Just a different way of being social.

Which is what I was saying earlier. Is he playing online with friends or on his own? I'm guessing the former if it's CoD.

Which leads to another question - does he have any local friends? "Go and play out" is all well and good, but if his nearest mates are on the other side of a town then what's he supposed to do?

When I was a kid, I had a mate directly across the road. We rode bikes, kicked balls around and generally got into pre-teen mischief. But I spent hours and hours and hours in front of a keyboard, either on my own or with mates. The only difference with modern gaming (aside from lack of keyboard) the is that mates are on headsets rather than within punching distance.

Anyway, I had a few random ideas this morning.

if he likes tech, how about seeing if he's got an interest in gadgets / coding? Raspberry Pi, breadboard and a bag of LEDs?

If he likes shooting stuff there's airsoft / laser quest / proper shooting ranges / archery / paintball.

Go bowling? Go-karting?

Walking even, go up a hill when the weather picks up. Take a tent, camp out overnight.

Dad clearly doesn't work for a living. Going around every wifi enabled device every day changing passwords sounds like the sort of the thing only pensioners and the unemployed would have time for.

What? Just change the password for the router then devices can't log on. How long is the password if you need to be unemployed to input it? How many wireless enabled devices do you have? I'm intrigued beyond belief now. I'm off to change the password on my router then see how many hours it takes to type a password in to devices. Should I quit my job first, just to be safe? 😉

Just change the password for the router then devices can't log on

Unless you knew what you were doing, 13 year old me would've probably sniffed the new password and carried on regardless anyway. Fire a dearth packet, grab the handshake, set a password cracker running before leaving for school. Come home to the broken Wi-Fi password, profit.

I have no idea what you just said there Cougar 😆

That's kind of my point (-:

Ostensibly, maybe times have changed now as my generation have grown up with it, but I find the concept of parents knowing more about tech than their offspring to be somewhat optimistic.

If it were my 13-year old, I'd tell him he could have the password if he could hack it. There you go, that'll give him a hobby.

Our 13 nephew loves his stunt scooter, snowboarding and atm horror films.
This weekend we took him out in the wind and cold to play crazy golf.
He's also into pokemon so its often easier to combine the outdoor time with us and the pokemon hunting.