[Closed] What can I get a teenager to do?

Burglary?

Too much effort.

And he'd have to go [i]outside[/i].

He likes shooting people on x box, take him paint balling?
Good exercise and it's great fun.

Change the WiFi password and restrict his data allowance on his phone?

Stop his pudding.

Also if he turns his nose up at the thought of paint ball, you can mercilessly ridicule him every time he plays shooting games on his x box, as not having what it takes to do it in reality!

Is this another question where fatbike is the correct answer? 😆

What's his relationship like with his friends? Is he online with them or playing the games solo? If he's ok with his friends is there anything they do he could get involved in.

I got both my kids into walking by making it an adventure, there's normally a fire built and something cooked towards the end even if it's s'mores but they need to earn it, plus they get to use pen knives and the like!

Why does he have to do stuff outside? Just cos you like the great outdoors doesn't mean everyone does, and what's wrong with that? It's bloody awful out anyway. Maybe work with his interests and get him into coding or something. And a gym membership 🙂

Not being an ass, just playing devil's avocado.

Send him some Youtube clips about inactivity and DVT. 😉

You just described my exact situation too. I was thinking of a cycling or walking challenge to aim and train for.

Re gym, they are all 16+ only.

Pokémon Go?

Switch wifi off and tell him to go out and do stuff...or give him jobs round the house.

Has he hit the starting point of puberty and is now into the bone idle mode...if so, he is a lost cause for next 4 years...

I was similar except there wasn't wifi back then...and I discovered mountain biking, was a great escape and had plenty of mishaps, adventures and misadventures without the parents or family so I suspect the dude might need time to find his thing...and hopefully it isn't sitting inside.

I can't be much help..

But I have spent the last hour on Nation States, do thanks for bringing that to my attention!

People on here seem to like cycling.. Have you tried getting him out on a bike?

Big + on what jambourgie said though..
My sister was very similar at around 13-16, and stayed inside sat on Tumblr and The Sims.. However my parents got her interested in Art, and is now at Uni producing some amazing stuff!

Hide his Xbox controller two miles from the house every day then give him clues to its location.

Photography? Might get him out and about anyway, to find stuff to photograph. And means he can play with cameras and computers etc, and share photos online.
Or making Youtube videos.

Or a quadcopter? Would have to go outside to fly it anyway.

People on here seem to like cycling.. Have you tried getting him out on a bike?

Seriously? Did you read much of the OP? Are you not 'detail oriented'?

However my parents got her interested in Art

Bingo. I'm trying to find the thing that will stoke some interest and get him moving without having to push him into doing anything.

Watching with interest, got one of them myself. I characterise it as expecting all the benefits without any of the effort.
Boils my piss.

Look on the bright side; teenage preganacy rates are way down...

As a teenager I quickly got bored of swimming and Judo I'd previously done. My dad dropped me off one evening at the local Air Training Corps unit and I never looked back. Shooting, hiking, spot of gliding and later on sneaking off with girls when on annual camp... oh, see my first point...

Cybercrime - he could make a career out of it too

Martinhutch has the answer... and make it progressively further every day.....

He may just be going through a phase, best advice I can give is to just keep on gently suggesting stuff to do to him and see what peaks his interest. Something will eventually and then you'll never see him!

Both me and my sister were massively into computer games when we were young (12 and 10 respectively), we spent the whole year playing on the MegaDrive and Atari we each got for xmas. Both parents were worried we would turn into bone idle adults at that point!! Fast forward to next summer and I was forever disappearing on my bike to wherever I fancied and my sister had taken up cross country racing! Then we both got into karting and ever since neither of us have liked standing still for long. My dad wonders how they managed to produce two hyperactive adults considering neither he nor my mum were active when we were young or now, they're both rather chubby. I tell him it's a reaction to that. Mum smokes, neither of us do. They're both overweight and idle, we both bounce around like jack-in-the-boxes on speed 😀

My parents neighbour had this problem with their elder kevinager. Tried everything.

Their eventual "solution" involved iPhones, Xboxes etc. & an axe...

Then said lad having to find a weekend job to pay for replacements 😆

One of mine sounds very similar.

We still haven't figured out an answer.

He played computer games to the detriment of his A levels.

So he is now at a university he hates doing goodness only knows what.

At least it's near some good MTB trails which is nice for me.

Being the parent of a teenager is not as easy as it's cracked up to be.

I wouldn't do anything. He'll do his own thing when he is ready. Be ready to support him, even if it's not what you'd ideally like him to be doing. Just keep an eye on him to ensure that it is normal teenager behaviour and not symptomatic of depression or anything like that.

Trying to force him is more likely to make him go against what you're trying to do than go along with you. Even if he likes the idea inside his head, kids won't want to agree with their parents.

I'm a great believer that kids need an "uncle (or aunty)". They can be themselves with someone other than their parents but that older person can bring some fatherly/motherly wisdom into their lives without it coming directly from dad/mum.

He'll be fine.

Rich.

I'm in the "don't sweat it" camp.

Mines the same age. Admitedly he is a keen musician so he practices a lot, but most waking time is on a tablet or phone. He will walk or cycle if asked but will never offer.

He has recently expressed an interest in photogtraphy, but that maybe because he likes the idea of women with no clothes on, rather than landscapes.....

He's not worked out that you can't meet girls on whatsapp yet.

Once he figures out they're all up the local park, you won't see him for weeks

[I]I'm in the "don't sweat it" camp.[/I]

This.

My 3 sons went through the same (now 18, 22 and 23), and now my OH actually likes when they DON'T go out.

He'll soon develop an interest in porn so that will be something new to keep him occupied

He's not worked out that you can't meet girls on whatsapp yet.

His messages on Whatsapp from Scarlet in her scanties would suggest that isn't the case.

If he expressed an interest to stick his hand up her jumper I would consider that progress. However, he still prefers the cyber versions to the ones he might find in meatspace.

Anyway, that's a whole other thread.

He'll soon develop an interest in porn

I had to put filters on to prevent some of the things that were upsetting his mother coming down the wire.

I suggested the RAF Cadets. "I don't like planes"

Sigh.

What would Milo Yiannopoulos do?

If he got a black belt in karate by 13 maybe, unless they just give them out for minimal effort, he's burnt out with doing structured exercise and cba . Leave him to find something is my vote, I don't have kids though (but keep an eye on what he's doing on line)

Just off to pick up my Kevinager who has spent the last two hours rehearsing for a duet he is playing with a young lady from his band who he is constantly on WhatsApp with.

Not sure how I feel about this sort of "progress"...

If he got a black belt in karate by 13 maybe, unless they just give them out for minimal effort, he's burnt out with doing structured exercise and cba . Leave him to find something is my vote, I don't have kids though (but keep an eye on what he's doing on line)

Are you trying to force a circle into a square ?

In the OP did you list all the things that you like to do, thinking that he must like them too ?

Perhaps spend a weekend in with him on the Xbox.

He's getting a bit old for punishment but I'd be tempted by no phone/xbox etc unless he does at least one outdoor thing at the weekend.

As an aside I would not have gone to pick him up when he "got tired"

In the OP did you list all the things that you like to do

Examples only of effort that has been put in. Many of the things listed I have no interest in, but it was worth a try.

I didn't list all the other stuff like scouts, roman digs, football, cricket, karting, archery and more that I can't necessarily do anything with except take him to. Which I did until the shine went off it.

Play on the Xbox? No, I'm a Sony fanboy 😆

Just a thought on the xbox etc. I played video games alot as a tennager - C64 then Amiga, so not quite the same. I did however have to have a Saturday job to pay for them.

Who is paying for the Xbox, XBox live, games, and even electricity? If you are then simple solution is he needs to get a job if he wants anymore. Having said that getting part-time work as a teenager might be difficult these days?

I play on the PC's and XBox with my 5 & 7 year olds, it's good bonding time and I am amazed at what they build in Minecraft and other construction type games now. My 7 year old has started editing JSON files to create giant creatures in Minecraft; so there can be a positive side to video games.

Is he into music? Electric guitars or mixing decks start to become alluring at that age.

Musical? Nope.

i think he has my tin ear.

Take him over the local park and introduce him to cider, weed and fingering birds.
Might be controversial but I bet it'll get him out of the house.
On the flip side you might get arrested and be put on the sex offenders list.
It'll be worth it in the long run though. 😛

I was in the same situation as the OP with my now 12 year old. My wife and I used to get really peed off about the fact that junior didn't like to leave the house as he's addicted to the computer. We have now got to the stage where we've realised that trying to get him to enjoy the things we like (walking in the hills, cycling, surfing etc) just doesn't interest him so what's the point in forcing him?

As he gets his enjoyment from being on the computer, we've pushed him into learning about programming which he now loves and is thinking about working at GCHQ when he leaves school. Obviously at only 12 he's probably getting ahead of himself with that but at least it's a motivation to keep on learning. The one success we've had is music. I love music and my biggest disappointment in life is that I have no musical ability. We got him a lesson in our local drum shop and he loves it so he's carried on going there every Saturday afternoon for the past six months.

Best of luck with your situation.

My nearly 12-year-old loves his Xbox and computer games. He's never been over-keen on anything that involves a bit of discomfort, like getting muddy, cold, or tired. I've had to accept that his interests don't overlap much with mine, but he will come out for walks with me and we also do art together.
It's more for his health and well-being that I'd like to see him doing a bit more exercise, though. It can't be healthy all that sitting down.

Play on the Xbox? No, I'm a Sony fanboy

If you want him to try new things, shouldn't you be inspiring him by trying new things ?

😉

( never got the console wars as I always had a PC )

Seriously, he is an individual - consider that he might just be into very different things than you - it can be very hard when a parent is pushing you into things that you don't want to do and puberty is hard enough already.

Has anyone suggested taking him Airsofting? It's hoofing fun, they rent kit and it is a great workout. Book a date for you both and some of his Xbox mates as well. Loads of sites around the place, and it's far better than paintballing. If he likes first person shooters in his Xbox then he'll love it - watch some youtube videos.

singlespeedstu - Member
Take him over the local park and introduce him to cider, weed and fingering birds.
Might be controversial but I bet it'll get him out of the house.
On the flip side you might get arrested and be put on the sex offenders list.
It'll be worth it in the long run though.

Cider,weed and fingering birds sounds great,probably better than a bike ride.

The only constant in most of these tales is games consoles. My Dad banned them when I was growing up and I thank him for it now although cheesed me off at the time.

I have mates in their mid thirties now that spend all weekend playing games. Such a waste of time!

I'll just stop you there.

Compare and contrast, "I have mates in their mid forties now that spend all weekend riding bikes / going to the pub / reading books / building sheds. Such a waste of time!"

Consoles are this generation's favourite demon. Before that it was computers, before that television, before that rock & roll, before that books.

I spent yesterday evening on the Xbox. Headset on, I caught up with a couple of mates I've not seen for a while because Geography. One of us is having relationship issues, one is struggling with depression, we gave each other some moral support and had a bit of a laugh whilst incidentally playing Rocket League. How is that a waste of time? It's healthier all round than doing the same thing over a gallon of Old Phlegm Lovelybeer each.

Everything in moderation. Video gaming in and of itself isn't destructive or antisocial, quite the opposite. Doing it to the detriment of everything else in your like is problematic. But the same is true of every hobby, if you spent every non-working hour of your life out riding and never seeing your family is that a good thing?

Would you worry about a child who spent every free waking moment with their nose in a book? If not, why not, that's hardly teaching them social skills, it's isolation personified. (I've a friend in this exact situation with one of his daughters, he's at the point of having to restrict Book Time.)

Apart from the fact it's designed to be addictive and most that play them don't do much of anything else

ScottChegg - Member

Musical? Nope.

i think he has my tin ear.

Mixing desk then

andy3809 - Member

I have mates in their mid thirties now that spend all weekend playing games. Such a waste of time!

While I'd like to argue this point, I have to get back to conquering Japan

Turn off wifi
Take him to McD and show him his likely future (either side of the counter) unless he changes
Buy him a book - an alternative path

Apart from the fact it's designed to be addictive

How so?

and most that play them don't do much of anything else

I'd contest "most" but, as I've said, this is the point it becomes an issue. Just like any other hobby.

Apart from the fact it's designed to be addictive and most that play them don't do much of anything else

Says who? Do you have any hard evidence to back this up? Up until my son being born I was a massive game geek and spent hours playing them. I still managed to find time to climb, workout, cycle, socialise, do the gardening, get my wife pregnant etc.

Sorry for going off topic OP.

Buy him a book - an alternative path

"My son isn't socialising." - "Buy him a book." Sure, that's gonna work.

get my wife pregnant

To be fair, that wouldn't take long. (-:

Reading is a open path
Watsapp is a cul-de-sac
You choose...

Don't force him into anything. Don't stress him out. Consider there may be a little mild depression/anxiety

My folks tried similar stuff for me but it really didn't help. Looking back I was stressed out by school. Boredom is very motivational eventually.

Pron - get him a subscription to something suitably unsuitable. At least his left/right (delete as appropriate) arm will get some exercise even if he does become a deviant in later life.

Reading is a open path
Watsapp is a cul-de-sac
You choose...

Depends on what you're reading. I tried to expand my horizons, but only had access to the complete works of Catherine Cookson. I now can't even spell my own name correctly and have improper thoughts about farmers.

We've all been there.

Reading is a open path
Watsapp is a cul-de-sac
You choose...

Both, in moderation. Next?

I didn't list all the other stuff like scouts, roman digs, football, cricket, karting, archery and more that I can't necessarily do anything with except take him to. Which I did until the shine went off it.

I've got 16 year old twin boys

They're difficult, accept it. It's normal.

The more you push him to do 'something' the more he'll sit on his arse. Let him find his own way and interests and make sure you care about them when he does.

My dad (RIP) was a great dad and a big birdwatcher. I can identify pretty much every British bird but I've NO interest in ornithology. I wish he'd come out on the bike JUST ONCE with me.

Consoles are this generation's favourite demon.

Now I like gaming, and always have. So I stick up for it. However in this case it's not the gaming as such - more the addiction, and what it displaces in the kid's brain.

Mine are only 7 and 5, but even now game time is displacing other things in their lives. The oldest has moved on from the kiddy play but hasn't really found anything to replace it except playing games, and doing the things we encourage her to do to keep us happy until it's time for more games again. This seems to be a bit of a crucial stage as she's looking for more advanced things to do with her time, but can only conceive of game related things.

My kids need to be forced to do other things. At the moment it's just cutting them off to make them go and figure something out. But of course they aren't teenagers yet so are a bit more compliant!

I'm about as far from authoritarian as you can get, but I'd be thinking about cutting him off part of the time to force something else to happen.

I once read a great post on another forum. Basically each morning the dad would change the Wi-Fi password and have certain criteria for his kids to earn the new one. Clean your room, do the washing up, walk the dog etc.

My mother was having trouble with my younger brother when he was 14 or 15 and asked me for advice. I went around to the house and told him to listen to his mum or I'd format the hard-drive on his PS3. it worked a treat!

Cut the plug off the Xbox, at least then he has to learn how to wire a plug.

The OP has responded to a few posts but none about restricting access.

Best advice is probably to make sure he alternates hands....

If he got a black belt in karate by 13 maybe...he's burnt out with doing structured exercise

And yet yesterday he mentioned going back. Maybe he's only frazzled?

each morning the dad would change the Wi-Fi password

Dad clearly doesn't work for a living. Going around every wifi enabled device every day changing passwords sounds like the sort of the thing only pensioners and the unemployed would have time for.

I have previously gone out and taken the wifi router with me. It doesn't make him leave the house. I was talking about him showing an interest outside Xbox's etc. Not that I can't force him not to play with these things.

The only constant in most of these tales is games consoles. My Dad banned them when I was growing up and I thank him for it now although cheesed me off at the time.

I have mates in their mid thirties now that spend all weekend playing games. Such a waste of time!

Don't thank him for banning it. While it probably didn't do you any harm, basically you missed out. I played games/consoles a bit when I was a kid (never excessively compared to some), but largely lost interest by my mid-twenties. It doesn't necessarily hook you for life :roll:. Moderation is good, but there is little to be gained by banning it completely (unless you want your kids to resent you).

Apart from the fact it's designed to be addictive and most that play them don't do much of anything else.

'Most'? Just isn't true. Sort of thing I'd expect someone who has never played a game to say. I know loads of people who are interested in games but only spend a small portion of there time on them. PS. Just to clarify, I am not a gamer, I just like to challenge small-mindedness.

I am not a gamer, I just like to challenge small-mindedness.

Same here. Gets on my nerves when I hear people being sniffy about gaming. Surely any hobby is doing the same thing regarding neurons firing in your brain. Assuming physical fitness is not being compromised by ones hobby then what's the difference?

I've stuck up for a few people when confronted by this attitude, usually from vacuous girlfriends. "But they're wasting their life just sat there in the dark all the time, they should get out and see things!"

I point out that the reaction in their brains when hunting a zombie in a game is probably exactly the same as when they're out seeing things or travelling, or taking photos of their bloody dinner... but I suspect this is a validation issue. Gaming can't be instagrammed and used to play one-upmanship with their friends. But that's another thread entirely 🙂

Not a parent myself, but I do know a chap that has a pretty good (imo) outlook.

He has a simple rule for both of his kids that they WILL participate in a sport (until they are old enough to move out at least), they can choose, or if not he'll choose one for them.
Gets them out of the house, gets them a good dose of exercise, and means they are interacting with others.

On the gaming front, not all gaming is bad.
Some games whilst fun, are mindless grind, others depressingly reward failure or credit card use. They are indeed bad.
Encourage player vs player games with a low skill floor and high skill ceiling - plenty of room to progress, and usually to learn many lessons that apply equally well to real life.
If you're really good at it, there may even be a career in it.

they WILL participate in a sport

First off, IANAP. But does force really work? We were forced to play football as kids. Every time me and another kid got possession we'd just hoof it off the field or attempt an own goal. This got the rest of the kids amazingly wound up and we'd eventually get sent off. I remember spending those times spent playing the piano in the unused music room next to the gym. Which is what I would've preferred to have done all along.

Not a parent myself, but I do know a chap that has a pretty good (imo) outlook.

He has a simple rule for both of his kids that they WILL participate in a sport (until they are old enough to move out at least), they can choose, or if not he'll choose one for them.

well, if his outlook is to breed long term resentment and his kids moving as far away as soon as possible that seems like a pretty good approach..

We live in a technological age so being an ace on computers is no bad thing.

If that's his passion can you somehow expand it into a way that will help is education/work prospects.

As in, if he was an ace at a sport you would probably be encouraging him to be the best at it he can. Do the same for his computer/gaming passion.

He may have different passions to you but it doesn't mean it's negative.

Edit: Gaming is very much a social activity for many people. Just a different way of being social.

I don't have a teenager (yet) so this could be naive wishful thinking but if he's really into his gadgets (as opposed to just being lazy), how about learning to code? If he gets good he'll earn a fortune. Not everyone loves sport so perhaps try channelling his energy elsewhere?

But does force really work? We were forced to play football as kids.

I think the key to it really is by giving them the choice of ANY sport, they never [i]felt[/i] forced into it.

well, if his outlook is to breed long term resentment and his kids moving as far away as soon as possible that seems like a pretty good approach..

Actually its worked out really well, one really enjoys sport and has found one he's really good at.
The other tried several, made some good friends along the way, but now as a young adult is doing other things.

I think the key to it really is by giving them the choice of ANY sport,

Ah ok, that's cool. I'd choose darts.