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Random things that come to mind whilst walking the dog:
1) Place any girl between the ages of 7 and 11 on a piece of grass measuring 6' x 3' or greater, and they will perform a cartwheel.
2) The eventual pain-in-the-arsedness of any DIY job is directly proportional to the initial estimate of ease of said job.
Any others?
"wet paint" signs must be independently verified by anybody passing by, unless they can observe somebody actively painting at that moment in time.
When you are past 50, every time you look into a mirror you see someone who looks much older than you expect.
We don’t have many mirrors in our house
.
To be fair put me on a piece of grass and I will probably do a cartwheel.
Picking of the nose always activates an imaginary cloaking device. The deeper the picker excavates, the more assuredly they become convinced of their ‘invisibility’. By the time they are sneakily eating the prize they become entirely convinced that they exist to others only as a pair of furtive, disembodied eyeballs.
Every time I post anything approaching the truth on a thread about geopolitics, the arms trade, natural resources and climate change I will be banned from further posting in that thread in short order...
Whatsmore, cheese is often quite pleasant
Any bike maintenance task which doesn't the use of a deep fat fryer isn't worth doing, apparently.
People who talk the most generally have the least to say.
Tell someone its hot and they will touch it
When the waiter presents you with a plate and tells you it’s hot, laws states you have to touch it.
Any bike maintenance task which doesn’t the use of a deep fat fryer isn’t worth doing, apparently.
See, now, this absolutely obeys my rule 2. You think it's going to be a massive PITA, but it's a complete POP.
As I reminded myself yesterday,
When removing a bunch of screws, the last one will always be an utter sod.
Susan Tully at 57 WILL break your heart
If someone pulls out on you from a side road making you have to brake, they will then proceed to drive at least 10mph under the speed limit, more likely 20mph under.
As soon as I take a spoonful of my soup this teams meeting is going to start
When removing a bunch of screws, the last one will always be an utter sod.
See Rule 2.
Talking about DIY, it doesn't mater if it's on my house, bike or car, the faster I go, the longer it will take (and massively increase the chances I'll break something).
When it comes to driving, there are really only two types of driver, "the lights may change, I'd better speed up" and "The lights may change, I'd better slow down".
No one will ever really appreciate anything you do, until you stop.
We will never fix the UKs obesity problem until we can accept it's a mental health issue, not ignorance that eating too much makes you fat.
We will never fix the UKs drug problems until we can accept it's a meatal and physical health issue, not a war to be won.
The only source of absolute truth in the world is a first time mom
People who talk the most generally have the least to say.
Aaaaaaaaamen!
Any job that will take just 5 minutes . will always lean towards 2 hours with some form of blood loss and tools that placed in plain eye-site will always get teleported to another dimension only to return to the original resting place once said job has been completed.
leffeboy
Full MemberThe only source of absolute truth in the world is a first time mom
Oh thats an interesting one - my own experience says you either get the absolute harsh truth, or an absolute load of bollocks about how good everything in the world is. There is no in between.
Back on track.....
When I put on bib shorts, I will immediately need to poo.
Any job that will take just 5 minutes . will always lean towards 2 hours with some form of blood loss and tools that placed in plain eye-site will always get teleported to another dimension only to return to the original resting place once said job has been completed.
Again, see Rule 2.
When removing a bunch of screws, the last one will always be an utter sod.
When replacing them there will be one spare or one too few.
You will not have the requisite spare screw in the man-cave if it's one too few.
Add 1/2- 1 hour to any task where any part of the instructions starts with the phrase "simply"
ie, "Simply remove cap", or "simply un-do bolt fastening..."
Any job that will take just 5 minutes . will always lean towards 2 hours with some form of blood loss
As far back as the early 90s my team at the time realised that it was was impossible to fix any PC hardware fault until you'd made a blood sacrifice. Fortunately we made them out of razor blades so...
The last 10% of a bottle of washing up liquid lasts just as long as the preceding 90%.
Add 1/2- 1 hour to any task where any part of the instructions starts with the phrase “simply”
ie, “Simply remove cap”, or “simply un-do bolt fastening…”
Do you write Haynes manuals?
It's impossible to tighten down roof rack straps on an object without giving them a feeble slap and saying "that's not going anywhere"
😀 Also it is impossible to pick up some BBQ tongs without clacking them a few times to 'make sure they work'.
See also, picking up a drill.
As soon as you've replaced a lost item, it will reveal itself. The more the new item cost, the sooner the lost item will be found.
Also it is impossible to pick up some BBQ tongs without clacking them a few times to ‘make sure they work’.
See also, picking up a drill.
Thank god, I thought it was just me
Louise will screw you up.
As soon as you’ve replaced a lost item, it will reveal itself. The more the new item cost, the sooner the lost item will be found.
yes. I own 3 identical (apart from colour) swiss army knives, for just this reason.
You can travel the world sampling all the wondrous cuisines it has to offer, but ultimately you have to reconcile yourself to the fact that there is nothing better than cheese on toast
As soon as you’ve replaced a lost item, it will reveal itself. The more the new item cost, the sooner the lost item will be found.
yes. I own 3 identical (apart from colour) swiss army knives, for just this reason.
Indeed. I now have 3 identical rear thru axles for one of my bikes
The size of allen key/torque wrench head/socket/spanner you want is always the one you've put somewhere stupid last time you used it.
Looking for the one you've lost is a waste of time, although it means you almost immediately find the one you lost the previous week (I see this has been done.)
Any dropped small item in a workshop will immediately bounce into the least visible/accessible place. Even if you can see it, getting it will involve moving shelves and putting your back out.
It’s impossible to tighten down roof rack straps on an object without giving them a feeble slap and saying “that’s not going anywhere”
Although, if you've put it on the roof of a car one would hope that it IS going somewhere. The only conceivable scenario in which it could in fact not go anywhere is if it's so poorly secured it falls off immediately in your drive and you don't notice, thus it would remain at home.
People know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
As soon as you’ve replaced a lost item, it will reveal itself. The more the new item cost, the sooner the lost item will be found.
Similarly. Any piece of kit lost will be the newest, most expensive, most procrastinated over piece of kit owned.
The amount of time spent faffing on a ride rises by the square of the number of people attending said ride.
Tell someone its hot and they will touch it
The mac was on but had a feeling there was something I was missing sigh.
As soon as i start to brush my teeth my wife will ask me a million questions.
Management in action always means management inaction.
ie, “Simply remove cap”, or “simply un-do bolt fastening…”
This extends to "refitting is the reverse of removal" - trying to reverse gravity so the the bolt you can reach with a spanner but not your fingers can be realigned to the thread you unscrewed it from.