[Closed] Unemployed to Get Bonus

It was announced today that benefit claimaint's are to receive a one off Bonus of £400 in July this year. A spokesman for the the DSS stated "This is to make up for the incovenience that that will be caused by hosting the Olympics and the associated increase in the price of everything"

Most of this bonus is expected to be spent on herbal and chemical stimulants, booze and fast food as the country sits in front of the TV watching with increasingly frustrated excitment as home grown athletes fail to deliver.

Lord Coe said "This is a mavellous gesture by the state, it will allow thousands to join in the fun, see how our fine athletes *nearly* win medals, and let the great unwashed get that ^City Banker^ feeling for a few days"