[Closed] Uncle to be - living away/got holiday booked makes me selfish?

Your sister wants you there for the birth?

Weird.

Chances of it arriving on the due date are fairly slim unless it's a planned section?

Don't think I'd be in for the actual birth, just sat in a waiting room! 😆 Yes, is planned section

Absolutely not normal expecting you to be there.

Doesn't seem unreasonable to me - your view that is. And I'm pretty sure the last thing my sisters would have wanted with an impending birth would have been me getting under their feet!

It's cool to be an uncle, but really you don't need to be there until they get to be quite a bit older.

Uncles exist to teach children all about the things that their parents thought completely unsuitable.

Very odd expectations from your family if you ask me.

That's pretty weird to be honest. I assume it's a first child?

Just go on your holiday and then say "I told you so" when your sister gets sick of everyone being around.

[i]Don't think I'd be in for the actual birth, just sat in a waiting room![/i]

Eh?

FWIW We've 3 kids and the last thing we'd have wanted was [b]ANY[/b] family in the 'waiting' room - is this 'cos folk have watched too many of those US TV programmes where friends/families are there for the birth/waiting?

Ignore or tell them to grow up.

even beign there on the day's a bit not how we'd do it.

Go and visit a few days after they get home, yes, but not sooner.

Is she just doign this because she knows you can;t go, to score some 'points' with the rest of the family?

I wouldn't feel bad about taking the holiday, you're the uncle not the dad. I don't like being railroaded into buying presents off lists esp for a birth, just send a card (stick a gift voucher in if you feel like it) 🙂

New mum and dad will think that the earth should revolve around them .... I can say this, as it was us 7 years ago ... it was like no one had ever given birth before 🙂

Strangely enough the due date might not be the actual DoB.

Go on hols ... if it a boy, buy the local footy kit and if it's a girl a buy cheapo national dress, dress ... or .... start practising your knitting

All seems very odd to me but families are quite different. I can imagine you being asked to help out but surely it was just as likely that you were working with no leave left. Oh and yes babies don't fit plans very well.

Are we missing something. Does she have another child know one else can care for? Is the farther not around and your parents too old or ill to help out?

Now I hate myself or this next bit, but

Never visits me since I moved away (10 years ago 3 visits!).

rarely visits me since I moved away (10 years ago 3 visits)

That is a bit odd IMHO... a visit pretty soon after the birth would be normal I think, but not there for it (not even in the hospital unless you were super close to your sister!), so after you're back from holiday should be totally fine. Of course your sister is in for a shock if she's expecting babies to do ANYTHING to a predictable schedule, and you'll probably be either not gone away yet, or be back already when baby makes an appearance.

Will she reimburse you for the holiday you have booked and she now expects you to miss?

Not at all.

What's that gift thing? you decided to have the kids, you pay for them?
Grand parents bought a push chair or a cot, but they wanted to do that, we never asked.

Get things for 3-6 months, romper suits...always need them.

Okay, it wouldn't be a bad idea to pop in to see the kid within the first few weeks of it being in the World, but that depends on distance between.

I don't think you're being selfish. Too be honest I think the last thing your sister needs is a load of visitors coming in at once for a look at the baby. What I appreciated and other friends too is turning up a couple of weeks later and having a lovely meal cooked. Go on holiday you'll have plenty of bonding time later.

It's cool to be an uncle, but really you don't need to be there until they get to be quite a bit older.

That seems odder to me, how long would you wait?

Mine's 5 months old and my siblings and parents saw the baby over a period of about 2 weeks. From day 4 to 6 you won't really be welcome due to babyblues, and a most visits will be short with lots of notice! As they will both be knackered.

Don't expect your sister to be rational, as her hormones will be all over the place.

Insofar as gifts... either of these things were good presents:

http://www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/sp+bunny-hooded-towel-in-bathtime-and-healthcare+A7331?gclid=CP_pmeqVn8gCFeVz2wodmbkNCQ

http://www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/sp+ewan-the-sheep-in-sleep-training-and-night-lights+B9830?gclid=CL6qvvSVn8gCFSGg2wodGWELag

If you want to spend less than £14, just get a some babygrows.

Yep just plain weird.

Did she consult you on about availability before lying back and thinking of England?

Get on and enjoy the holiday!

As someone in a similar situation - sister pregnant, we live in different cities...

...she'd not care less where I was at the birth. I plan to visit soon after, but nothing solid, just whenever suits the both of us.

No particular gift planned or expected, though I'll probably get something... but because I want to.

Definitely odd. But then families usually are.

Jeez. Weird or what. Can't say I took any notice until the little buggers could talk in complete sentences.
Gift. Why. Sprog won't care a s***

Are we missing something. Does she have another child know one else can care for? Is the farther not around and your parents too old or ill to help out?

Not missing anything, there are LOADS of family around her, from both sides.

Now I hate myself or this next bit, but

Never visits me since I moved away (10 years ago 3 visits!).
rarely visits me since I moved away (10 years ago 3 visits)

I'll let you off, my bad 😛

Thanks for the rest of the replies, makes me feel a bit better about it. As a compromise I'll offer to go down on my next day off, a week or so after the birth perhaps, and let Moonpig do the rest 😈

Shame on you, leaving your poor sister when she needs you the most!!!!!! You can have a holiday any old time.....

By the way, are you hillbillies? 😉

richc - thanks for the links. The towel looks good to me (I want one!) 😆

"By the way, are you hillbillies"

Maybe in a previous life.

If you believe in reintarnation.

igmc.

Gift. Why. Sprog won't care a s***

Use some Empathy.... combine that with mad hormones and woman logic and that should give you your answer...

How long is your holiday? A week? 2? a month? If its a week I wouldn't worry, if its a months I might.

i reckon you could make the holiday and still be back for the birth.. the calculations for the due dates are flawed anyway.

Unless there is some weird tradition of family photos in the birthing suite.. I have been in one before I had kids, I dont see what the rush is 🙂

They appreciate it more if you pop down at the weekend with some food and a chat. That said being an uncle is great.

I think richc suggested Ewan.

This +1000.

Other than that, tell them to **** off, you'll visit when you're back from holiday. Jesus, it's only a few days.

EDIT: Oh, and if you can cook a stew or a chilli or something like that, you'll be a God in their eyes.

Seems weird to me. I'm an uncle 4x over, I was never *there* at the birth (apart from anything else labour takes for ever for some people, like 72 hours!).

However I did go visit them in hospital once they'd got their breath back

If I'd been booked for holiday, no way would I have cancelled it. Don't think sister having a baby qualifies for holiday insurance redemption anyways.

As for amazon shit, it's for people who go 'what can I get?'. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Don't let other peoples life choices rule your world.

If this is how it's gonna be I'd be pushing back and letting them know their expeditions were a little wide of the beam!

Don't get me wrong nephews/nieces can be amazing (all four of mine are, obviously) and bonding with them as babies is important (I remember holding my 1 yo niece over the sink while she puked and her mum was off to Carrefoure for Calpol. We are definitely closer because of it!).

Based on the OP I'd be keeping my distance anyways, I mean, what next?

Unless you are her midwife / birth partner then go ahead and take your holiday and don't worry about it. Your family are being deeply odd.

As above baby is unlikely to be on time and even if it is, when she's in the throes of labour the last thing your sister needs is an Empire style entourage hanging around outside the ward door.

Best thing you can do is pop around with a takeaway and some bubbly once they are at home and offer to take sprog for a walk in the park to give the new parents a break.

The hospital won't want you there either. Visiting will be limited to two at a time.

Go on holiday. Buy the kid a teddy at the airport.

Sounds odd to me. Especially with C section there is no way your sister is going to be in the sort of state where loads of visitors will be beneficial in the immediate aftermath. Also, hospital visiting is very restricted anyway.

The amazon gift list thing is a new one on me. Never heard of that. We received some small gifts from people after ours was born but just small nice things. Hand made stuff, a few clothes, 2nd hand toys / baby junk that folk had. Stuff like that. We certainly didn't expect anything.

Very odd, but that's family for you. Offer to provide the name instead as they clearly want you involved...

That is an absolutely ludicrous expectation. Don't cancel your holiday. Buy the baby a Fisher Price rattle or something. Gift lists for babies? - **** right off.

Weird.

Someone you've seen three times in ten years is demanding that you cancel your holidays to bring them gifts?

I'd be telling them to foxtrot oscar and changing my number. Life's too short to spend it with arseholes.

Seems odd to me and, although it seems odd to most/all folk on this thread, it seems like your family believe you should be there so it doesn't matter what we think and its going to take some serious diplomacy to come out of this not looking like a sh$t in your families eyes...good luck with that! 😉

Strange indeed, I don't even think I sent a card (just made a phone call) when I became a uncle (and I get on well with my brother). I did buy them a fancy video baby monitor but they didn't ask for anything (I wouldn't bother buying stuff like clothes as they grow out of the silly fast and other stuff like cribs are silly money and more of a personal taste thing).

weirdest thing I've read all day

I was around for my sister giving birth to her first but it was unusual circumstances. She was moving house and the move was 6 weeks late and the birth was 6 weeks early. I got a call at 10pm that she was in a spot of bother and drove the 70 miles to London up to discover a barely packed up house and an incapacitate sister with no other relatives in the country. I spent the night packing while she spent it pushing. I exchanged and completed for her, picked up the keys and made her a 'nest' in the living room of the new house (a 'project' purchase- the rest was uninhabitable) into which she arrived a few few hours later.

In that context I guess a brother on the scene was kind of was useful - normally not so much!

Hang on... OP Are you from the Forest of Dean?

Can I just join the long list of people reassuring you that you are the normal one in this tale!

The whole point of being an uncle is that you can swoop in unannounced whenever it suits you, encourage the kids to do all the stuff their parents tell them not to and then disappear again before the shit hits.

All this you should be nearby, but not too near for the birth is very unusual in my experience, if you're about it's probably polite to rock up within a day or so to say hi and pretend to think the baby is cute but as you're away I wouldn't worry. Also the gift list thing isn't something I've every come across before. is your sister a bit odd?

muppetWrangler, uncle to 4, father to none.

It's just on the list of events that make people go (temporarily) insane

Weddings
Firstborns

etc. etc.

Pretty sure they will be fed up with visitors after the first few hours, I know I was.

She'll be in hospital for a few days after the c-section and pretty much immobile for a while after.

If you want to do something nice for them send them a Gousto/eat fresh box or something so they have easy to cook meals at home and don't have to traipse to Tescos for the 73rd time that week and visit when they're settled.

Then again, that's advice for normal people, your lot sound WEIRD

Go on holiday and go round after, when they're exhausted and at their lowest ebb and subject them to a two slide show of you adventures.that'll learn 'em.

What you've forgotten is that some people's first child is the most important thing to have ever happened in the world. Whereas other people understand that there's bloody loads of them already, so let this new disaster come, it makes but one more.

Is this from the family or the sister specifically? If it's from your sister, I predict you might be in for a few years of really annoying baby related bullshit. Sorry.

I was on holiday 3000 miles away from my brothers' boys arrival via a planned c-section. I had an emotional phone call with him on the due date and met my (now 20 year old) nephews when they were 6 weeks old. Everybody was happy. The twins didn't know anything about my absence until they were old enough to understand about seven years later, and they were not bothered!

As far as gifts are concerned, why not make them something, doesn't really matter what it is. If you can't afford the Amazon list, get something practical, like baby grows for a six month old-they will have loads of newborn stuff, but something for a bit later on went down well with both my brother and sister when they had children

Agree with much of what's been said. I'm close to my family but have not been at the birth, or even in the same post code, for the birth of any of my 9 niece/nephew's.

When my boy came along my fiancee didn't want anyone about at first. We didn't expect any gifts, let alone produce a list.

You are normal, other family members less so.

I get on great with my sister but I didn't see my niece till she was about two. I don't really have any kind of bond with her but I imagine that suits us both well enough, when I was a kid I had no interest in my extended family.

Same advice proffered for the "no kids at the wedding post" tell her to get on with it and you will see her a week later (take her other half a case of beer he will need it and if he doesn't drink he will soon...

I got a text notifying me of the arrival of my first nephew while I was in a restaurant in Palma. The chef very kindly opened a bottle of champagne so we could toast the boys arrival. Worked for me. Very weird to want you actually at the hospital!

You could be missing a fried Placenta breakfast, black pud, white pud, bacon... That's got to be worth hanging around for, Shirley?

Is your sisters name Mary?

Will she be in a stable?

Will you be coming from the east?

Is your name Balthazar, Gaspar, or Melchior?

If so then turn up with gold, frankincense or myrrh.

If not then go on your holiday and rock up when convenient to you. Bring a teddy if you feel like it.

Bring a teddy if you feel like it.

Now that is sound advice, no one can be grumpy towards a man bearing a bear.

Enjoy your holiday.

I'm an uncle a few times over. I didn't attend any births. I didn't want to and would not have been welcome. Muppetwrangler summed up the uncle role perfectly. You get to be the fun grownup while your sibling is a boring parent (JOKE before anyone takes offence). Turning up a day or two or three after the birth to coo over the infant always felt like the right level of involvement.

Go on holiday and enjoy it

I know the feeling that certain people think the world revolves around them

Sounds ludicrous to even expect you to be there, never mind cancel a holiday for it

And no, it's not selfish

To be honest we just wanted left alone with our baby and for everyone else to **** off. Sounds like point scoring from your sister tbh.

Very unreasonable behaviour.

I assume she's a bit nervous about the whole thing? Neurotic disposition in general?

Go on holiday...you'll be the uncle so you can do the uncle thing i.e. turn up when you want and be the cool person that has the carry on and good fun.

Remind them that you weren't there at the making of the kid so you aren't needed to be there for the unwrapping of the kid. They can text you when it arrives and you can phone and wish them well, etc.

I suspect the family have now gone all family-centric for the arrival so you not being there is a damper for them...but if they don't make the effort any other time (and you don't make a huge effort either), then go on holiday and enjoy yourself.

At the end of the day, my 'advice' is the same - go on holiday and enjoy yourself...it was booked before she got pregnant so not like it was planned (the holiday I mean!).

Yep op you are normal, working at a maternity hospital this week can't seen a huge number of extra folks around mostly just pregnant ladies...

It does sound like you will be required to act like they have just solved the middle east and global warming every time it takes a dump etc. Get out now

Sorry to break this to you but you are normal your sister is mental as is anyone else who thinks you should be there for the birth ( unless you are the father too which would be illegal.)
Also who on earth does a gift list for a birth ? Mental .
I am an uncle 3 times over and a father as above an uncles job is to provide occasional babysitting a constant source of fun ideas and age inappropriate presents at approximately the anniversaries of the child's birth and roundabout Christmas day .
Uncles should also allow children to steal their wine/beer at family dos.

I get on great with my sister but [b]I didn't see my niece till she was about two. I don't really have any kind of bond with her [/b]but I imagine that suits us both well enough, when I was a kid I had no interest in my extended family.

I think your sister is possibly going a bit over the top but it's not totally unimaginable that people might want their family around - unlike some miserable sods are suggesting here.

Also - the Amazon gift list is to stop absentee uninterested relatives buying useless crap that will go to waste. They're doing you a favour.

I should point out at least one of my sister in laws hates me . Her kids are getting indoor fire works this Christmas.

yeah, nah.

it gets weirder too.

babies have smash cakes these days - i.e. a whole, and somewhat expensive cake to themselves - to pummel and take photos thereof.

the whole baby thing is a massive industry.

Enjoy your holiday guilt free. No reason for you not to. Take away the episodes of Friends where Phoebe/Rachel give birth.
Good present for a newborn (once you know if it's a blue one or a pink one) clothes to suit them at about 3-6 months. Otherwise you end up with a sodding great pile of baby grows half of which go on ebay untouched.

I should point out at least one of my sister in laws hates me . Her kids are getting indoor fire works this Christmas.

Buy them a recorder or better still a violin.

Well, I'm sure she asked you first before conceiving and had a lengthy discussion about what dates might be suitable , of course you should be there. Otherwise you really don't have to be.

thegreatape - Member

That is an absolutely ludicrous expectation. Don't cancel your holiday. Buy the baby a Fisher Price rattle or something. Gift lists for babies? - **** right off.

I get on great with my sister but I didn't see my niece till she was about two. I don't really have any kind of bond with her but I imagine [b]that suits us both well enough[/b], when I was a kid I had no interest in my extended family.

Buy them a recorder or better still a violin.

You can't lose the batteries on a drum

[quote=konabunny ]I think your sister is possibly going a bit over the top but it's not totally unimaginable that people might want their family around - unlike some miserable sods are suggesting here.
Also - the Amazon gift list is to stop absentee uninterested relatives buying useless crap that will go to waste. They're doing you a favour.

She might think so now, whether she will at the time is another matter. Making demands about cancelling a holiday is self centred baby obsession though and indicative of the mindset that everybody else should be as excited about it as she is.

The Amazon list would be fine if that was the point of it - the apparent absence of anything affordable would tend to suggest that on the contrary it's another part of the baby obsession thing combined with an excuse to get other people to buy you stuff you want.

All of this suggests there is going to be lots of similar baby obsessive shit in the near future, so best off setting out you don't want a part of that now IMHO!

I'm in support of making an offer to turn up in a week or three with moral support, a babygrow, and being available to do the washing up, sort the laundry or take dad to the pub, whichever need is greatest. That's in case you needed to hear it again.

(edit) - from an out-of-town uncle and great uncle. And it sounds like Dad will need a break from the bossy hormonal females by then.

I'm disappointed that you aren't expected to be sitting staring at your sisters widening baby hole, shouting " Go on sis, push it out"

I wouldn't go, it will be shit, wait a year or so, then go see the baby, at least it will be doing something interesting.

Your sister is just plain weird, no wonder you moved away.

Don't change your plans, go and visit them a few weeks after the birth when everything has settled down.

Like the OP, i live away from family (2787 km, by google maps). When my sister had her son, I offered to fly over and meet the chap. I would've arrived about 3 or 4 days after the due date. Luckily, the flights were cheap. She declined as she reckoned that she'd be knackered and had enough people fussing.

The next time that i saw them, was on Christmas day when she walked into the pub carrying the kid. All the family and local villagers were there. As i plan to be a thoroughly irresponsible (fun) uncle, it seemed like a good way to first meet him!

Enjoy your holiday and when you're back, go see the kid.

Only 4% of babies land on their due date.

Go on holiday.