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Touching cloth.
Laying cable
Release the Kraken
Nip it in the bud
Mr Brown’s train is in the station.
“Ballpointing” was one I heard recently that made me lol 😀
Turtle head poking out
“The big brown dog is barking at the gate to get out”
Shitting through the eye of a needle.
A dozen pairs of shoes falling out of a loft
"drappin ma guts"
It's ****ing grim but does what it says.
Situational work colleague humour also works.
"I'm just away for a Scott Robbie/Michael Wright!"
Ease springs
It's like king Kong's little finger.
Going for an Eartha Kitt.
Taking a Nixon - this needs updating for Tory ****s really
Going for a George the Third
£500 poo.
(Assuming weight loss of £1/g for most cycling gains)
One that was said to me by a member of this forum, and had me properly laughing through the pain on the long mile back to my toilet...
- Have you got a gentleman in reception?
Swim free brown tout, swim free 💩🐡
Brown Trout. My favourite I think. 😂
I’ve never seen such a lot of sh!t jokes
Parking a doughnut in Granny's greenhouse.
And of course going for a Deliveroo.
Release the torpoodo
pay the tax
strangely satisfying...
Mr Mole's at the counter and he's ringing the bell.
and if you leave it too late
you've drawn mud.
The Still Game classic…
The first two inches are cold
When the deed is done and you're not sure how much toilet paper to use I generally stick to the rule:
"One up, one down and one to polish"
The toilet at my old work was referred to as the music room .
A mate of mine once exited my bathroom and exclaimed "it's a good toilet you've got there, I thought that would have broken it."
– Have you got a gentleman in reception?
Properly given me the giggles, that has.
Likewise the “gentleman in reception” actually made me laugh, chapeau
Making furniture.... some stools
Legless otter, two sweetcorn eyes and sharp peanuts for teeth.
The horse’s head is over the stable door.
I’m going to let the pony out for a canter around the paddock.
I’m just off to release the pigeons.
When you are really desperate and touching cloth
Working in a very quiet place right now.
I've had to stop reading, should my tittering by questioned.
Camping in France back in the 70's on the way to Le Mans... My mate appears out of the woods, toilet roll in hand to announce 'ah, pounds lighter'
Swim free my beauty...
Despite the forum now having a workable image upload function I have no intention of using it.
Like a bag of flip flops falling out of the loft.
An old biking mate returning to our camp after a visit to the toilets at mountain mayhem
”that came out like an angry cat”
Prairie dogging
Jim Royles finest line?
I think it was him i first heard say it.
Has anyone got a tape measure, that could be a world record.
How about the post-vindaloo "Brown Laser" ...
It’s breathing air
Nipping off a length with the rusty tin snips.
Like emptying a radiator
Like emptying a radiator
Rusty Watta!
Donald Trump
How about the post-vindaloo “Brown Laser” …
Or if your guts are a little more robust than that, "Pebbledash the poreclain".
Though that just gets blank looks here, they don't have pebbledash. Or a decent hot curry.
Parking a doughnut in Granny’s greenhouse.
What came first - that expression or the Bonzo Dogs album?
Not about going to the bog but a phrase that my mate uses that had me rolling about laughing.......
"They were shaking like a sh*tting dog"
Like a flock of Starlings
Stick a flag on it and claim it for England.
Touché away!
“and awaaaay”
me too
(did hear a story - on here? - of some toddler whose mum was potty training them; did the shite and says "aaah, magic". When asked why they said that - "daddy always says it")
“Just off to park my breakfast”
or
”Just going to turn my bike round”
Making room for lunch
My at the time 10 year old when his brother went to the toilet when we were out said he was away sinking ships.
Also away to carry out a bombing run
Coco-Shunter departing Platform 2!
After a noisy fart: "Hello Mr. Brown, I'll put you through..."
Not mine:
Paying my respects to Royal Doulton
I always refer to going outside as 'doing an impression of a bear'
For one that required more effort than was comfortable:
"That one came out with his boots on".
For one where I only just made it:
"Done before me pants hit the floor".
For someone scratching their arse:
"Brass rubbing".
And I'm very surprised no one has mentioned "klinkers" yet - named after the little hard bits in coal that dropped through the grate of coal fires BITD with an audible 'klink'.
Call the coastguard, that one will be a danger to shipping!
One of the many things I have to thank stw for is introducing me to the phrase "clean getaway" for those times when you realise that any wiping was unecessary.
And a twist on one mentioned previously - when time is of the esssence:
"a particularly irate mole at the counter".
And a twist on one mentioned previously
That's when you realise that wiping IS necessary.
Couple have made me laugh over time...
Laying brown heat
Standing one up (literally, the idea was to stand it up in the pan, or say against a wall)
And for afterwards...
Job's not finished 'til the paperwork's done
Give it a week!
After a noisy fart:
"A little more choke and it would have started"
One of the many things I have to thank stw for is introducing me to the phrase “clean getaway” for those times when you realise that any wiping was unecessary.
AKA a 'glory wipe'.
Desperately needing a pee
"Ma back teeth are floating."
ghost poo when wiping unnecessary
Creating a shipping hazard