Has anyone got a tape measure, that could be a world record.
How about the post-vindaloo "Brown Laser" ...
It’s breathing air
Nipping off a length with the rusty tin snips.
Like emptying a radiator
Like emptying a radiator
Rusty Watta!
Donald Trump
How about the post-vindaloo “Brown Laser” …
Or if your guts are a little more robust than that, "Pebbledash the poreclain".
Though that just gets blank looks here, they don't have pebbledash. Or a decent hot curry.
Parking a doughnut in Granny’s greenhouse.
What came first - that expression or the Bonzo Dogs album?
Not about going to the bog but a phrase that my mate uses that had me rolling about laughing.......
"They were shaking like a sh*tting dog"
Like a flock of Starlings
Stick a flag on it and claim it for England.
Touché away!
“and awaaaay”
me too
(did hear a story - on here? - of some toddler whose mum was potty training them; did the shite and says "aaah, magic". When asked why they said that - "daddy always says it")
“Just off to park my breakfast”
or
”Just going to turn my bike round”
Making room for lunch
My at the time 10 year old when his brother went to the toilet when we were out said he was away sinking ships.
Also away to carry out a bombing run
Coco-Shunter departing Platform 2!
After a noisy fart: "Hello Mr. Brown, I'll put you through..."
Not mine:
Paying my respects to Royal Doulton
I always refer to going outside as 'doing an impression of a bear'
For one that required more effort than was comfortable:
"That one came out with his boots on".
For one where I only just made it:
"Done before me pants hit the floor".
For someone scratching their arse:
"Brass rubbing".
And I'm very surprised no one has mentioned "klinkers" yet - named after the little hard bits in coal that dropped through the grate of coal fires BITD with an audible 'klink'.
Call the coastguard, that one will be a danger to shipping!
One of the many things I have to thank stw for is introducing me to the phrase "clean getaway" for those times when you realise that any wiping was unecessary.
And a twist on one mentioned previously - when time is of the esssence:
"a particularly irate mole at the counter".
And a twist on one mentioned previously
That's when you realise that wiping IS necessary.
Couple have made me laugh over time...
Laying brown heat
Standing one up (literally, the idea was to stand it up in the pan, or say against a wall)
And for afterwards...
Job's not finished 'til the paperwork's done
Give it a week!
After a noisy fart:
"A little more choke and it would have started"
One of the many things I have to thank stw for is introducing me to the phrase “clean getaway” for those times when you realise that any wiping was unecessary.
AKA a 'glory wipe'.
Desperately needing a pee
"Ma back teeth are floating."
ghost poo when wiping unnecessary
Creating a shipping hazard
Launching a dreadnought
Made a sound like a sack of builders rubble being emptied into a swimming pool
Like blowing a tuba full of trout....
Surely every STW member needs one of Viz Magazines finest….
That advert always irked me, the dislodged tag-nuts are flying off in the wrong direction. Either he'd have to pedal backwards, which he isn't because there's movement lines, or the chain should be crossed.
Too many chillies for me and it's 'Like a flock of bats leaving the cave'
Our six year old quickly latched on to 'squashing a frog' and 'sitting on a duck' as euphemisms for flatulence 😂
Anything over 3lb should be lowered by hand...
Sending a sausage to the sea side
...and you're not even joking
Toilet related humour from elsewhere:
I confess to feeling self-conscious when last night's lamb dhansak, chana masala, keema naan and Cobra is struggling its way out and making a lot of fuss while it does, especially when the traps to either side are occupied by chaps who seem to be able to lay one down with barely a splash, but for true embarrassment, you need a hotel room on your first night away with a new cutie.
So lots of charming conversation and civilised behaviour and attention to personal hygiene and nipping outside to fart have paid off, and several months in it's time for a romantic weekend away. The hotel room is in a dead trendy boutique place, and the wall between bedroom and bathroom is frosted glass. All other bathroom walls are tiled for maximum reverb. The door is also glass, and does not seal in any way - half-inch gaps all round. So you are effectively in the same room as the bed, which is where you leave your amour, curled up and warm ("hurry back", she murmurs) on the morning after a nice Moroccan meal with plenty of chickpeas, spiced lamb, falafel and so on, plus a couple of bottles of rough red, and whisky to finish. You pace with measured tread to the echo chamber, then hunker down to answer the insistent call from the lower colon.
To begin with, it sounded like a duck being strangled half-underwater, then as if thirty clowns wearing oversize rubber shoes were having a sprinting race over a massive bowl of jelly, then as I desperately applied restrictive pressure, it faded into an anguished squeak like a deflating balloon, then as my muscle control gave out, a series of small escaping explosions escalated into a titanic rasp that echoed for several seconds.
Having done the paperwork, brushed everywhere in the bowl, including the underside of the seat (how in the name of gravity could that have happened?), washed hands, and assumed as nonchalant an expression as I could muster, I strolled back in to find her sitting up, covers drawn protectively up under her chin, eyes like a lemur, asking whether I was ok, and did I need medical attention?
Kind of killed the mood, rather.
Also the legendary Gummi Bear cleanse review:
https://www.amazon.com/review/R3FTHSH0UNRHOH
^^^
Not a million miles away from the first tentative "Since that curry earlier I've gone to the toilet five times to fart. In the interests of actually getting some sleep is it OK if I just do it in bed this once?" uttered to Mrs Extender over 20 years ago in the early months of our relationship.
An inch was given. Three times around the world taken so far and counting.
