Since repeated efforts at explaining - in the simplest possible language - what behaviour is and isn't acceptable in this house have fallen on deaf ears, it's time for a new tactic.
So far she seems a bit confused, and we've had a 'what's up with you?' - which of course was answered with just a contemptuous sneer. Hopefully it won't take her too long to get the message, it's actually quite hard work being this much of a dick.
Just deploy the nuclear option.
Take her phone away.
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tread carefully. and disclosing it on here was a mistake.
this place is full to busting with experts in parenting.
Can't see this ending well. It might be quite amusing though. 😀
Can't see this ending well.
Neither can I, but you never know! She is at least pretty intelligent so hopefully it won't take too long.
It might be quite amusing though.
Hence sharing 🙂
I'm saving phone confiscation for now, although I did unplug it from my iPad charger to charge my iPad which got a dramatic huffy sigh.
🙂
sounds like fun. Are you going to stomp off in a huff?
The only outcome I can see is your lass snitching you up to your other half for being a miserable bastard all day, and you losing all pudding rights. 🙂
Just change the router name to 'mardy cow' and be done with it.
My Mum did this with my brother for a day or so. He quickly stopped being an idiot. Mum said as a result he only did the teenager thing for about 3 weeks!
By all accounts I was too much of a geek to ever do it for more than one day!
Good luck!
I might have a wee strop later on tj 🙂
My wife's in on it.
It's so UNFAIR!!
Is this targeted at spouse or offspring? Just checkin like.
Welcome to my world.
Just deploy the nuclear option.Take her phone away.
Brave. Very brave. Possibly bordering on suicidal.
What time are we meeting in the park with the cider?
Brave. Very brave. Possibly bordering on suicidal
This made me laugh. Unfortunately through experience(!) although for us it was revoking social media.
A progressively worse behaviour and attitude led to progressively more severe (to her) punishment. We never took phone away so we could always get hold of her and vice versa however she lost charger so had to last on one charge a day, then kicked from wifi to ultimately having all her social passwords changed and logged out/uninstalled. Was rather frosty atmosphere for a week or two. She is however a much nicer teenager again. Facebook etc is ruining kids (I regret ever letting her on but hard when friends etc are all on) and talking to friends with kids of similar ages it's seems we aren't alone in the behaviour traits we experienced.
She is still off them now 2 months later and beyond the occasional moan she doesn't ask/pester and is still a much more pleasant person and interacts with her sisters more too. She allowed back on the wifi now though!
At the oldest offspring scuttler. A far more subtle approach is needed to affect spousal behaviour. Which I am yet to discover.
She went to work at 10.30, asking me on the way out what she needs to do to sort her emergency tax code out. I just shrugged and said how would I know, I'm not an accountant. Then she asked me why I was 'being like that' 😀
She wants her road bike fettled before a time trial tomorrow night, so I'm the one holding the best cards. At the moment at least.
It's at this point you should probably fit the bike with a spare pair of bombers.
But who will be owning who?
She has left her shoes in the hallway though........
Either way, it ups the ante for our viewing pleasure.
I'm not enjoying it much really, feels very mean. But she's upsetting my wife with her attitude, and I don't want her younger siblings seeing that sort of behaviour accepted, so needs must!
Just tweak the derailleur so it's skipping gears. Then when she moans ask for a pocket money raise to ensure it gets done properly!
this place is full to busting with experts in parenting
Classic STW: start thread asking for opinions, receive opinions don't like answer, blame someone else 😆
Have you started leaving dirty dishes lying in inappropriate rooms of your house yet?
Facebook etc is ruining kids (I regret ever letting her on but hard when friends etc are all on) and talking to friends with kids of similar ages it's seems we aren't alone in the behaviour traits we experienced.
This is a great (though somewhat terrifying) article, not just for parents but also for the teenagers themselves - my children are much younger but I'll be doing my damnedest as they get older to get them to understand how technology and social media can really mess with your head:
I'd love to know what any teenage children say after they've read it?
Classic STW: start thread asking for opinions, receive opinions don't like answer, blame someone else
Classic STW: speed read stuff, get 1/4 gist, make incorrect proclamations. Still time a for stealth edit tho.... He waits.
She is still off them now 2 months later and beyond the occasional moan she doesn't ask/pester and is still a much more pleasant person and interacts with her sisters more too.
FYI that means she's figured a way to use them without having to either use her phone or go through the official apps.
Facebook you can log into on any web browser, for instance. So unless you've uninstalled every web browser (I don't think iPhone will let you remove Safari) she can still access Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp, etc.
What she's learnt is to hide things from her parents and to maintain a positive atmosphere at home so you don't go snooping through her phone.
Whether you call that a success or not is down to your criteria, I suppose.
You could log into Facebook yourself and see when the last time she posted or was active. If that lines up with the time she's not been supposed to access networks...
I'd love to know what any teenage children say after they've read it?
Smiley Face, Happy Poo, Aubergine, Winking Monkey.
Probably.
I'm saving phone confiscation for now, although I did unplug it from my iPad charger to charge my iPad which got a dramatic huffy sigh.
I would see that as a chink in her armour. 😉
Winking Monkey.
Damn you, autocorrect.
Cougar - Moderator
Winking Monkey.
Damn you, autocorrect
You'll start the conspiracy theorists off again with that sort of stuff... 😉
Damn you, autocorrect.
See you at the funfair.
My son went through a stage of not getting his head out of his phone when I asked him to please do something. Resorted to flicking off the router at one point - he never had credit so it did the trick 🙂
This is the stuff that makes me happy with my decision of no children.......for now
That article linked is fascinating.
OP this is quite a high risk strategy :?. I see you are trying to show her that behaving uncooperatively is unpleasant for other people. Equally likely that the lesson she learns is that you can behave like a turd to get your own way (as most teenagers don't have fully developed self awareness)? Better to teach by example, rather than force compliance bu being a dick, but you may have exhausted that approach :-).
FYI that means she's figured a way to use them without having to either use her phone or go through the official apps.
Come on, give me more credit. She doesn't know the passwords! And can't install new apps without either me or Mum approving first.
Now I grant she may very well be using the services again somehow, but it's new accounts and not on the Mac (parental controls/blocked) so if she is her use will be drastically reduced (she wouldn't risk it at home that I know for a fact). Her behaviour is drastically improved either way.
As has been mentioned already though by someone else, we were not prepared to let her behaviour have an affect on her younger sisters and for us this has been the 'solution'. Not one we expected to have to take but when she was completely unable/unwilling to see how she was behaving and the effect it was having on family atmosphere she left us little choice.
Speaking with people afterwards and general opinion was they couldn't be bothered we the hassle, but why allow the behaviour to continue. If she had to 'hate' us for a bit to have the change in character we now have then it was worth the hassle.
Either way the OP may be half joking in his post but if not I can fully sympathise with the situation and at some point something has to give.
I take issue with a few things in that article, there's a lot of correlation = causation and it also seems to think the buck stops with social media being the problem - which is typical "blame the first thing in sight that isn't me" attitude.
If you follow the "5 whys" of why kids/teens are more depressed/suicidal i'm sure the buck doesn't stop at social media.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5_Whys
Teens are depressed - why? - stuff I see on social media makes me feel worthless - why? - because I don't have as much wealth or fun as others i see on social media - why? - because my parents aren't rich - why? - because they are caught the wrong side of the upper-middle class social divide in America - why? - because America has a massive, and rising inequality gap that stifles social mobility and makes those caught below the divide poorer
And then we blame social media...
Obviously, that is completely fabricated but I'd be more interested in reading a study that properly researches into the issue at a deeper level than just simply saying "teen pregnancies are down because they're all indoors on Facebook" without any praise going to better sex education (which is still terrible, but improving, in America), for example.
OP this is quite a high risk strategy :?. I see you are trying to show her that behaving uncooperatively is unpleasant for other people
Possibly, but it was a couple of hours of surliness at most - about as much as I could manage.
Better to teach by example, rather than force compliance
I see it more as consequences for poor behaviour rather than forcing compliance. Behave respectfully, and in return enjoy things like using my wifi, using the phone I pay for, be treated as a grown up. Alternatively, behave like a dick and, guess what, I won't feel like sharing my wifi, helping you fix your bike, paying for a phone for you. It's her choice entirely 🙂 I guess its essentially treat us as you'd like to be treated, which surely is a good lesson for her to learn for life in general.
'My' wifi, 'my' house? Not her house too? That can be a good way to push her away. Very difficult to have a reasonable conservation with someone that won't necessarily listen to reason. Like a typical teenager. Or TJ.
'My' wifi, 'my' house? Not her house too? That can be a good way to push her away. Very difficult to have a reasonable conservation with someone that won't necessarily listen to reason. Like a typical teenager. Or TJ.
It might well be her home, it's not her house. A subtle difference, to be sure, but a difference none the less.
I must be missing something. Your daughter asked you for advice, for a problem you have probably encountered in the past, and to teach her a lesson you shrugged? Which behaviours is it you find unacceptable?She went to work at 10.30, asking me on the way out what she needs to do to sort her emergency tax code out. I just shrugged and said how would I know, I'm not an accountant. Then she asked me why I was 'being like that'
Now if the lesson you wanted to get across was "dads not going to sort all your problems forever" then it might have been more helpful to suggest she phone HMRC (today's generation may need it explained what phoning someone means).
I must be missing something
The tax thing was his wife, I think.
Well, it seems to have worked. For now at least 🙂
I went - unexpectedly - to watch her in a road TT last night, and she texted me later to say how much it meant. Which was nice!
I get the various points of view, I guess each kid/parent dynamic is different. I think a couple of hours of acting up and being unhelpful reminded her that most of the time we're 'actually all right' and do help her out a lot 😀
She also got 5 A's in her Highers, so she was never going to be in the bad books yesterday.
Compared to most teenagers she really doesn't sound too bad!
When my younger brother was being an arse to my mum I went around and formatted the memory cards on his PS2. I threatened to do the same to the hard drive on his PC too 😈 losing all his game saves made him think twice about his behaviour.
Compared to most teenagers she really doesn't sound too bad!
She's not the worst. Doesn't hurt to keep them on their toes though 😀
She also got 5 A's in her Highers
Nice one!
I know!