Forum menu
i know how you feel as i had anxiety and panic for quite a while.
You can recover though.
Dont get into a habit of feeding the anxiety by continiously researching how to get rid of it. You cannot beat it that way.
Books id recommend by,
Dr claire weekes
Dr sally mclaren
Paul david
Charles linden
Reading them itself wont cure though, tou have to actually do what they say. The anxiety naturally comes down by its lf over a few months.
Although it feels s*** at the moment, its only temporary once you know how you are maintaining it and how to stop this behaviour.
A brave post and one that I hope marks the bottom of your hill and from now on you'll be moving up in little ways
Like everyone I have had to face a few issues in life. Although I'd say that now it all looks quite minor. I'll offer a few bits of advice but that doesn't mean i presume to know the answer
My wifes CBT got out of a difficult place
I have found mindfulness useful
Excercise. Believe me I am unfit by forum standards. But I use be alot less fit. Start small and work up. Can you get out for a short walk every day or just get a bike on a trainer and do 5 minutes a day. Start from a small base and work forward. Don't let the excercise be another scale to judge yourself on. If you walk for 1 minute more tomorrow than you did today think of that as progress. Don't judge yourself by the standards of others
All the best.
I've suffered from panic attacks for years and they can be very scarey. The key for me was realising they are generated internally not by external circumstances. Once I knew that I treated them like a sneezing fit or similar, just get through it, reset, carry on. This begins to shrink their power
Good luck fella.
I've climbed in and out of similar myself. I've tried counselling, medication, booze and cycling. The first did nothing for me, the second and third are not sustainable long term and the fourth is a constant comfort. I'm in the middle of a couple of stressful-downer-type-situations at present and unaccountably I'm ok. Maybe it's because I'm having to do stuff and there is no time to cogitate over much.
I did a bit of CBT at Stepping Hill for not too dissimilar things recently. If the guy's name begins with 'J' then you're in good hands.
OP, just seen the thread. Very brave of you (and others) to share what you have and in doing so you've taken a very big step on the road to being in a better place. In a situation such as yours with a wife who is unwell its very easy to forget yourself and/or think you must be strong as your not the sick one. Its OK to be badly affected by what's happening, in fact its normal.
I am far away so can't help day to day but please keep sharing here, as above we can argue the t-ss over many things on here but people's health and well being we always agree on.
Please keep us in touch
I've dipped in & out of this thread without contributing anything as it always seems like there are people out there with more relevant stories & advice who are able to provide much more useful words than I can manage.
But - having said that....regarding the family/baby side of things have you ever looked into potentially starting a family via adoption? Close friends of mine tried to have a child for many years and eventually decided that it wasn't to be and looked into adoption. They now have a beautiful baby girl who they love like their own and it is really amazing to see. They are a great family and are so pleased with how things have turned out.
And here's a link to an article about a colleague of mine as well, whose Wife was unable to have children after cancer.....
They ended up going down the route of surrogacy & now have a little girl who is massively cherished.
I hope it doesn't come across as insensitive to mention these 'alternatives', but thought it worth pointing out that there are options out there & hopes for a family don't necessarily have to end.
Best of luck....!
How's it going?
I'm over in rivington so 45min away I'm not GNAR nor fast I'm out a couple of times a week.
So feel free to drop me a line.
Sometimes this place impresses the she-yit out of me. This is one such time,take up some of the offers,and start the process of building new friendships.
It's been a rough couple of days. I had a panic attack Saturday night that I think was caused by sleep deprivation. I as able to stop it sooner than normal with a new breathing technique that my CBT counsellor helped me with. His name does start with J by the way.
I've had so many emails and replies off you amazing lot and have some plans to meet people in the next few weeks. I really can't thank you all enough.
The doctors have finally put us forward for fertility testing to see if it's even worth putting Claire through six months of pain. At least then we will know and can look at the other options.
Again, thank you all so much for every reply and offer of meeting up or just an ear to talk to.
Glad to hear you're okay MoseyMTB, offer of a ride still stands!
I keep checking back to see how this thread is going - and Im sure there are probably numerous others doing the same.
From your reply, it seems like you have a couple of positives to explore which gives a good focus. Keep us updated!
And, if it doesnt go quite to plan - try again, try something different, try not to be beaten! It will get better.
I hope you've had a good day.
I went to Yoga today for the first time, I know you've got a lot on at home but have a think about it.
http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/any-yoga-experts-in-the-house
STW never ceases to amaze me with threads like this.
+ another
I should add there's some very brave people posting on here and I admire you all.
Good to see your looking forward Mosey.
PMJ I'm not brave in the slightest & really hate myself most of the time for shouting at my wife about things she has little control over, but sometimes it just swamps you, and I suspect many others also feel as though you are the only one who sees the whole picture.
I think it was Lunge in another thread who alluded to the mental aspect of decline.
That is the hardest thing to deal with for me as it's taking the contact part of the person you love away from both of you.
At the end of the day its like coming home to be on my own but with another person to sort out before I can think about myself. Perhaps I ought to type it out properly so I can explain it to a medical person properly rather than typing guff on here?
MrOvershoot - It really does sound like you could do with some help with your situation.
Maybe making a new thread would be the first step?
PMJ I'm not brave in the slightest...
Is 'brave' the right word?
Personally I am seeing people dealing courageously with, and speaking openly about, very tough problems that are still taboo in modern society.
I'm not sure what the right word is, but I am genuinely humbled by people's actions and struggles, and the fact they have the courage to then openly talk about it.
Is a public forum the right place for it? I couldn't say. What is great though is seeing people help each other out.
So a mini update.
Today I finished my build and spent some much needed time with the Mrs (the new medicine isn't working as well as we hoped) 🙁
Then .... I took the bike out for half an hour on my own. Just flying around the streets and alleys of my estate but it felt incredible.
I come back to this thread a few times a week with nothing to update as it always seems negative things are in control but today was a good day.
Next step, move on to the next treatment for Claire and keep our fingers crossed.
Good luck and stay strong mate.
Thanks Gobuchul, I'm trying 🙂
Subbed what a great thread!
Very glad you are feeling a little more positive. Take care Mosey.
Hey Mosey. Missed this thread - not sure how as I've been off work following collarbone surgery and hammering the internet. Minor stuff in comparison, but frustrating nonetheless.
I'm in Stockport if you ever need an ear, a brew, a beer, a ride or all of the above. Should be riding CX bike in 6 weeks and gentle mtb after. I'll have lost a lot of fitness and certainly not be racing anywhere. In Bramhall, but grew up round Marple. Most of my local riding is round Mellor/Rowarth or Hayfield.
My respect goes out to you for posting and glad to hear you got out for a razz. Go well for now!
How are things going, Mosey? Might have some time off the bike coming up, drop me a line if you want to chat about trying our tandem while I'm not using it
Just read this post. I was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis a few years ago and for a good long time my joints were in a bad way. Had always been very active cycling, walking and mtbing - I fought f@&£img hard to keep it up, but it became impossible...getting to work or up and down the stairs became the main challenge. I avoided any meds other than NSAIDs until we'd had kids for reasons you're well aware of.. Then went on to sulphasalazine, and then methotrexate (the bad one for liver and having children - and you can't have a bloody beer). Neither was that effective, but mtx seemed to keep things slightly better. Was looking at biologics when a new drug Aprimilast came out - not sure how widely available it is yet, and the prescription criteria vary. I've got an excellent rheumatologist, and he got me straight on it. What a bloody difference. I'm now 95% symptom free. Has made my life so much easier.
It's a weird thing to be so appreciative of just being able to go up the bloody stairs two at a time. For a while I had to hold the bannister and heave myself up each one. Or to be able to kneel down to tickle the kids without it being agony. I remember I broke 4 ribs and punctured a lung at ft bill during a good spell of remission, when my enthusiasm led my to the DH course (not my natural habitat!)...after a couple of days healing the pain from the arthritis was much worse than the ribs. It was then I realised I needed to try the MTX despite the shot side effects.
Now my symptoms are better I sometimes forget how bad it was. Then I'll remember the pain and constant effort to do anything when things were worse, and I feel a wave of gratitude.
Not sure why I'm posting all this. Basically, I want to say don't give up re the RA. And also to say there are others
out there who are going through similar things and you're not alone. There are new meds coming out all the time. Apremilast has been brilliant for me (please please let that continue I say, selfishly). Biologics might be an answer for your wife, or apremilast - I don't know. These are all ok for conceiving I think. As for your troubles, I only hope things are getting brighter for you. I'm sure you'll come out of it.
Hi oblongbob, thanks so much for the response. It's reassuring to hear how somethings do work for you.
The last few days have been hard, Claire seems to have extensive damage to her right knee and is nigh on immobile. We are in the doctors this morning hoping they will X Ray it too see if it's more than just the RA. We don't want to give up on the Enbrol if the knee is damaged as it's so much safer (I believe) than the methotrexate.
The hardest part is seeing Claire in such pain, both physically and because the thought of not having children destroys her. I put my sample in for anyalsis yesterday and that's playing on my mind, so many what ifs! I'm trying my best to not let it take over and concentrating on what my CBT counsellor is teaching me.
Thanks again everyone for the help, thoughts and advice.
Missed this the first time around and only read the OP as I'm heading out to work but I was wondering; if children is so important to both of you, have you considered adoption? I've a few friends who've gone down this road (it's startling how many couples can't have kids for varying reasons) and they're all very happy now.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety over 6 years ago and am still on medication and have been through 2 or 3 series of counselling. Been depression free for 6 weeks now. One thing that I took away from the counseling was being told "if you can't look after yourself how can you expect to be able to look after others." I have spent many an hour trying to put myself first, and been beaten by feelings of guilt, etc. The last 6 weeks I have succeeded, but its been an effort over a number of years. Bets wishes OP
For what its worth, at 36 I've also got psoriatic arthritis in my wrists and some fingers.
I've been on MTX (20mg a week) for the last 2 years and it has made a huge difference. I've gone from literally not being able to lift a carton of milk, let alone ride my bike, to being probably 99% as mobile as I was pre-condition.
So far I have had no bad side effect other than a slightly lowered immune system, I cut out the booze for 6 months but regular blood tests wee all good so I'm allowed a few units a week now.
I stopped taking the meds over the winter as I seemed to be having endless chest infections, but soon noticed the pain returning (as well as the psoriasis) so started up again about 8 weeks ago and everything back o normal again.
Fortunately my baby making days are in the past, so its not a concern, but if it had come round 7 years earlier it would be very different. Good luck with it is all I can say really, its a horrible condition that others can't really appreciate as there are no obvious external symptoms.
So a little update with both good and bad connotations.
The good - well amazing - after a long 2 year struggle Claire has fallen pregnant. We really couldn't believe it. We'd taken steps to look into IVF and adoption and it happened.
The bad now - a day after finding out Claire was pregnant we get the news she is getting made redundant. 8 years she stayed at the hell hole and now she won't even get maternity.
We're heart broken. How we will get through this financially (the pregnancy) is beyond me and the light at the end of the tunnel feels like it's been closed.
I've not slept for a week with worry when it should be the most exciting time of my life.
I know I need to concentrate on the pregnancy and how positive that is, it's really all we've ever wanted and a door we thought was firmly closed.
Firstly, congratulations on the pregnancy. That's wonderful wonderful news. You have received a most wonderful gift, the chance of a baby. That is what you should focus on, the other stuff can be dealt with no matter how tough that seems now.
Does the employer know she in s pregnant ? You and her may not feel strong enough for this but a challenge to the redundancy and/or the terms (i.e. how much money she is getting) could yield results. Is there anyone that could help you with this ?
Mosey, congratulations to you both, You will find a way, not much else matters.
We're heart broken. How we will get through this financially (the pregnancy) is beyond me and the light at the end of the tunnel feels like it's been closed.
She'll be entitled to statutory maternity pay at least. Take it from one half of a self-employed couple - you'll manage fine. Cut your cloth accordingly. Buy second hand stuff - buggies, cots, Moses baskets, whatever. Welcome the chance to be a skip for all your mates getting rid of baby stuff. Sell stuff as soon as you don't need it anymore. And finally, it isn't money that gets you through a pregnancy, labour and a new baby - it's other far more important stuff. Don't worry - you'll both find a way.
And congratulations! Awesome news. 😀
Thank you, it really is everything we always wanted. Anxiety and arthritis can't stop that!
Deadly, she won't get SMP as the redundancy is before the 25th week/15 weeks before due date.
I'm appalled at after 8 years working there we won't get maternity pay.
Congrats!!
First off, maternity pay is generally crap anyway, depending how long your other half was thinking of having off.
Second, you will always find a way to get through. Always.
Finally, we're due to drop any day, and we've genuinely kitted ourselves out for less than 250 quid. That's everything - 2 car seats, decent pram, travel cot, carrier, bouncer thing etc... most stuff is hardly used. All came from a local baby buy/sell Facebook group.
Enjoy it!!!! It's an amazing time 🙂
Mosey, my biggest heartfelt congratulations to you both. as has been stated above, while money may be one important aspect in having a baby it is not the be all and end all.
you will both find a way, and it may feel like one more struggle to add to the mix but you will both be able to look back upon this chapter of your lives and smile one day soon.
And please remember that the hive will always be here, for better or worse there will always be someone on t'internet to listen, to advise or just to relate to.
Good luck! 😀
Congratulations!
Congrats fella, don't stress about money, having kids will mean you will be broke for the foreseeable anyway! 😉 don't get sucked into the industry that is baby stuff, we bought loads off fleabag and kept the costs down. I think we probably still have stuff so if you are anywhere near Chester give me a shout and I'll have a look, I'd rather give it to someone who actually needs it rather than some git of a reseller.
Cheers Marcus, I really appreciate that.
It's more the lack of maternity pay and a pretty much unemployable wife that's getting to me.
Congratulations.
I can't offer any help with arthritis or illness bit, but I can help with babying on a budget. It doesn't have to cost anything like as much as people make out.
1) Buy the absolute bare minimum at first, then buy what you need as you feel you need it. Most of us have a 24 hour shop. For us, that was a baby sling instead of a pushchair (appreciate this may not be ideal for your wife); about a dozen baby grows in plan colours, a car seat, some burping rags and a cot. Some baskets to keep the clothes in. Don't wash its clothes every time they get slightly dirty, you'll be there all day!
2) Consider re-usable nappies. Pretty easy to use and way cheaper after the initial outlay. We've got a couple of sacks of the damn things you can have for nothing - only I'm not sure if they are baby sized. You can even get re-usable wipes which are very effective.
3) We bought a normal chest of drawers from Ikea for furniture, that was about it - didn't need special wardrobes and crap. Feeding pillow helped so we didn't buy a special feeding chair.
4) Ask around for baby clothes. People are desperate to get rid of the damn things. We hardly had to buy any at all. We've got a local Facebook 'booty' buy and sell group, which is a good place to look for these kinds of things.
5) Ignore almost all the bullshit. You can get by quite happily with very very little when it comes to babies. They really don't care about much past a warm bosom, milk and something to play with. Which could be any household item - it's all fascinating to them 🙂
You sure about maternity pay? My wife quit her job a few weeks before she found out about the pregnancy and we still got maternity pay.
Hi, again thanks for all the advice and kind offers.
Yeah, Citizens Advice said today you only get SMP if your working a set number of weeks before the baby birth date.
I think we would be eligible for the maternity allowance but not fully sure as yet.
1 for looking at an alternative to citalopran. I had similar issues with it and went on to fluoxetine, got the result I needed.Best of luck with everything, you and yours have been through it and you are still standing that shows strength.
Awesome news - congratulations both of you! 😀 Now take care of each other, stay strong, focus on the positives and slowly work your way around the finance issues.
Cracking news re the pregnancy. As others have stated you'll find loads if cheap kids stuff second hand, in fact we have a loft full of stuff we need to move on. More than happy to let you have what you want for nowt, car seat, Moses basket, loads and loads of clothes, just drop us an email, serious offer and not far from you.
Can't help with the redundancy situation other than get advice, still amazed how incompetent companies are at letting staff go.
Enjoy the pregnancy, financially you'll find a way it's not everything in the world, embrace the good news and think of the redundancy as a clean break and an opportunity, hard I know but focus on the positives within your control.