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Read in one of those readers digest booklets in the dentists a section dedicated to the things children say.
A woman wrote that while sat in a very busy but silent waiting room at her doctors surgery her very young daughter said loud enough for everyone to hear,
"Mummy is the doctor going to shine his torch up your bum again today"
She then just wished the ground would open up. 😀
We took our two to the local park (the meadows at loch ore for the Fife dwellers out there) and it was smudglet's first time being allowed out of sight - must have been only 3 or 4.
After a few minutes, me and the missus round the small hill behind which he had disappeared to find him happily swinging away on a swing. When we asked him if he was ok, he said, loudly and pointing ' yes - that fat lady gave me a push'
Cue a quick retreat and mumbled apologies, without eye contact!
I was once out walking in the park with BH junior, when walking towards us was a midget.
Just as we got level with him, BH junior called out excitedly, "daddy daddy look- it's an Oompa Loompa!".
My made was in a shop with his (then) little girl and she saw a dwarf and asked her Dad-
"Why does that little boy have a big face?"
Recent conversation with my 4 year old daughter...
"You can't tie birdies beaks up with a rope can you?"
"No Charlotte, you cant"
"Because you'd get in trouble with an adult?"
"Yes Charlotte, but that's not the only reason"
We don't see many birds in our garden these days...
I was once out walking in the park with BH junior, when walking towards us was a midget.
Just as we got level with him, BH junior called out excitedly, "daddy daddy look- it's an Oompa Loompa!".
Had very similar with my daughter in Sainsbury's a couple of years ago. My wife stopped to talk to a friend who is a midget,
My daughter circled her a couple of times and said "are you an Oompa Loompa?"
'Why did you do that dad you bumbling oaf!' He's 4.
He's got me pegged.
<trying to look out into the garden form the kitchen window on a rainy day>
"Daddy - put the window wipers on please I can't see out very well"
Cue dreams on going on dragons den to present house window wipers idea...
<trying to look out into the garden form the kitchen window on a rainy day>
"Daddy - put the window wipers on please I can't see out very well"Cue dreams on going on dragons den to present house window wipers idea...
Take my money - just take it!
Our doughter seems to have bumps and falls every day at school and has to visit the american room. Took us a while to figure she meant the medical room
My Nan was round our house years ago when we were probably about 5 or 6 and we were ready for bed.
God knows where she got it from, but my sister ran into the room and proudly said to my Nan "Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish" thinking it was a nice way of saying bye. She couldn't work out why our parent's went nuts and she got quickly herded off to bed crying her eyes out.
While working on my car at a mate's house a few years back, we had the radio on & You Can Make Me Whole Again by Atomic Kitten came on the radio. We were singing 'you can fill my hole again' finding it very funny until my mate's 6/yr old sister heard us, found it very funny and started running around the garden singing 'you can fill my hole again' at the top of her voice. Her mum & dad weren't best pleased.
I taught my nephews to tell my brother-in-law "it's not rocket science" whenever he was trying to do a job round the house, or was struggling with something. I didn't realise quite how tenaciously little people hang onto an idea. It went on for months apparently 😀
On this and the whore theme.Youngest once asked my wife what a prostitute is, so the wife starts trying to explain and she says "oh, so it's the same a a hooker, then ?"
Youngster (<10) asks what a pimp was. Before one of the adults was able to explain, an older one (13ish) piped up, "it's like a prostitutes manager"
A few years back andyfla of this parish was round at ours trying to sort out a problem with our computer, as he claimed to be employed in that sort of thing.
He was struggling to find the cause and was sat on the floor next to the open PC muttering "So what is it?"
LittleMissMC helpfully pipes up "It's a computer"
"Do you want to go to McDonalds?"
"The farm?!?"
"Um, no. Sorry"
A French one.
A small cousin of mine was really disappointed when we went to the supermarket Auchan - she'd been expecting us to head out to the country to play in the fields (au champs).
Our two five year olds yesterday - singing 'I'm Sexy and I know It' (LMFAO)
But they were singing 'I'm Sixty and I Know It'.
😆
My boy loves the Puss in Boots film, though he says "Piss in Boots". Makes me think of STW when he says it.
My little lad loves clocks and will point them out proudly wherever he sees one. It's cute, but he never pronounces the L, so just wanders round saying 'cock' earnestly at people. It was funniest in the bank where the very first thing he said to the mortgage adviser who greeted us was 'cock'.
My daughter always hated going to bed [ as she may be missing out on something ], her first words were, " no bed, no bed " ,unfortunately ,due to the wonders of childspeak it came out " nobhead, nobhead " .
My daughter always hated going to bed [ as she may be missing out on something ], her first words were, " no bed, no bed " ,unfortunately ,due to the wonders of childspeak it came out " nobhead, nobhead " .
That's one to save for the speeches on her wedding day.
Teaching the kids to say rude / funny things isn't the same as 'funny things kids say'
But as we've entered that theme, I often make pancakes for the kids' breakfast at the weekend. When they were little, I used to get them to give me a 'woooaaahhhhh' build up to flipping them. Followed by a round of applause if successful, or shouts of 'useless tosser' if not.
The entertainment police soon stopped that game.
Good one this morning, he put on a big furry dressing gown.
I said to the Mrs "He looks like Mackelmore!" (check the Thrift Shop video)
He jumped up and down and said "Watch Night Garden!"
?!
Mrs says "I think he's thinking of Macka Packa, not Macklemore!". Funny, as he's only seen it a couple of times but must have made an impression.
4 year old:
"I like that One Direction song!"
Starts singing "One direction, or another, I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya..."
I've never been happier to hear Blondie 😉
great little momentLittleMissMC helpfully pipes up "It's a computer"
I was getting changed after swimming a while back and MIniFla asked "why does that man have boobies ?" in a very loud voice - quick change of subject needed
Three year old daughter emerged from the bathroom the other day, and announced "I'd give it 5 minutes if I were you".
ransos - MemberThree year old daughter emerged from the bathroom the other day, and announced "I'd give it 5 minutes if I were you".
😆
youngest had a speech impediment when he was younger and couldn't pronounce his S's. This coincided with him hearing from someone the phrase 'scum bucket'
Walking around tesco's trying not to cry/giggle while your 4 year old calls your wife a 'Cum Bucket' repeatedly as he couldn't have crisps/chocolate/whatever else took his fancy is one of the hardest things I've had to do as a parent
My 4yo daughter has recently started letting out long-suffering exasperated sighs and saying [i]"Ooh, for the love of Thor.."[/i] or [i]"For Odin's sake..."[/i]
Which I imagine causes some raised eyebrows in the distinctly mono-cultural village we live in. I quite approve.
(She's into "How To Train Your Dragon" - which I also approve of because it is much more watchable that CBeebies)
Not saying a such, but:
Four year old was getting wound up by her grandfather, so she ran out of the room. Ran back in 5 minutes later, and silently handed him a bit of paper that said "Nincompoop!" on it.
We also get passive-aggressive notes, sometimes in duplicate.
The wee man saw my ski boots for the first time. They were sat in the kitchen after some night skiing. Anyway, he carefully inspected them with a frown, before smiling and exclaiming "robot wellies!". Mystery solved!
My 2 year old son punctuates everything with 'my darlin' at the moment..
His favourite after a show of affection is 'I love you too much my darlin' 🙂
'What the Dickens!?' is a another fave in our household atm
My eldest was 4 at the time (last year) he really liked Disney's The Black Cauldron. This was great until he started shouting at the top of his voice "Mummy, Daddy, I want to watch the black children!!!!"
Robot wellies 😆
One of our staff'a grandchildren enquired if a veiled Muslim lady in the supermarket was a pirate. He then proceeded to start shooting her with his imaginary gun.
"There's a landrover without a moustache!, Most Landrovers have moustaches but that one doesn't."
Winches and Bullbars are the moustache. He's right you know.
My nephew wanted to join his Dad for a long-planned day out.
"DADDY, DADDY, I WONNA GO PARROT SHOOTING"
It didn't matter how much he cried, he wasn't allowed on the tandem skydive experience.
Son (8) and Daughter(10) are watching the Voice at the moment and I overheard the following:
Son "Who's that?"
Daughter "Ricky"
Son "Who is he though?"
Daughter "He's a singer in a group called The Handkerchiefs". 😀
😆
Supermarket car park yesterday, couple fretting whilst their car alarm went off.
Bloke pulled the remote out of his pocket, silenced the alarm. Kid immediately pipes up, "BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP ...!"
Bloke scowls for a moment, points the remote at the kid, 'zaps' him. Immediate silence from the lad.
Properly gave me the giggles, that did.