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Like @Edukator I do like giving a shit and contributing positively. It’s great working with people of a similar mind set and you can see the projects you have incepted/planned coming along and bearing fruit.
The trick is to know when to stop caring. I.e. when you are battling insoluble broblems or constraints that you are not empowered to resolve. All you can do then is to report it up, to those who *may* be empowered.
Broadly what I was going to say.
What I will do work to the best of my ability and I take pride in that.
What I will not do is drive myself mental because other people are being shit. Been there, done that. I've spent months if not years banging my head against a brick wall with issues like "this server has a failed disk, it needs replacing; if it doesn't get replaced and we lose another then it will mean catastrophic failure of a critical system that hasn't seen a backup since it was built." But ultimately it's futile. It was out of my control and I didn't have the authority to order people to have it fixed. So all I could do was pass it up the food chain to those who can raise purchase orders, engineering requests etc or can instruct others to do so. If it doesn't get done then, well, I've done all I can in calling it out (in writing). Que sera. Work is a lot less stressful when you accept that other people's problems are their problems and not yours. See also, Monkey Management.
What I will not do is run myself into the ground. Been there, done that, made myself very ill. The answer to "if I don't do it then it won't get done" is "well it doesn't get done then, does it." If "everyone else" is working 60-hour weeks and only being paid for 40 then that's their own stupid fault, management is never going to hire more bodies when you're daft enough to put in two weeks' worth of work per month for free.
Another key piece of the puzzle for me (how to give a shit without sending yourself mad) is for the organisation to have a well run risk management framework hat everyone is encouraged to feed into.
Writing problems down in risk terms (impact, likeliood) is a marvellous tool for problems to be surfaced to management who can then prioritise which ones to worry about / invest in fixing, and which ones not to.
Writing a risk down is a very cheap and easy thing to do, shares responsibility, gets the right things prioritised, and takes it off the shoulders of those at the bottom.
but it has to be recognised as such, and put in place by management obvs.
Problems I've encountered when asked for risk management input...
All risks are accepted and nothing done about them.
Reporting the risk effectively volunteers the reporter to sort it out.
People more concerned about maintaining a risk register than doing anything about the risks on it.
All risks are accepted and nothing done about them.
I have the opposite problem. We as a company, waste so much effort on solving "problems" with no regard to likelihood and impact, and it's staffed by a lot of people who don't know how to say no. So everytime a slight (potential) problem is identified or the owner has a bright idea (!), all project plans get ripped up and nothing gets delivered in anywhere near the estimated time-frames.
I give a beep about myself and have tried to in 20 fruitless civil service years without promotion. That's why I'm wide awake at 0130 wishing I could get out. I find interest in my work but that's only through me teaching myself software to keep my brain going. Otherwise especially with my current manager there's no incentive to strive. I hate myself for getting like this. I firmly believe in working hard but when there's no incentive then it's largely wasted.
I use to GAS in every job I've done, and did do here when I started +5 years ago.
But, each little 'nibble' they've taken off me, or each (pointless) reorg has resulted in me doing less & less.
If I'd been younger, I'd have moved elsewhere, now I'm just waiting for the time they really pi55 me off, and I just won't go back (the next day).
What I don't know is whether it's how this company (FTSE100 and 2nd/3rd largest private sector work force in the UK) works or whether this impacts all/many companies, but it is the worse company I've worked at in my 40 years.
GAS helps make you feel that you are making s difference which is important for your mental health. You have to be able to let go though when the problem is one you can't do anything about. I would love to say that the trick is knowing when to push harder and when to walk away but in the end both are usually valid so do the one that keeps you sane
Within 24hrs of my little quip I return having Hanlons Razor in mind. I was very stressed yesterday.
Having been poached to launch a new software product into the country, my company are not giving me what I need to make it to success quickly. In the Northern hemisphere, I'm the only expert in my field. Yesterday I was really stressed about getting fired for low performance.
However with Hanlons razor in mind I know our equity partner has been parachuted in to sort out many issues left by a former CEO across the Org. Therefore my role will either be relinquished, fortified or perhaps extended with some less aggressive outcomes to allow the rest if the business to catch up and support my revenue targets.
My issues is I do GAS. I want it to be a success which is why I took the challenge. But I realised yesterday I cannot take other peoples competence / lack of knowledge personally. I need to do my job, try to influence the outcome as the expert, yet also give less of a monkeys.
If I had shares in the company it may be different but I don't. I'm an employee so I just need to see where the future lies. And lower the GAS adrenaline...
edit: - I didn't see leffeboys post before I posted, thats a good summary of how I need to think!
I'm well paid and good at my job, but in the last 6months I've got a new boss who is an absolute dick so coupled with the fact my mortgage has is paid off I just don't give a flying **** anymore!
Is there a polite 2023 way to say “stop bothering me, you’re the designer, design it”?
Just tell her you're busy on other stuff and don't have time, and that you trust her to make the decisions.
Caring too much nearly killed me . It created so much stress I couldn't cope ...so ,(as many will know), .. hit the bottle hard for 30 yrs to be able to let go . I left my main career as a BT engineer in the nineties due to stress related illness . The only ones who survived the constant demands/changes etc were those who were thick skinned/ didn't GAS or both . Very hard to change if caring and integrity are your default traits ...our society makes such people unwell if they are vulnerable . Over the years I told numerous bullies/ managers/ even CEO's truths about themselves they didn't like ..just couldn't help it .Needless to say my work history was extremely varied as a result!
Being diagnosed with Attentive ADHD at 58 perhaps explained why I couldn't keep silent when these people mistreated myself or others ..impulse control isn't too refined!
One of the best methods I've found for not getting too invested in something and getting stressed by it is to simply do nothing for a bit and see what happens. In the vast majority of cases no one notices and the world doesn't fall in. Works well in meetings too, I simply say nothing until someone asks for my opinion, even if I have to fight the urge to say something because I disagree with someone else. Quite often I go into meetings with the simple goal of not saying anything at all. 🙂
DazH - the meeting thing is a great one. I am now at the point of taking in our social team meetings and any meetings i organise. Otherwise i try to keep quiet now, it does feel better but it's hard for me
the meeting thing is a great one
Trouble is everyone else does it too. It's pretty funny being in a meeting where no one wants to say anything, and often results in the person who called the meeting thrashing around trying to fill the time by talking bollocks. The best one is when after 5 or 10 minutes of bullshit someone suggests that the meeting should be wrapped up immidiately on the grounds that it's not productive. 😀
GAS helps make you feel that you are making s difference which is important for your mental health
For yours..... mine, not so much 🙂
Not giving a **** is not about having no pride in your work or no desire. It's about recognition of 1.boundaries, 2.accepting that things go wrong and 3.emotionally detaching yourself from the things that have gone wrong.
1. Boundaries of responsibility and boundaries of your sphere of influence. You can't expect to sort everything.
2. Stuff goes wrong, all the time. It's stupid to expect stuff not to go wrong. Except that things have gone wrong and it's a task. Inform who need to be informed and start in it. This new task may mean other task will not be completed. Accept.
3. Do not place value / judgment of yourself on the success of the project. We know from 2 that things fail. This should not be taken as an insult. Get over yourself, you are not as important as you think.
Or in Sales. Lazy Sales mostly doesn’t work, although a few get lucky. It always amazes me how people move from Sales role to Sales role increasing their Seniority but are basically lazy Sales people constantly being let go.
Oh hold on, maybe it does work…
Oi! I resemble that remark!
Although I'm not in Sales 😀
Previous to my last job role I was at risk when another business director asked me to take on a project. As soon as I arrived, the director who hired me put in her notice so I effectively had no sponsor for my project and my assigned line manager was too busy with other stuff. I was also assigned to a customer contact who had recently been promoted into their role and didn’t have a clue about what they wanted. After 3 months of effectively banging my head against a brick wall, I resigned myself to the fact that it wasn’t going anywhere and just spin it out for as long as I could. I was given the use of an office at the far end of the site, at the end of a corridor in a building few people visited. The land line phone wrang twice whilst it was there - looking for the person previously assigned that number! Good thing there was a decent gym on-site and I being central Portsmouth I could run all the way along the esplanade and back - including some times where it was high tide and waves breaking over the sea wall! Eventually, they announced a formal redundancy programme so my role got wrapped into that and I was let go 20 months into the role having done the sum total of bugger-all in that time. Biggest achievement was reaching level 1,000 on Candy Crush.
I was given the use of an office at the far end of the site, at the end of a corridor in a building few people visited.
Ah yes I've had an office like that. Affectionately known as The Departure Lounge.
Sounds ideal to me!
It’s pretty funny being in a meeting where no one wants to say anything, and often results in the person who called the meeting thrashing around trying to fill the time by talking bollocks. The best one is when after 5 or 10 minutes of bullshit someone suggests that the meeting should be wrapped up immidiately on the grounds that it’s not productive.
Silence sounds like a really nice way to contribute and help the person who called the meeting get something done.
Well done you 👍 how very productive.
Work is just a task that pays the bills. Real life is outside of the walls of work. I do my job well enough to have a good review each year. But there's no point in going above and beyond when that only results in extra work and higher expectations.
The trick is to know when to stop caring. I.e. when you are battling insoluble broblems or constraints that you are not empowered to resolve. All you can do then is to report it up, to those who *may* be empowered.
I've been meaning to post, but this is the point I have reached effectively. The only drawback is when those who might be empowered to resolve issues, don't. If you're the project lead and have to front up to clients/contractors/industry peers every week with a whole bunch of stuff still unresolved it takes a toll.
I'm leaving my current company largely because of this, and as a final act of rebellion am actually just taking the time to deliver one particular item properly, rather than dancing about trying to put out fires and doing a terrible job of it.
One of the best methods I’ve found for not getting too invested in something and getting stressed by it is to simply do nothing for a bit and see what happens. In the vast majority of cases no one notices and the world doesn’t fall in.
Similar to above, I've resisted the urge recently to try and fix everything and meet expectations, as the only way to do this would be to work nonsense hours. Whilst it hasn't been pleasant, the project has gradually moulded itself to this approach, I think because all other design team members are under the same stress. Project managers will bang tables and complain, but the work is just getting done when it gets done. Has been an interesting exercise in reality exerting itself on expectations.
Silence sounds like a really nice way to contribute and help the person who called the meeting get something done.
The majority of meetings I attend are pointless. Basically they've been called by a manager who's job it is to have lots of meetings. I remember my old boss (the one with an MBA) used to organise millions of meetings and I complained that I wasn't getting any real work done. His answer was 'this is work'.
If you're not happy in your job you should leave and find one where you can be happy. Life is too short and we spend a lot of time at work.
I've worked in corporations with anywhere between 10,000 and 150,000 employees, and startups with between 30 and 300. In my experience it's the corporations where the life gets sucked out of you. If you are the type of person who takes pride in their work, wants to do a good job, and gets frustrated by process, bureaucracy, and politics then a corporation is probably not for you.
I work for a small company of just 40 people at the moment and am the only person in Europe. It is chaotic and there are a million things that need to be done to get us to where we want to be, but I love it. We are all very different people with diverse skills but a very similar outlook. We are also all, ahem, mature enough to recognise the need to find the right work/life balance - there will always be things that need to be done, so working yourself into a breakdown won't help.
Personally I am not suited to corporations. I can operate there but will not thrive and will end up frustrated and wanting to leave. I do think that corporations are great if you are one of those that is happy to just grind along (plenty are and I take my hat off to you). I've done just that when life circumstances required it (I coasted for about 5 years when my kids were born) but am too restless to do it for ever.
The majority of meetings I attend are pointless
Fair enough - that did not come across to me in your original post.
We have some repeat offenders at our place who can't plan/prepare a meeting to save their lives (no clear objective, no preparation), which just results in a load of aimlessness and burned time.
Planning a good meeting is a skill and definitely needs effort.
Love the comment above that 40 is a small company. Tis compared to what other the poster has worked for. For me thats huge. Never taught in a school with half that. All different.
Not giving a ****? I couldn't manage it. After a couple of years of trying and time off work with stress, the solution I've found is finding another job where giving a **** is encouraged, enabled and rewarded.
The majority of meetings I attend are pointless
don’t go then.
No agenda or an optional attendance invite and I’m not attending.
Think I'm getting the hang of it.
Got to set objectives for the year next week, decided I don't really want to set any, I'm busy enough. If they really want to push me for an objective it will be to reduce the stuff that is really above my pay grade that they are failing to support me on.
Only other objective I can think of is putting the problem manager through the wood chipper, but probably best not to put that one on the form.
Think I'll read more books this summer too.
It never used to be like this, used to be a good place with good managers where to give a **** was effortless and rewarded.