[Closed] The apprentice.

Tuning in in 5,4,3,2,1.....

Let the bullshit begin

It has.

I'm the Swiss Army knife of ...... 😆

Oh lord. What a shower of ****.

Bellends

Bellends

1st class ones.

I have experience of food.... I cook

I suddenly feel loads better about myself

Fish puns and The Apprentice, this should be a good one. 🙂

I have experience of food.... I cook

To be fair she said she also has intolerances.

Fishcake target 300 , fishcakes made 89 ..... good start .

Who brought their mum in the garish suit?

Who brought their mum in the garish suit?

Lovely. That's lovely.

There are a small minority that seem to have an idea.
The rest are just idiots

There are a small minority that seem to have an idea.
The rest are just idiots

It's almost as if the production team picked them to be like that.

I'm predicting some "hilarious" fish puns from Lord Sugar. He'll tell them it's a load of codswallop.

Profits profit

Drac... You are a horrible cynic... They would never do that surely 😯

I know it's a shock to hear TV is a lie.

I can't understand for the life of me why that show is popular, I lasted 5 minutes before I had to turn the tele over!

For me I'm fascinated by human behaviour, you see it all on there.

I can't believe it.
That many personality disorders in one group is Def representative of the general population.
Am wondering if it wouldn't be safer to put them all in a set of padded cells and let them think they are on a show

I'm just glad to see they have upgraded to a fleet of T5's 😀

Didn’t see it – but found this two-minute somethingion on BBC iplayer:

The Apprentice: Honest Subtitles

[b]sands[/b] - good link; thanks.

LOL at reference on Guardian page to the show as 'The Great British Snake Off'.

Has Timmy Mallet had a sex change? Or at least loaned his wardrobe out?

I can't understand for the life of me why that show is popular

Because you've worked with people like that. I have. We all have. They're usually middle management. Their promotions, and subsequent enormous ego's absolutely inexplicable. Until you see that they've got there though a combination of cynical opportunism, utterly shameless brown-nosing, luck, taking the credit for other peoples work, and a ruthlessness which means they'd happily beat their own relatives to death to get the next step on the ladder.

Watching the Apprentice you get to jeer and mock them for their utter uselessness, and see them exposed for the complete ****-wits they so clearly are, and their subsequent humiliation for their patent inability to perform the most simple of tasks. Then watch them fight like rats in a sack to apportion blame to somebody...anybody... else.

Plus... the dialogue is pure management-speak comedy gold 😀

I can't understand for the life of me why that show is popular

Because we Brits love to prick the balloon of pomposity possessed by those whose image of themselves is equal parts excessive personal grooming and complete self delusion.

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The apprentice is utterly perverse viewing - You know that at some stage they are going to do something that makes you shout at the TV, its just waiting for the moment.
With the boy that was eliminated last night, at what stage did he (or the judges) think that having no sales experience would be an advantage? What really got me was the amount of effort that went into the buying / prepping / selling for very little profit. Goes to show why fish salads are so dang expensive.
Hopefully tonight we'll have some more classic management speak, more need of "correct specifications" and more stoppy women with awful hair and dresses.
Remember, I want to be a global phenomenon!

Quality entertainment, love it.

Binners has nailed it. It's everything and everyone we despise at work, set up for the world to mock it.

bunch of odd balls all believing their own hype....should be fun watching Claude Littner ripping them to shreds in the boardroom

quite a few of them deserve a visit from Binners with his trusty Bombers!! 😆

The Apprentice Food Selling Task.
Candidate 1: "Anyone got any experience with food?"
Candidate 2: "I eat food..."
Candidate 1: "You get my vote for PM"
Candidate 3: "and my vote"
Candidate 4: "mine too"

Watching it on iPlayer sort of in "the background".

The discussion of fishcake specification in the boardroom is f***ing hilarious!

The RN recruiters must be squirming, worst advert for a Royal Navy engineer ever!

should be fun watching Claude Littner ripping them to shreds in the boardroom

the aftershow thing was on BBC2 last night, it was on whilst I was waiting for something else. seemed to me that the normal one got booted off straight away to ensure that the Colin Hunt's remain so that they can be s****ed at

there's an undercurrent of cruelty here - everyone knows they are there to be laughed at and whatever prize at the end will be iron pyrites

candidate: you want to buy some fish fingers?
shop owner: no this is a vegan shop
candidate: so no fish then?

in the boardroom the same candidate said
candidate: Lord Sugar i was very disappointed that on the first task nobody wanted to put themselves forward as PM
Lord Sugar: well did you put yourself forward?
candidate: er no because this isnt my area and i was saving myself for a later task...

priceless!!

The discussion of fishcake specification in the boardroom is f***ing hilarious!

The RN recruiters must be squirming, worst advert for a Royal Navy engineer ever!

Oh I dunno. It shows that, even as the ship went down, he was still followign orders.

(Based on my experience of working with ex miliatry types, there are two categories: those who can think and lead and those who need to be told how to wipe their own arses with a step-by-step guide. Rather like work: there is management and there is staff.)

Because you've worked with people like that. I have. We all have. They're usually middle management. Their promotions, and subsequent enormous ego's absolutely inexplicable. Until you see that they've got there though a combination of cynical opportunism, utterly shameless brown-nosing, luck, taking the credit for other peoples work, and a ruthlessness which means they'd happily beat their own relatives to death to get the next step on the ladder.

The sales guy who had to be first at everything: Aaron Aardvark

Good lord above.

Is this rubbish still on the telly?

This particular 'show' had already moved beyond self-parody the last time I had the misfortune to see any of it (about three years ago).

To quote Blackadder (although he was talking about morris dancing):

Morris dancing is the most fatuous, tenth-rate entertainment ever devised by man. Forty effeminate blacksmiths waving bits of cloth they've just wiped their noses on. How it's still going on in this day and age I'll never know.

(Adapted):

[s]Morris dancing[/s] The Apprentice is the most fatuous, tenth-rate entertainment ever devised by man. [s]Forty effeminate blacksmiths waving bits of cloth they've just wiped their noses on.[/s] Twenty narcissistic tosspots in nasty 'what the Nazis would have worn had they been in Business' clothes and frankly scary make-up. How it's still going on in this day and age I'll never know.

What's Attenborough up to these days? Surely he could team up with Ray Mears for some kind of outdoors/nature type series or something???

there are two categories: those who can think and lead and those who need to be told how to wipe their own arses with a step-by-step guide. Rather like work: there is management and there is staff.

No need to ask which is which 😉

Lord Sugar gives the winner £250k from his net worth of £1,4bn. He's not going to worry if he loses the lot and many of the candidates seem to have a 1 or 2 year relationship before going their seperate ways.
Hardly a serious show except to push brand Sugar.

Can you remember who won the X Factor 2 years ago? No? Neither can anyone else, including Simon Cowell. The result is neither here nor there. The point of a journey isn't necessarily to arrive. The Apprentice is just the XFactor for a slightly different species of inexplicably overconfident bell end, who are too stupid to realise that they're not really the point.

It does still amaze me that they've watched the program and haven't fathomed this out. They really must be breathtakingly thick!

What's Attenborough up to these days?

Well he's still doing TV but I guess as you've not seen him on Strictly you'd not know that.

Well I bloody love it. I especially love the big where they go 'he's on the blower...cars will be here in half an hour'

(Cut to montage of them ironing their shirts, having saunas, taking relaxing baths)

Oh, and anyone who sneers their little contempty bile on us plebs...the shows probably a bit too close for comfort.

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Is this the celebrity version as I see the girls team have Grayson Perry and the singer from Aerosmith on it.

"In business" aaarrrgggh

It give me great joy that it makes some froth at the mouth

two possible candidates for me so far - the rest I want to batter to death with a sledge hammer.

And Jack Dee on You've been fired - No.....bring back Dara. Sorry Jack.

Lord Sugar gives the winner £250k from his net worth of £1,4bn

I assume he gets a fee?

only one worth looking at this year

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Drac - Moderator

Well he's still doing TV but I guess as you've not seen him on Strictly you'd not know that.

only one worth looking at this year

My eyes, dear God, my eyes 🙁

Lord Sugar

Did you call him that with a straight face? What's wrong with "Baron E-m@iler" ?

only one worth looking at this year

She's got no chance. No imagination.

I think she drives a Citreon Cactus.

only one worth looking at this year

Well, apart from this years winner 😯 (you heard it here first)...

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It does still amaze me that they've watched the program and haven't fathomed this out. They really must be breathtakingly thick!

you actually think any of them have been selected for the show due to their outstanding business acumen??? 😯

none of the women are good looking...having said that the one that got fired last night seemed to scrub up ok-ish on "You're Fired" last night.

her and the other one (the one who thinks she looks like Pink) should have been fired....out of a cannon!!

So this is coming down to how good looking they are and not how good they're business idea is? 🙄

So this is coming down to how good looking they are and not how good they're business idea is?

So this is coming down to how good looking they are and not how good they're business idea is?

Yeah, it's tellie innit?

If their business idea was THAT could they wouldn't need to be on TV!

(As it happens I usually get the two finalists right, if not the actual winner)

So this is coming down to how good looking they are and not how good they're business idea is?

it helps when you see how stupid some of them actually are...what bloke watches Strictly for the dancing ability??

Because you've worked with people like that. I have. We all have.

Which is why I don't watch it. If I've had to put up with contemptible ****wits like that at work, why on earth would I want to watch anything that even remotely reminds me of them in my free time?

See also: The office.

So this is coming down to how good looking they are and not how good they're business idea is?

what are the business ideas?

m360's taste > dirtyrider's taste

.what bloke watches Strictly for the dancing ability??

Those that are fans of ballroom dancing?

what are the business ideas?

As you know that's not revealed yet but clearly mean time that means it's Ok to judge their business skills just on their looks.

I can see their point - we only ever employ attractive people - we don't ask for CVs, just a semi-pro portrait shot. 😉

I'll never get a job in the private sector then.

I think she drives a Citreon Cactus

Good work .

I think she drives a Citreon Cactus
Good work .

In green....

Why green?

The bottle colour.

In green....

Of course silly me, green as the bottle is green.

Green because Cacti are green. The flowers are purple though!

Is this guy :

[img] [/img]

related to PC Penhale :

[img] [/img]

Ermmmm! Did she say she didn't know where Dover was?

[img] [/img]

Familiar anyone?