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What's red and sits in the corner?
A naughty strawberry.
There are 3 different type of people, those that can count and those that cannot
What has 4 legs and says 'Boo.' A cow with a cold
A woman with a clipboard stopped me in the street and said 'Can you spare a couple of minutes for cancer research' I said 'Sure but we won't get much done'
A bloke goes down on a prossy and finds carrots brussels and parsnips in her pussy, YOUR SICK, he exclaimed, No im not, she replied, but the guy before you was.
A bloke goes down on a prossy and finds carrots brussels and parsnips in her pussy, YOUR SICK, he exclaimed, No im not, she replied, but the guy before you was.
Basically my wife is very immature. I'd be at home taking a bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Oi! GM - leave woody allen out of this! 😉
someone asked me the other day; 'what's your pet hate?'. I said "it doesn't like things shoved up it's arse".
I'm sure this is a quote attributed to Dan Carter (All Black fly-half). Still funny!
Went to a zoo the other day, there was nothing but a small dog there. It was a shitzu
[i]Underhill - Member
What's black & lives up a tree?
A crow with a machine gun[/i]
Is there something missing from that joke?
i missed dancing on ice last night. do you know if that Heather Mills made it through to the second leg?
the grim reaper came for me last night but i beat him off with a vacuum cleaner , talk about dyson with death ....
During a recent Audit at the Bank of Ireland , it was found that Paddy O'Toole was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyDublin
When Paddy was asked why he had such a long password?
he replied ''Bejazus! are yez ****in' stupid? Shore Oi was told me password had to be at least 8 characters long and include one capital''
my mate offered me a 50" plasma tv the other day for a tenner. The volume is broken on it but at that price i couldn't turn it down.
whats the difference between an egg and a w**k?
you can beat an egg.
My bicycle won't stand up.
Why not?
'cos it's two tyred.
whats the difference between your p*nis and your bonus?
The wife will happily blow your bonus.
what's the difference bewtween oral and anal sex?
oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your whole week.
bib shorts :o)
Man says to eskimo, on entering his igloo, 'cold in 'ere, innit'. To which the eskimo replied, 'It's Inuit, you ignorant fool!'
what do the clitoris and an iphone have in common?
every c**t seems to have one
whats the difference between a vitamin and a hormone....you can't make a vitamin
Whats the difference between Airfix and David Beckham...ones a glueless kit....
Why do farts smell?
So deaf people can enjoy them too.
jsdbnkhsbna's
bump.
blind man walks into a bar
I still remember play time at school, a bit of footy, sneaking in a quick ciggie in the bogs, trying to finger girls behind the bike shed ...
I loved that caretakers job!
Bill and Ben in bed. Bill says 'flobbadobadob'. Ben says 'well if you loved me, you'd swallow it'