[Closed] Tell Me About Your Evil Deeds......

I stayed in the lift a little bit longer than usual tonight before getting out - I may have released some rather noxious bum gas just before the doors closed...

I are the last biscuit in the communal office tin... 👿

Upon spotting a rather large puddle of water in front of a bus-stop i found myself unable to do anything other than speed up and aim for it. This resulted in the bus-stop and its occupants being obscured from sight by a massive wall of water.

I'll take this oppertunity to apologise to all affected. ( I feel a great weight lifted ).

It was in Germany though so not as bad...mwah hah hah...

I dumped a girlfriend in a christmas card.
Im still, very, very sorry, Jenny 🙁

I are the last biscuit in the communal office tin...

you're the last biscuit? is this a public school thing?

Stoner, thats terrible!

Stoner, you are a very bad man indeed! At least when I broke up with a girl I did it to her face.
Sorry Michelle. 😥

Stoner - Member
I dumped a girlfriend in a christmas card.
Im still, very, very sorry, Jenny

Brutal! Surely thread winner?

CountZero - Member
Stoner, you are a very bad man indeed! At least when I broke up with a girl I did it to her face.
Sorry Michelle.

Before or after you dumped her?...... What?

bump

heres another
I once urinated into a tub of punch at a party in my Uni halls
A lot of people drank from it

Well done flicker

I dumped a girlfriend in a christmas card.
Im still, very, very sorry, Jenny

Done to her face*

* Nope not in that way

i once drew legs on a christian fish sticker on the back of a car in a car park.

I are the last biscuit in the communal office tin...

Am yow from the Black Country?

Hmmm, had sex with two different girls within about 4 hours, one of which was my girlfriend at the time.

Also, I lied about being a virgin in order to deflower a girl, and then faked an orgasm quickly in order to be convincing.

Both of which make the dumping via facebook (by the girl I was seeing changing her status to 'In a relationship' with someone other than me) that I received last night pale into insignificance, karma's a bitch 😆

I once told a man at a fancy dress party that he made an ugly woman only to realise seconds later that she was in fact a proper woman.
No words can put that right so I just walked off.

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

faked an orgasm quickly in order to be convincing.[/qoute]
That lack of an outpouring of joy* would give this lie away surely.

* is a euphemism

 

That lack of an outpouring of joy* would give this lie away surely.

Condom off, condom in bin. New Rubber. Go 'again'. Job jobbed.

Used to wakeboard on a local river, one day spotted a couple squirming about in the long grass next to the river bank…. so I cranked it over as far as I could on the whip generating an impressive rooster which totally drenched them... I looked back and nearly went arse over tit laughing as the bloke ran around ranting & raving…. until he realised he was jumping about in full view with his tackle hanging out

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

I was at a kids birthday party recently when they dimmed the lights in the crowded kitchen for the blowing out of the candles thing. I was navigating around the table and in the dark I lost my balance and grabbed hold of a sofa. The lights then came on to reveal that I was actually stood behind a very fat woman who had bent over to get something out of her handbag. I was pushed up against her massive bottom holding onto her hips, in a doggy styley

I explained away the situation by saying, "i'm sorry, I mistook you for a sofa." 😳

Some of you are right bastards - especially Kimbers first confession!

Stole many a man's soul and faith*

*Laughed at their 29'ers

Genuine laugh at Mr Sinatra

@kimbers ..thats evil 👿

Hi
Not evil particularly but maybe a little mischevious.
Many years ago split up with a girl and then found a spare key to her car in my house.
She worked at a local hospital with a large car park and she became a bit of a pain in the a##e so when I was at a loose end I used to go and move the car from where she parked it to somewhere else in the same car park.
Apparently the first time she reported it stolen and was then very embarassed when her friend found it and then after that just became very confused as to what was happening.
Never got sussed though 🙂

Cheers
Steve

@fatgit, that sir is pure genius I had to put a cap on just so I could 'doff' it to you

once after a heavy night at rock city when I was at University, I cleaned the toilet with the toothbrush of a chap I shared with. Two others did something equally horrible to some of his other possessions.

Rob me and another housemate did the same to a housemate that we didn't like. Only we were sober.

The guy was an arse though who told many tall tales and whatever you had done, he'd done it twice as big / fast / worse etc.

i used to share a bed with my brother, and i could never be bothered to get up to go to the toilet, i just used to lean over and pee on his side of the bed. mum thought he was a bed wetter till he was 10

i had a mate come to stay when he broke his leg, i used to chew the butter and spit it onto the bread to make him a sandwich and i used to make him a cup of tea from the hot tap, sorry Bob

[i]"I used to chew the butter and spit it onto the bread to make him a sandwich"[/i] lol, I'm sure he will get over it.
[i]"i used to make him a cup of tea from the hot tap".[/i] 😯 You sick deviant!

Makes you wonder how deeply sinister these confesions would get if these posts were totally anonymous with no mods..

I posted a rather ripe dog turd in a jiffybag to someone that I had an intense dislike for.

One of my favourites and one that I still do is to put stuff like condoms and lube into some middle aged womans trolley when left unattended in the supermarket. I've also put ladies undies into mens trolleys. I've never witnessed the confusion at the checkout but just the thought of it makes me giggle.

I wrote "Do not feed the swans" on the back of a touring ballet company's coach.

I once drowned a puppy in a mop bucket

My next door neighbour annoys me quite a lot. The woman that lived on the other side of him would continually park over the edge of his lawn. He remarked to me that it was irritating him.

A couple of days later, on a rare excursion out without the kids I returned home quite drunk to find he had left a note on her car, in a typically passive aggressive manner saying:

"Hi neighbour, would you please try not to park on my lawn? You have done it a lot and the grass is now dying. Many thanks, Martin"

I swiped the note, went indoors and wrote one out myself. "Hi neighbour, if you park on my lawn again, I swear to God I will bathe in your blood and dress up in your warm flesh. Many thanks, Martin"

She moved out a little while later and I always felt a bit bad.

That trolley one is great weekend m
I'm going to start doing that!

Not an evil deed of mine but of a friend of mine,during one extremely cold winter three friends set out to do an ice climb in the lake district these are done during the wee small hours when the ice is in good nick.
The first pitch was easy so it was free climbed , but for safety each person ascended after the person in front had reached a large ledge. With two climbers on the ledge one of them in need of a toilet the third set off only to pull up over the edge faced with a large arse mid movement glinting in the moonlight, and the other climber convulsed against the rock and ice tears rolling down his face.

I suppose when you have go you have to go.

I used to regularly approach cars parked half on the pavement in my small village and cover the inside of the doorhandles with the contents of the bags I picked up after my 3 Jack Russels.

I swiped the note, went indoors and wrote one out myself. "Hi neighbour, if you park on my lawn again, I swear to God I will bathe in your blood and dress up in your warm flesh. Many thanks, Martin"

Hardly up to Beelzebub levels, but me and my mates took to taking off a front gate from a big house on our way home on New Years eve.

We only ever moved it into a garden three doors down due to a combination of drunkenness and laziness. We did it three NY Eves on the trot.

The owner got wise and bolted the gate on, so we took a spanner out on the next NYE and took it off, being careful to replace the bolts while giggling in the snow.

Probably not going to hell for that, but might end up as a tour guide.

When I was in 6th form, me and a few mates all had (access to) minis

There was a running joke where you'd come out of a pub, fail to start the car and then find your rotor arm balanced on the roof because somebody had come past and seen your car

One night we did it to another mate who wasn't in on the joke. They tried to bump-start it down a hill, lost the rotor arm and were walking home when somebody saw them and told them the game - I think I remember they found the part OK 😳

If it hadn't been him, it was probably only a matter of time before someone's mum got stranded

I shot the sheriff and his bellend of a deputy !

On a drunken walk home to a mates house at ~4am we "acquired" 50+ car aerials, they are still in his dads attic I think.

Not me but a friend many years ago who wasn't very good with the ladies actually pulled one night so she took him back to hers and his mate followed . when in the house his mate and her ran into the bedroom and locked the door and started going for it. As he stood outside getting more and more annoyed listening to them an idea popped into his head. He went into her bathroom and ****ed off into her mouthwash !

tymbian - Member
Makes you wonder how deeply sinister these confesions would get if these posts were totally anonymous with no mods..
POSTED 16 HOURS AGO #

There was a thread on reddit last year where users opened new user ids to post and confess

So. Much. Incest .

put stuff like condoms and lube into some middle aged womans trolley when left unattended in the supermarket.

even better now some supermarkets are carrying stuff like vibrating cock rings. Aim for the primmest lady you can.

link please grievoustim, i luurve me some incest

edit aha!

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t0ynr/throwaway_time_whats_your_secret_that_could/

kimbers - Member
i luurve me some incest

😯

scaredypants - Member

it was probably only a matter of time before someone's mum got stranded

Please god let that be a euphemism 😀

actually that reddit thread was quite harrowing, if cathartic for some.
on balance im glad this isnt an anonymous thread

also not really a fan of incest!!

Many many many years ago a friend of mine imprinted a very large swastika into the snow on a neigbours front lawn with his DMs, it wasn't that noticeable until it all melted and it had made the grass yellow, having a 12 foot yellow swastika for several months was not the plan but it made us smile.....

First year of Uni in Halls we blew a load of talcum powder into someone's room, under the gap under the door using a hairdryer. Ground floor room we peaked in from outside it looked like noone had been in the room for about 100 years everything coated in a thick layer of 'dust'.

done the similar uni halls one...
cress and mustard seeds on kitchen roll, slide under door of someone who's gone away for a few days / easter hols etc., water from the edge.
works best if the room is carpetted and the hallway is tiled 😉

When I was around 11, we discovered the joys of the aerosol / cigarette lighter flamethrower setup. We were messing around with this in a nearby footpath, and managed to set the hedge (bordering the local church) on fire. The fire brigade were called to sort it out, thankfully only the (entirety of the) hedge was burnt down but I was unable to sleep for about two months afterwards as I was certain that the police would track me down via fingerprints from the can / lighter... oops. 😳

Similar with 1st year halls and talc, put next to door, stamped on bottle, ended-up blowing back into the corridor thus setting off the smoke alarms. Queue evacuation of all 13 floors and arrival of full FRS PDA! 'We dropped it, honestly'....

In Oz when a young teen, at mates house we shot his spear gun across the garden only to hit a power line and blackout the neighbourhood. Sorry...

Used to live in a multi. There was a a couple of junkies living up stairs. One night I'd had enough of their screaming and shouting so I went up stairs to "have a word" **** me what a way to live. They had nothing. A couch, a table, that was it, no carpets, curtains, nothing. She'd locked herself out on the balcony and he was pathetically begging her to come back in. Didn't even see me standing in his living room going "**** me, what a way to live". With nothing to do to make his life any worse, I just left.
A couple of weeks later, myself and OH were sitting out on our balcony enjoying the sunset (one of the ony advantages of living on the 10th floor), when we heard them kicking off again. Only this time, he was on the balcony and she was sat on the pavement. Again he was begging her to come back. She was aggressive, but I'd clocked that she would shout something, then turn her back on him.
Remember water bombs? I made a few, and soon as I heard her shout, then his beggiing - BOMBS AWAY. 3 of them. I swear I heard them whistle on the way down like in the Road Runner cartoons. SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT [b]YAH BARSTEWARD YOURETHRWOWINWATERBOMSAT ME[/b]
Nah honey, it wisnae me, it wiz.....
[b]AHMGONNA****INGKILLYE[/b]

Next time I saw him outside I couldn't resist
"weeeeeeeeeeeeeee sploosh sploosh sploosh"

18 yrs old, just returned from our 1st lads hol (week in blackpool) and a crowd of us unwittingly invited to a house party of an aquaintance who no one really cared for, and whose parents were away.

On arrival, 3 litres of kia ora orange juice poured onto kitchen floor. 6 pack of yoghurt smeared over full wall of glass partitioning in living room, peanut butter liberally applied to other walls. Numerous beverages poured down back of telly and to round of the evening, as the toilet was emgaged, took the opportunity to empty bladders into this poor souls brand new scooter helmet and decorated it with a large floater, if you catch my drift.

Never spoke to him again.
In our defence, he was an arse.

After an unastounding performance at school, I did summer school to get into Aberdeen uni. Also at summer school was a chap with monumental mental issues. You name it, he had it. Sadly for him, these problems manifested themselves in the shape of turning him into a complete dick.

One day, after an epic water fight, he went a bit too far and hit my flatmate with a pan. We filled a wheelie bin with water, leant it against his door, knocked and ran. All this, in the full knowledge that he kept his self-penned, musical manuscripts on the floor of his room. In strange piles.

Needless to say, he was devastated, dropped out and was in an institution within the year.

20 odd years ago got a chap very drunk on his birthday put him in a wheelie bin and parked him up on the edge of the platform at the station. Very fast train went past.

He cried and pooed himself.

zippykona - Member

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

pfft. I laid traps for troubadours who get killed before they reach Bombay.

I had a job in the great north woods, working as a cook for a spell.
But I never did like it all that much and one day the axe just fell.

I regularly put kitchen implements in the bags of my wife and kids. Jake went to college today with a potatoe masher and Helen's getting a grater in her work satachel. I need therapy.

Somebody at work used to be on Plenty of fish all the time and was always showing us pictures of girls he was messaging. Whilst he was going through some pictures one day i managed to see his username

I knew where he lived etc so set up a really believable fake profile using some random girls picture from Google and started sending him some flirty messages. He fell for it and had some really cringeworthy messages back and he was telling us (had a few workmates in on it!) how he'd found this gorgeous blonde who he'd really fallen for. Kept it going for a few days then had a feeling it was heading towards him sending a picture of his knob 😯

I turned "her" into a stalker then and starting sending him messages saying he looked nice today while he was sat outside work on his break, and things like "i can see you in your car" and then quoting the number plate.

He was really freaked out in the end so had to tell him 😆

I keep pooing in the shower at work. I'm also the only one who can change the time on the CCTV recorder 😈

*this might not be true*