The hymn thread got me thinking about some of my old school teachers. Not the kind, caring and influential ones, the others, the ones who really shouldn’t have been teachers at all.
A couple spring to mind.
Mr Adi - Best described as a man possessed by a religious fever and an obsession with pockets. Can’t recall if it was primary or secondary school that he taught. He would belt out hymns as if his very life depend on it. Face turning purple and eagle eyes watching us. Knowing that when we were singing the lyrics to thank you we were actually saying **** you, but unable to prove it.
He also had a serious dislike of young men utilising pockets as a place to rest ones hands. He’d literally point and yell POCKETS! I was also once the recipient of the best verbal abuse I’ve ever heard courtesy of him. Think I was fighting and heard “You boy! Stop it! You beast of the field” absolute mad man.
We also had Mr Woodcock (affectionately known as balsa balls) in high school. Bear in mind that this was the 90’s. He had everyone sat at individual old time desks, the ones where the top flipped up. Oddly he was the only teacher to have these in the whole school. He also only referred to pupils by their surnames. Genuinely seemed to detest kids too. Ironically he was a history teacher and clearly stuck in the 70’s.
There were others such as Mr “it has to be aesthetically pleasing” Peagram. A man who only cared how your work looked, content be damned. He should have worked in quality control. I was clearly blessed with the B and C grade teachers.
Mine were mostly just sad and pitiful, but our metalwork shop teacher was just a *. Scottish ex-military bald headed sadistic *.
We had loads. Some right sadistic nasty twunts.
Not one of the violent ones but we had a science teacher who was weird one, he wouldn't let anyone use the yellow flame on bunsen burners as it created soot on the ceiling, so we ignored H&S and left then on with almost invisible blue flames.
our metalwork shop teacher was just a *. Scottish ex-military bald headed sadistic *.
I think there was a scheme at one point to draft people from other careers into teaching - particular technical and trade stuff. Probably around the time of the 'Raising of the School Leaving Age' as it would have meant schools needed and extra year-group worth of teachers. (We had a block called the RSLA because it was built for that purpose)
We had two metal work teachers, they were brothers and had both come from engineering straight into teaching seemingly without the inconvenience of being taught to teach. They both looked a bit like werewolves from a 50s movie - the sort that would wear a tweed suit- in fact they looked like two frames from a transformation sequence.
The first project you'd do would be making a coat hook - the idea being that it would take you through a range of basic principles - a square backplate with a bent lollypop shaped bar riveted to it. So you got to file the sides of the plate straight and square, mark out some holes, drill them, counter sink them, round the ends of some flat bar drill it - bend it, and hammer in a couple of rivets.
Simple.
However they exerted such a degree of quality control - scrupulously checking the straightness and squareness of side one of the square before you moved on to side two that after 4 years there was only me and one other who succeeded in completing it. Not in my class - across the whole year. Some people never got beyond side four of their square.
We had another guy who taught technical drawing - he was the school board-rubber thrower. Not because he was any sort of disciplinarian he just seemed to like throwing them.
He ran a 'film club' during school lunch breaks - very few people would go to it as we'd rather be playing outside. We'd all joke that the only reason people would go to it was because he was showing 8mm porn films. It turned out the truth was he was showing 16mm porn films.
However they exerted such a degree of quality control – scrupulously checking the straightness and squareness of side one of the square before you moved on to side two that after 4 years there was only me and one other who succeeded in completing it. Not in my class – across the whole year. Some people never got beyond side four of their square.
Actually laughed out loud at that!
Sounds like something from Ripping Yarns!
Mrs Valins, she detested kids, she was horrible, why she was a teacher I'll never know.
Mr Day, he was a supply teacher, he never bothered with the curriculum and taught whatever he felt like, consequently he was a favourite teacher. He was also an ex officer and everybody behaved and he never had to raise his voice. Merely "the look" would silence the class.
If anyone lives in Moseley / Balsall Heath I think I left my prized coathook screwed to a door in an old shop I used to live in when I was a student there.
I might ask you to knock on a door in Ladypool Road and see if I can have it back 🙂
Mrs McQueen, my Primary 6 teacher once lifted me clean off the ground by my ears.
She was possessed of unnatural strength and cruelty and got into a bit of trouble for throwing a metal desk at Jim Fisher who was the year below me.
This was my maths teacher.
https://www.examinerlive.co.uk/news/west-yorkshire-news/shelley-college-andrew-green-banned-9153546
No names but a primary school teacher who used to give us dead legs and barbers knock. Chemistry teacher who threw wooden black board rubbers at kids on back row who weren’t paying attention. Secondary school music teacher who lent me his car on a regular basis whilst I was 17 - no favours were given in response I hasten to add!
Different world back then as I know from a teacher mate recently who got suspended for ages for the most trivial divergence from the management’s let’s back the little shits over the teachers “disciplinary policy”
My kids head teacher
What's a Barbers Knock? Not heard that one.
When I was 13 my history teacher was a big fan of Spain so he got all of us little boys to dress up in Spanish school smocks and took pictures. I never heard of him doing anything else but looking back it was a little bit weird.
My chemistry teacher used to smoke his pipe in class. He once threw a pebble-sized bit of sodium out of the window into a bowl of water 2 floors down*. I spent my GCSE years thinking 'wow, chemistry is really hard' - it's because he was teaching us the A-level syllabus. It was only after moving to college for my A-levels that I realised I actually liked the subject - so much so that I'm now a chemistry teacher. I often think of him as whatever the opposite of a role model is.
*this sounds cool and fun. In reality it was less good than a smaller demo up close and it was really stupid and dangerous.
I doubt that getting called a spastic and a pratt all in one sentence would go down very well these days.
I had a teacher call me a bastard once. I don’t blame him though, I was a bit of a dick as a teenager.
My friends in a neighbouring school had a teacher who, with the assistance of a pupil he was having an affair with, murdered his wife.
I had a Mr Gascoine science teacher, what an arsehole he was. I also had an English teacher who was an arse as well.
The problem with having 2 older brothers go through some of the same teachers meant I was automatically at a disadvantage. Must have been hell for my younger sister 🙂
Sodium in a plastic coke bottle with a drop of water in the bottom is fun 🙂
I was at secondary school in the '60s. We had one teacher, a polio victim, with calipers on both legs. Known to pupils and teachers alike as Clank.
An art teacher, in the days when women's foundation garments took on a different profile, was similarly referred to as Torpedo Tits. Like car batteries in those days, nocturnal discharges were common.
Had lots but the worst was a sports teacher Mr Wilson.
He had played for Glasgow Rangers in their youth teams but injury meant he never made it and somehow ended up teaching in a shit school in Maidstone.
He clearly liked a drink and had a filthy temper. Whenever I heard him bollocking kids in the coridors he would always end with "my office 9 o clock tomorrow" as he walked away "There'll be trouble in the mornin"
If you walked past his office at 9 you would hear him screaming at whoever he had in there.
He would bite himself really hard, I watched him once really gnawing away at his fingers to the point where it looked like he would draw blood and another time tucking in to his wrist.
In my 4th year we had a football match against another school in the evening. They used to keep all the decent equipment in the office of the gym/changing room building. I was the first one changed and thought I'd grab the match ball. Opened the office door to see him with his tracky bottoms round his ankles taping a bin liner around his waist.
I grabbed the ball & bolted for the pitch. we were having a warm up and he joined in whilst the other school got ready and I saw there was a massive wet patch on his tracky bottoms. At the time I thought he must have pissed himself but looking back I think maybe he was trying to sweat off weight.
Not long after I left he got pissed on a school trip to Chessington and fell asleep on the coach back. some of the kids threw paper in his mouth. He woke up and apparently assualted more than one. It was close to the end of the school year and the following september he was promoted to Head of year.
I've Mr Sanderson and Mr Rodgers to thank for being inspiring outdoor people, who took us to the hills, ran a sailing club and generally 'got' me.
Mr King the chain smoking CDT teacher not only got his tie in the planet one day in front of the class, he also was seen collecting a jerry can of petrol for his VW T2 one lunchtime - while puffing on a woodbine...
There was also Miss Rogers who everyone fancied, and drove the school minibus like Stirling Moss. We took to putting on the climbing helmets of ever she drove...
Finally there was the PE teacher who swore at me and basically didn't speak to me for two years after I gave up county level rugby to sail competitively. It was nice to pop back into school the year after I left to pass my (loaner) bronze trophy for Tempest world champs back to a school friend, who could return it to the club. I met said PE teacher that day, who still wasn't impressed. It transpires he was also being sacked for getting one of the sixth formers pregnant...
Too old to remember my teachers. Would be interesting to know what the kids thought about me during my teacher training this year though.
My Latin teacher was Mr Lavelle. Always wore the black teachers robe if you remember them. First year we had to learn 10 words each night. You got the belt for every word you got wrong. It certainly focused the mind.
I had a maths teacher wore a manky suit all year and in the winter still had his paisley pattern jammies on underneath , you could see at the cuffs and ankles, his stained tie could have been a substitute for a stock cube and to top it all his rotten teeth breath almost killed you.
A fellow 6th former was on a night out in a local town when he had to use the dodgy back street bogs, the sort they now close down without second thought. He became aware of someone looking through a hole in the the cubical wall making jerky movements and a beckoning motion. Finishing as hastily as possible and exiting past the cubical, the door was open and he saw none other than one of our 6th form tutors. I will not name him here for obvious reasons.
Other than that, I was a good and quiet boy so never attracted much negative attention.
I was pinned to the wall by my throat by one of the teachers. He spat through gritted teeth "Have you ever had your nose broken???". I said "Yes" (I had). The head used to get a semi when he gave me the cane. I got 24 lashes because I told other kids about it. I collared him after I'd left school. I had a green mohawk & all that went along with it. The little turd shrank like a salted slug. The metal work teacher was a raging alcoholic who refused to pronounce my surname correctly. I got suspended for throwing a chisel at that idiot. He was knocking off one of the pupils a few years later 🙄
Seamanship teacher who told us stories about his time at sea in the old days 😬
Wouldn't notice us having a smoke when we were walking to harbour to go to the boats.
Let us watch 'mutiny on the bounty' on rainy days, but always asked us to shut our eyes when the natives had their tits out.
Also taught us sex education 😂😂😂
Most of my teachers were ok. Some better than others, some clearly nice people but clueless. The worst was a deputy head teacher who bullied kids. It was a nice school with very few problems in comparison with other schools. But this maggot used to scream and shout at kids for the most minor misdemeanours. He lived in the small town. I still don’t know how he didn’t get a beating from former pupils when went to the shops.
On the flip side was a brilliant teacher in 6th form. He spoke to us like adults, explained how the content of his lessons applied to the real world and would have a laugh. Best of all was him teaching us about betting odds and horse racing form. It was the early days of internet betting, we were 16 or 17 years old and had online accounts. He thought it was a game and not for real money. With his help me and a couple of mates ended up with a tidy profit from our online betting.
We had a PE teacher who used to join us in the showers (naked, of course).
The run back from the games fields to the changing rooms was faster than any running we did during the lesson (stick head under shower and get fully dressed before the teacher got there).
JP
Here's hoping teachers are screened a bit better nowadays but was it not maybe a job for life, turn a blind eye etc. When it came to the tawse there were the occasional sadistic bar stewards
On the positive side there was "Knogger" Knight, hard as nails woodwork teacher. He'd spent WW2 driving armoured cars around North Africa shooting up targets of opportunity. His nickname was from Nocker i.e. hitting people with thrown offcuts but I never met anyone who had seen him do it. The reputation was enough. He was a lovely man.
There was also Jimmy Clinch, my chemistry teacher. He did throw the board rubber at people in a rage but only in the first couple of lessons and always narrowly missed. We then behaved.
Not in any way a bad teacher but we had a very overly thoughtful chemistry teacher - almost strangled by his own academia. Struggled to get information across to kids because he was constantly side-tracked by over explanations. He was also all about the theory - practical demonstration were a bit slapstick at best.
He was tasked with heading the school assembly on one rare occasion and decided to use the platform to address the looming terror of AIDS. (this was around the time of the dark, brooding 'Don't die of Ignorance' campaign). Very noble - but he just rambled incoherently for ages, long into lesson time, and the only take-away was his repeated cautionary warnings about 'fluids'
Seamanship teacher
Is nobody else going to pick up on this? What kind of school did you go to? Why didn’t I have nautically themed lessons?
Our R.E teacher, Mr Taylor was one of those that spent their school holidays bumbling around the third world laying hands on people to heal them, proper loon.. Once he made the mistake of asking the class what we thought of religion. Made the mistake of asking me first, my answer of "its all witch craft and bull shit" didn't go down too well. For years he would cross the road if he saw me coming, that was back in 1991 and to this day cant look me in the eye
We had a PE teacher that was an absolute legend. Former professional footballer until his career was ended by a car crash.
Famous for taking an under-15 criket team on tour and stopping off at a pub on the way back to buy everyone a pint. The outpouring of gratitude on his death, from kids that he'd turned around and given a direction to, was quite incredible.
Other than that the head was a crazed gorilla who terrified everyone and sacrificed the whole school to send one kid a year to Oxford.
Is nobody else going to pick up on this? What kind of school did you go to? Why didn’t I have nautically themed lessons?
It was originally set up to prepare people for a career as a Merchant Navy Officer.
Not sure if there any others?
funkmasterp
Subscriber
Seamanship teacherIs nobody else going to pick up on this? What kind of school did you go to? Why didn’t I have nautically themed lessons?
Normal high school, but in 3rd/4th year we had option of doing navigation or seamanship. School had 2 big wooden rowing boats and a small dory with outboard engine.
Did morse code, lights, flags and shapes, and just generally mucked about
The English teacher who'd arrive for the first lesson after lunch in an absolutely foul mood. Ten minutes in he'd disappear into the stationary cupboard for 5 minutes. Then reappear in a brilliant mood but absolutely reeking of whiskey.
The music teacher (who was also the head) of my comprehensive school. Who'd wear a teacher's gown in the early 80's and so acquired the nickname Batman. When he'd take us for music, he'd stand at the front with a baton and conduct the symphony we'd be listening to on the record player. The whole class had to follow the printed score with our fingers (we had absolutely no idea how what we were hearing corresponded to the notes on the page). He'd get very carried away with his baton at times and the kid I sat next to was an inveterate giggler. I'd be trying my hardest not to start laughing as this often meant the teacher smacking whoever was around the head with his baton.
Can’t remember any really awful teachers, there were a couple who used either blackboard erasers or pieces of chalk on pupils who were mucking about, and one PE teacher who had an old plimsole with no insole which he used to chastise any misbehaving pupils, didn’t half sting, too!
There were some really excellent ones as well, Mr Freeman who took Tech Drawing, which I really enjoyed, and which helped immensely when I started working in print and publishing; Mr Wanless, who took us for music, and who played pop and rock records as well as classical for us to analyse, and Mr Smith, a maths teacher, who I became good friends with, (and who’s wife’s sister later married one of my best mates from my class), and who really encouraged my interest in science fiction, lending me books from his own collection.
There was a geography teacher, whose name now escapes me, who taught me loads about physical geography, a subject that still fascinates me to this day, and who later bought the old school house where my dad was taught when he was a kid!
All good people and teachers.
Mrs m, secondary school teacher,looked like Margret Rutherford we where bored one day in her boring lesson, so she said i think ill get more sence talking to these bricks in the wall, one lad muttered go on then, so she did for 5 minutes, 4 minutes of which the head master stood at the back of the class.
Mr B a teacher fond of well developed lads, they always got good marks and got invited to his house for extra lessons, he was also a close freind of Mr Bar, they both did the photography club and school disco at lunch times, strange the doors would be locked and the lights fail in a brand new building, quite often, mr b then transfered to another school and drove the minibus taking kids to school, via a very circuitous route, but only boys carried.
Mr G having an affair Miss P, who got pregnant.
Mr Thomas headmaster, now deceased,we turned up 20 mins late one day because the bus had broke down,where marched into hall for assembly and told to stand at side of hall, one lad leaned agaist pillar, and was screamed at dont lean on pillar, which he ignored, Mr Thomas flew off the stage and punched this lad who fell sideways against the next lad and brought us all down, in a slow domino fall, this seemed to inflame Mr Thomas even more he ranted and raved, before a teacher at the back burst out laughing , never to appear in school again.
Another teacher, wild and anger management problems,teaching maths badly,hated kids and would teach from back of class with sums on the board,which he would talk us through,i just asked my mate what he was going on about for him to hit me across the head and launched me over the desk,found out later he didnt stand in front of class because he dint like us kids looking at him.
Another teacher of maths,lad in front taking not much notice of him so he swings a 4 foot board ruler made of plastic in front of his face, hitting the lad on top of head and down his nose,cutting it all open, lots of blood,another teacher not seen again.
Then us chess club lads, mad chemistry teacher left bottle of acid out,which spilt on a chess set and melted it,chess club ended.
I left school well balanced and happy, along with being eccentric.
Actually, too dull 😀
Anyone looking fir a book that resonates with this thread, particularly if you're a scot, a tale etched in blood and hard black pencil by Christopher Brooklmyre is an absolute joy.
Perchy, you'd love it.
Our PE teacher used to do his lesson debrief in the changing rooms. He was always fond of the swimming classes - used to hang around for ages talking about technique.
His downfall was something far more mundane when a lot of the equipment for the new school gym was mysteriously duplicated on the invoice and, at exacly the same time, he got a new rowing machine, exercise bike and some free weights. Very strange coincidence.
my applied maths a level teacher, ok in the morning, but the afternoon lessons were something else after quite a few lunch time whiskies his scotish drawl was completely uncomprehensible, think slurring rab c nesbit !
