[Closed] Suicide............know anyone??

Miaowing_kat has hit it for me, i'm really uninterested - unmotivated is probably more accurate - in getting out on the bike event though i've just revived/replaced the drivetrain & winterised my bike.

Hate being like this, as someone said - you feel stupid/embarrassed talking about how you are feeling and don't want to bother anyone.

Muddy, I know exactly what you mean about being unmtivated. on my bad days, I have barely been able to get out of bed, to even contemplate going out on a bike was utterly ridiculous. When you cannot summon up whatever it is you need to put the kettle on or change the tv channel, of course you cannot go out on a bike!

But honestely, you can sort this out. Go and see the doctor and get referred to the mental health team. I know you said you'd had a bad experience before with the pills & the side effects, but that combined with the mental health team will help, I promise.

Feel free to email me, my email is in profile.

Goign back a couple of pages,

The bottom line is that he had no 'real' reason to do something so utterly selfish & stupid. - The problems he had were nothing in real terms.

Nearly did once with pills, cut myself up a bit as well as after getting knifed at school. Thought I could never be happy and hated myself - everyone made life look easy and I just didnt get it - just felt like I couldn't speak to anyone and was never interesting. Couldn't see the point really.

A great friend helped me (then married me!) - I dont get nearly so down anymore. I still get times when I cant deal with people and I get very stressed with social situations sometimes. And only in the last few years I am happy to wear shorts given the scars on my legs.

For those of you that are considering it [i]please speak to someone[/i]. Anyone. If your in Glasgow and feel that way email me for a pint - I'll even buy it.

Big hugs for those that need them. xxx

This thread is making me sad, but also angry.
As MrsFlash said, when you are so low, your reality is not based on "real" problems. If you can't get out of bed and get dressed without it taking huge amounts of will-power how the hell are you supposed to go ride your bike?
All the people who are so intensely "angry" with friends who have taken their own lives...I would suggest that it may be re-directed anger at yourselves for not actually seeing their problems.
I have been lower than low in my life, but the only thought that has kept me in this world is that of my kids having to cope without me. I cannot begin to imagine how desparate people must be who end their lives with kids involved. Better a nutty mum, than none at all. As for family and friends, I have tried through various means to show them how I've been feeling over the years.
BUT, have they really got out of their comfort zone to actually do anything to show they care? Er, NO!
So, when I've been really low, my last thought has been about the feelings of friends/family... infact I have even thought that me ending my life would be just punishment for them not really giving a shit!

And as for the NHS support for depression...what a joke!
I visited my GP about 4 years ago. It took every last ounce of strength to do it. Oh, and my mother actually accompanied me...reckon she'd got fed up with depressing phone calls...certainly wasn't anything to do with real concern for me.
So, I had my 10 minutes and was prescribed anti-depressants. Decided not to take them as one of the side-effects was suicidal thoughts...err...I had them already!!
Oh, and I asked for a referral to a NHS counselling.
So 2 days later, a letter arrives, thanking me for my request for counselling. It asked me to write a letter requesting referral to counselling services just as proof I really meant it. Write a letter?...I could hardly write my own name! The letter went in the bin.

So, all you who judge from your "I've never suffered from mental illness so have no f8cking idea pedestal"... think again.

Right, I've well and truely bared my soul here and await the onslaught. Will probably delete this post with in my alloted 15 minute time frame. BUT it has been cathartic for me.

OH, and muddydwarf, wish you lived down the road cos I'd be round in a shot to take your to the pub. Couldn't have a drink in your house cos I hate bloody cats!! 8)

Foxychick's post

Indeed, if you have never felt that bad but seek to judge those that have - you cant.

Good points there Foxychick, I am guilty of being angry at my friend who took his own life, also angry to think that he could not share his problems with me and some closer friends of his. As mutual friends We discused how we didnt noticed how low he had got and a lot of that anger is/was misdirected...if it was so easy to spot then I am sure more friends/family could help and perhaps prevent such a desperate action. I do think your being a bit harsh, however I know what you mean about NHS and help with depression, I am speaking from experience, one shrink even mis-dianosed me with having ADHD after he had been on a course in USA :roll:. There is no easy answer although when you are low someone taking notice and caring about you can be all it takes.

second the quality of NHS mental health services. most of the time they just couldn't be bothered (I'm not blaming them; there were more pressing, immediate issues than a depressed person). I had one nurse who was truly sympathetic to me in my whole experience of the system. I sought out private counselling after getting fed up of getting nowhere. Still took me long enough to find a good counsellor but was very much worth it.

Family and friends subject is quite hard; obviously everyone has very different experiences. I know my family cared very much about me but because none of them had ever experienced what I was going through they obviously couldn't understand. I now have a friend who has experienced similar issues and it is wonderful to be able to talk to someone who can truly empathise with those very low moments. The idea of hurting my friends and family was something that was sometimes even alluring to me - I [i]sometimes[/i] saw suicide as an opportunity to spite everyone and give them a good kick in the teeth. No wonder I thought of myself as evil!

Foxychick, you sound like a really great person and you won't be getting any onslaught from me. My ex tried it three times (after she was my ex and for the first time when our son was only 5. He's now 14 and has expressed concerns that he might get depressed too! I've reassured him as best as I can.
Oh and she's alot better now, but I still get a shiver when I think back to 'that' phone call!

Brother in Law tried it, failed, then drank himself to death...
His mother tried it twice and failed, but her mother and step mother suceeded..!
Now have to keep close eye on Partner, when her "Black Moods" kick in..

I see a load of black every day of my life.....,my mission everyday is to tread over it....pretty tiresome

Sadly 2 people I know have killed themselves - one of them was going through a messy seperation and took her kids with her as well. Her parents/their grandparents have been utterly devastated, as you would imgaine.

The other was my boss and mentor at the time - he'd defrauded the company and topped himself when he was released after questioning to avoid it all going to trial. When his wife came to pick up his personal effects, she couldn't face walking into the building and sent in their son, who was aged about 9 or 10 I guess. It was a few weeks after but he still looked in total shock.

I took him a smallish cardboard box with his dad's stuff in. I would have been about 23/24 at the time, still young free and single. It was one of the most haunting moments of my life. He took the box and just said "Did you know my dad?"

I managed to say "Yes, and he was one of the friendliest and helpful men I have ever met". Which was true. I don't how much he knew about what had happened to his dad, but I'd like to think it helped him at some point.

Lord knows I've had some very dark times in my life, but the thought of my kids having to go into an office full of strangers to pick up my belongings has been a searing burst of "sense" when I've peeked into that particular abyss.

I can't think of anyone close that I've lost. Come across a couple of people who've committed suicide by gassing themselves in Brechfa forest in the past

Thanks for the thought FC 🙂
I understand a little about your experience with friends, my bestest mate is fantastic if you want owt fixing, he's the most practical and helpful bloke you could meet. When my ex-fiancee walked out he was the 1st person i called and he was round like a flash.
Thing is, he doesn't 'get' the concept of depression/mental illness & is of the 'snap out of it' mentality which is really unhelpful sometimes.

Currently typing this sat on the sofa with my g/f. How pathetic is it of me that i can bare my soul to relative strangers on an internet forum yet not be able to speak to her about it?

Anyway, thanks for the support everyone.

Chris/SnS' post had me bawling my eyes out this morning, i didn't know Andy had done something so drastic and reading how devastated & angry Chris is woke me up to myself.
My life is shite and yes i'm fekkin' lonely but there IS something i can do about all of this.

muddydwarf, I don't live that far from you, although in a much more upmarket place....bollocks I do!

Anyway, if you want to play out, give me an e-mail address I can see, and I'll give you a buzz...

Been where you are fella, and it's not great.

Simon/Muddydwarf,

My earlier post wasn't designed to make anyone feel bad or upset. It was more of a totally unintended and unexpected explosion of my own personal feelings which I have never aired before.

We "angry" people cannot all be painted with the same brush as all & every occurence are very much different in their individual circumstances.

I've been angry with Andy since he did it. He was my best friend & I had NO idea he would do such a thing. I have known him for around three decades & I was with him on the Friday evening prior to the incident - He was in a very positive frame of mind, looking forward to the future.

I have no intention or desire to air his faimily laundy as it were. But, he was in no way shape or form a depresive person. He was however, by nature, self-engrossed, and in my opinion, to the detrement of his family - a point on which I pulled him up on more occasions than I can count.

In hindsight, I have obviously been over the situation many many times in my head - asking myself if I had missed any signs - There were none.

I can't know for sure, but the 'angry' part of my emotions seem to act as a coping mechanism and have allowed me to remain strong for the people who got left behind. - I have had to rely on this & it has worked extremely well. - This particular 'angry' emotion is NOT a result of pondering if I had missed anything. As stated before, there were no signs.
It has however given me the ability to look after his family & to give them something solid to lean on.

I'm sure in the fullness of time, when I feel circumstances allow me to 'let go', then it will all come flooding out - But at the moment, it serves me well & keeps me focussed.

In the earlier post, I mentioned that Karen ( my wife), was now on "medicinal help", due to a delayed reaction. Her initial prescription only made matters worse....far worse ( the side effects were awful !) - She has been back and had her medication changed & she is a whole lot better for it.

Please....please find some form of professional help. - It is most certainly NOT a sign of weakness, but is in my opinion, a realisation that sometimes, we all need a little help.

Chris

( This should have really been in an email or phone call, but perhaps others may read & benefit)

can i submit a request that we let this end.
sick of the word greeting me cheerfully when i visit.

can i submit a request that we let this end.
sick of the word greeting me cheerfully when i visit.

I think it's good that people are talking about suicide. Depression affects a lot of people, and talking about it can help those not inflicted to gain some insight, and may also assist those who do to see that others here have been or are in the same boat.

your right ignore me.

I know of quite a few people who have committed suicide (people from school, friends of friends, etc) but none of them were close.

When I'm too old and decrepit to look after myself, rather than be a burden to my loved ones, I'll book myself into one of those clinics in Switzerland and take the long sleep potion.

Swadely, thats horrendous. I cannot even begin to think how dark a place someone must be in to take their kids with them.

Deeply moving thread this.

Unfortunately yes, My Dad took his own life when I was 17. I hadn't seen him for a about 4 years as he'd turned his back on me after a messy split with my Mum when I was 12. I can honestly say this was the single most devasting thing in me and my families life. It totally changed all of us and we all have continuing issues that are repurcussions fron this event. I know full well that My Mum, Two Brothers and me are very much the way we are today after going though this situation. We all had a different relationship with him from each other and its affected us all in different ways. For me I love him and hate. Some days I hate him from what he's done and wonder if he ever gave a shit and others I love him and feel guilty for not doing more (not that I could have done as a 12 year old). Ultimately I just don't know and the continuing unanswered questions will forever be my life sentance.

As well as this my job as a Funeral Director has meant I've personally dealt with over 20 funerals were someone has took their own life. This has meant me collecting the body at the scene and then arranging the funeral with the families left behind. The utter devastion to these families unbelivable. These suicides have ranged from young to old, female and male and in all manner of ways. The utter selfishness of these acts never escapes me but I do not see these people as selfish; When someone get to this point they are not thinking rationally so I don't think you can put a rational label like selfish on them.

It's just so sad seeing what these families have seen and knowing, as I do, the affects this will have on there lives. Especially when some of these incidents have included children younger than 8 finding their Father who's just taken his head off with a shot gun or a family having to watch the result of the Mother/Wife walking into the garden and setting her self on fire.....

To all whose are feeling low and contemplating anything then get help and speak to someone. It doesn't have to be anyone professional just someone. and to be honest this as good a place to start as anywhere. I think its always easier to unleash your mind on to a complete stranger with the preconceptions or you or your life. But just remember as much as you think theres no one there or know one cares then remember there always someone.... its just sometimes the people are to wrapped up in their own lives sometimes. It doesn't always mean they don't care.

Peace & love to all

[i]When I'm too old and decrepit to look after myself, rather than be a burden to my loved ones, I'll book myself into one of those clinics in Switzerland and take the long sleep potion. [/i]

For absolute sure. Having watched a number of relatives go through long, humiliating, drawn out illnesses which nearly tear the rest of the family apart before death, if it looks like I'm going the same way I'll be having 'an accident'. (Remember kids, life insurance doesn't pay out for suicides). I simply couldn't put my family through all that pain.

An uncle did it over extortion related money worries - good old paramilitaries

I am not saying suicide is a good option and I certainly don't recommend it, but

"It is also one of the most selfish acts known to man. I also never want to feel the desperation and isolation that these people may find themselves in."

is not a very nice comment. You could just as easily say that it is utterly selfish of friends and family to demand a desperatly unhappy or physically ill person continue to live, becasue they put thier own needs to feel good/avoid guilt far above the suffering of the ill person.

If you have been fortunate enough to never feel a huge degree of desperation and isolation I dont see how you can so easily critisise someone wanting misery to stop. Unfortuantely not everyone can be 'fixed' by medication, though its obviously worth a try before taking a bigger step.

People have a right to choose to exist or not. Its the most basic right anyone has. I also think friends and relatives should not feel a sense of guilt - sometimes life is not much fun and you cant change that for someone else, however much you wish you could. Its not your fault. At least the loved person is not hurt/unhappy/in pain anymore.

Hard subject for a forum, however i used to know a couple of people who have now gone that way, 2 years ago my nephew went age 22 over a GF who messed with his head.

I can feel where he was having been very close to doing this myself, the desperation you feel when you see suicide as an option is almost indescribable. It feels like a relief that the pain is almost over, you hold on the best you can but you can feel your grip on life slipping away.

I was lucky as my family were there for me and i recieved the help i needed from a good GP before it was to late. I was told that i would start to have some good days in with the bad, it takes a while living one day at a time but you soon have more good day in a week than bad. In time the bad days are few and far between and you learn the skills to deal with the bad days when they happen.

When you come out the other you begin to start knowing who you really are and what is important in life.

I wonder how many Mtbers have topped themselves after getting bullied on forums? 😉

All this collective angst, grief and depression can't be good for readers' mental health either.

Smash that Leonard Cohen LP over your knee, put something boppy on very loud and start dancing around the room. If that fails, call the samaritans.

Again, unfortunately yes. I knew two people who committed suicide and my mother has attempted suicide before.

A family friend was accused of something of which there was no proof except one person's word against his and after struggling with depression for a long time he tragically committed suicide leaving behind two sons and a wife, all of whom are extremely nice people. As his brother said at his funeral it the accusation and rumours it caused was akin to opening a pillow full of feathers on a mountain top and trying to gather them back up again.

After my parents divorced my mother had a nervous breakdown, was extremely depressed and tried to take her life on more than one occasion. She was admitted to a mental hospital twice and was treated with ECT and very strong anti-depressants and subsequently has no recollection of around 6 months of her life. Coming back from Uni to find burnt ends of hosepipe and pillows in the garage, labels with people's names stuck to paintings and items of furniture is not something that I ever want to have to encounter again. The last time she tried, she overdosed on paracetamol and left a garbled message on a friends answering machine which triggered a call to the police to go to my house and who made the call to the emergency services and my mum's life was saved.

In the months and years that have followed many times I have thought that it may have been better for her if she had managed to take her own life. She was in such a dark place and subsequently made it very, very difficult for a lot of people but more so myself, my sister and her father. Some people may be surprised or horrified that I would say such a thing but at the time it was what I truely believed.

During the last 2-3 years there has been a huge improvement in my mother's mental health and most of this can be attributed to the birth of her first grandchild. My opinion above never enters my mind now as she is so much better. We are all still very aware of her fragile mental state but hope that she keeps getting better and better with less and less relapses of poor health.

Unfortunatly yes. It's a most terrible thing and even 7 years down the line we still think about him loads. He seemed a man without a problem in the world but living was just too much for him. What hurts was that I (and all the rest of our friends) would have done anything just to talk with him and try to 'prevent' it if only we would have known.

It leaves so many sad people, not just then but forever and some (like his wife) who's life is sad every single day.

C

yes

A guy I grew up with in my street's father died of an asthma attack. A month or so later he goes to see his mum who has hung herself 🙁

On hearing this news his sister who was living in Norway with her family OD 🙁 A family of four down to one in a month 🙁 Poor bloke. I just hope he is strong and doesn't go the same way

Also at my last job a girl in my team's sister OD because of a failing relationship. I saw close hand how it tore the family apart, court cases blaming hospitals etc for her death

Terrible thing

Guy I lived next door to in uni halls, his facebook profile is still there and kinda haunting.

It is also one of the most selfish acts known to man.

If someone's that low they don't want to go on, is it not more selfish to think they should cary on for alturistic reasons?

Well this post certainly opened a can. Seems it might help some a little, what a nice bunch you are! 🙂

Just watched a programme on WDR about an anti-depressor: Pfizer's Zoloft. The company doesn't include in the side effects on the instructions in the box the risk of suicide, which it clearly states in its own internal reports. If you know anyone on this stuff I think it would be worth doing some research.

Three.....one because (apparently) he was going to be late handing in an essay, threw himself off a very tall building. Another got too intimate with a shotty after a bottle of whisky and another threw himself in front of a train.

The thing is, you just can't actually believe it when you hear about it.

you will all suffer from mental health issues at some point

suicide is selfish

seek help, you owe it to yourself, because you are worth it, life is priceless

suicide is selfish

Honest question:

Are we not mentioning JahWomble on purpose?

Yes, one of my best mates. Love related.........he was in love with two women and couldn't reconcile that he had to lose one.

Mind you he had a history of mental instability which is often associated with those who have the mind of a genius.

My uncle.
He had a thrivingretro/salvage business, he had made good money and was living a grand life.
Then things changed and he ended up owing about a million, we didn't know this at the time.
Anyway during a Sunday lunchtime drink he went home early, then later his wife went home to find him hanging in the garage.
Thing is he had assets, mainly property that he could have sold to easilly cover his debt. However it's assumed he didn't want to lose face with his wealthy friends. And hence his suicide has been seen as a selfish act.

The Flying Ox - Member

Honest question:

Are we not mentioning JahWomble on purpose?

I think he was still alive when this thread was first started. 😥

RIP jahwomble.. he's been mentioned a few times.. there's some very touching stuff been said about him and his family back on page two maybe..?

thanks to all that have posted.. I was a bit worried with my post on page one that I was going to have to take a flaming for my act of selfishness..
but people in the main appear to have some very mature and empathic feelings and thoughts on the subject.. It's a subject that not many can truly understand.. and why would we want to!?
so thanks again

sorry to all those that have suffered with issues surrounding suicide.. it's one of life's most diabolical twists of fate..

EDIT: I'm getting my suicide threads mixed up.. 😳

Are we not mentioning JahWomble on purpose?

I take it you didn't see the "Posted 1 year ago" tags against every post until spongebob's bizarre resurrection of this thread ?

My ex attempted suicide on numerous occasions, but she was mentally unstable. Proper nuts.

Concluded she never would have the guts to actually do it, so just left her to it.

Still alive to my knowledge.

My Aunty (Fathers sister) took her own life many years before I was born, it's understood she had clinical depression, but was never confirmed. From what I hear, she was a fun character, so it's a shame I never met her.

girl I went out with briefly killed herself.

really makes you think...about lots of things. I've felt pretty bad at times, but never bad enough to do it.

girl I went out with briefly killed herself.

really makes you think...about lots of things. I've felt pretty bad at times, but never bad enough to do it.

1st: boy from my class in secondary. Took lots of drugs, developed mental problems and jumped in front of a train. I think he was 18.

2nd: My partner's very close friend. A really lovely woman who had been clean for ages but also had chronic hepatitis. OD'd at a party.

3rd: A good friend of mine who had severe, medicated depression took his own life in November. He was a sensitive and very intelligent man.

A number of people I know who tend be in the upper bracket of intellect have also had issues with depression leading to considering suicide, luckily they've found an alternative way out.