[Closed] STW Docs and nurses...weirdest things youve seen at work??

come on...dish it....

One told to me by a A&E doctor.
Woman comes in, experiencing unusual discharge.
Turns out that she had been stimulating herself with a peeled banana two weeks previously and some of it stayed behind.
😯

Why peel it?
Ian

taste?

nobody in their right head would post such a thing in a public forum these days. that said i could post my favourite xray if i could figure out how to post a picture...

Although not a medical professional a friend of mine is a firefighter. One day his watch are called to the large hospital in the town where he works. It turns out a bloke had admitted himeslf to A and E with something stuck around his wanger. This bloke had put his c*ck through a keyring, then got wood and presumably had a good sherman- four or five days ago no less. He's had wood for the best part of five days and it's still not gone down. This blokes old chap is and I quote 'the size of a can of lager'. Not only that it is an interesting purpley red and stinks. His c*ck has started to rot.
The doctors and nurses trying to remove the keyring are struggling to remove it as every time they attempt to remove said keyring it hurts a fair bit. Needless to say they guys from trumpton remove it eventually. When asked how it got on his wanger the bloke replies 'my flatmate put it on me when I was asleep'.

actually i can don't have to.

go here

(it is a medical text book so technically safe for work but if you're one fo those squeamish types who likes to shriek and run about at the sight of a cut finger best wait a bit)

scroll down to page 1223. observe figure a)

i love the accompanying text. note 'a present from margate'.
it's made me laugh for years.

Mrs saw an unfortunate patient with abdominal pain, "nasty discharge" and no womanly cycles for several months. Long story short: they discovered the top off a deodorant can "up there".
Pulled it out, and it was quickly followed by months worth of rotting menstrual waste.

Cue much gagging and people leaving the room hurriedly.
[img] [/img]

months worth of rotting menstrual waste

Jaysus. I was literally just finishing my raspberry jelly...

How the flip could you fit a keyring around your kn0b? just wondering...

one of the less engaging procedures i've ever had to witness was a correction for peyronies disease, described here as a nesbit plication
and really, honestly if you're at work, despite it being a medical thing as above i really wouldn't, especially if you're in any way male

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/medical/IM01275

aside from the whole sharp thing/needle/knife/penis conjunction which is bad enough, the sound as the shaft is effectively skinned, will live with me till the day i die.

Have a look here

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=257985&page=1

I'm not in the medical field but I once took a 5 day cycle - camping trip with a bunch of OB / GYN's .. a mostly quiet lot but after a few whisky^s one night the conversation came around to "the weirdest thing I ever found was.."

and the winner was:

a vienna sausage.

[img] [/img]

i'm particularly taken by the law of inverse value in that link. so recognisable. so true.

vienna sausage you say. okay, in the style of the above forum...

if while making tea for your children it is not your duty as the man of the house to explore what might happen if you shoved a piece of said spaghetti down your urethra. yes, it will snap. yes, it will expand. yes you will have emergency surgery and return with a suprapubic catheter

or, in the event of imminent arrest, do not keep unsecured ecstacy tablets
in your vagina

or, as i pointed out at a stw group ride recently, a colostomy is an opening for the removal of waste, not an extra hole for 'the lovin'

*crosses legs*

*cancels spaghetti and meatballs for dinner*

swiss01 -- thanks for that mental image.

When this post first started I was thinking of my experience post prostate cancer surgery of a young nurse removing my catheter and giving me a little wash up.

52 years I had waited for a young cute nurse to give me a little fumble like that and then when it DID happen it was about a week too late.

😳 😥

A friend of mine is a doc and saw a patient around new year unable to go for a pee. Turns out there was a turkey wishbone stuck in his urethra - of course, when the patient was asked how it got there he said he swallowed it as part of his Christmas dinner.

Best Ive been told-

Coat hanger in man rear (curly side).

Pool ball in man rear.

Above both results of 'falling'.

Broken test tube in lady front.

Milk bottle in lady front, stuck due to vaccuum effect.

I have been told other stories but they would get me in trouble.

Mrs' mate saw a man with a dinner fork up his 'arris. Completely inside, beyond "the point of no return" with the prongs facing down.

Apparently he was a regular who just enjoyed having things removed. 😯

When finished he asked for the fork back... so his wife wouldn't miss it.

Keys, shampoo bottle, courgette, a ****in' [i]razor blade[/i]...

It's pretty routine, tbh. Many claimed to have "slipped over and...".

(it is a medical text book so technically safe for work but if you're one fo those squeamish types who likes to shriek and run about at the sight of a cut finger best wait a bit)

http://www.baileyandlove.com/Assets/sample2.pdf

er page1225 might not be...gag

yeah maybe i should've scrolled down and warned you about that. i do apologise.

still, at least you're not the one who has to push it back up there....

I did scroll down, not the most pleasant sight in the world.

I did however notice something was missing - pre surgery maybe?

Onion put up a chaps rear passage by himself and we had to keep a straight face when a surgeon described the procedure to his wife as an onionectomy I never found that operation description in the training I recieved ho ho ho

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=257985&page=1
/p>

Genius. I've got alot of reading to do 😆

A friend of mine is a doc and saw a patient around new year unable to go for a pee. Turns out there was a turkey wishbone stuck in his urethra - of course, when the patient was asked how it got there he said he swallowed it as part of his Christmas dinner.

Ah yes, the [i]accidental[/i] urethra insertion. Many years ago I was working in a large A&E dept when a chap came in with a length of thin fuse wire up his urethra whilst 'just fixing a fuse'. Oh, also someone with the top off a bottle of mum deodarant up their bum - another classic 'just got out of the shower' excuse. (yea...right)

Aghhh why did I open this thread! SICK.

Young female with shampoo bottle top stuck PV.

Guy apparently in acute urinary retention whose urethra appeared stuck together until a foleys catheter was inserted.

Traumatic amputation of thumb by a rope swing

Leeches used to relieve venous congestion in a latient post plastic surgery

A maggot infested leg ulcer (not deliberately infested)

Surgical SpR being nice and handing out cake at the nurses' station, on NYE.

😯

Ask me when I'm pissed.

these are shocking. i also thought there may have been more anecdotes and odd situation, not just stuff up bums?...

odannyboy - Member
these are shocking. i also thought there may have been more anecdotes and odd situation, not just stuff up bums?...

I would imagine those in the professions that probably have the best stories are adverse to posting on a public forum.

may have been more anecdotes and odd situation, not just stuff up bums?...

Mrs' mate did have a delusional guy freaking out in a room. He threw literally everything in the room at the medical team. When he ran out of things to throw he started swinging his catheter bag above his head.. then threw that at them too.. while the other end was still in his boaby.. with the balloon inflated.

Cue slow-motion "Nnnoooooo" moment from team, followed by lots of screaming from bloke!

A friend of mine was a radioligist and many years ago a guy came in with a 'foreign object' up his bum. The x-ray showed a square glass hp sauce bottle 😯

I dated an a&e nurse. She had TWO men come in last year who had stuck metal rods up the inside of their penis as they couldnt get it up! Both got it stuck...

Oh,and a vibrator all the way inside a man rear, still buzzing. Surgeon wouldn't operate till it stopped buzzing so he left it to the next shift.

ex wife came across a guy in A&E who had taken the spring off a chest expander and shoved it up the dirt shute. tried to pull it out, it expanded, then contracted trapping some colon/sphincter etc. he did a fair old bit of panic induced tugging at home, and when he got to A&E it was too late and he ended up dead etc. be careful peeps.

I used to work as a Police Officer, a young Bengali boy in agony came in saying he'd been assaulted (for messing around with someone's sister)

Fresh crushed chillis, a broom handle and retribution, roughly dished out as per the current theme of this thread apparently 😯

I think all A&E/Obs&Gyn wards should be required by law to keep a "Treasure Chest" display, with explanatory notes and x-rays for each object.

Would certainly be better than reading a tattered copy of Bella from 1987.

TribalChief, when you said dead etc, what exactly is the etc bit?

Used to work in A+E..lets just say courgettes, pool balls, screwdrivers have been witnessed first hand in places that they werent designed for. Not all at once though.

Gunz - probably dead, cold and subsequently buried/cremated/re-incarnated

heard a story from a nurse i once knew:

guy comes in in a flasher mac bent over double, saying he needs to see a doctor, the nurses tell him that they need to assess him and will then refer him to a doctor, this goes on for a while with the man getting more and more distressed - in the end one of the doctors takes him in a cubicle and he reveals what is under the coat, a cocker spaniel impaled on his knob!!! whilst buggering the dog it had died and was now stuck, having contracted. 😯 they had to operate and remove the dead dog!!

Greatest line I heard on one of these cases was the bloke who had "slipped" and "accidentally" impaled himself on a coke bottle.

Nurse, completely deadpan, comments: "its a good thing it was covered in vaseline then, otherwise that could have hurt" 😆

....was now stuck, having contracted.

He waited until rigor mortis had set in before attempting to remove his nob 😯

and when he got to A&E it was too late and he ended up dead etc. be careful peeps

ernie_lynch - Member

....was now stuck, having contracted.

He waited until rigor mortis had set in before attempting to remove his nob

Perhaps he hadn't finished 😯

Sorry everybody...

A word of warning for all you bum putter upperers on STW!

Yep, it's those handy tips which makes STW so worthwhile.

And I'll certainly be careful with what I do with "the spring off a chest expander" in the future .........I can tell you

Oh,and a vibrator all the way inside a man rear, still buzzing. Surgeon wouldn't operate till it stopped buzzing so he left it to the next shift.

I lived with 3 radiologists at one time, all chain smokers. They told a fair few stories, but the only ones I can remember are of a woman with a potato up her bottom...

Is it me are any of you now feeling left out? What I thought was probably a minority sport seems to have gone mainstream!

Oh well - heard from a mate of mine (no, really) in a & e about a woman that turned up with severe rectal bleeding. Turned out that her husband had pushed a light bulb (candle type) up her tradesman's entrance, and when she came (sorry, sorry) her sphincter contracted and shattered the bulb - cue major surgery...

What seatpost for...

Apparently the standard procedure for removing lightbulbs from the back passage is to drill a small hole in the bayonet and fill it with fast hardening glue.

Why don't people just buy a **** plug?

Things like carrots / courgettes and stuff you can slightly understand, but screwdrivers, shoes, light-bulbs etc?

Although sometimes i think there's weirdo's who enjoy doing these weird things deliberately. If you look closely there's a fair bit of scarring on the 1 man of 1 jar fame that suggests it wasn't an accident and has probably been done before.

I remember having to go into have my arm x-rayed when I broke it, the radiologist asked if I had any piercing and I said no. Making small talk I asked why she asked the question as I couldn't imagine the odd earring being that much of a problem.

Then she told me she asks everytime now after a bloke came in and had a piercing in his sac for every year he'd been alive - he was 82!!!

Apparently that did cause a problem!

[i]Apparently that did cause a problem![/i]

MRI scan for lolz. 😈

If you [b]look closely[/b] there's a fair bit of scarring on the 1 man of 1 jar fame

Woman with internal bleeding and torn rectum due to rough sex.

Glad I didn't have to explain it to her husband who was away on a lads weekend when it happened.

One for you Landie drivers.

I was working in A&E in Taunton when this guy came in with his elbow peeled back and the bone sliced through 😯

turns out he was driving his Landie along a country lane with the obulatory elbow out of the drivers window and thought he could get past an on coming milk tanker - you guessed it - ouch

seemingly the wing mirror missed the tail board but the elbow didn't

OOOf!!

There was a story a few years ago that a very famous footballers wife had to have "emergency repairs" after a wine bottle damaged her back passage.

Not sure if it was true, but I heard it from an ex-pro player, so it may have been well known amongst the footballing fraternity

I remember whilst working in outback australia having to stitch up a huge gash on the leg of a drunken aussie ferrel in the middle of the night. Throughout the procedure the cretine was repeatedly alling me a Fing pommie C and the like. Glad to get shot of the ****er! However I was delighted the next day when the local plod turned up asking if I had stitched up any big cuts the night before as some idiot had left half his circulating blood volume on a window pane after a break in. I was delighted to shop the ****er! Result

i heard a rumour from a collegue that the weirdest thing he had seen at work was a teacher in a snow flurry. But that just has to be too far fetched to be true!!

odannyboy - Member
these are shocking. i also thought there may have been more anecdotes and odd situation, not just stuff up bums?...

OK, as a student nurse 20 years ago I was working on a male GU surgery ward. One of the old charectars on the ward had developed a chest infection post-op and was productive of really foul sputum. He was slightly deaf, & partially sighted.

End of a late shift one evening & I was sat with this guy, he started coughing so I passed him a sputum cup, and said "Use this".

"thanks Jon" he said, before knocking back the contents in one - to say it looked like chip shop mushy peas wouldn't be far off the mark.

I've never come as close to puking on duty as I did that evening!