[Closed] STUPID RULES at your workplace for the terminally thick

No smoking

No slap 'n' tickle o the wenches.

Do not throw rubbish in the urinal. That's appeared over the past few days. Why would anyone think it's a good idea and need a sign saying not to do it?

mine is " you must use the handrail on the stairs and if carrying anything you must use the lift"

None, really, 'cos my 'workplace' is either the team car or whatever car I'm given to drive, so normal traffic rules apply, plus most of the auction sites and hubs require hi-viz as well, which is only sensible, when you see how many cars are being driven around and the number of transporters are often lined up being loaded-unloaded.
Common sense rules.

the hand rails and lifts thing is weirdly sensible. it seems obvious, but a little thing can make a huge difference. There is a sign in the lift at my old work asking staff and service users to refrain from defecating in the lift.

None at my place of work, but I did have to make a some signs for one of the largest bakeries in the south west, to read...
No Spitting in the bakery.

Mmmmm nice. Not that it is a stupid rule, it is for the terminally thick agency staff they employ.

Our fire alarm gets tested once a bloody week FFS !

Who in the ****ing world doesn't know what to do when the bloody alarm goes off. We are in a pi55ing office, not a petrochemical arms factory.

Made lots of, Please leave this toilet as you wish to find it, signs.
It does beggar belief that we need signs like this in some places.

A bit like the use handrail or lift if you are carrying anything signs, loads of places have a "reverse park only" rule.

Because you wouldn't know it wasn't working, until there was a fire and it didn't. It's not so people know what it sounds like, that should be covered in the induction.

Anyay,

Don't stick your knob in the bacon slicer.

My wife's old place - SSE

A disciplinary offence to park your own car in the company park park (or any car par in company time) front first. Also a disciplinary to walk up or down a stairwell without having one hand on the rail either in an SSE building or any other building on work time.

Not really a stupid rule, but in the gents' loo there is a sign saying "Please do not urinate on the floor". If you're the sort of person who's going to piss on the floor is a sign really going to stop you.

Worked at a ........(2nd thoughts, better not say), one sign in their kitchen that will haunt me forever!

Do not wipe you cock on the coffee cups!

No dry humping!

Sad but true...

Fire notice in block of flats, If you discover a FIRE alert neighbours by shouting FIRE, and leave the building

The stair one really annoys me. Piece of nonsense.

The benefit of working for a small, sensible and generally loaded with common sense organisation is I am struggling to think of any.
We have a tool box labelled 'sharp and dangerous things'.
I get frustrated by our filing system sometimes. But then I am a thicky.

FAR

TOO

MANY

........

In the gents toilets at our office.

"When in use the shower door must remain closed at all times"!!

I always think signs go up after an incident which makes this even worse!

I once had a secretary try to convince me that because I didn't wear a helmet when cycling to work the life insurance policy wouldn't cover me in the event of an accident.

"Hot water is hot" lol

We recently had an email go out and our employees handbook updated with new policy: no eating or drinking at your desk. Disciplinary offence.

It's been completely ignored by absolutely every one.
So technically it's not a disciplinary offence, as it can be easily proven that it's an established practice, and could be turned around into a victimisation grievance if anyone got pulled up on it.

But as above, it's usually because of an incident, probably someone bought some kippers in one day or something.

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Desperate isn't it, my last and final employer literally went round the twist and started putting silly signs up everywhere, 'disabled access ramp available' there was never a ramp, he even told a visiting rep it had been stolen! Bizarre, Anyway lots like that. That was when I decided I would never work for anyone ever again.

Not a role but on the stood sign front:

Caution! soap.

No bombing
No diving
No heavy petting
No running

No Kettles.

How we cope at home is a mystery

I printed this out and stuck it up today, I really shouldn't have had to...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_brush

After some imbecile broke the kettle by boiling it empty a laminated sign appeared above the replacement. Works better with water.

We also have a broken microwave with a sign reading Do Not Use Rusty Inside. I don't know who Rusty is, but I feel sorry for him in winter.

Another one for the 'added after an incident' type signs..
On a card access door in a narrow corridor: "please do not bend down with a lanyard around you neck to use this card reader"
I never did find out who had a door opened in to the top of their head.

Nothing wrong with kippers at work

Especially after you've repeatedly told people to keep the grill free from bacon fat.

All those fish bones maturing in the bin over the weekend.........

Grill is kept clean now!

The stair one really annoys me. Piece of nonsense.

I know (knew) someone who died falling down stairs. Her family didn't think it was that nonsensical.

One of our offices - in America I'll hasten to add - has signs on the stair cases.

"Consider velco, it's safer than laces!"

"One hand on the handrail at all times!"
(with a secondary sign asking people to rat on their colleagues to their manager)

Now I'm trying to remember them I can't remember all of them, which is annoying. More when I remember.

The toilet signs in my work place are truly something to behold. After we started taking a large influx of foreign workers with different cultural habits, it seemed people needed some lessons on using the bog properly. Basically pictures on how to sit on the loo. Don't use your feet to flush etc.

Really?

I know (knew) someone who died falling down stairs. Her family didn't think it was that nonsensical.

I know it's horrible to have an accidental death, but unless there was a spillage of castrol Gtx in the stairwell that wasn't cleaned up, it's just bad luck?

You can't legislate everything, people have a duty of care to themselves and a responsibility to not do something potentially dangerous, like walking down the stairs.. Maybe they should have been forced to wear a crash helmet before partaking in such a risky activity?

Maybe there's more to the story, care to elaborate? I'm not being insensitive, just objective.

"please do not wear flop flops when treating patients"

In a dentists

I know, right

"Please use the brush if you leave marks". To be fair it wasn't a sign actually but an email after a riding mate have visited trap 2.......

Do not flush ammunition or pyrotechnics. With a picture of bullets and a grenade.
Worrying thing is you just know that sign exists because someone did exactly that.

I like handrail signs. I love toolbox talks.

Usually means the company is taking H&S seriously with management leading as they wish others to follow. If it prevents falls on an oil rig then it should apply in the offices onshore too.

Scottish Power management used to not bother with PPE on site...but a H&S person made them and got results from the staff further down the line.

Best safety briefings I have seen are from the Ocean Youth Trust and best fire training I have seen is theatre royal Bath. They do a full evac with an audience every week after the last show.

The stair one really annoys me. Piece of nonsense.

My knee is a bit dodgy so I know always hold the handrail going downstairs.

The news about 'avocado hand' made my chuckle. Work decided to to hand out fruit as part of a healthy living initiative. It had been up and running for a few weeks when the office manager sent an email warning everyone about the stones in plumbs.

If only we'd had the "No defecating in the lift" sign at our office last year. 😯

office manager sent an email warning everyone about the stones in plumbs.

Didn't warn about the Bees though 😆

At my previous employer the cleaner used to assiduously put the 'caution - wet floor' yellow fold-out warning sign......at the top of the stairs right next to the door.

I would say there was at least ten times more chance of someone opening the door and tripping over the sign to fall down the stairs than slipping on a marginally damp bit of floor. But hey, the box was ticked, so safety was ensured.

just remembered when i was an apprentice, radios where banned, as was drinking milk/tea or sitting down when not on a break or being involved in a meeting with management and if a manager walked in we had to stand up, then sit down.

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Scarfolk right?

If only we'd had a 'no defecating in the photo booth at Edinburgh bus station'
Yes, that really happened, a few years ago, a guy got off the overnight bus from London and refused to pay 30p to use the bathroom.
At my employer 'no banter'

I worked in a building that used to be a university engineering department where laser beams and all sorts were developed and tested.

Presumably it had been built and fitted out be engineers and academics rather than architects. Every single frikken lightswitch in the whole building was on the wrong side of the door.

One of the offices had a tiny little door in the corner of the room. Assuming it was a cupboard I thought I'd have a look if there were any older laser beams inside - pulled the door - it didn't open. Pushed it and it moved a bit - gave it a good shove and it swung open - light poured in illuminating a little hand-drawn skull and cross bones pinned to the door. And I nearly fell through the opening as the door swung out over a 14 ft sheer drop. The opening was at the top of a gigantic electrical distribution board that had been used to power the lasers. This was the only thing to grab on to to prevent my fall and was labelled 'Danger! Stupid Bare Live Wires'

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Goggles must be worn to fuel vehicles
Goggles and gloves must be work to clean vehicles
FFS

Not quite stupid rules, but this sign went up at my place of work about 3 years ago, and none of the "risk assessment" inspections have noticed yet....

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'No sit downers'

On a toilet door.

A disabled toilet door.

(Designed to discourage delivery drivers from stinking out the loos by taking mammoth shits they've been saving up all day, but still...)

A disciplinary offence to park your own car in the company park park (or any car par in company time) front first. Also a disciplinary to walk up or down a stairwell without having one hand on the rail either in an SSE building or any other building on work time.

We've done the parking one before, makes sense.

I recall the year I did my offshore survival, they told us a stat that over 600 people were killed in England and Wales in the previous year, falling down stairs. I found it hard to believe, but it had a HSE source.

So I'd agree with both.

Don't steal the fridge thermometer.

According to an email today, 7 have gone missing in the last 18 months...

loads of places have a "reverse park only" rule.

Worked for Severn Trent for a short time, had to attend a course at another company venue and i failed to reverse park even though they had no signs etc , i ended up on report with a written warning for parking my car the wrong way round ??
when i asked about the signs etc , i got told i should know , its company policy etc ?
handed in my notice 6 weeks later 🙂

There used to be a sign in our toilets

'Please do not wash feet in the sinks'

I don't know either.

they told us a stat that over 600 people were killed in England and Wales in the previous year, falling down stairs

We were recently issued forms by our information officer for any overtime - not for payment, you understand, but for sign off by a manager to authorise us staying late and so someone knows we're there.

I'm information officer now, and those forms can do one. 😀

Laminated on A4 and issued to all staff at induction our office rules were written by my previous boss many moons ago - he had rather meticulous tendencies so the rules have stayed

They include -

Not carrying more than one cup at a time (to avoid spillages)

No hot food (to avoid smells)

Leaving the venetian blinds down with the slats horizontal

Nothing to be left on desks at the end of the day, other than your phone keyboard and mouse

I really don't know where a lot of these stats and studies they hit you with at HSE courses come from.

Last time I did a manual handling course they told me that the strongest fingers for lifting were the ring and pinky fingers. There had been a study done on golfers apparently.

I'm generally supportive, the chemical industry isn't one to be freeforming H&S practices in.

But I did s**** slightly at one meeting - company policy was that all meetings would kick off with a safety moment at which someone would do a short piece of advice - and the advice of the day was to store guns and ammunition in separate locations.... that way if you accidentally leave your gun cabinet unlocked your kids can't shoot their siblings.

Good advice - but not honestly that useful to a mainly EU audience.

not really a stupid rule, but we do have instructions explaining how to wash your hands

loads of places have a "reverse park only" rule

Return to work interviews required after one day of absence.

Thankfully it doesn't amount to more than 'feeling better?' 'yep' 'good'

Parking is a genuine problem for us, but the penalties are quite draconian and there is no appeal - first offence, warning, second offence no parking on site for 3 months, third no parking for six months.. fourth no parking on site ever again. I'm not quite sure who that helps!

^ What if you came on your bike?

Some overweight BMW driver who can't run fast is going to be bloody disappointed. 😆

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See this quite often in toilets in Germany.

One of the unwritten rules in one of the workshops I work at (bear in mind this workshop was once an underground car park);

only hash to be smoked in the workshop... If you smoke grass you must sit on the sofa which has been enclosed in all sides with an extraction unit placed over it.

To be fair, it works really effectively. Smoke disappears straight up.

The reason being that despite the fact the bosses smoke shit/hash all day long (which they don't pick up on) they think that grass stinks. The reality is that hash stinks but they are oblivious.

Another workshop is "kein Bier vor vier".... Doesn't always work, but the intention is good. Only real problem with that is the boss who likes a beer after lunch.

We have the stupid reverse parking policy too.

The only time there has been an incident was when I reversed into a space........to find that some other inconsiderate bar steward had already parked there.

I may or may not have been slightly distracted by a young blonde colleague in a short skirt who waved at me.

We've done the parking one before, makes sense.

I recall the year I did my offshore survival, they told us a stat that over 600 people were killed in England and Wales in the previous year, falling down stairs. I found it hard to believe, but it had a HSE source.

So I'd agree with both.

Makes sense.....but worthy of a note on your employment record? Only to a bellend.

The 600 killed stat - this is why you don't allow morons anywhere near statistics if you can avoid it. They are capable of drawing vacuous conclusions with little bearing on common sense.

"Please put cigarette ends in the bucket once the floor is full"

"The 600 killed stat - this is why you don't allow morons anywhere near statistics if you can avoid it. They are capable of drawing vacuous conclusions with little bearing on common sense."
That's what I was trying to say, but nowhere near as well!

cbike - Member

I like handrail signs. I love toolbox talks.

Usually means the company is taking H&S seriously with management leading as they wish others to follow. If it prevents falls on an oil rig then it should apply in the offices onshore too.

While toolbox talks holding the handrail and all that are a part of everyday life the HSE at my location just pulled a blinder...

We are no longer allowed to lift the empty or full propane tanks off the back of the forklift so they have purchased a hand crane and fixed it to the ground by the propane tank. Ok so the 1 hour long training class is a bit of a pain but the sign on the tank saying all engines and ignition sources must be 40 ft away means we cannot drive to the crane to unload or load the tank...

Those complaining about handrail signs - exactly how much trouble is it for you to hold the handrail? It's an easy win - might not prevent many accidents and injuries (though probably more than you think), but it's cost free.

Not a sign, but at a health and safety induction at a new job I was told to always keep 3 points of contact when climbing stairs.

The guy presenting wasn't impressed when I went up the stairs later holding on with both hands. Not my fault they worded it so that I wasn't allowed to lift a foot...

Those complaining about HSE statistics - they come from actual accidents reported by workplaces in England and Wales.

So all of those 600 falls down stairs will have been work related and will therefore exclude the (presumably many more) falls down stairs outside of work.

That said, 600 seemed high to me so I took a quick look:

For non-domestic stairs, it is estimated that each year in the UK, there are over 100,000 injuries
(DTI, 1999 cited in Roys & Wright, 2003) and around 100 fatalities (Office of National
Statistics, 1996/7/8 cited in Roys & Wright, 2003).
During 2001/2002 there were 500 RIDDOR reported accidents involving low falls (below two
metres) from stairs. For this time period, this made stairs the second most significant agent in
low falls behind ladders. The majority of these falls result in over 3 day injuries although a
significant portion involves major injuries.

From the UK

The provisional figure for the number of workers fatally injured in 2015/16 is 144, and corresponds to a
rate of fatal injury of 0.46 deaths per 100,000 workers.

? The overall rate of fatal work injury for workers in 2015, at 3.38 per 100,000 full-time equivalent (FTE)
workers, was lower than the 2014 rate of 3.43.

In 2015, there were 195 worker fatalities, equating to a fatality rate of 1.6 fatalities per 100,000 workers—the lowest rate since the series began in 2003 (Figure 1).

Those complaining about handrail signs - exactly how much trouble is it for you to hold the handrail? It's an easy win - might not prevent many accidents and injuries (though probably more than you think), but it's cost free.

Don't agree. It is cost free in so much as it costs nothing to implement and very little to enforce. What it costs is goodwill and further education on more important issues. The overall attitude to H&S is pretty good at the centre in question but the rule is considered petty and 'big brother' like by the majority of employees. A feeling of being treated like children. This then spills over into a general scepticism of most other edicts that come out of 'rules central'. It also empowers the wrong kind of people who get off on reporting others.

My other big bugbear with H&S rules that drop to that level of minutia is that they have the ability to demean/trivialise the really big ticket issues that either get buried amongst the chaff or demeaned by association.

As an aside the handrail rule is taken advantage of by the residents of the less salubrious communities SSE serve. It is known that SSE debt collectors (I'm sure they have a more fluffy name but in essence that's what they are) are required to hold the hand rails as they make house visits in blocks of flats etc. They have to because SSE are know to put folk out to watch them at work and discipline them if they spotted not doing so. Scrotes after a bit of payback have got into the habit of taping razor blades to the underside of handrails when they know the SSE employees are coming.The control measure was not to let go of the rail but to issue butcher style gloves. Nice.

I have no issue with a strong workplace H&S culture however I do have an issue with stupidities that bring it into disrepute - usually caused by folk who do not understand. Hence the stupid and they are stupid signs to hold onto the banisters at my workplace.

Stairs are not a hazard that is unusual or needs to be controlled unless you have to carry stuff up and down them, they are steep and awkward or there are other factors at play such as noise, fatigue, bad lighting etc

Producing stupid documents like this and stupid directions merely brings the whole H&S of the workplace into disrepute and actually makes it more likely that other hazards will be ignored as once you start ignoring one H&S control measure as everyone does when its stupid makes it easier to ignore others.

So certainly in my workplace the daft signs on the stairs actually increases risk as it gets people in the habit of ignoring control measures

This is why you should only control for real hazards not imaginary ones

in my student days worked in research in a large steelworks and recall that the daily bulletin once included a reminder that went something like:

Reminder: "Drivers of the Operations Van must radio ahead and give way to the hot metal transporter when using roadway B"

"The external appearance of the Operations Van suggests that it has failed to give way to pretty much every piece of mobile and fixed equipment operating on site.
The transporter operating in roadway B carries 200 tonnes of molten metal, the locomotive and car weigh 150 tonnes, it is painted bright red and has flashing lights, people are impressed by how fast it moves, the night shift driver is known as Vlad the Impaler - why wouldn't you give way?"

This is why you should only control for real hazards not imaginary ones

At my previous employer the cleaner used to assiduously put the 'caution - wet floor' yellow fold-out warning sign......at the top of the stairs right next to the door.

The cleaner in my area leaves them in doorways and at tops of stairs then goes home just leaving them there all day. I've taken to hiding them behind vending machines and in other rooms 😈

I look after a busy workshop full of people all week and so much as I hate to put little notes up, unfortunately much of the human race are seemingly terminally thick... 😀
Mind you, the notes still don't eliminate knob****teryness.