[Closed] Stuff your teacher lied about.

Working hard pays.

After school club.

If you keep doing that you'll go blind.

'wiggy' birkett said he didnt wear a wig..

How wings work.

Columbus discovered America.

"God" created all the plants and creatures.... What a mong she was (RIP), even at seven I knew that was a improbable concept.

The earth was created in 7 days...

that a plane on a conveyor belt wouldn't take off.

physics and chemistry

The Queen guarantees that we can never have a communist government. Said in all seriousness by my form teacher in secondary school.

I agree, a significant amount of chemistry below A-level was just wrong (although they said so at the time but were obliged to teach us it incorrectly so we'd pass the exams).

Russia and the Soviet Union ARE the same thing (that ages me).

History degrees are worthwhile.

Prefects do better than non-prefects later in life when they want to find work.

Venn diagrams will also come in handy later in life, honest.

All religions except for Christianity are basically devil worship in disguise. Oh yes, she got fired not long afterwards.

Long-haired male school kids usually fail exams.

Yep, most of chemistry up to A level was bollox.

At least they didnt try and lie about it. First lesson of Lower 6th Chemistry: "Forget everything you've been taught so far"

patronising bollox.

Hmmm, a few things.

Girls don't like thier pigtails pulling - well in my experiance they actually did.
If you insist in fending off Bullys you will get punched - I couldn't sit around whilst one bully tried to pull my friends top down so he could see her "b*obs", so I punched him hard and knocked him out.. I got detention for that, 1 hour as the teacher thought it rather honourable that I waded in.
Study hard - what a load of cobblers, if yuo apply yourself to anything you can do rather well, regardless whether you study at it or not.
God invented the world - urm, ok then if you say so.
Don't run in the corridors - erm, it gets you there faster right, so that was rubbish.
Setting fire to the Chemisrty lab tables with the gas burners isn't funny - erm, yes it is, so too throwing sulfer bombs at your mates.
to name a few

Having difficulty thinking of any at the moment but loads of stuff* teachers have told me have been on QI and turned out to be complete bobbins.

*none curriculum stuff, just interesting "facts" they imparted.

Wasn't all the chemistry physics bobbins just ways to get feeble young minds to understand stuff? Seem to remember discussing something with my physics teacher asking why this happened and the reasons for that and she ended up saying "just because, ok, now drop it" awesome.

Setting fire to the Chemisrty lab tables with the gas burners isn't funny - erm, yes it is

I agree, a significant amount of chemistry below A-level was just wrong (although they said so at the time but were obliged to teach us it incorrectly so we'd pass the exams).

Good job you didn't do a degree in it then :p a-level was just another set of lies, and you now have to learn a different set of lies* for each branch of chemistry.

*they're then refered to as models, the GCSE one is actualy perfectly valid and fits everything, it just doesn't go into enough detail to explain everything.

Only things I can think of that were actualy wrong were;

- Adiabatic expansion and cooling as explained by Geography teacher.
- Galvanic corrosion/electical potential by a chemistry teacher
- Entropy, which is actualy a very simple concept, but they insist on leaving it as "a measute of dissorder" which explains nothing!
- the grooves in car tyres are there to decreace friction and slow people down, technicaly true in F1 I suppose.

Wasn't all the chemistry physics bobbins just ways to get feeble young minds to understand stuff?

I think that Terry Ptrachett described this as "lies to children". Slight alterations to the truth that you tell kids so they can grasp the concept and then just as they get that idea you tell them it isn't quite right and repeat the process.

I'm starting to feel a whole lot better about spending most of my chemistry lessons staring out of the window.

I never understood a word our African chemistry teacher was on about. Although I did find the fact that he pronounced "silicon" as "silly coon" highly amusing.

Oxbow lakes really do exist, and they are very important.

I er.. "missed" chemistry (among other things) at school too.. good to hear it is all bollox

My RE teacher at secondary school told us the clouds moved through the sky due to the earth's rotation. I guess that's why he wasn't the geography teacher.

That unless I joined the Army I would spend my life on the dole.

She said she'd love me forever...

Our astronomy teacher cracked up and left suddenly citing our class as the reason

I was convinced we were the only school in Britain that did astronomy. I've never met anyone else that has an 'O' Level in astronomy.

Our biology teacher told us that a dove is the same things as a pigeon but posh people call them doves and everyone else calls them pigeons.

Another one she came out with and wouldn't back down on; there is no bacteria in or on the things we ingest, else we would all be sick.

This was the A-Level biology teacher FFS!

Pedalhead, that's perfect! Best so far. Imagine the clouds don't move the earth just goes round under them 🙂

That a lever arch file costs about the same as a packet of fags, but is a much better thing to carry around in your school bag.

The wisdom of Mr Bristow lives with me to this very day.

Pedalhead, that's perfect! Best so far. Imagine the clouds don't move the earth just goes round under them

The sad thing is, I spent a few years of my life believing him...

First lesson of Lower 6th Chemistry: "Forget everything you've been taught so far"

I got that to, shortly followed by 'Don't worry though, if you do chemistry at degree level you'll find that more or less everything you've learnt here is wrong as well'

Yorkshire won the War of the Roses... as if 😀

Our biology teacher told us that a dove is the same things as a pigeon but posh people call them doves and everyone else calls them pigeons.

But that is absolutely correct.

Although it would have been more informative to tell you that 'dove' is a Anglo-Saxon word, whilst 'pigeon' is a Norman French word.

a significant amount of chemistry below A-level was just wrong

does this assume that most of chemistry above a certain level is right? Cause I reckon its still a theory.

Physics is just as bad:

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Teachers always told me that school days are the best of your life. Well, I can say with certainty that they were not. I despised that place.

So what's a "palombe" then?

During a detention DICKtation means something VERY different

You don't need to do a practical subject at university - just study whatever you find interesting and you'll get a job when you graduate. Ha!
(I think quite a few people in my generation fell for this one)

pedalhead - Member
My RE teacher at secondary school told us the clouds moved through the sky due to the earth's rotation. I guess that's why he wasn't the geography teacher.

Cyclones and anti-cyclones form mainly because of pressure differentials caused by unequal heating of the earth.

Our applied maths teacher told us he'd been bird watching when we'd seen him in the Humber bridge car park. Definitely not masturbating during his lunch hour then.

We were also told that if we bought our attractive blond history teacher enough drinks when we were skiing, she'd probably strip for us. She did, just for some of the other teachers (and the bastards got us to pay for it too!).

The square route of 12 is 4. I ended up in the corridor 😯

That I would hardly feel a thing 🙁

My Maths teacher, told me that I would fail at everything in life 🙁

Read a couple of interesting articles a few years back on lying as a way of teaching.

Played with it myself a few times and it's fun. Throw a few totally made-up facts in amongst the good stuff and let your students tell you you're wrong.

Relies on having a few sharp kids in the class though.

slainte 💡 rob

The square route of 12 is 4.

Depends how accurate your slide rule is 😉

The square route of 12 is 4. I ended up in the corridor

I got the same treatment for pointing out that 20% of 5 was 1, and not 1.3 recurring.

My Maths teacher, told me that I would fail at everything in life

In year 7, I was told I'd never make it past year 9.

This is one of my favourite articles on wikipedia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_common_misconceptions

That wiki article is cool. Just discovered the following...
"Humans have more than five senses. Although definitions vary, the actual number ranges from 9 to more than 20."

My A-Level maths teacher:

"I'm just going to do some photocopying"

...Comes backs at end of lesson stinking of sherry...

"Stars are sparks from the Sun"

The stupid bitch

From my chemistry teacher when I was 15
"You'll never be able do do anything in science, specially not chemistry"

climax vegetation

what a load of bollox

Some of my ex-students still don't believe me that there's a cable under the sea that carries voice and data transmissions.

I also got the "you'll never make it through 6th form" thing.. just about scraped through, went to uni and got a first (albeit in a fairly easy subject).

"Thunder is the sound made by clouds crashing into each other"

I was 3 years old in nursery. TBH, I thought it was quite a good explanation really, and perfect for a small child. I don't think I wooduv got me head round the real reasons for it at that tender age.

Read a couple of interesting articles a few years back on lying as a way of teaching.

Played with it myself a few times and it's fun. Throw a few totally made-up facts in amongst the good stuff and let your students tell you you're wrong.

Relies on having a few sharp kids in the class though.

There was a uni lecturer who told his classes that there was one deliberate mistake in every lecture/handout. A 5age of the mark for the course was given for finding the errors before the following week's lecture. (This also had the advantage that any accidental mistakes could be bluffed away.)

GrahamS - Member
Depends how accurate your slide rule is

haha im not that old 😛

"You'll never amount to anything Wyatt!"

Oh, hang on....

Also, "Stick your hands down your shorts and wrap them around your goolies to keep them warm". I understand now that this was neither true nor acceptable but merely a ruse to get some cheap thrills.

All things bright and beautiful all creatures great and small all things wise and wonderfull the lord god made them all. Bollocks

Go into IT, it's where the money is.

Said she didn't draw around her hand with chalk on the front of my textbook even though the whole class had just watched her do it.

Mad as a stick that Miss Housego but very cute too. Later that term she was found in a store cupboard with a 6th former. Apparently she was doing something very different with her hands though.

1. gravity is caused by 'centripetal force'.
2. toothache is indicative of a cavity in the tooth OPPOSITE the side that actually has it due to the proximity of the teeth to the brain, not enough room for the nerves to cross over to the other side.
These were from secondary school teachers! RC school though...

My education was poo! about 13 schools in total due to constant house moves!

My maths teacher said 2 doesnt go into one. I've seen films later in life that prove otherwise.

ransos - Member
Cyclones and anti-cyclones form mainly because of pressure differentials caused by unequal heating of the earth.

...and why does the planet heat up unequally?

...and why does the planet heat up unequally?

Its a postcode lottery

Great topic

I still have my primary school science book containing a write-up of "an experiment to show that ice is heavier then water". To be fair to the teacher, our results had indeed indicated that ice is apparently DENSER than water, but it wasn't until i was 11 years old and we got the Archimedes talk that I realised the teacher had been wrong on more than just a pedantic level.

And my GCSE biology teacher told us that while intercostal muscles lift the ribcage to expand the chest and draw air into the lungs, it is gravity that pulls the ribcage down again to push air out. I got detention for asking how astronauts manage to breathe while in orbit (served me right, smartarse).

something my maths teacher didn't lie about:

"Bright.....you have two speeds....slow and stop"

hit the nail on the head!!

climax vegetation

what a load of bollox

Why?

...and why does the planet heat up unequally?

It would heat up very unequally if it didn't spin.

anagallis_arvensis - Member

climax vegetation

what a load of bollox

Why?

because it assumes that climate is fixed and as we all know climate is dynamic, as we go through cycles of eg ice ages etc etc

its all basedd on some romantic notion that england should be covered by gigantic oak trees

surely it just depends opon what what temporal and spatial scale you are considering things?

its all basedd on some romantic notion that england should be covered by gigantic oak trees

oh and this is just wrong, its just someone taking a perfectly good theory and misusing it.

I had a teacher at school who often told me I'd never get a job staring out the window all day.

I'm now an air traffic controller