Stuff that makes you disproportionately cross

Posted by: fazzini

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Car drivers who have absolutely no spatial awareness, thus thinking their vehicle requires both lanes at a 2 lane roundabout

There was a smallish roundabout on my old commute.  Regular configuration, 4 exits, essentially a crossroads (it probably was at some point.  The approach was two lanes, one for left/ahead and one for turning right, the roundabout itself was two lanes wide but unmarked.

The number of people taking the second exit who just straight-lined the roundabout was unreal.  Me turning right, I leant on the horn so often that I just started giving way to both lanes, having a car to your left it was almost inevitable that they were going to try and ram you onto the grass.

I'm all for straightening out the route through a roundabout, I'm a firm believer that the road is there to be used, but not at 6pm in queuing traffic!

Anyway. DC for today: when my partner's daughter visits, if she uses the toilet she turns the toilet roll round the wrong way.

Look love, whatever deviance you practice in your own home is your concern and I don't want to know, but leave my lavatorial stationery stationary.

Spot the selfish twonk in this small, busy car park in the Cotswolds.

Just gone downstairs and MrsMC is watching one of the Bridget Jones films again. Feels like the thousandth time this year.

Schrodinger's wifely support. I am in trouble for riding both days this weekend, but being reminded I need to train for Etape Loch Ness. Which is it?

Airports

Posted by: Tom Howard

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Airports

I'm with you on that one... Manchester airport is horrific, full of a-holes, it's more like primark on black friday or wetherspoons at kicking out time, than an airport. No decorum.

And don't get me started on the people trying to get through security who seem to have never been abroad before.

Posted by: Kayak23

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Spot the selfish twonk in this small, busy car park in the Cotswolds.

Whenever I see that sort of selfish, entitled behaviour, I feel an overwhelming urge to block them in front and rear in some way that prevents them driving away for as long as possible. Maybe a couple of 50-gallon drums full of rubble concreted in place.

Not that I’m in any way a vindictive asshole, you understand.

Telescopic ladders. 

😡

I’ve pondered this long and hard and yesterday I found the answer . . . The Rocky ****ing Horror ****ing (Picture) ****ing Show. One of those awful songs came on whilst I was having a quiet beer in the hotel bar. Grrrrr!

People flying to the mountains and being concerned about the lack of snow.

@redthunder

Off you go, then. 😁

Posted by: Houns

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People flying to the mountains and being concerned about the lack of snow.

Amen to that...

Posted by: Cougar

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@redthunder

Off you go, then. 😁

Call the police! There's been a murder! 😀

It's a glorious spring day. The sun is out (and warm!), birds are singing, flowers are, uh, flowering, the sky is blue, bumblebees are buzzing around

AND I'M STUCK IN THE OFFICE STARING AT A COMPUTER SCREEN

Think I'm going to scream soon. Somebody help me, I'm dying here  😭 

Posted by: ossify

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It's a glorious spring day. The sun is out (and warm!), birds are singing, flowers are, uh, flowering, the sky is blue, bumblebees are buzzing around

 

AND I'M STUCK IN THE OFFICE STARING AT A COMPUTER SCREEN

 

Think I'm going to scream soon. Somebody help me, I'm dying here  😭 

 

Could be worse,  you could be working at home staring at a computer screen...

I’ve spent the last 4 months working outdoors every day in all weathers. This week I’ve been working in the barn cladding the walls 😣

"lol" is not punctuation.  "Just been to the shops lol"  What, you went to the shops, got home and randomly burst out laughing?  Failing to see the hilarity here chum, sorry.

In related news, "turn around":

"So, I was talking to her, then she turned around and said this, so I turned around and said that, so then she turned around and said..."  I have a mental image of two people conducting a conversation whilst both are quietly revolving on the spot. Frankly, I blame Bonnie Tyler.

In related news, "turn around":

Equally... "was like"

As in "She was like 'what time is it?' & I was like 'quarter past four' and she was like 'really? I thought it was later'" etc  etc, ad infinitum

Just f*** off. You sound as if you're from somewhere where the education system is a basket case.

I'm guilty of "like," sorry.

In today's STMYDC: Supermarkets which make leaving without buying anything akin to tackling the Krypton Factor assault course.  Which is "all of them."  Particularly piss-boiling today was Accrington ASDA which funnelled me into actually leaving the store in order to loop straight back in again to get to the side of the building where I'd parked.

In related news, "turn around":

"So, I was talking to her, then she turned around and said this, so I turned around and said that, so then she turned around and said..." I have a mental image of two people conducting a conversation whilst both are quietly revolving on the spot. Frankly, I blame Bonnie Tyler.

People who don't understand what a metaphore is 😆 

Although, in the above context, the people saying it probably don't understand, either. An accidental metaphore.. is that a thing?

Frankly, I blame Bonnie Tyler.

I mean do you really think she meant to imply the moon physically passed between the sun and her heart? That would give you some serious indigestion depending on which way you were facing at the time!! 😉 

Scratch that, I'm totally wrong there... on further thought, a total eclipse of the heart is literally no different to any other eclipse. If your Eyes see one, then by definition your heart will, too, unless your eyes and heart exist on different planets.

So now I am cross, because she could have just said 'total eclipse' instead of wasting words and waffling on about her heart.

." I have a mental image of two people conducting a conversation whilst both are quietly revolving on the spot.

I'm going to use this as a random interjection.

Posted by: mattyfez

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People who don't understand what a metaphore is

I can spell it at least. 😁

Posted by: Kayak23

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Spot the selfish twonk in this small, busy car park in the Cotswolds.

That needs very large, heavy, difficult to move objects, like concrete blocks used to block field entrances, dropped within touching distance of each end of that RV. Along with cock and balls drawn on the screen with paint pens.

People that double post, especially 2 weeks later.

For the drivers with zero spacial awareness, and who enjoy taking up two parking spaces, I think I’ll get some of these printed up…

Something somewhere in this house is receiving alerts and I'm ****ed if I know what it is.

"Bzzt" where, what, do it again you prick.

Vapers thinking it's ok to vape indoors. 

Get your lung killing toys away from me please. 

Posted by: mattyfez

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Scratch that, I'm totally wrong there... on further thought, a total eclipse of the heart is literally no different to any other eclipse. If your Eyes see one, then by definition your heart will, too, unless your eyes and heart exist on different planets.

So now I am cross, because she could have just said 'total eclipse' instead of wasting words and waffling on about her heart.

What i've found amusing here is that you started out accusing someone of not understanding the concept of a metaphor and have ended up focusing on the concept of a celestial eclipse. Ms Tyler's argument is very much that her heart has been eclipsed... metaphorically.

To quote multi-mediaenglish.com:

The "total eclipse of the heart" lines refer to the lover overshadowing one's life so much that the sun's light is blocked out, plunging the person's heart in darkness. 

Posted by: Cougar

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Something somewhere in this house is receiving alerts and I'm ****ed if I know what it is.

"Bzzt" where, what, do it again you prick.

We have a random beeping that's been on and off for over a year - it sounds like a low battery warning. I swear it's the dishwasher, but nowhere in the manual can I find any reason for it to beep when it's not turned on and it seems to be working fine.

One of these maybe?

Beeping Prank Irritating Noise Maker Small Size and Long Battery Life

https://www.aliexpress.com/item/1005007653482128.html?

Emptying the dishwasher just now, the salt warning light was on so I topped it up, then discovered a small hole in the dishwasher salt bag has dribbled little salt crystals all over the kitchen. Dammit.

We have a random beeping that's been on and off for over a year - it sounds like a low battery warning. I swear it's the dishwasher, but nowhere in the manual can I find any reason for it to beep when it's not turned on and it seems to be working fine.

Our washing machine "beeps" when the detergent tray is getting clogged. Closing the built-in kitchen unit door sets it off

Why don't people cover their mouths when they yawn anymore? It's basics!

quasi religious language that yoga instructors use.

Posted by: MonkeySpacePilot

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quasi religious language that yoga instructors use.

When my yoga instructor says "You should start to feel an opening in your upper back/hamstring/wherever....."

It's not "an opening", it's pain I'm feeling you sadistic bastard.

Posted by: reeksy

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We have a random beeping that's been on and off for over a year - it sounds like a low battery warning. I swear it's the dishwasher, but nowhere in the manual can I find any reason for it to beep when it's not turned on and it seems to be working fine.

Back at work I had my own little server room.  An alarm started sounding, beep... beep... beep... I'd go into the room and it'd stop.  This went on for weeks.  It drove me nuts.  Sometimes it'd keep going long enough for me trace it more closely, it seemed to be coming from the ceiling.  It got to a point where I was up on ladders with ceiling tiles off and my head in the plenum space with a torch trying to trace cables.

I did eventually track down the source.  It was a bloody lorry reversing outside.

Posted by: MonkeySpacePilot

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quasi religious language that yoga instructors use.

 

 

 

When I went to yoga, the instructor kept calling me Booboo.  Turned out, I'd accidentally gone to a Yogi class.

Posted by: Cougar

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Posted by: MonkeySpacePilot

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quasi religious language that yoga instructors use.

 

 

 

When I went to yoga, the instructor kept calling me Booboo.  Turned out, I'd accidentally gone to a Yogi class.

 

More flexible than the average bear....

Posted by: Steve

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More flexible than the average bear....

 

The yoga instructor asked me how flexible I was.  I said "I can't do Thursdays."

(With apologies to Tim Vine.)

British Gas.

They might be the most expensive provider on the market but at least they're utter shits to deal with.

Adjacent to that,

Support departments which can't read.

"I'm contacting you regarding my dead mother's property which I'm completing the sale of today."

"When did you move out?"

Just people who can't read. We have a new project time recording system at work. It should record hours and convert to a labour cost but as the email went:

"We know the per hour rates are not calculating properly so we are using the actual time bookings in hours and days and an estimate for average rate across all job zones of £X/day for now to estimate your project cost

- followed by email exchange

"I've had a look at my projects and I get a different number to you.

"What numbers of hours do you get?

"Oh that's the same as yours.

"So what's different?

"The project cost off the system

"AAARRRGHHHH - any idea given all the info supplied why that might be?

As someone said, never mind count the number of beans in a tin, they could predict all of their interacting spin states probably, but get the lid off?

Passive aggressive close passes.

Not exactly close, kinda borderline, but with nothing coming in the opposite direction on the widest road, at a borderline slow but very steady unwavering speed. Just f off.

Posted by: sirromj

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Passive aggressive close passes.

Not exactly close, kinda borderline, but with nothing coming in the opposite direction on the widest road, at a borderline slow but very steady unwavering speed. Just f off.

Yep, if there's space, pass me properly. 

People who don't pass you when they could, but follow you for miles. Possibly more annoying than close passers - or at least annoying for much longer.

Loose = not tight.

Lose = didn't win.

My Disproportionately Cross here isn't that people get it wrong, but rather that it's so counterintuitive.  How is lose a longer word than loose?

I did once leave a smoke detector under the floor boards in a place I rented from an awful landlord. 

We have a random beeping that's been on and off for over a year - it sounds like a low battery warning. I swear it's the dishwasher, but nowhere in the manual can I find any reason for it to beep when it's not turned on and it seems to be working fine.

 

When you get home from a ride to find your other half has watched the next episode of a series you were hoping to watch together this evening.

Posted by: Steve

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When you get home from a ride to find your other half has watched the next episode of a series you were hoping to watch together this evening.

"It's OK, I'll watch it again!"  

Yeah, but you now know whodunnit.